Me Before Anyone Else.

[Anonymous]

I'm a 16 year old teenage girl who grew up in a Chinese household, with parents who believed in strictly traditional Chinese beliefs.

.

I was taught that "Black people are "gang members" and that "Brown people are dirty ass's that only eat curry 24/7", the typical so called "stereotypes". And if me or my siblings ever identified as anything other than straight, we'd be kicked out and disowned. As my parents seen anything other than straight was considered "a mental illness". They tried to drill whatever they believed and wanted from us in our heads, as if they were trying to carve out our own lives and beliefs.

Growing up, I have realized that most of these stereotypes aren't true. Black, brown, white, Mexican, whatever race, only maybe 1 or 2 fit into these so called stereotypes. They made it seem like every single person from these races fit into these stereotypes. In fact, I also broke my parents rule of no liking/dating (until we were graduated from University), since we're considered too young to think about it according to them, and like someone that my parents wouldn't approve of (He's a super sweet Bengali guy even though sometimes he acts like a dick heh).

At the end of the day, it scares me. I have such different beliefs and opinions than my parents. It already has put a bit of a strain on my relationship with my parents whenever I try and defend those who are targeted by what they say. Imagine what would happen in the future if I become something other than what they wanted? Go to a University that they didn't approve of. Marry someone other than someone who is Chinese? Identified as anything other than straight?

But what gets me through these hard times is the fact that, I myself can't satisfy everyone.

I believe that my own happiness comes first. And you know what? When I'm pursuing my dream, I'm making sure its mine. Not my mom's, not my dad's, mine. And by all means, get married to whomever I want. My mom will not be the one sleeping and living with my husband, I will. And while I don't get the emotional support that I need from my parents, I always remember I have my friends. I love you guys.

Even though parents can have a say in your life, remember, its YOUR life, not your mom's. You come first.

[mrhpug]

I am a 17 year old Chinese girl. Reading your post is like looking at a mirror: I as well grew up with strict Chinese parents, and was taught the same stereotypes and rules. I as well broke the dating rule (oops). Going into my senior year of high school and preparing for college, the relationship between me and my parents has become taut and on the edge and so I completely understand and sympathize with what you say about deciding your future. And your last sentence is completely true: you always come first.
I just want to remind you that despite all struggles you are going through, your parents have gone through them as well, with many more. It's hard to remember sometimes, but they are only doing it because they want you to become successful. Of course, this "success" is in their own definition, which is, I assume, is getting a well paying stable job with a perfect family, preferably a Chinese husband, and then taking care of them when they are in old age. That's off topic though.
All in all, as you probably already know from growing up in a traditional household, remember that the relationship between you and your parents should be cherished. At times, their reasoning may be completely ridiculous, but respect what they have to say. Sometimes I think it's both a curse and an honor to be born in my family, but in the end it is one I am proud to be a part of.

[myTake Owner]

Hey fellow Chinese!!! I will! I will always keep that in mind, despite the difference in how we view things.

[bingbaddaboom]

This is a good take. I know it's a bit of a tangent here but... I'd just say to be careful never to feed your ego too much. Yes, do you but also keep yourself in check that you don't become a narcissist. Also, always realize that family is important regardless of how your viewpoints differ within them.

[myTake Owner]

well of course, but my parents are DEAD serious when they say those threats, but thanks I'll keep it in mind! :)

[bingbaddaboom]

The older you get, the more you realize how much care, love, and effort that your parents put into raising you. Even if you are not on good terms with them, that in and of itself, is something to be thankful and respectful for. Define your own life but be humble and remember your roots, that is all I'm trying to say.

All the best in your journey, enjoy the dream!

[myTake Owner]

I will! Thanks! :)

[meowcow]

Stereotypes are often built upon trends seen in the population. No stereotype applies to each individual equally, but as a whole, they are accurate more likely than not.

Your example of blacks being all gang members. Well, certainly not all blacks are gang members. And where you sample the population may be a factor. If you were living in Detroit, and took a random sample of whites, blacks and Asians, I can guarantee you that the blacks are much more likely to be gang members over the white and Asians.

If you find yourself walking down a dark alley alone, and coming towards you was a group of blacks, you'd probably be more nervous with them compared to a group of approaching Asians.

Keep in mind, that they were telling you these things because that is where they perceive danger to be. And they are probably correct in that example.

I should also note a certain level of hypocrisy among people regarding gays and lesbians. I for one agree with your folks that gays and lesbians fall in a category of mental or psychological illness. Being gay or lesbian may be a natural occurrence among a large population, but "natural" does not equal "normal". Some people are "naturally" born blind, or handicapped, or with 6 fingers, conjoined twins... etc. These all fall under the realm of "naturally occurring" but nobody considers any of these "normal". The only normal sexual orientation is straight. All others are natural, but not normal.

When the topic moves to trans people, that becomes a bit more complicated. There is nothing natural or normal about pumping your body with hormones or taking surgery to implant a penis or breasts onto your body to change your gender.

While there is a movement to accept these people into society, which is fine, few have the desire to have children who are gay, lesbian or trans. I can totally live with accepting gays and lesbians in society. I've known some who are friends and have no issues with them. I don't care who they have sex with. But I would never, EVER want a child who was gay or lesbian. It would basically mean the end of my family line. While I would love my kid all the same, that does not mean I would wish my kid to be anything other than normal.

[meowcow]

I would also recommend you dig a bit deeper into the meaning of what your parents told you as a kid. Particularly with Asian families, their experience has shown them that education is what leads to a job and a financially stable life. They probably endured some degree of poverty in the past, and do not want you to do the same. That is why Asian parents often push their kids to be doctors or sorts. Because they have seen what happens to those who forego education.

Regarding interracial marriages or relationships, it's no surprise that on a population-basis, interracial relationships have a much higher rate of failure/divorce. The cause usually lies in cultural differences, differences in basic beliefs, etc...

If you want to see the result of those who prioritize their independence over the advice of their folks, you only need to see the millions of millenials with degrees, and no direction in life, working at the Walmart at 25 years old.

[Anonymous]

Really? I'm Japanese and my parents are overly strict about school, but they never said anything bad about Africans or south Asians. They did express that they want me to marry a Japanese guy though. I totally agree with you. It should as be you before anything else. Nice take.

[myTake Owner]

I'm Chinese! And my parents have always have some sort of hatred for Africans and South Asians, saying how they're this and that, and how they're taking over and what not

[MindYourEyes]

Wow your parents sounds really harsh and closed minded. Amazing how you turned out. Instead of getting sucked into their beliefs you have a mind of your own and the will power to do it your way. And yes your happiness comes first. You're the one living in your mind and body not them. Great take!

[404filenotfound]

Absolutely! My girlfriend's Vietnamese and her family put a lot of the same pressures on her. She had to get the best grades, she had to go to college to get a good job, and she had to be with someone that they approved of.

Bit of a shock for them when she decided to quit school and move across the country to be with me.

Always put your happiness first! :)

[Cosytoasty]

Bengali guy... girl you need to be beaten with a shoe.

In all seriousness, well done for having an open mind but let me tell you this. You're going through the teenager phase, you can say and think a lot of things that might make sense to you at the moment, but parents VERY rarely do no love their children dearly.

Make your own path in life but don't burn bridges is all im saying.

[UncleRayRay]

Your parents are trying to do what they think is best for you. Understand that sometimes you can't change how people are, and accept your parents for who they are.

That doesn't mean you have to agree with them or do everything they say (after you turn 18). Just remember that if they are paying your living costs or school expenses that pissing them off might have serious financial repercussions for you.

[Lopezz1999]

This was pretty heartfelt, and I like your strength in the matter. What I really appreciate is that you stood your ground against your parents, and liked who you please in their own home. That takes guts.

[Anonymous]

lol many times parents are saying those stuff because they care about you and don't want you to get hurt. I agree that they aren't always right though but you gotta look at it from their perspective. Also guys can act "Super sweet" but inside their head they probably only thinking about sex.

[Anonymous]

I disagree. I grew up in a traditional Chinese family on the east coast. And my parents never once indicated it wasn't anything but ok to be from another racial group.

[myTake Owner]

My parents have though! It might've beeb the way my parents have encountered those people, everyone's opinions ARE different, even if same race

[lovelyhoneybones]

Kev Jumba! I only seen him, I didn't even read this mytake. Just Kev Jumba!

[Anonymous]

As you get older and encounter more and more people, you will discover that your parents were right all along.

[ArabianPwincess197]

Awwh, glad you found love :)

[Lumberman53]

Good for you realizing this

[Himig_Ng_Pag-ibig]

KEVJUMBA!!! WE MISS YOU KEVJUMBAAAAAAA!!

[CT_CD]

I agree

[Anonymous]

Yeah the king's English is pretty tough.

[John_Doesnt]

I like this idea.

[Anonymous]

great take

[Anonymous]

same here I mean me before