Girlfriend may be too attached?

[Anonymous]

I know it's long but please read...My girlfriend and I have been together for about 9 months now. In the beginning of our relationships we both established that maintaining a balance between time with each other, and time with friends was imperative. As with many relationships, for the first month or two we spent almost everyday together. We started dating in May near the end of our college semester, so summer provided us with a lot of time on our hands. To make this short, my girlfriend doesn't have the best relationship with her parents--so being at home isn't always her favorite place to be, and I understand that. At the same time, she doesn't have many friends at home, nor at school--just four girls of whom she shares an apartment with. I feel like over time she's grown very attached to me, and I fostered that attachment because initially I LOVED spending every day together. She always compares NOW to the SUMMER, as if things are awful. Although she tells me that she wants me to spend time with my friends, I feel like deep down she wants me to actually be with her--she's often alone--either at home or at college. She's told me before that she gets lonely, but whenever I bring it up she feels like I'm calling her a friendless loser--which isn't true at all. I mean, I'm her boyfriend..is it so bad to not want her to be lonely. I tell her to go out with friends, I even suggest to hangs out with me and my friends. She tells me that I only hang out with her when its most convenient for me--I don't know what to do and I'm becoming more and more frustrated. I love her, A LOT, but I feel like she becomes upset every time I hangout with friends, or if I don't have an actual schedule and plan of what I'm doing for the day if I'm hanging out. I'm very laidback, and she USED to be--that's one of the many things that first attracted me to her. We're in college, I just hangout whenever---I feel like the big issue is her not having friends. Like if she ever made plans, I always have friends I can call to hangout---I feel like she doesn't have that, and so she's left alone half the time, and despite knowing I need time with my friends, she really wants me there, and I think that's a problem. Any advice? haha..sorry for the length

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Ps. When I say I 'LOVED spending every day with her" I'm not saying that now I'm tired of spending time with her..I think what we did in the summer may have been unhealthy-we pushed many of our friends to the side--too much so. And now she's used to that

[Lily-Boo15]

If you really love her then she is your best friend and ur strength lies in her not in your friends. Do you call ur friends or do they call you? being together all the time is the way you should feel. Don't leave your friends behind but ur love should be ur 1st priority. if you don't have the erge to be with her all the time then obviously you don't love her as much as you say. now I know it sounds like I'm saying this just because I'm a woman and we wanna feel important to a man but my 2 guy friends are right next to me and they both agree completely. if you guys stay together she is what's going to make you happy in the long run not friends. over half ur friends won't even be ur friends in a few yrs.

[Asker]

Your absolutely right when you say that my love for her should be my number one priority, and I also think you're right when you say that my strength ultimately lies within her (although I think strength is also found within ourselves, friends, as well as God). Though I love the time we share together, I feel like hanging out with friends has become almost a sin...and that shouldn't be..i feel like while yes, she is placed first in my life, we still need time with friends..

[purity1986]

I understand where you're comin from, it is important to spend time with your friends and I don't think your love should be your first priority but I do think you need to consider her aswell. She may not realise that you need your bit of space and she may have had chance to see her friends (however many) at college Be careful how you word this one if you talk it through though cos you could end up sounding like you want to get away from her which would cause upset . good luck : )

[hybird9012]

This is really not healthy at all. In a realistic world, people fall in and out of love. When couples are younger they have a much more unrealistic, idealistic view of what love is and a relationship is. Just because you don't have the urge to be with her all the time does not mean you don't love her. Some people require independence or space. Others need to be around people all the time.

I believe it's selfish and dangerous to be attached to someone in any relationship. Each person needs to discover their own passions & what drives them individually because at the end of the day, the other person can and will never make you happy. Happiness is perspective and it should be achieved individually. One's happiness should not be dependent on someone else.

My advice is to have the conversation. She may not understand and that primarily comes with age and life experience. The older you get the more you are looking for a partner and not necessarily just a lover.

[Anonymous]

I'm at the same situation as yours.. I love my girlfriend but she is just too attached to me. I'm on my graduating year now and currently taking my thesis which makes it even difficult to balance my time with her and my studies. She started to complain that I don't have time for her, she just doesn't understand how hard architecture is compared to tourism major. I'm not saying tourism isn't difficult, I'm saying that the level of difficulty to study my course is different to her course. Right now, I'm thinking of having a cool-off or most probably a break up.. I'm just too tired of calls, texts and rough patches..

[hybird9012]

Have the conversation with her and set boundaries. Otherwise she'll always expect that level of attention & commitment. People who have insecurities tend to become very attached to partners in a relationship. It provides them with a sense of purpose. It is very dangerous, unhealthy and selfish.