Let’s Talk About Middle Child Syndrome

[Emma_240302]

Before I start, please be reminded that being treated unfairly can ranged to any child. It’s not really based on birth order. For eg, you could be the youngest but your parents treat you badly.

Middle child. Ignored, unloved, not being paid attention to. That’s me. I’m a middle child. With a brother older than me by 2 years and a sister younger than me by 9 years. The eldest one, always gets all the praise and his freedom. No matter how much more achievements I had more than him and how hardworking I am in the family, I will never get his freedom. The youngest one, always gets her way and is a whining baby if you don’t give her what she wants. She can get away with EVERYTHING.

Now it’s me. What about me? The most hardworking kid in the family, the one with the most achievements and way better grades than the other two siblings, never gets congratulated by her parents. Even when I managed to achieve a grade 6 guitar in just a year whereas my brother takes 3 years to barely pass a grade 4, my parents say it’s normal for me to get this sort of achievement. I had to do way more chores than my brother.

So here’s what I am currently experiencing in my life everyday, so sit back and enjoy!

1. I never get the attention I deserve

Yes, I’m an attention seeker, only because I was never noticed and paid attention to by my family the whole time. Whenever I made a mistake, all the attention was on me. But when I get an achievement that no everyone can, I get the “duh it’s normal” look from my family.

2. I can’t buy anything, even when I really need it

I remember on my second year of learning piano I requested my parents to buy me an electric piano ($20-40). They refused and I was allowed to get a piano until grade 5. On the other hand, few years later, my sister started singing ( it’s a growing stage in kids ) and my parents bought her an electronic piano right away! After a week, the piano is abandoned. And now, it’s collecting dust. Haha.

3. I feel abandoned

So, my birthday is here! And guess what? My day is just as normal. No cakes, no surprises. Only a dinner outside. While my siblings, get surprises on their birthday, nice cakes etc.

4. I never win a fight

When it comes to me and my sister fighting, I always lose. Once I told my sister not to jump around the stairs and she called me an ‘idiot sister’. So I went to tell my mom about her use of language, and her response was, “She’s young, why’d you have to scold her? She’s your younger sister!!!”

There are actually more to list, but I’ll stop here. Parenting is very important. So to all the parents out there, please, treat your children fairly :’)

[Anonymous]

Interesting story. And I feel for you. But as you can see, this site and really, most internet sites are not the place to say this. All you'll get are people looking to rant at somebody online. This site in particular, I'll tell ya right now, is shit. Most people's opinions here are shit. Complete shit. Anyone to target and shit on, they will, because they can and the moderators don't know what the fuck modding means and neither do the people that own this site. If you want help for this kind of stuff, find people into psychology and sociology or even family law on Quora. You will likely get answers at least slightly better than here. This site is more for debatable things or trivial stuff. Admittingly, I stay cause anyone who dares fucks with me, I psychologically mess with them until they block me and probably think twice before fucking with me again. But it's cause I know how to do this. Not everyone knows how to, and it's not too simple. Now on the ACTUAL issue, I have come across similar questions people have asked before. My solution would be, make allies/be independent. If you are trapped with your parents for a while longer, focus on what you can to improve your own life and if possible, gain favor with your siblings. DO NOT fan the flames of sibling rivalry. DO the opposite. Become their BFFs. When they benefit, then you can. If not possible, keep on the route of independence and find alternatives to things your parents won't allow. Chores? Turn on some music during them or listen to some comedy to brighten the mode. Piano? Look for free virtual piano programs. You seem quite smart. Your family may be jealous or just too dumb to see it. Do not let it slow you down. Also, learn what drives their thinking. And if you have to use psychological manipulation to fuck them back, do it. Hope this helps. It wasn't too hard to type this either by the way. So you can now easily see how idiotic people can be here.

[MeganForreal]

wow seriously, can we say childish,, are you sure your not the baby.. usually people who beg for attention are the ones.. and why is it you feel the need to say your better at guitar than your brother-- why are you even making the comparison what are all of you and your siblings suppose to be exactly alike? I mean in any family there is always going to be different things with different children in different times-- the important thing is wither that parent gave you unconditional love or not and if they did you need to get over this non sense..

[Emma_240302]

Oh I was just saying an example, sorry if I offended you. ☺️

[steveguitar]

Why are middle children always trying to direct other siblings? I always get yelled at by my younger sister, because she needs to exert control or something, and she feels like she can get one over on me. She can't but she tries even to this day.

You middle children think you have had it so badly, you got to stay home when mommy and daddy went out because of us older children, because we got to an age where we could take care of phone calls and make sure everyone was being safe or whatever. You never had to be the first child who got nothing because you parents were just beginning their adult lives or were trying to work hard to make more money.

We treated you and you didn't say thank you. I carry heavy car tires full of air, during the winter and summer tire change, to and from the basement to my sisters car and the rest of my family, and she doesn't say thanks. I can cook a bit and offer her dinner all the time, whether she wants it or not doesn't bother me, but she never says thanks when she does.

She constantly has a problem with something I've done such as "why do you use so much cutlery (or something to make food)? It's a waste of energy to wash the dishes in the dishwasher." then she'll do something like watch tv pause the program, leave the tv and cable box on, take a shower, blow dry her hair, then come back and watch tv. then she has some stupid explanation like it takes less energy to leave the tv on rather than turn it on and off HAHAHA, what stupidty.

Then she''ll have problems with people doing things that are against "normal behaviour", as in nobody is allowed to be themselves. Like if I hop over a railing in the house to get somewhere more quickly, I get the "why are you doing that".

Then as a kid she was always a tattletale, or as kids say nowadays a rat lol. always ruining the fun that my cousins and I were having, and we lived right next-door to each other.

Basically she has always been this way, and it won't end. maybe its just my sister, but I have a friend who is my age, the oldest and has so many problems with her middle sibling. just like me. its kind of weird, you guys are a weird bunch

[Guanfei]

I can't be the middle child, since we're 4. But I was the second. Quite a particular situation, here is why.
My big brother was the first. And as the first born, he is the favorite. Of my parents, of the whole family... Everything he does is great, and if he does something my family don't like, it's never his fault, it's always someone else making him do it. Most of my family hate his wife because, well, she took the favorite for herself, therefore everything she says or does is bad.
Then there is me, I'll go back to it later.
My little sister, who is physically and mentally handicapped. Of course, as she has the brain of a baby, she's not responsible for everything she does and for her state. Can't blame her.
Then my little brother, who is basically the worst. He's selfish, capricious, spoiled, he stole money from my parents many times, he thinks highly of himself and lowly of other. He considers that he has all the rights to do whatever he wants. Still, no one blames him. Of course, people criticize his behavior, but never when he's here. He's very mean to my father, who in return... gives him everything he wants.

Now, me. Well, since i'm the 2nd, I'm always compared to my big brother. Whatever I do, he did it best. Or differently, and therefore I should follow his path. To my mom, I've always been nothing more than a failed version of my brother. Someone who's there, but if I wasn't it wouldn't make any difference. To my family, I'm just useful when they need a hand with something.
And of course, my little brother is always right, no matter what happen. If he does something bad, I'm blamed for it. He steals? Well why didn't I watch over him! He's insulting my dad? He probably heard it from me.
No one remembered my birthday for a long time, to the point I started forgetting about it myself.
My parents showed me absolutly no support when I was bullied and mocked at school.
When my big brother had his "baccalauréat" (basically a high school diploma), my mom framed it and put it on the wall. When I had mine, she just threw it in a drawer and forgot about it for years.

In the end, that changed me. I was quite confident and outgoing as a kid. I lost all confidence in a matter of a couple of years. People made fun of me at school, and when I came home, no one seemed to care about it.

[Anonymous]

As an only child reading this is very different to anything I've experienced. I've always wanted more siblings so that my mum be occupied in someone else and leave me be.

As a kid I've been dreaming of having older siblings, it's all I've ever wanted. But yeah I do get a lot of attention not just from my mother but from my grandparents too. I'm the oldest grandchild as well as being an only child to my parents. Guess I do have it pretty good, when I think of it like that.

Either way, think of the good side. I can't even go out properly without being questioned where, I can't donate blood without my grandmother and mum being anxious because of their darling daughter doing something too big for my boots. It's like I need bubble wrap wherever I go. None of the other grandchildren have this and they don't feel they need it so it's not like they're jealous of my position.

That being said I get the most money spent on, and have the best presents of anyone from my cousins. I've had a very good childhood too.

[Opinion Owner]

My grandparents even went all out and bought me a house. They've still not done that for anyone else.

But at least you get to experience independence and taking care of yourself. You know you will get along fine without anyone if you had to. Me? Dude I'm a spoiler brat and it's not even my fault.

[Opinion Owner]

Spoiled brat*

[Anonymous]

Feels girl—I have the exact same age difference with those same sibling genders too, lol, except I also have another younger sister. often, if we celebrate my birthday at all, it’s two months late because “surely I understand.” And I’ve never had a big to-do... rarely had anyone over for it... once, I was told we would not be celebrating and instead Zach would have a friend over to play video games... that was my sweet 16th XD also, my brother couldn’t possibly care for my sisters, so I get babysitting duty whenever mom leaves the house to go to the store or just anything... never asked if I want to, heaven forbid, come along and leave the house!!! she told me that my dad and brother will be moving across the country during this summer for stuff, and I have been nominated without consent to be the babysitter all. Summer. Long. While she works. Likely unpaid... I really wanted to get a job or an internship because I’m a sophmore in college, but “I’m needed at home.” So home is where I have to be. While I understand and try my best to be as helpful as possible, I’m really starting to crave some independence and CHOICE!!! Hence why I moved halfway across the country for college 😒love my family... but sometimes I just feel so forgotten...

[cherryphi82]

Uhm... well. My second son is a middle child. He is the highest achiever in the family and he definitely gets praised for it. He's also the one with the shortest fuse, so it's hard not to punish him when the throws tantrums, especially since he's almost 12. I think he thinks of himself as the ignored one, even though he gets so many special perks. He has way more friends than his older brother, he's the most helpful and also the most social. We're very proud of him, but he feels jilted nonetheless. I think it might go away once he's on his own, away from his siblings.

[davidrees]

I'm a middle child and while I felt like this at the time, looking back I was out of line. It's super easy to see yourself as hard done by, no matter if you're the youngest or oldest.

If your younger sister is 9 years younger, then you got the youngest child benefits for 9 years. She's about 7 or 8 now? So you got those benefits for 9 years but you're pissed at her for having them for 7?

Talking to my sister as an adult I realise how many battles she had to fight that I didn't see and didn't have to fight myself. There's a lot of pressure on the eldest child, the parents are still working it out at that point. The second child gets to live in the slipstream of the eldest, a bunch of those fights have already been had for you.

[veronicalynn]

I'm the middle child of three girls. When I was younger my mom went out of her way to ensure that I didn't have the "middle child syndromes" or she thought she did.. I was always being forgotten about. Softball game and Color Guard practice, chorus concerts the list goes on.. I didn't even get a party like the other two when I graduated from middle or high school. I ended up paying for my own way starting at the age of 15 and moved out on my own at 16. My baby sister is a spoiled rotten brat and my older sister thinks the world owes her something.. We don't always like each other but at the end of the day that stuff aside we would do anything for each other at this stage of our life's. Like it or not family is family..

[BaileyisDarcy]

Middle child here. Though I've always equated my mistreatment with being the "package that came with my father" (stepmothers ACTUAL words)

Her kids are special and can never do wrong, even if one is 7 years old, obsessed with body image and trying to be skinny, and overly intrusive on other peoples personal lives. (Once asked me how much rent i was paying)
And the other is sexist (dishes are a womans job!) Lazy and obsessed with his console.

But no, I who never broke my toys, who never got a detention, always getting student of the week, never failed a class, never asked dad to do my homework for me, always DID my homework, never missed a class or swore. IM the shit of a kid who made her life a living hell.

She only likes my older brother because he's too much like our dad to let her know he disagrees with anything she says.
Im too much like my mum. If you're wrong, you're going to know it.

And she hates hearing the word wrong.

[Blonde401]

Argh. I relate too much. Middle child between two boys. My mum absolutely doted on them as kids and still does.

It’s simple shit like it being my birthday and she still decides to make food for them instead of me or other petty shit. I’ve never felt like I meant as much to her as them.

[Pink1996]

This is an interesting story. im a middle child with 2 older siblings and 1 younger sibling. i've never experienced what you've wrote. Actually i think im very spoiled maybe its because im the youngest daughter. But what you've written is something that my younger brother has been through.

[mutedaisy]

I loved being the first born grandchild and only child. Spoiled rotten is what you usually call people like me. Lol I did marry a man that was a middle child, I don't know he doesn't really let on to any of the things you've described. I think he most likely grew out of it.

[Nik1hil]

Been there an elder brother , 2 years older.
a younger brother 5 years younger then me..

mom loves the youngest..
dad loves the oldest.,
and i am the lonesome cruiser..
but i like it now.. no attention
i used to love the attention and affection.. but slowly.. it begin to fade away and i became an introvert.. instead of asking for attention and affection..

[Browneye57]

Let's not...
Another victim mentality. YOU get to decide where you're going in life, and it has NOTHING to do with being a 'middle child'.

[kawaiiguineapig]

You're obviously not a middle child. And she never said it affected where she was going in life.

[GracefulCharm]

Browneye57 is correct, we are all capable of being whoever we choose to be. I'm the youngest in my family, and I felt neglected most of my life. But it's only because I refused to show any respect towards my parents because I held grudges. I think the OP has the same problem, but blames it on something trivial like being a middle child.

[Emma_240302]

@GracefulCharm I’m sorry to hear that, but as my article had stated at the first sentence, I’m not saying birth order had to do with this lol, I’m saying that I’m discussing about the middle child syndrome 😂

[GracefulCharm]

@Emma_240302
If you wanna talk about unfairness. As the youngest, I never get anything brand new. All I ever got was hand me downs and things my older siblings didn't like. I remember in grade school how some kids would make fun of me for wearing clothes they seen my older brother used to wear.

[BaileyisDarcy]

@GracefulCharm
Id have made fun of those kids back that they have nothing better in life to do than think about an outfit one kid wore this one time.

[Anonymous]

I dont know personally because im an only child but i see this with my husbands family they have never paid for him anything but keep the others afloat all the time for some reason and he is left to do his own thing and they come to my husband for money and when they need help around the house but he is treated worse that the others and their excuses are well he doesn't need our help he has done well for himself well guess what thats not the point

[acooke-13]

Although I am the youngest, I've discussed this with my sister (the middle child) she said she never felt any of those, she felt equal to my brother and that I was the one who got away with everything and they didn't.

[DeeDeeDeVour]

One of my brothers is a middle child. He used to throw tantrums. He also felt deprived. Then, he grew up and and admitted he was never really deprived. Now, he has a middle child who's an adorable brat.

[CubsterShura]

I'm the youngest and even I relate with most of these. Some struggles are different, but all birth orders have their own struggles tbh. :/

Just a small tip, avoid using 'never' and 'always' in these cases... it's not good for mental health!

[WhereAmI]

Another ignored unloved middle child here. Left at the community swimming pool at the age of 8 for two hours bc my mother missed the headcount in the back of the SUV. I can relate to #1 and #3. I get my love elsewhere. lol

[bubble_tea]

I'm told Asian parents never praise, they think it spoils the child. Honestly, I don't know one family where the youngest gets treated the worst.

[Ahsthen]

Lay down some terms with them. Tell 'em this is how it's going to be, or you're going to do it your own way. You'll leave if you have to. Video the whole thing, without their knowledge, it might be userful, and store it where no one will no about it.