My brother called me fat? How to handle it?

[Anonymous]

My brother’s always been really patronizing and annoying but this time he crossed the line and called me fat and that “Walking is so hard” for me and that even breathing is difficult for me.

He knows that I’ve struggled with my weight and even though I’m not “fat” I’m just “chubby”, he continues to call me all this stuff especially when I disagree with him on something. He’s very manipulative and vicious and I’m so angry and hurt.

I’m crying right now and I don't know what to do. Sometimes I wish he lived far away from here. My parents don’t care much either so they won’t help

[ellewilko]

I'm so sorry you are feeling this. Sending love.

My brother is similar, I am very different to his idea of femininity - he believes femininity is short and petite - a bit old fashioned. I've always been strong and big so not the same. He has said insensitive things to me that have made me cry including my weight and fashion sense. Sounds similar right?

Well as I grew up I came to realize it was his way of trying to protect me (a silly and stupid way I know). In his mind, if i looked a certain way and acted a certain way, i would be more accepted and not go through the bullying that our older sister had been subjected too. HE loves me so much but just showed it in a strange way... we are different people and have trouble understanding each other, but I confronted him on how it made me feel and he said he didn't realize how much i hurt me - he even cried and he never cries.

Talk to him, tell him how he feels - a true brother will realize what he has done and try to make amends xx

[Asker]

He’s done this plenty of times and I’ve made him listen to me about it. But he doesn’t give a crap

[ellewilko]

Ah, is he older or younger than you?

[Asker]

Older

[ellewilko]

I'm not sure what to say - I still have problems because of my brother's "help" but I know it was from love. I know you have talked to him but perhaps you need to consult with other family members and get them on bored. You should never change yourself because of what other people say only what you (or your doctor) says

[MissLogical]

You're not fat, you have fat, just like everyone else in the world. Some people have more/less fat but it doesn't change what kind of person they are. People have skin but they aren't called skin. Your brother, like many people in this world can be extremely rude and ignorant. Don't take his words to heart, he just wants his way and will do anything to try and get it. There are many people like him that you'll meet in your life and the best thing to do is just remember that they're only projecting. They feel so bad about something about themselves that they want to hurt you to make themselves forget and feel better about themselves.

[jimyee]

"People have skin but aren't called skin" I guess you've never heard someone be referred to as white or black.
Where as yes, everyone has fat but if you have excessive fat you are fat, meaning over weight.

[MissLogical]

Calling someone black or white is different, it's referring to the color. And yes, but it's also used incorrectly since it's an extremely objective and inaccurate way to refer to someone's body.

[jimyee]

And calling someone skinny or fat is referring to their body type so I really fail to recognize how they are different

[jimyee]

Too much logic?

[Catherine78374]

You can ignore him maybe? My younger and sometimes older brother did that to me and I just let it slide so they stopped. I'm sorry that's happening to you 😧

[Electric_Dreams]

It is irrelevant to you. You know that you are overweight, so he does not need to tell you. His decision to do so implies some sort of inner struggle of his own, that he is sad and/or angry (usually these come hand in hand). His inner pain body has attacked you because he is himself an unhealthy individual.

Your inner pain body is dwelling on past negativity and future fears, rather and acknowledging and appreciating all that is relevant - the present.

[Asker]

This is probably the best answer here

[GingerGuy]

I'd just ignore him. That's what little brothers do, insult and make fun of you. I know it's hard to take sometimes, but try not to take it so personally. And what they like even more is when you get upset and try to defend it, they know it's really getting to you so they do it more! I always just ignored my brother completely like he wasn't in the room.

[Asker]

Here’s where things get weird. He’s fucking 22 years old and I’m 18.

[Asker]

He should be more mature than that

[GingerGuy]

Absolutely he should be. Apparently not though! lol Maybe say that too him next time. "Grow up, you're an adult now! Act like one!" That might set him straight lol

[Asker]

He always has something to say in order to put me down. Nothing I say will ever be enough to “set him straight” lol. I’m emotionally exhausted

[Sethorien]

People are mean. You are going to be called much worse by much more influential people in your life.

You're an adult. Children know the rhyme "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me".

Growing thicker skin is the easiest way to deal with words that upset you. If being called fat, when you don't even think you're fat, reduces you to tears, you need to work on growing thicker skin.

[truthbeknown]

Just tell him you are going tell all the girls how small his dick really is.

[Asker]

Lmao

[Anonymous]

Next time he calls you fat, attack one of his insecurities. That should teach him a lesson. If he still won't shut up, just slap him and walk away.

[Asker]

My brother used to be called gay and homo when he was little by his peers. But I’m not a douche like he is so I never mention it

[Opinion Owner]

I can see your point of view, but he seems like a bully, and bullies pick on the weaker ones to assert their domination, while deep-down they are the vulnerable ones. This is why I advocate in giving a taste of his own medicine, only ones, that should be enough.

[Asker]

True that

[prosciutto]

Yes, let's advocate physical violence over words like a crybaby child. Learn how to be human instead of acting like a dumb animal

[prosciutto]

If you are sensitive about your weight, then do something about it. Quit giving it little pet names like "chubby" or "husky" or whatever. Overweight is overweight. Bmi is a terrible measure for the fat weight in your body. Real doctors use a buoyancy and displacement test to determine body fat percentage.

Finally, stop caring about what people say. You give an opinion validity by reacting to it. Your brother wouldn't be mean to you if it didn't get a reaction. Grow up.

[GrimThatFox]

Honestly, sometimes people need a good slap to the face. It may be good to do this a couple times to him, and maybe he'll learn not to.

[Asker]

He’d hit me back. Did before. He even destroyed my door once

[Asker]

Not even kidding rn

[GrimThatFox]

That's when the police need to get involved. Maybe issue a restraining order?

[Asker]

I live in a third world country. It’s not that easy here. 😭

[GrimThatFox]

Awe damn. Honestly, you may just have to get away from your brother then. Get as far away as possible.

[Asker]

I can’t... I need to be able to afford my own place. I feel like a woman in the 1920s I swear to god

[GrimThatFox]

I wish I could help... you may be able to reach out to advocacy groups that will keep you safe, but other than that I have no idea what else you could do.

[Anonymous]

these kind of things are known to happen a lot between siblings, i think it's totally okay, things will change tomorrow and you'll be able to smile with each other again, and then dispute and so on.

[Asker]

Yeah, that normally happens. Sadly my brother has an extremely fragile ego

[Opinion Owner]

it's quite annoying that way, but do not let this be a problem for you. my older brother and i used to dispute a lot over little things, he used to call me names and stuff, i mean , it was the same experience as you, Now, we do not talk a lot at all, like once or twice a week sometimes never, but we're okay, it's just that we don't meet that much, and even if we did, we wouldn't talk. it's just a habit i guess and it's nothing bad, i guess.

[Asker]

True. I don’t think me and my brother will talk in the future when we’re living in different places. At least we won't talk much

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, there shouldn't be any problems when you're living in different places :).

[boggboss]

Just ignore it the word has only as much power as u let it have no meaming

[ok359]

True dat

[ethan45]

Siblings do that they will do anything to try and piss you off just try and block it out if you ignore him when he does that and you don't give him a reaction he won't continue to do it because he is just looking for one is all

[SmoMan71]

Well that depends. Are you really fat? Just because he is an asshole doesn’t mean he is wrong.

[Asker]

I’m not. Lol.
Even if I was I think it’s absolutely wrong to call someone fat whether they are or not

[SmoMan71]

Eh, i'm not a fan of sugar coating things. I would rather be honest than tactful. But as a brother myself, I can just say don’t take us too seriously. We to tend to be assholes.

[Asker]

Not really lol. My other brother isn’t an asshole at all. Just because you have a younger sibling doesn’t mean you have a free pass to be a douche

[SmoMan71]

I agree, I actually get along with my little sister really well. But we still had our moments, like the time she kicked me in the jaw. (Which was admittedly totally justified) my point is that if you aren’t actually fat what he says doesn’t mean anything. And if you are fat, stop.

[Asker]

I swear women are being so nice to me yet men are the ones giving stupid answers

[SmoMan71]

Have I said something inaccurate?

[Asker]

No. If you think Demi Lovato is fat then yes I’m fat lol. But I consider her between fit and chubby.

When I said I’ve always struggled with my weight, it means I’ve always been insecure about it. I’ve always had a negative self image and my brother knows this

[SmoMan71]

Had to look her up, but no, she looks perfectly healthy. But like I said, if you aren’t fat, which I highly doubt that you are, then your brother is just an asshole. Give him shit about something he is insecure about.

[Asker]

Why do men randomly put their “nice” mask on when they know a girl isn’t fat? Lmao I swear to god y’all are cancer

[SmoMan71]

I repeated the exact same thing with a little more advice on dealing with the dickhead how the fuck is that being nice? And what does it have to do with my genitals?

[Asker]

Haha sorry, I wasn’t referring to you. I was referring to the other men here

[Asker]

I should’ve pointed that out my bad. But your original comment is stupid because telling the truth doesn’t mean it’s okay to say it.
If I were fat, I know it. There’s a difference between people who call another person fat to bully them and the people who worry about them by giving them healthy advice instead of patronizing them

[SmoMan71]

You said “y’all are cancer” sounds pretty god damn inclusive to me. I don’t go out of my way to be nice to people, but I do generally try to help.

[SmoMan71]

I disagree. But I already said that I put honesty above tact. I’m not going to lie to someone just so I don’t hurt their feelings.

[Asker]

You obviously don’t seem to grasp basic social skills. Him refraining from calling me fat isn’t lying. He’s simply avoiding insults. It would be lying if I asked him “Hey do I look dirty?” If I had just fallen into a mud puddle and he’d say no to that

[SmoMan71]

You have been sexist and insulting now, which I have not done to you. That isn’t very constructive. All I have done is give you an honest assessment and try to actually help with your problem. There is no need for hostility here.

[Asker]

I’m not being hostile. I’m telling you that insults are uncalled for. Honesty is good but not always unless you’ve been asked

[SmoMan71]

Calling men cancer and suggesting that I am socially retarded are both rather hostile statements. Have I insulted you? When? And you did ask for honesty when you posted this question.

[Asker]

I asked what should I do about this. I didn’t ask whether I was fat or not. You haven’t even looked at my pictures anyway

[SmoMan71]

And I told you what to do. Either stop being fat if you are, or accept the fact that your bother is an asshole if you aren’t. I don’t need to know what you look like as long as you do.

[Asker]

I’m not fat, like I’ve said a million times already.

Secondly, there has to be another solution. If abused people followed your advice the world would be miserable. Just “accept” that they’re assholes, too bad. Nope. Sorry

[SmoMan71]

You have probably said it five or six times, not very close to a million. But it doesn’t matter to me if you are fat or not. I don’t care. Having a brother who is a dick is not the same thing as being in an abusive household. That’s like saying someone is a rapist just because they looked at you. What you do with knowing he is a dick is up to you, confront him about it, dish it back out, move away from him, or get over it. That is completely up to you. Personally I am a fan of confrontation. I also have an older brother who always gave me shit until I “convinced” him to stop.

[Asker]

You’re one of those guys who don’t know what a metaphor/hyperbole is... and doesn’t know the definition of emotional/psychological abuse. anyway moving on. Lol

[SmoMan71]

Are you really dumb enough to think I assumed you are calling men actual cancer? I’m guessing you have lived a pretty cushy ass life if you think being called fat is the same thing as emotional or psychological abuse.

[Asker]

You think that’s the only thing he’s done to me? Do I really have to list out all the times he has hit me, left marks on my skin and forcibly shaved a chunk of my head once?

Apparently you’re not smart enough to realize that if someone is being patronizing and insulting, that already is emotional abuse especially if you live wit that person. To what degree, I don’t know, but it IS abuse.

You’re a fucking idiot

[Asker]

And I wasn’t talking about men being cancer you moron. I said “a million times” and you took that literally. You should get brain surgery

[SmoMan71]

You are an angry little thing aren’t you? I am starting to enjoy this now. And if he really is that abusive why the fuck are you still just taking it? Slap the shit out of his dumb ass already instead of talking to people online about things that don’t matter.

[Asker]

You enjoy seeing people suffer?
Wow, that’s quite low of you. How does your sister handle you, who knows

[SmoMan71]

No, I enjoy helping people with actually problems. Which is why I originally posted a response to your question. But I also take a sort of smug satisfaction out of seeing people get their comeuppance for doing something stupid.

[Asker]

I don’t know what I did to deserve the abuse. But of course you’re one of those people who blame the victim.
Might as well go to the Middle East, it suits you.

[SmoMan71]

Have I abused you? You have called me few names for trying to help you. And no, I don’t blame you for your brother being a dick. I just blame you for saying stupid shit online. You did that to yourself. So do you want to stop fucking around and accept some actual help or not?

Also I have spent some time in the Middle East. Not a place I would suggest anyone go to.

[Asker]

“Just because he’s an asshole doesn’t mean he’s wrong” - babe, if you think that is helpful, then you’re extremely deluded. Just saying.

[SmoMan71]

It is an honest statement. Someone being an asshole does not automatically mean they are wrong. You are not fat, he is the asshole… we established that over an hour ago. Do you actually care to move on, or do you just want to dwell on questions that have already been answered?

[BHooper]

From my personal experience you have to make him see what damage he is causing and he will then feel guilty for what he is doing. Although this may seem mean it is nowhere close to what he was doing to you :).

[Anonymous]

He's a freaking asshole. He won't change.
Im sorry, but the only way to cut that vicious tongue of his is to change your food diet & start working out (even just long walks, jump ropes)

[RainbowGin]

Honestly I would recommend 2 things.

1 take a serious look at yourself and say is this what I want to be.

2 ask him straight up why he is so mean to you and what's his honest opinion of you is.

[Some_Brat]

I would nickname him Dumbass

[Asker]

Same here haha

[najekim]

Just snap back "And your ugliness goes to the bone!" ;-)

[jimyee]

I'm not trying to be a dick but being chubby and fat are the same.

[Asker]

I hate when people say “I’m not trying to be a dick...” because deep down they know they are being a dick. And no, being fat isn’t the same as being chubby 😂 wtf

[jimyee]

Telling the truth isn't being a dick. And Yes being chubby is being overweight which is fat. And you don't What, I take it back I don't care if I come across as a dick, you're fat. If he's making jokes about you having trouble breathing while walking you are severely over weight and in denial.

[MissLogical]

"A BMI of 25-30 means you're overweight (or chubby). Healthy is a BMI of 18.5-25. Body mass index (BMI) or Quetelet index is a measure of bodyfat based on height and weight that applies to adult men and women. ... The level of chubby is lower than fat, somewhere between being fat and being average-sized."

It's not the same thing and you a being a dick. She was simply asking for advice on how to handle it and you start harassing her.

[Asker]

Thank you @MissLogical. You’re like the only reasonable person in this thread. Your username suits your answers

[jimyee]

First of all where did she list her bmi? It could be 50 for all you know. And if this is harassment than I feel bad for how fragile you are

[Asker]

My BMI is 24, so that means I’m chubby but definitely not fat. Lol most of my clothes look good on me and I can wear skinny jeans and shorts/skirts without looking weird

[Asker]

You’re a fucking idiot @jimyee

[Asker]

Even if my BMI was 10000 you have no right to be a complete asshole about it. You and my brother are identical

[Jayden01]

@jimyee your comment really backfired didn't it 😂😂

[Jayden01]

@jimyee to be fair you did deserve it you should never call someone, especially a woman, fat its just really mean and uncalled for

[jimyee]

Meh, I'm okay with who I am, it's clear you are not. And yes, since you're going to be stupid enough to use a hyperbole like that you would be incredibly fat and honestly quite disgusting.

[Asker]

You’re okay with who you are? That’s quite sad, I think it has more to do with your delusions and not who you really are.

The point is you called me fat, without even knowing my BMI. That’s idiocy and a lack of reasoning on your part 😂 if you’re okay with that, I seriously feel bad for you lol

[jimyee]

I originally didn't call you fat and you are the one who said you're chubby chubby not me. If despite what you think being chubby is fat. I just agreed with what you said. I can't be an asshole for that.

[Jayden01]

Well this reply escalated into a full blown argument

[Asker]

I think you need to receive some lessons as to what the difference between chubby and fat is. Chubby is someone who is not skinny, but isn’t fat either, like Demi Lovato (can’t think of anyone else atm). Fat is someone like Sean Kingston or Kelly Clarkson.

You’re 30 and you don’t know what the difference is... 🤦🏻‍♀️

[jimyee]

chubby [ chuhb-ee ]
Main Entry: chubby
Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: slightly fat
Synonyms: ample, bearish, big, butterball, buxom, chunky, fatty, flabby, fleshy, full-figured, hefty, husky, pleasingly plump, plump, plumpish, podgy, portly, pudgy, roly-poly, rotund, round, stout, tubby, zaftig
Antonyms: skinny, slim, thin

http://www.thesaurus.com/browse/chubby

[Asker]

It’s not an argument I’m just trying to inform him...😂🙄

[jimyee]

I think perhaps it is you in need of the lessons

[Asker]

🤦🏻‍♀️😂

[Jayden01]

To be fair @jimyee you seem to be in the wrong but asker leave Kelly Clarkson alone she us beautiful in her own way 😂😂 and Demi Lovato isn't chubby she's thicc 😂😂

[Asker]

😂😂😂😂

[Asker]

To me thicc and chubby are the same. But fat is more than that

[jimyee]

Not sure how providing evidence leaves me in the wrong.

[Asker]

You’re not providing any evidence lol.

[jimyee]

Definitions of the word proving you wrong is not evidence?

[Jayden01]

Fair enough asked but Chubby/thicc is the best way a woman can be and @jimyee you haven't exactly provided evidence you just called asked fat and then reinforced this opinion whilst she has stated about BMI and what actually constitutes someone as being fat

[Jayden01]

Clearly the asker is using more intellectual points 😂😂

[Asker]

Yes but his ego is bigger than his brain apparently

[Jayden01]

That does seem to be true but what do you expect he's trying to state that saying one definition is enough evidence to call a woman fat 😂😂

[Asker]

I don't know, maybe I have too much hope that all humans have basic intelligence. LOL.

[Jayden01]

Maybe he's not human 😂😂

[jimyee]

First off body type is a personal preference. Secondly, I used her words and used evidence to show that her word "chubby" is the same as "fat". And about her bmi if she truly has a bmp of 24 the is generally considered to be the healthy range and not fat/chubby.

[Asker]

That’s believable. I truly don’t think he is

[Jayden01]

@jimyee if this is considered in the healthy range then why did you believe it would be an intellectual point to state that she is fat and I'm pretty sure you also said disgusting which is just uncalled for honestly

[Jayden01]

And yes maybe he's not human I'd say he's an ape but even they understand you must have respect/decency 😂😂

[Asker]

I’m dead 😂😂😂

[jimyee]

Are you fucking serious? You're seriously stupid. She didn't lead off with her bmi, she led off with "I'm chubby" so I merely told her chubby was another word for fat. I can't even comprehend the stupidity that makes up the two of you.

[Asker]

a stupid person will always blame everyone else and call them stupid. This is a prime example. 🤣

[jimyee]

Well considering I never blamed anyone for anything im not really sure where you're going with that one. So good "prime example".

[ThatWeirdDude]

Slap that son of a bitch across the room

[Asker]

He really is the son of a bitch because my mom defends him lol

[lopan17]

If you're going to let it bother you then handle it by losing weight.

[Asker]

Bullies always find something to bother you with if you didn’t know

[lopan17]

That's why you don't let it bother you. If it's not your weight it'll be something else. Maybe you just shouldn't put so much worth in the opinion of a shitty person.

[Asker]

Yeah true

[Giacom0]

Try to show him that you don't matter he will stop

[Anonymous]

Tell him to f off

[Asker]

I did plenty of times lol

[Opinion Owner]

He is such an asshole

[Asker]

Tell me about it haha

[Opinion Owner]

How tall are u?

[Asker]

How is that relevant?

[Opinion Owner]

I don't know having insecurities on my height atm im 5'6feet

[Opinion Owner]

Are u tall?

[Anonymous]

kick him in the balls