My cousin told me he’s embarrassed of me. I’m heartbroken. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

I’m so hurt right now I’m heartbroken I love my cousin so much but he obviously doesn’t care about me or love me I would take a billet for him do anything to see him happy we’ve grown so close he was like my best freind my. Mum and her side of the family are so dysfunctional and my mom was a prositute well he told me he’s embarresed of me because I’m related to them and that where not really cousins his mams my cousin but he’s my second cousin he ment so much to me I treat him like my best freind and cousin now he tells me this that he’s embarresed of me what do I do now

[N192K001]

Ouch…

Sorry that happened to you. While I don't think you should totally cut him off permanently (because life-events may change his mind in the future), it may be advisable to distance yourself from him a bit and give yourself time & space to recover. While adversity does balance a person, this is a tough hit enough for now. Distance yourself a bit for now, and thrive with people who do like you.

What your mother did (to survive tough times, I'm guessing) is not what you did. Your conduct ≠ hers. Thrive. Do well. Conduct your life in such a way that will make even you proud (just not too much, though, since arrogance is also bad). The best 'revenge' is to do better than your critics.

[hellionthesagereborn]

Talk to him about it, tell him how you feel and explain to him that you had no control over who you are related to. Its all you can really do (and remember that just because they are disfunctional doesn't mean you have to be, you are you and they are they and you can become something different, something better if you so choose. You can't control what happens to you, you can control how you respond to it.)

[PinkMichae]

If he's not giving what you give for him then he doesn't deserve your love. We can't help who we are born by. I would tell him sounds like he's got a personal issue if he's embarrassed of you and he should figure it out. I would then say I'll be here when you're ready to be a decent family member and ready to apologize. Until then I'd say to him goodluck and goodbye.

You don't need negative people in your life. I know it hurts but in time the pain will subside.

[MissDawn7961]

you be the better person and forgive him and go on with your life ! it may be best for your broken heart to just let go of him , his family and go on with your life ! find more mature people to associate with like through your church , school friends , co-workers and such ! thanks

[Pistolpete90]

The people that mind, don't matter; and the people that matter, don't mind.

There are plenty of people like your cousin who will judge you over things you have no control over. There are also others who won't care about it and will see you for who you are.
If your cousin is going to be an asshole about things like that, then it's his loss.

[Primrose21]

Tell him that the feeling is mutual. That you don't need him and he can fuck off! Girl, that's how life works. People do change, and you can't do anything about it, but just to let go. Just stop approaching him or begging for his approval of yourself. Go out, have fun and improve yourself. Prove him that everything he thinks of you are wrong!

[Darcia]

It’s not your fault your mom was a prostitute. You can’t control your mom actions and he should realize that. You put no effort into changing your cousins mind if he wants to come back let him comeback on his own. I wouldn’t be chasing a cousin down for someone else’s actions. You can’t change that.

[Taylor_C]

If he thinks you embarrass him by who you mother happens to be, he's just a piece of shit and not worth being sad about. If he can't see you're a separate person and in no way responsible for your mother's actions, there's nothing you can do about it.

[Anonymous]

It's not your fault if your mother was a prostitute. Besides, the only difference between a prostitute and a lot of guys is that prostitutes get payed for it - and good for them.

I know it's hurtful, hon, but it doesn't sound like your cousin cares as much about you as you do for him. You might want to get a different best friend.

[VIVANT]

I agree 👍🏻👍🏻

[pleasestopthis]

Well you don't need people who feel embarrased of being around you.
Whatever your mom did before is something you can't control and certainly not your fault. Surround yourself with people who really value you regardless of what people may say.

[Maellyiod]

You let it sink in, you stay calm and accept this happens. You can't make people love you as you love them. They do, or they dont. Unfortunately, you can only watch.

[Asker]

Do I cut him off and never speak to him again

[Maellyiod]

Dont cut him off. Dont block him. Just, dont talk to him and ignore him. If he regrets it, he'll come back and apologise. Be the smart one in the situation. Don't try anything to get him back as it will get worse. Just live your life on your side.

[Chikky]

For him judging you for all that, he's not worth it. Let him go

[TheAteam1978]

Fuck that! If he loved you as you love him he would never say those things. MOVE ON

[DiscomfortZone]

If I were you I'd thank him for the lesson, you now know how many people won't give a fuck about your feelings. Time to learn how to get over it, write them off and stop wasting your efforts on the unworthy.

[LiamSawyer]

If his mom is your first cousin then he is your first cousin once removed, not your second cousin. His kids would be second cousins to you.

[Lauren-green]

I don't really think the technicalities are her concern at the moment 😂

[DiscomfortZone]

@LiamSawyer yeah thanks for that, bothered me too!

@Lauren-green she needs to realize her mistakes and learn from them even if the technicalities aren't her concern. The who thing about her situation is learning from an obvious mistake.

[Primrose21]

He is not her cousin but her Nephew! She and His mom are first cousins. That makes him her nephew. Their kids would be second cousins.

[Lauren-green]

What? A nephew is your siblings child?

[Primrose21]

Yup... That's what you call the kids of your first cousins. And your kids and their kids would be second cousins. You can google it if you like.

[Lauren-green]

Your cousins child to you is your first cousin once removed www.famlii.com/.../

[LiamSawyer]

@Primrose21 lol... good try, but no, seriously his mom would have to be her sister for him to be her nephew. No father's or brothers are mentioned so I assume they don't exist
or are completely out of the picture.

[Primrose21]

@LiamSawyer "First cousin once removed" is equivalent to a niece or nephew. Why don't u google it first to avoid looking like an diot?😑😑😑😑

[Primrose21]

@LiamSawyer "While from a genealogy standpoint, your cousin's child is your first cousin once removed, but the common name to call them is niece or nephew. They would call you aunt or uncle, and your children would simply call them cousins…" -Source is google.

[Primrose21]

Seriously what planets are u two from? But i guess it differs depending on the place. Tho for sure a "cousin once remove" is just simply a cousin or a nephew.

[Primrose21]

Niece or nephew*

[LiamSawyer]

@Primrose21 i'd say YOU are the one looking like an idiot.

[Primrose21]

@LiamSawyer.. whaahahahahahaha... says the guys who can't even understand a simple thing.

[Lauren-green]

@Primrose21 seriously girl it's pretty simple to understand. A niece and nephew is NOT the same as a first cousin once removed. A niece or nephew is your siblings children, that is not the case here. It her cousins child

[Drumlin2001]

If he's your mums cousin then he'd be tour first cousin once removed.
Anyway, you can't change how he feels, not overnight. If he brings you down then put space between you

[NickiB]

My cousin tells me this all the time.

She also calls the spawn of satan. You sure it's not just a joke

[Asker]

No he was serious

[NickiB]

Nothing you can do. Be proud of who you are and don't let someone else's opinion affect you.

[Anonymous]

Your cousin sounds like a pompous asshole. Just because you're related doesn't mean you have to be friends. Personally, i'd never talk to him again.

[skeetskeetskeet]

You gotta stop giving a shit what people think of you really... fuck him and what he thinkd

[I-C3_ME]

Do u know why u embarrass him? Nothing u can do about but understanding helps most of the time

[Ciel66]

can you move on now? he doesn't care for your feelings it means he never mo ved you gil

[chriscdi]

you ask him why, at least if you walk away from this you'll have some closure

[Nakhrili235]

Just start ignoring him , I think that's the correct way of dealing with him.

[bulletbob555]

If you confront him about it don't forget to tell him how you're embarrassed by him

[rockrewls]

He is an ass, for judging you because of their actions.

[Realistic07]

Have you talked with him since?

[Asker]

No is there anything we really need to talk about do u think

[Realistic07]

Yeah a decent amount I would say.

Like did you tell him at all how his comment made you feel?

[Asker]

Yeah he didn’t reply and told me to stop acting like an idiot

[Realistic07]

I think that he believes his statement wasn’t a big deal. That he doesn’t truly understand the effects that his comment made to you. Also that he’s in a bit of denial that he could have said something so terrible that would Illicit such sadness from you.

When did this happen?

[Asker]

A few hrs ago

[Realistic07]

If its that fresh of an incident then I definitely suggest giving it a day or two if not a week.

In that time give him space, no talking, texting, or anything. He talks with you then you go somewhere else. When the time is up weather it be the few days or one week you choose to take tell him you want to talk in person and let him know it’s something important.

At that point discuss how you feel, how his words affect you, and most of all how you feel about him as you’ve stated above.

It’s important that he doesn’t feel cornered or he may lash out negatively so stay calm which is also one of the reasons its best to take time; because it allows all parties involved to relax and contemplate the problems.

For future reference don’t ever engage in conflict emotionally; because it typically won't have the results or answers one is looking for, and is about 90% of all escalations. Bare in mind escalating the situation is not the goal common ground is.

When you talk with him again make sure to have key points ready such as asking why he felt the need to compare you to your family, ask if he ment it more as he felt embarrassed for you which is a much different statement than embarrassed of you. Ask him how it would make him feel if you compared him to an unsavory member of his family and be specific to the point that you’re not insulting him, but truly simply want him to understand.

When talking with him allow him to be upset, but reassure him that you’re not trying to personally attack him but do explain that his words did feel like a verbal attack.

Should everything go well then you should both be conversing freely without insult, should it not then i think it must be accepted that he simply doesn’t care.

All of that being said by the end of it you should have a clear answer as to how he feels.

I suggest if there is a way to show him this message you do.

[Realistic07]

In that i say to him
“ you’ve hurt someone that truly cares for you clearly you don’t understand how rare it is to have people that love you in this world and how they should be cherished as loved ones and held close. Do not toss aside people who actually matter; because eventually you will have no one there for you. Don’t blind yourself to the feeling of others; because after a while no one will care about your feelings. She loves you as she always has you should respect her feelings as you would want anyone to do the same for you.”

Nevertheless i wish you both luck in dealing with this matter and that you both can find common ground and understanding.
Good luck dear.

[Kayla45]

Tell your cousin that you've changed

[Reddwolf]

Time to leave him alone

[Irishman41]

He is an asshole.. dont let it get to u

[Nahid1707]

He is only a family relative

[lolopp]

Don't feel hurt by it he should change u don't

[NoureddineQlf]

Marry me 🙄🤣