If my kids came out to me as homosexual or trans, here's how I'll act

[CityBoy773]

Personally, I don't see why parents say, "If my kid is gay/a lesbian/transsexual/transgender, I'll disown them/throw them out/send them to church/put them in therapy (get it?)" That, to me, is a clear sign that you've failed terribly at parenting. Not at "letting" your kid "suddenly become" gay or whatever. But hurting them that much because you see it as weird or wrong or whatever else. That is when you've failed. So if any of my kids come out to me, this is simply a little thing on how I'll react and why I think parents, or those who plan to have kids, should as as well.

"Dad, I'm gay/lesbian/bi"

What is deemed a "parents worse fear", I'd be a bit glad to hear, especially if he/she is young. Good. No young pregnancies.

Now if I have a son who is more the feminine type, probably girly like the dresses and heels and whatnot, he is NOT allowed to wear any of that shit until his mother has gotten to him. Especially if he has my taste in clothes. If he has my taste in clothing, I refuse in any way to let him walk out of my home without his mom instructing him on good clothing and what looks good with what. I have standards in my home, he isn't allowed to walk out looking like a who done it and why case. He wants to wear makeup? Haha, no. Until he's 16, no makeup either. Same applies with clothing, mom gets to him first and instructs him. Gonna have his dress and makeup on fleek. Nothing provactive though. I dare his little ass to try walking past me looking like a world-class thot.

If I have a masculine daughter, the type who is like I was at 17, you're butch lesbian types, oh good I can take HER clothes shopping. If she has my taste in clothing, even better! I can dress a guy up nice, not a girl though. Get her a nice suit or what have her. Same as son, nothing provactive or showy. If she's a straight up butch, really masculine like I was, boxers and boyish, I dare her to try me and sag. I will find the most girly thing I can and surprise her with it at school. Embarass the hell out her into not sagging again. Sorry sweetheart, I warned you.

Eitherway, I'd teach them how to respect themselves and others. I don't care which gender you go for, I'm not gonna stand to see my daughter or son being treated like trash. Hopefully my parenting stays with them and I don't get to that point.

And if they're bi? Well, whatever. Same applies haha. Just, you know, don't make me an expecting grandpa while you still in school. Then, we'll have some serious issues.

"Dad, I think I'm trans"

This one I'll have to play carefully. As a transsexual myself, I know what might come to my child. Hopefully, I am in an area where its really accepting. I hope to move to an accepting, more open, and diverse but doubt it, area where I can raise a few kids who will hopefully grow to be well-rounded adults. But they eventually go to school and meet people, which is where environment plays its part.

So why bring that up? Because if my kids lives anywhere like where I live now, we're gonna meet hell head on. They'll be discriminated against, bullied, hurt, probably beat. This is why I plan to move somewhere much more accepting. So they'll be safer.

If they are trans, however, okay what? Transsexual or transgender? If its transgender, then we'll find out how to fit their wants the best. If it's transsexual, we'll get him or her into therapy, quick. Not conversion, hell no that shits not real. I mean therapy to see if you really want this, have to by law which is stupid. Then, at 18 when he or she can legally take hormones, I'll see what I can do. This is a big decision, you can't de-transition. We'll talk it out and help to the best we can and take it from there.

In the meantime, I'll get in touch with the school. See how we can accomodate the kid. I know all too well how it feels going into the bathroom and just sitting there wishing you can just go in the one that matches your gender identity. I know it might be awkward as hell going into the locker room that doesn't fit either. I'll see what we can do and hopefully find a way.

---

So why act this way? Simply put, I was the kid with the family who wasn't too happy to find out little favorite cousin Tish Tish was a lesbian and we really mad to find out she feels she's a he and he's calling himself Chris. They were pissed, let me tell you. And that, well, hurt more than it helped. They said people will make fun of me, hurt me, they'll not talk to me if I don't stop, who do I think I am, am I looking for attention, and so on and so on. It hurt me. Made me wonder if lifes worth living, I can't help who I am. Made me sad, hated to see them. So I stopped seeing them, talking to them, calling, leaving my room, staying at home. I was depressed. Everything they said about me did way more harm than good. It did NOTHING good, just hurt me more and more. I was depressed and suicidal for a while.

After a few months of it, I began to forcibly climb back up. It was like climbing on a slippery sharp steep rocky wall with no nails, no grip, and it hurts. I fell back a few times, hands and body bleeding and cut, I was hurt. It hurt. But the closer I got to the top, the better I got. I'm not there yet. I'm at a resting point, healing an resting my body for the tougher part of the journey, but I'm almost there. The rocks aren't ass sharp and the wall less steep. But it's a tough wall nonetheless.

Now I don't want any of my kids to have to climb up that wall as well. More like a hard endurance hike. It's not gonna be easy, but I'll help get them through it. I'd rather have a happy gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual, transgender, transsexual, whateversexual child than a depressed and miserable child or, worse, no child at all. I can't obviously protect them from everything, but it's worth a shot.

Now I know, I'm 18. I have no kids. I might change, and I pray I don't. I remember all too well the pain of being tossed aside like I was nothing due to something I couldn't control. I don't ever want my kids to face that pain. So whenever I do have kids, cause I want kids, I don't ever want them to feel that way and hope they don't. I hope they know they can come to their dad and literally tell me everything. Tell me they killed a person.... Well I heard jail will help you build character.

But in all seriousness, I really will not see my child differently if they came out. It'll be hard, like shit I saw my son as a son for years and now I'm seeing you as a daughter? Hopefully they have my passive temper with pronoun slips, but I'll try. Better that way.

So yeah, that's my bit on this. Hopefully y'all like it.

But for real though, I hope I marry a woman who thinks like me, with parenting, and has a better temper. Lord knows we're both fucked if the kids come out like me...

[KAZ-2Y5]

this would be my reaction i already love my future, non-existent children so much
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[InconspicuousBox]

I'd be nice if my parents were openly accepting like that. However, I'm pretty sure they're homophobic. I'm not entirely sure how they'd react to asexuality, but I have no intention of ever coming out as asexual to them, at least not while I still live here where I have to deal with them every day. I don't think they'd be all that accepting.

[KAZ-2Y5]

if you are scared of your parents not accepting you, its okay to not come out. come out when you feel comfortable and happy with yourself

[26ukdude]

Why have a coming out party? Surely thats making a big deal out of something that isn't a big deal? By way of equality no ones sexuality should need a "party"

[KAZ-2Y5]

Well my family uses anything as an excuse to have a party. But I think that coming out is not easy it takes a lot of courage especially since parents (who were not meant to be parents) are willing to disown their children because of something that a lot of LGBT people say is a part of them.

[YourFutureEx]

They're gonna do what they wanna do. I cannot change them but by supporting them, I'd increase the chances of their survivability.

[Xelebrum]

At first I assumed you were some annoying Tumblr-brand SJW who was trying WAAAY too hard to be as nonjudgmental as possible like "Ooo look at me, I'm the most supportive person ever! <3"

But then I realized that you were saying all this from experience and that you actually ARE transgender, so I think it's really cool that you wrote this.

If they were just gay/bi/pan/whatever, I wouldn't really care (I would care however if ALL my kids were born that way). But I personally would feel uncomfortable if my kid (s) were to tell me something like "Dad, I'm a pansexual genderfluid who identifies as an otherkin", but I wouldn't disown them for it or not support them.

I would still love them the same. But I wouldn't exactly try to "accommodate" them either like how you would with your kids. Using their preferred pronouns would be the only way I would accommodate them. Everything else they're on their own with. If they want to buy all the opposite-gendered clothes and take hormones and have surgery, I'm not gonna be the one to pay for it.

[Xelebrum]

That otherkin reference was just a joke. But if my kids actually did tell me that they identified as an "otherkin", they're getting therapy immediately.

[CityBoy773]

I'd still do it. It helps a lot to be honest.

The minute I dressed like a guy was literally the happiest moment of my life. It can help a lot more than people know.

[hellionthesage]

I think the reason they act in this fashion is that they don't understand. The curse of knowledge is that you have it and they don't so it becomes difficult for them to figure out how you feel. Its like telling a depressed person to stop being depressed, if your not in that situation then of course your not going to understand it. Then you have the issue of investment. How many parents want to see there little girl grow up get married and have kids only to find there little girl wants to be a little boy instead? Well they have mentally created a whole future and that gets taken away from them and they don't know how to handle it. I am not saying its right by any means but this is what tends to happen (same with homesexuality) It also probably invalidates those other memories they had, like maybe a time where they where treating you as a little girl only to realize in hindsite you hated it which makes them feel it personally. Again, I am not saying its right, but I don't think it has to do with malice so much as what they lost, intangible or otherwise. Personally I wouldn't care all that much I don't think, It would be weird adjusting, but I would like to think I'm supportive of it, there will just be a couple years of awkward adjustment period. So, nice take, and I hope things work out for you.

[ccp16]

I would still love them of course... the only thing I would do, especially if they are young is to really think these feelings out and figure themselves out first. Not to be confused with saying, 'oh it is just a phase'- I think that is silly, I just want to make sure they are really in touch with it is all, especially as, at the moment, it is still a much more difficult life to lead despite the massive steps forward we have taken over the last decade or so. I will support what ever they are.

I actually think it would be harder for me to support them if the were a deist of any kind to be honest, but I still would!

[bang678]

When it comes to how parents should react I like to use a scene from a tv show as an example. The show is United States of Tara. throughout the show the son kind of struggles with his sexuality.
His father starts to ask if he wants anything from a local takeout place when he blurts to his father that he's gay. His father pauses for a moment and says, great. but did you want anything from the take out place?
it's not treated like a big deal, just like you wouldn't treat it like a big deal if your child came out as straight. the sons sexuality is accepted without second thought.

[CityBoy773]

I'll accept it but then go on to explain it cause many kids really don't know if they should tell and the simple reason is because of the sad fact that coming out really tests how far your parents love is. And as some opinions have shown, these parents are the ones many kids straight up fear being theirs. Can be the most loving people in the world, but say I'm gay and you're on the streets for it. That's simply why I'll let my kids know I accept it and who they are, only issue I'll have is like I stated above and that's dress code and who they're dating.

[Bvroon]

I too have never understood the position of dis-owning your child because of sexual preference. I have made it abundantly clear to my kids that if they inform me that they are gay, lesbian, or whatever that it is okay and I will love them regardless. The only and I repeat the ONLY criteria I have for them in regards to relationships, is that they find somebody who will treat them well. Somebody who genuinely loves them and isn't abusive. Outside of that they are free to date either gender, any race or really any religion or no religion if that is what they decide. To be sure my parents never really put any constraints on me in regards to my sexuality, so I don't believe in placing such constraints on my kids.

[Yc2K15]

Its a little confusing in an era where a lot of kids think its "cool to be gay".
I remember the best response I heard from a dad to his gay son.
Son-Dad I think I am gay!
Dad- That is none of my business, the same way I told you that what happens in my bedroom with your mother is none of your business.
Son- do you care?
Dad- I care about you, thats all that matters!

[Ozanne]

This Take made me smile. You certainly had all the elements of great information, great advice, and delivered it with humour and you owned it. Every parent should read this to prepare for anything their child might throw at them in life to remember the importance of acceptance. :)

[MysteriousFlower]

I can handle if I have a child who is gay, but not transsexual (there is so much I can be open-minded about). People say the benefits of a gay child is not at risk of pregnancy, but I think there is the actual possibility, even as a teenager, especially if she was confused of her sexual orientation.
Your take is passive-aggressive, and if I was a parent-sexuality would be the least to worry about amongst everything else of raising a kid.

[xlime4]

You can handle your child being homosexual, but you can't handle your child being transsexual, yet you say you're open-minded. For some reason, you're criticising the take writer as being prejudiced when you yourself admitted you were prejudiced.

K then.

[MysteriousFlower]

It is somewhat true of being open-minded if I wasn't I would not be ok if my child was gay. The writer is a transsexual there is a major difference to our views. I think you need to review your perspective again.

[MysteriousFlower]

@xlime4 read the response.

[ThisDudeHere]

I'm probably not going to be politically correct and most def gonna receive downvotes but screw it, I'm allowed to have my views. A homosexual child I can handle but a trans child? I'm sorry but the kid is going to therapy and either heal and be normal or he's out of the house. I'm sorry but I intend to be a parent that instills discipline and not all of this new age "tolerate every single little thing" bullshit.

Now of course I wouldn't kick them out of the house on the street but they would have to begin packing.

[CityBoy773]

Well you just lost a kid. Good luck with that.

[ThisDudeHere]

Yeah, thanks.

[Minxxie]

My cousin just came out to me as lesbian, I'm the only one in the family she's told. Not even her little brother. Our family isn't the most accepting so we are both scared now but I will defend her no matter what if they dare say something cruel about it I will take her to live with me I don't give a shit they can not mess with her over this! On a positive note I feel really honoured that she trusted me enough to tell me first, I'm so glad to know how much she trusts me.

[aniemist]

Honestly I think your take is a good one, but your right anyone who doesn't fit the normal black and white mold we have in our society will more often than not have the same trouble you did, the world can be a cruel place at times, though that isn't always the case either.

I think people should be allowed to be who they are, not how everyone thinks they should be, so I wish you luck and hope you can find happiness and acceptance.

[checkyesjulietx]

as they're growing up i'd make sure they know i am an open-minded person and that if there was anything they needed to tell me such as this, they absolutely could and i would stand by them no matter what

[TheSpartan]

I have no contingency plan if any of this happens. I'd probably just start smoking marijuana heavily, and work as much as I can. I could handle if if my other kids are normal.

I'd love the kid, but it would be awfully unfortunate. It's like your son or daughter wanting to major in Liberal Arts or Gender Studies.

[CityBoy773]

That's both illegal and a bad example man, hope you doing it in private.

If my son or daughter wanted to major in Liberal Arts or Gender Studies, I could care less so long as they are in a job making enough money to move the hell out. Love y'all, but I'm not having my adult children living off me.

[TheSpartan]

I haven't smoked in a while. Plus, I've been doing ok elsewhere. I've been doing fine as a physics major.

[Phoenix98]

While I would always love my children no matter what, that doesn't mean I would put up with it, tolerate it or support it any of those things, just because they are blood.

[DaddyRollingStone]

I dont really think about 'if my kids were gay' because I don't think selling my kids for a political fad for my own personal gain in certain social circles is something to be proud of.

My children, gay or not, I would never exploit them for my own gain.

[Possible_Mate]

You are awesome! You definatly have the right mindset for parenting ☺️ I believe in the exact same thing. Hope things turn out well for you in the future!

[SilenRose]

They're gonna do whatever they want. I don't see how coming to me will change anything.

[Pink2000]

I'd love them no matter what. My aunt is gay and my grandmother said she will love her no matter what.

[fauchelevent]

This is amazing <3 I wish my parents would react like you <3

[CityBoy773]

Only speaking from experience. Bad experiences can have a good effect and helped me see what it would feel like otherwise. I don't ever want any children of mines to feel the way I felt. If that ever happened, I'll feel I failed as a parent then.

[QuestionMan]

I cannot say for certain how I would react, but one thing is certain as much as I would hate it if my son/daughter was an LGT (I'm ok with bisexuals) I would still love him/her.