When I was growing up, I was dubbed as "too nice". People always used to call me out on it like it was a bad thing. They used to say things like, "You are way too nice"... or "why are you so nice all the time?"
I couldn't help not being nice, friendly and polite. It's just my personality. However, when I was around people at school OR even in the WORKPLACE... they used to treat me differently from everyone else (and not it good way) for my personality.
One coworker said one time during our shared team lunch that, "people who are too nice usually have something to hide and he doesn't trust someone who is overly nice or polite."
These days, I don't really talk to people and I am quiet around people, because they try to always find something within your personality to pick at. You know what they say to me now? "Oh, you're so quiet"... "why are you quiet all the time?"
I think in society we don't reward people who are kind to people, who are respectable or polite to others. We often reward people who have average or poor attitudes towards the people around them.
When I was in school... it was always the bullies and those who caused trouble that had the most most friends and people on their side. I also notice this in the real world in many cases as well.
Being nice, kind and polite is an important strategy to achieve different things such as: 1) Getting someone to do something 2) Self satisfaction 3) higher purpose 4) etc
Being nice can help you seem more trustworthy to others. It may help you open doors in the business world. Of course, being nice by itself, is not going to do the work.
Being nice is a way of life. A very hard one at that. You need to understand the people around you so you can understand what 'strategy' they are using. Are they manipulating you? do they really need help? Are they looking for a business partner? etc. Having a kind heart may help you achieve your goals.
I use this strategy because it is what I believe in. I believe in the need for volunteering. I believe in the need to help other people that truly need help. I know that there are people that deserve all the help they can get.
Don't mistake that I am only doing that for others. Helping other makes me feel better with myself. help me fell more humane. And sometimes it helps me achieve my goals (I am ambitious and competitive).
Maybe not being nice could've benefit me more. But I know that my self conscious will eat me alive.
Truthfully, every single overly nice person I have ever met has been just that - nice on the surface. A girl I used to know was so horrifically nice and sweet and comforting, but she gossiped behind your back like no other. She couldn't keep a secret. She was nice to keep peace, not kind because she respected you, her own agenda always came first.
A different girl I know is a people pleaser. She doesn't want to upset anyone, she tiptoes around you, she is too kind, too sweet and it is far too easy to trample on her. We're friends and I been trying to encourage her to listen to herself more and not live a life dictated by others. Turns out her niceness is a symptom of her nasty parents - who have walked over her for all her life and cause her to have zero backbone.
So I don't think niceness is a sign of a weak personality. But as humans we will always put ourselves first (other than when babies are involved) so a person who appears to really care about everyone else is either super fcked up, or it's just a social personality.
this world is brutal, we may live in 21st century but humans didn't changed much. you have to be strong and stand for yourself. If you are too nice you will be vulnerable.
I used to be "too nice" , but the only type of people that were drawn towards me were manipulative people who tried to take advantage of me. I only attracted takers and mean people.
I've since changed though. I'm still nice and kindhearted, but I'm now selectice about who i'm nice and kind to. I've had to become more assertive and I won't let anyone take advantage of me.
I'd never intentionally hurt anyone or be mean to them... Unless they are that way to me. I treat people according to their personality. If they're nice, I'll be nice. If they're an asshole to me, I'll be an asshole to them.
It's amazing how many people SEEM nice, but they'll take advantage of anyone that's kind and compassionate. It astounds me. So being nice to everyone can make you easy prey. It attracts manipulative people.
No not a weak personality but people view it that way. Nice people have to learn to set boundaries. I'm a recovering doormat. I've survived more than the so called strong people I've met. I don't consider myself a weak person.
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Opinion Owner
+1 y
I say the shame should fall on the person who is ok with taking advantage of someone nicer than themselves.
The people might be sorry as hell but when you see the signs you confront him and you keep them away from you then you can still be yourself a nice person
And you don't have to change from being nice just cut off the people that do you dirty and that are wrong because you'll be there lost and you have not changed to do
@mayanjohnny I started to think being nice was a dirty word but it really isn't. It is just about only helping the people who want to help not those who demand such help.
Yes, of course. Being nice to others has no inherent value on it's own - but only in combination with other attributes. As you said, people who are just "nice" get abused for the simple reason that they are incapable of not being nice. Thus niceness isn't a choice anymore, but a necessity to them. It's a strategy of social acceptance and survival. And some people simply abuse that limited strategy.
If you wanna be nice and respected, you gotta be standing your ground when necessary. Else you will become a doormat. Essentially you need to have a part in yourself that is capable of being a monster. Just that you don't want to use it, but WILL when you have to. It's like when someone wants to beat you up for god knows what reason. Being nice will not stop him. The only thing stopping him is knowing that if he/she tries, it will backfire.
No... It's if someone attacks the too-nice person and the person tries to appear still nice and rejects the fact of someone's obvious personal attack. People who have the evil demon inside themselves under control appear never the way of being too (something). But people who don't have the control about this part of their personality appear sometimes weak (too nice, too rude, too aggressive, too gullible... etc.) Being too (something) is very often a superficial attempt to hide own weaknesses and lack of self-control is always one of them.
If you’re genuinely nice without expectations then no. You can can be a nice person without letting people take advantage of you or stabbing you in the back.
If you’re nice to avoid conflict then yes. But that’s not being nice it’s being passive. Like smiling and laughing at that joke you found offensive, but you’d rather not say anything because they’d be mad. Or when you smiled after your boyfriend made that sexist joke you weren’t ok with but you smiled because of you told him how it made you feel, maybe he’d get mad.
When you’re nice to avoid conflict, you end up going down this slope where you give up your peace of mind bit by bit. First it’s letting verbal insults or comments slide. Then you’re lending money you shouldn’t be giving out or doing inconvenient favors. Yes. People will suck you dry if you let them. Remember when you’re nice to “please others” you’re not being nice at all. You’re being passive.
No, we live in a toxic, sick unrealistic culture that venerates selfishness as a virtue and says the best thing anyone can do is fall madly in love with themselves. This is never how society has worked before. People have always relied on each other. We're only strong as a group, and we're only a strong group if we can get along and cooperate and be nice to each other. But now we live in a time where everyone believes they are "self-made" (after their parents cared for their needs, the government educated them and other people made every single object they use.) We want something, it appears! We must be pretty awesome! Why would we need to be nice to other people.
However, since most people can't see that kindness actually DOES have obvious benefits, they think the people are doing it for secret self-serving reasons. In the United States especially, we view kindness in others with suspicion and impulsivity with relief.
No, I actually think being too nice or as I call it too soft-hearted is a sign of a strong personality because you gotta be strong mentally and emotionally to live in this world full of hateful people and continue to remain soft-hearted, or too nice, as you put it.
Yes, in other people. It instantly shows how incredibly ignorant and rude they are if they aren't as nice to YOU after you were nice to them!! Just saying "Hi" to someone will clue you in! I say "Hi" to total strangers all the time just to be nice and civil, but, 99.99% of the time, they either ignore the shit out of me or look at me like I just said I wanted to rape their cat!! And we've been voted the friendliest city!!! BUUUUUULLLLSHIT!!! If WE'RE the friendliest city, I don't EVER want to go ANYWHERE else!!! Any other place MUST be ABSOLUTE HELL!!!
The way you phrase it "too nice" already implies it's negative. I'd be curious where your definition of too much lies. If you ask if being very nice and kind is a weakness instead it would be a better question.
And to answer that question: No. I try to be nice to everyone and don't mind going out of my way or taking some discomfort if it can help someone or make them happy.
That doesn't mean that I would let them step all over me - I always retain the option of saying no and it is MY choice to be nice; not a requirement I feel pushed on me.
It's a sign of being s good and decent person - but not a sign of weakness.
Yes, I guess you've already answered it yourself. It won't be a negative for other people, but it will be very detrimental to the person themselves if they always choose others over themselves. It may be indicative of wanting to be liked/loved, or low self-esteem. But at least they are a good person. Hard to fault them for that.
No. Because it’s more than possible to be as nice as can be while also being able to say no when people try to take advantage of your kindness.
Unfortunately, getting to that point takes having experience with being taken advantage of. The more times you see it the easier it gets to see and you learn the difference.
Being nice is more work than being mean. However, there's a fine line... oh who am I kidding... there's a very thick line, as wide as an interstate highway separating "nice" and "weak".
The biggest difference between the two is 'nice' does what they can to make the world a better place, both for themselves and for others, while 'weak' just does whatever they're asked, regardless of what it is without questioning it.
In fact, sociology research has found that being nice is one of the greatest sources of a strength a person can have, because the support network we build makes us stronger.
When you are nice sometimes people try to take advantage of that. If you don't let them then you aren't weak. Don't become a push over. If you can say no to people then you are standing up for yourself. A lot people lack consideration of others and those type of people will easily put you in a spot of taking advantage of you. You just got to be assertive and say no but maturely not defensively like you want to start a fight. If you do that then I think you aren't weak.
Being too kind is just WOW. Everyone gets annoyed sometimes. Everyone gets angry sometimes. When you know sb is taking advantage of you or think you are not very smart you get most mad. But you are a mentally strong person and you can control your behavior for the sake of yourself and the others. and that's why you are one of the most honorable people on earth. I'd befriend someone like that, because that's beautiful and powerful.
No. I've been accused of being too nice. I was told to be more selfish, my only thought was if I don't do what is right, who will? Will you? Will they? So no, I think the opposite is true (obviously it depends on WHY they are too nice (i. e. push over vs. doing it because its the right thing to do).
I think you should treat people how you expect to be treated , if people are nice to me I respond with the same , if they are not they don’t deserve a place in my life ! You get treated how you allow yourself to be treated , but this shouldn’t stop you from being nice and it definitely dies not show weakness quite the opposite!
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
No it's a sign of strength. It's a cold world and it's very easy to turn cold hearted and act like a jerk once you realize this. It's the easiest thing in the world to just give in to negative feelings. However it takes constant strength to remain soft in such a world.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
Not at all. Being too FORGIVING is being weak. You can be as nice as you need to be - some of us are just naturally very nice people. The weakness comes from forgiving those who try to take advantage of it or who try to hurt you because they think you won’t hurt them back. Revoking your kindness and respecting yourself over others (even those you genuinely care about) takes a lot more strength than anyone could ever imagine. Being weak is to give in to those who don’t deserve the kindness you have offered them.
No, but you have to be nice and prudent. I learned, you can't trust everyone and everyone doesn't have your best interest at heart. It took a while. But I learned. Now I'm nice to people, but I'm more guarded. I thought people who say you are sisters or friends would be loyal, I thought wrong. There are many who are loyal, but I guess I caught the ones who aren't lol.
Yes it does. Being nice is really great personality to have. But, sometimes you have to make your point clearly and boldly. That way this person can actually takes you seriously. Balance out being nice and try to be confident and bold. If you can have both, that would be dream come true! Hope this helps :)
It really depends. There are so many different personalities that have to do with kindness for example you could have someone that is kind to people that he is close with or kind to his family members only. Some people are only kind at work to make sure they have a good attitude at work. It’s very complicated to answer because everyone has different personalities
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