What's worse an Absentee Father or an Absentee Mother?

[pervertedjester]

I know both are bad no matter who it is. I'm just wondering who is worse in your mind, a deadbeat Dad or Mom?

Absentee Father

Absentee Mother

[Nice_Guy_Last]

It's traumatizing to have a parent, one of the two people who are supposed to love you more than anyone or anything, abandon you of their own free will. Regardless of gender, the parent is a person that a child should always be able to lean on, to learn from, and to feel safe with.

That being said, I think that the gender of both the child and the parent has an influence on how the parent leaving will affect child. For children of opposite genders as the absentee parent, they will develop A: a distrust for the other gender, and B: lowered expectations from relationships. We know these symptoms colloquially as "mommy issues" and "daddy issues".
For children with absentee parents of the same gender, we see an obsessive attachment to the remaining parent (extreme cases of Oedipus Complex and Penis Envy, for boys and girls, respectively), as well as attachment issues, being less committed in relationships.

[jp612612]

I think both are equally bad. I do a lot of volunteer work so I've met plenty of both. I think that absentee mothers seem to feel more guilty about it than fathers as the mothers tend to make more excuses as to why they can't be with their kids or what not, but I don't know if that's due to the social pressure put on mothers as mothers are expected to be the primary parent.

[Reach500]

how does motherlessness affect the kids?

[jp612612]

@Reach500 You know, I don't know... Everyone talks about kids (particularly daughters) with daddy issues and I've known a few women whose fathers abandoned them at a young age. In both cases, they admit to yearn for their father's attention, even though their love is completely unearned in my opinion. But I have this friend, Carrie who's from a pretty small town in Alabama. Her mom abandoned her and her sister when they were young because they were poor and her mom met this wealthy attorney from New York who wanted her but didn't want the kids. So she left the kids with her parents and ran off to NYC. Carrie has nothing but contempt for her mother. In my volunteer work, I've met several drug-addicted mothers who don't have their kids. The kids aren't yet old enough to where I can determine how not having a mother affects them. In the end, I just don't know because the social narrative seems to focus on the affects of having no father.

[vonasaurus]

i had an absent father. but i got a good (step) dad, so i turned out fine.

studies show that an absentee father has much worse effects on a child. for boys, the reasons are obvious; for girls, our fathers are the standard by which we come to judge all men... and an absent father can leave daughters with serious trust issues.

when i was younger, i went to a religious school and divorce was frowned upon. so kids bullied me by saying things like "oh, he left because he doesn't love you anymore". that's traumatizing for a little kid to hear.

when i got older, i didn't bother getting emotionally invested in relationships because "he's just going to leave anyway".

[Draachen]

Depends on the gender of the child. Sons need their father and daughters need their mother. Of course both would benefit the most from both a mother and father, but the crucial parent is definitely different for boys and girls.

[LittleSally]

Both, to be honest...
But maybe a mother because kids always have this special bond with the people who carried them inside of their bodies and gave birth to them... It's an innate sort of feeling.

[wankiam]

both can make good or bad single parents. its not gender specific and whilst you see it as bad being brought up by just one parent please consider that it may be better than being brought up in a family enviroment where there is constant abuse and hate between the two adults

[maiaan]

Ofcourse they need both. But i would say its worse to have an absentee mother. Because the mothers love is irreplaceable. Not even by his father. & the absence of that love can really harm the child & his way of looking at life. On the other hand the absentee father is bad yeah, but the worse that could happen is you would have a tough, strong child when he grows up

[ATuairiscean]

Very good question - I suppose society would attach more stigma to a neglectful mother but in reality it is equal it is affecting the child and putting pressure on the parent/relative left behind or even worse the child is abandoned.

[lexdill1022]

Because a mother is to give life. With mother, children see "no life". Men to most children are seen as the rule enforcer and provider and possibly even the "protector" for the family unit. Which if done correctly, can be easily done and taken over by the mother OR any male from the MOTHER'S side of the family. If it is a member from the father's side (without the father dying) only resentment and animosity will result, unfortunately. Mostly because the children's brain is thinking "if Uncle Joe (dad's brother) can be here, why can't my dad?"

[RedVulcan]

Depends on the gender, I think. Absentee dad worse for boy, absentee mom worse for girl. I'd love to see how this applies to gay parents though, interesting data.

[Goodwifie]

Kids need both parents either together or separated.
My uncle was absent from my cousin lives for a few years and they really resented him for it.

[Bezbozhnikustanka]

All married people do is scream abuse at one another, children are better off with only one parent.

[Goodwifie]

@Bezbozhnikustanka not me and my husband

[Trevox]

My mother died when I was a toddler and my father kinda ruined my life.

I can't imagine it being worse the other way around. So I voted for "absentee mother".

[HonestGirlAlways]

In my opinion the child feels the absence of their mother on a deeper level.

[alice55]

I would say the father because generally the child only listen to his / her father.
I know that personally I never listened to my mother as a child.

[Bubblekitty]

Yes because a lot of the time a father is the enforcer the scary punisher so yeah personally I'd much rather get my ass beat by my mom than dad.

[alice55]

@Bubblekitty For me it was the reverse my mom was the scary one I was extremely scared of her as a child and even now I prefer not getting too close cause she's pretty violent.. My father was always extremely nice to me and never yelled.

[Transigence]

There's actually research on this. It's pretty clearly the father, regardless of the sex of the child (ren).

[Walrus_au]

Neither/both. I cannot say that one would be worse.

The only caveat is that if they are abusive sob's then the child is better off without them, be they mother or father.

[Robin48]

Honestly, they are both equal. Children have no idea who their parents are till after they born. Some are in for a big shock.

[shellysbaby]

i dont know, absentee does affect kids. but if my parents life were unhappy, I would want them to be divorce. at least I did

[JadeTea]

Well. In my case. My father since he is more financially stable but in reality mother for me.

[Kylesar]

From the studies, most negative effects from an absent parent on a child come from an absent father

That's why I say the father is more important

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

I had both as deadbeats. Smh. From experience a father is worse since he should be the leader of the family unit.

[peachblossomluck]

Just be the opposite.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

@peachblossomluck: Sure will.

[apple24]

For me my father! I wish I knew what it was to have a man love.

[MotherlessDaughter]

What to me is my mother because she left us when I was eight to have her own life. But she didn't want to deal with a child with disability which is me.

[johnmichaei]

what is if happen to one of them and they was not a deadbeat

[Paris13]

Mother, not so Much the Other. xx