Boyfriend lusting after other girls?

[Anonymous]

I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year but a couple of days ago I found out that he's been looking at photos of girls that I know casually, and also of my friends. At uni we have a ball where everyone has to go in their lingerie and he's looked through hundreds of these photos, sometimes logging on to my facebook account so he can get to these albums. At the same time that he's looking at these he'll text me about how horny he is and sends me dirty messages about what he's doing so I know he is masturbating over these girls/my friends.

I just don't know what to do, part of me says just leave it and try and forget about it, but I know that I won't forget and I can't. I have very low self-esteem about the way I look and now I can't get these images out of my head and the fact that he wants to be with them when I look totally different to them so am obviously not his type (i'm taller and fatter and these girls are short and very skinny).

Also, he is messaging this girl that he was in love just before we got together, and at the beginning of our relationship he would stay up all night talking to her on MSN whilst I was asleep next to him, and now he's been messaging her again so I can't help thinking how he wishes she would have wanted to be with him, the way he did with her.

I don't know if I'll be able to work things out with him, I don't know if I can trust him and the fact that he is lusting after all these girls just means that he doesn't find me attractive and I don't satisfy him doesn't it?

Its just hurting me so much to know that those girls are what he wants, and that's not me, and what must he think of me when he's comparing me to them? I feel sick.

[Anonymous]

Well, if you can text him the following "I'm extraordinarily sensitive to you talking about masturbating to these other girls who are my friends. I have very low self-esteem and am extremely insecure about my appearance and weight; when you even so much as suggest or imply things like that, I end up crying all night and sometimes I just start cutting myself because you make me feel so ugly."

Then, when you're in person, just tell him you were sarcastic and that it was a really bad joke that he obviously didn't get over text message. Somehow try and coax him to send you a text message where he tells you about "him masturbating to your friends' pictures." Or just borrow his phone and text yourself "omg! I jerked off so hard to (friend's name)'s pictures, I've never came so hard in my life! you have no idea how much easier and more enjoyable it is to come when the girl you're looking at isn't fat or ugly!"

(Press SEND)

Then, please call an attorney and have him or her file an action against him for "intentional infliction of emotional distress."

[sinful1620]

It doesn't sound like he's going to cheat on you, but it DOES sound like he's not really into the relationship.

[lovefaithful]

he's with you right? he should say stuff like "you're beautiful" to you once in a while

or maybe "I love you " a lot

I"m insecure and have low self esteem so my husband knows that and he says those two lines a lot to me.

it helps some what

[Biggus_Dickus]

everyone lusts over other people, its if they act upon their lust that makes it dishonest.

[Asker]

It's not the dishonesty, it's just can I be with him when he doesn't find me attractive and is probably imagining them and wishes I were them when he is with me? He gets so jealous and angry if I say 'happy bday' to a guy, even a gay guy, and literally tries to find out every bit of information about the guy and how often I've spoken to him, yet he feels its OK to perv over my friends and random girls when they are practically naked and look nothing like me, suggesting he's not attracted to me?

[Biggus_Dickus]

He sounds like a manipulative d***, why bother with him if he's such an ass, leave him

[Anonymous]

I swear down dump him ASAP, he`s just gonna cause you a lot of pain in the long run so quit now whilst you`ve got a good chance , he`s a jerk!