How would you deal with a friend who at 35 doesn't have their life together? (Page 2)
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Poor thing. :/. I have nothing but compassion for her. But yeah, she does need help, and as her friend you're in a great position to say something. My only advice to you would be don't just tell her what she has to do; actually help her do it (if she's willing to accept your help.)
Not everyone grew with the same emotional and economical stability, or even political. There are external factors that can strongly influence your life choices. I think you should try to convince her to review her life, and even visit a therapist if its needed. She's 35. Ask her if she sees her self in the same spot, in 10 years time.
A - it's not your job to "fix" them. They are in control of their life, not you. Not your business, even as a friend. It's like an alcoholic, you can be there as a friend and care, but they have to want to and do the work to change their life, you can't make them or do it for them.
You said it yourself, you make suggestions and she ignores them right? She'll figure it out one day, hopefully. But she has to do it. Learn what isn't working and make an effort to change the behavior, until then, nothing will change.
I would say that "having your life together" is truly subjective and depends on your goals and aspirations. If she is enjoying herself, she has her life together more than most CEOs and millionaires. Having excess money, a family, etc. are just your values that you would be pushing on her. Life doesn't have to be perfect, especially not the perfect you have in mind.
It is but I'm just going off what she says to me which is ," I need to get my life together, find a job and but I don't know what I want to be or do." So that's her saying because honestly I never knew all this was going on I thought her life was "together ".
Having health insurance isn't having "excess money". She's gonna need it whenever she inevitably gets sick or old. Assuming she lives in the US where we don't have universal healthcare
And yet there's many that don'f have it
You aren't going to have anything profound enough to say to have any real impact on her. That's just the way it is. By making her business your business your run the risk of ruining the friendship. She'll figure it out on her own. Maybe a year, maybe 10 years. Not everyone goes at the same pace so I never understood the need of society to put to put age requirements on life achievements. Just let people live their life because I'm sure she could find some critiques of your life.
A colleague of mine used to say if you don't know where you're going any road will get you there. Some people drift through life with no sense of where they are going. They need to find themselves in their own time, or not at all.
On the other hand, she has no ties and no responsibilities. Those are the things that make you old before your time.
You are unlikely to say anything that will make a difference. You can be her friend and enjoy it for what it is, but don't try to rescue her. She's going to have to decide she really wants a change. A therapist could help.
If you're a friend, you're bound to have discussed some of said aspects with that person already.
If they are not putting a patch on their ways even after having found out what those issues are, let them be.
It doesn't seem like she'd listen... she's on the path to learning the hard way. "Look, I don't think the choices you're making are the best but I really want to be there for you. Please let me know the best way to do that."
i say be her friend because during this time if she is without a job and her things together i would say she needs someone there for her to talk to and to help her. each person is quite different when it comes to when they do things. find out what is stopping her, maybe suggest therapy for her if she needs it.
Have a serious conversation with her. Lots of people are lost and cannot take that first step to become an adult. Some people just want to find somebody to swoop in and take care of them. That is not realistic.
You should address it. If she's your friend she deserves to know that you care about her. Part of caring about someone is telling them the truth and help them figuring out what's wrong in their lives.
Sadly you can't force people to mature... sure, you can give sound advise, but if they're immature everything you say will fly over their heads. People who live on the clouds need to experience roughness to grow up and get their feet on the ground.
I would harvest her organs.
Qanaananon was right!
@Still-alive I wouldn't eat the organs though.
why? you don't wanna preserve your youth? or whatever they believe? lolss
@Still-alive OK. Maybe I would eat them. But I wouldn't eat the organs from a child under 13. That's sick.
oh glad you have some taste!
You're her friend right? Those friends don't just talk to each other, but also tell each other when they're doing things wrong
I don't know why the word those is there, but you can pretend it doesn't exist in that sentence.
I think you should let it be. There is nothing you can say to her that's going to change the course of her life at this point. If she can't recognize that she has a problem then that in and of itself is yet another problem.
You gotta address that, unless They're getting it together or making an effort to. I won't put up with someone always frustrated, crying, or venting about how life isn't fair.
Don’t let her drag you down.
Let enjoy her misery until she decides to make her life better.
she should stop being with people who have no ambitious. she has to stop running over something that she think is a big sector or to look cool. the change, life decisions and all of these things comes within you bc nobody know you better than yourself.
It would be best to just let her be. If the way she is bothers you, find some new friends.