Girlfriend says she doesn't have any emotional attachment?

[Anonymous]

So my girlfriend and I have been dating for only a week and a half, though we've been getting to know each other since the beginning of March. Everything has been awesome in all aspects thus far, except for one thing that I found odd. Sometime after we first met, she mentioned in a conversation that she does not feel an emotional attachment to anyone, including her parents to an extent. Tonight, she mentioned the same thing again when we were talking about our respective families.

I find myself confused in this situation. It is almost as if she is giving me a warning that she is not emotionally available to anyone (including me) and may never be. We both agreed to be in a relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend, yet she is essentially telling me that there will be no emotion involved between us. Should I work with her or just cut it off now before I become too emotionally attached to her? Have you ever experienced this and what, if anything, can I do?

[toulouse]

I think she does not understand what emotional attachment is.

She likes _you_ she wants _to be_ with you in a _relationship_.

She may prefer to think of herself as the lone rider, but no one wants to be with someone if they are not emotionally attached.

If you guys had just met and she said this id believe possibly she's never felt connected to anyone. still doesn't mean she's capable of it.

but sorry -no. youve been getting to know each other for months and she wanted to be your girlfriend. she's not being honest with herself.

not being attached to parents isn't significant. not everyone likes their parents. some parents are abusive or distant. and she's an adult. when you are an adult you break attachments to parents and form them with romantic partners. at least in the society that has bf/ gfs.

unless she was actually diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder or sociopathy, or affective disorder--even their there is room for error in judgement... she's just making false assumptions about herself.

it has nothing to do with other relationships.

she either wants to be with you or she doesn't. her analysis of her emotional proclivitiesis nonsense.

she wants you in whihc case he's attacged, or she doesn't.

she should not play games with words. she should tell you she does not want a relationship, or she should deal with things that are actually happening, not abstract concerns.

what she is doing intentional or not. is what players d. they create a mystique about their inability to really be held emotionally, so it makes you worry they may leave you. or make you feel like they care less so you have to be extra awesome while simultaneously expecting very little from them in return.

im not saying she's manipulating you on purpose. but ask her point blank whether she wants to be with you or not. and then the both of you having never been in a relationship with each other before, together you see where things go.

she doesn't know any more than you do as to how she is going to feel about u. so either let it play out or break up. no games. don't allow this to fester.

no abstractions, where you have to come here and ask strangers about her.

she and you want to be together or you do not, if you are together you both make an effort. its pretty rediculous for her to drop that on you as if its your job to clean it up.

ask her exactly what she wants and tell her what you want and see if its workable. otherwise its not her not getting attached. its you making an effort and her not making an effort...

people don't automatically want to be with anyone. you have to decide to. its like she's saying s.. and that's just irreconcilable differences and you should move on.

since she didn't come to you saying she struggles with somehing and how shed like to deal with it, bit rather don't count on her caring abot you.. I see her using this as an excuse to just make no effort.

why she wants to be with you and what she thinks wanting that means.

[why-makoto-kun]

It may be a little disclaimer she's putting in to say "I may not be emotionally attached to you." If you want an emotional relationship and she can't give that to you (wrong person or wrong time for her), you move on.

This is a lot like the typical "I'm not good enough for you" line. It's like a disclaimer saying "I'm not going to treat you that well in the future if you stay-- will you accept it?" or "I'm not really into you but am too cowardly to say I want out."

Honestly, if someone says things that make you uncomfortable in the beginning of a relationship, it's time to run. I regret not running when I ignored those feelings time after time, and ended up in a really crappy relationship, when they indirectly "warned" me that I would be treated like crap or not a priority to them.

[valerieboyce]

It could be a bluff.

It could be a warning.

It could be a sign for you to get into her head.

Here's what you do: test her theory.

Show no emotion whatsoever towards her for about a week or 2, and see if it makes a difference. if it doesn't, drop her. there are other girls that would appreciate you. and there's also someone for her who matches her personality.

But if something DOES change, emphasize to her that you really wanted to know if she actually did care about you, and that you would like for her to show it (even something as little as a smile), so you know that being with her may be difficult, but is actually best for both of you.

Really hope this helped!

[ChelseaMarie143]

The guy I'm seeing is kind of like that, but he became emotionally attached. Some of the reasons why he didn't like to become attached to anyone was because if he got really close to them and something happened and they died, it would tear him apart. He went through his grandpa's death, and watched his whole family torn up for the longest time. Family fights would occur... SO its kind of like a fear for some people to become close to the ones they love. So, its not that she doesn't love you and have strong feelings. Maybe she went through something similar to my guy and it caused her to be like that? Maybe next time she mentions it, ask her about it. It seems that she is hinting at wanting to talk about it. Good Luck :)

[Anonymous]

Like RositaV said, this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. For whatever reason (childhood upbringing, teenage trauma, etc.) she doesn't let herself get close to people. Obviously, this is a very unhealthy way to go about life, but it's a defense mechanism for her.

She obviously likes you, or else she wouldn't be willing to be in a relationship with you given her emotional unavailability. There's no saying she won't ever become emotionally attached to you in the long run, but if she sees nothing wrong with it, it's up to you to decide if you can wait and see if she'll get attached.

[Anonymous]

I think that if you think she's worth your efforts, you should try to work with her, and who knows? You might be able to win her over, and she'll become emotionally attached as well! I also feel like all humans feel emotional attachment because it's just a part of our nature, so maybe she just says that because she's scared of other people hurting her first. So if you do end up staying with her despite what she claims, everything might be good.

Love is selfless. You shouldn't break it off with her just because you're afraid of being the one who gets hurt.

[rudy37lee]

If she won't give him affection and an emotional commitment, then she isn't meeting his needs and that is perfectly good reason to leave a relationship.

[why-makoto-kun]

I agree with Rudy... Love doesn't mean you stay with someone who leaves you wanting and unhappy.

[Opinion Owner]

Well what I said was that he shouldn't break it off if the only reason for doing so is because he's afraid of being hurt. I think that the girl is just putting up a barrier, and if that can be broken down, it may be worth it to stay. But as you have said, if he wants to break it off because she doesn't fulfill his need as a partner, then sure, it is a valid reason to leave a relationship.

[RositaV]

I completely been in this situation. I'm 100% sure the "unemotional attachment" has NOTHING to do with you! I repeat, the girl likes you, and the only reason she mentions it is to share with you her intimate thoughts. She doesn't realize that you are taking it the wrong way.

[Sparkling]

She's not warning you off, she's trying to convince herself that she hasn't got any feelings for you, because she's scared of feeling vulnerable. Being vulnerable is really scary, so some girls (and guys) try to shield it off and pretend emotions are not there when they are. How you want to play it is up to you, but she's really not trying to get rid of you on purpose.

As for the parents and/or other people, those have nothing to do with the relationship you have with her, really..

[Libra89]

i would wait and see what happens with her...maybe she's just testing you to see if you care about her - some girls do this if they are unsure of how the guy feels about her...

or maybe she's the type of person who just never shows emotions (my ex was like this and I found him difficult to figure out and understand at times)

or some people are just plain cold and unemotional in general I guess...

Good luck and wait and see whaat happens...

[Anonymous]

She's TELLING you that this is how she is. IF she even feels this way about her parents, I'd say it's highly unlikely that after all these years she's going to turn a new leaf for a boyfriend. I would move on to a person who is not so emotionally damaged. I would not normally recommend this, but it pretty much sounds like she is planning on staying right where she's at, and has no desire to try to improve herself. Not the kind of person I'd want to be with.

[LuckyLucka]

It could be that she is warning you that she might not feel anything for you, but it could also be that she is kinda asking you to try to get inside her head. I would go with the second one.

[Anonymous]

maybe she FEELS that way but doesn't actually mean it. Maybe she wishes she could be close with someone... I would see her telling you this as a good thing, she is confiding in you and trusts you enough to tell you a deep feeling she is having.

[Anonymous]

Dude. You've been together a week. And March wasn't that long ago. Give it time.