What’s he not supportive of?
It’s happened more than a handful of times. Most recently apparently I was too harsh on a troll that called breastfeeding pornography.
I instinctively argue the “devils advocate” position with everything and my wife sometimes loses her shit over it. It’s often over things I agree with though. Is it truly meant to be cutting and mean or is it his true opinion? It’s ok to have a different option also.
Well… see there? I really like you and don’t even know your husband but I just considered his point of view. I didn’t even do it Consciously….Now you know why my wife gets so damn irritated with me 😬 oops 🙊
😂😂😂😂😂 I think he instinctively argues devils advocate too. And I lost my shit. 🤣🤣🤣🤣😭
I hope that’s the case for y’all! 🤗
Not mean per se. But1. Not being comfortable with him and my MIL taking my 3 year old on Tower of Terror2. My former boss sending me a dick email3. A troll on the internet comparing breastfeeding to pornography
It’s a very beneficial trait for me making buisness decisions. Or even being a tradesman. To explore all possibilities before taking action without bias. To poke holes in all my arguments until I am certain I have answers for all possibilities.
I want to hear his arguments now for interests sake.
I am ridiculously open minded sometimes. 🤷🏻♂️
1. 3 year old is 40 inches. Disney says he can ride the terrifying ride. 2. Your boss is your boss. He can treat you like a dick if he wants. 3. (This one is so stupid, I think it triggered the pain from the above 2). I shouldn’t make fun of the spelling and intelligence of a troll.
1. Did 3 yr old want to go? It’s sketchy but I have 1 boy who would probably enjoy that. The other 2 kids would lose their shit and the day would be difficult 2. That’s an argument I can’t argue for…. But… if I try hard, if it’s “only” a dick pic, and no chance of physical action, is it worth the money paid to view his junk? 🙄 TBH I’d save the email and go destroy that man. At least secure a significant amount of your salary so you could search comfortably for a new job after some selective ass kicking. And the advice of a lawyer.On the contrary I’d be unconcerned with a pussy or a dick pic sent to me. I’d just save the ammo as insurance and stay successful.3. I don’t see the point of engaging in “any” drama unless it’s for fun. Trolling trolls is ok lol. Probably should be considerate of everyone’s feeling though regardless of your personal opinions.
And it’s not very satisfactory to be victorious in an argument against the mentally handicapped
1. Oldest was undecided and decided not to go when I told him it was a scary ride. Youngest happily went on it at age 3 and loved every second. Oldest enjoyed it very much at age 7.
2. I gotta watch my wording. I mean my boss was rude to me. Being a dick. Lol
3. Duly noted 😂😂😂😂
Being a dick is far better than sending one! Lol being a dick is par for the course
And it sounds like he was right about the ride if your son liked it
And…. Here’s what I’d say to my wife right about now…. “Are you on your period?” Because you’re awful emotional and I can’t understand why….
I still feel like oldest would have been upset by the ride. Youngest would swing on the railing like Tarzan. They are different people. Oldest is more cautious.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 it started yesterday after he fucked my brains out 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Now go fuck some more to speed through it 😉
It’s good science!
Ok, for the sake of science, I guess. Lol
That is what it feels like when it happens. 😞
Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions
For the most part things have settled down. Like I said He's calmer and sweeter. The fighting stopped with him going on meds plenty of months ago. But it's the memories that haunt me. I'm angry at him. I want to be in love because who doesn't want that with their spouse. I want to be as happy as he and the kids are. As far as they know I'm HAPPY 😊 because I hide my pain. Money is flowing in nicely. I actually have credit on my bills. I have them all at least 2mos paid in advance. No issues we food and I for the 1st since married actually have health insurance 😊 so I should be happy. Yes we had the floods and yes I have this issue with having to show what he did with the money. But I think I have things I can say we used the money on... Like paying over $11,000 is house taxes this past 10ish months. And that I should be so proud of I DID THAT! I took a job and put every penny away to save up for the taxes. I once more saved us and got us out if trouble. But I'm so tired of always getting us out trouble or cleaning up after things he did. Part of me is screaming I want out. Let me free I'm screams divorce. To the hell with house split the cost move the kids out and rent... But my kids love THEIR home. I don't want to uproot them. I tell myself I'm being selfish. Wanting to be in love isn't necessary. I tell myself toughened up suck it up. Keep being his caregiver don't split the house keeps the kids secure in a fully paid for house in a safe good town in a great school district.
You are a wonderful responsible person. You must always understand though that you need to take care of yourself, so you can take care of those wonderful children. It is absolutely necessary.
I am so sorry. You and the kids deserve better. ❤️
1. Not being comfortable with him and my MIL taking my 3 year old on Tower of Terror2. My former boss sending me a dick email3. A troll on the internet comparing breastfeeding to pornography
Ahhh in-law issues. Those can always be an issue. Dude. Did that traumatize your child? That is a major... stomach in your throat... drop from 200 feet down to 10 feet in 2 seconds kind of thing. It doesn't seem appropriate. In fact, am I misunderstanding? That is the ride in Disney Orlando, correct? I wouldn't think an infant would even be allowed on that. You need a special shoulder harness to even get on it. They let a toddler ride that? Anyway, I guess you are traveling together and grandma is watching the kid/kids and just does what she wants and hubby is fine with it and won't tell his mom no? That is tough. The dick email. I'm not sure... what is there to support or not support on that one? The only problem I can imagine is that are ok with it, tell this guy to sent them to you and you send hm flirty thank you replies and ask for more pictures and YOUR HUSBAND is not supportive of you DOING THAT. Outside of that scenario... how is there support/non support. Are you wanting to report it and he is saying it is no big deal and don't worry about it? What kind of relationship did you have with this guy that he'd even pull this after knowing you? Who is not supporting who on that one?3. Just hit ignore this poster. Why is that a support issue within your marriage?
1. That is the one. He didn’t go on the ride and I got a lot of hate from my hubs and MIL2. He sided with my boss3. He sided with the toll (I shouldn’t have brought it up 🙄)
1. Are you saying Disney would have allowed a 3 year old to ride that? Are we talking about the same ride? The hotel where the care drops from 13 stories to the ground floor?That seems unfathomable to let a toddler ride that. I'd expect age and height limits. So were you there and you told them NO? I'm surprised a husband wouldn't stand by his wife on that. Bottom line why does he and your in law care that a 3 year old couldn't ride that? In life you pick your battles. That doesn't seem like an issue a mother-in-law would take umbrage with or care about. A child's mom ALWAYS gets the veto power on what the kids is allowed to do, eat, where they are allowed to go and anyone not the parent should ALWAYS respect that. Sorry to hear. You should really talk to him about having a united front and supporting each other when it comes to in-laws. You two are the parents... not the in-laws and they should always be expected to respect the parents wishes. They were actually mad at you?Anyway... Disney let's 3 year olds ride the Tower of Terror? REALLY?2. He supports your boss? He wants the boss to send you genital pictures? Why? Are you blocking this guy? Do you still interact with the old boss? What is the dynamic? Your husband sounds odd. I wouldn't want some guy sending my wife sex pictures so I'd expect her to block him. I wouldn't be glad about it.
3. Breast feeding. Are you modest? A little blanket keeping your boob a little hidden or are you just flat out topless out in public? Why do you feel attacked about breast feeding? Did someone ask you to leave a business? What brought this up?This seems like a non issue either way. Maybe it is acceptable for a spouse to expect that topic to stay private and his wife's boob shouldn't be an internet discussion. But either way it doesn't seem like it is a big one way or the other. One internet adversary. That doesn't really seem to NEED SUPPORT or to not need support. I'm with you on the mother-in=law thing. Do you still speak or email/text with this boss guy? Was it his OWN private or was it some internet picture he sent as a meme or something with some phrase typed on the picture? Was this a "friend" and he was being funny or was this sexual... like this guy was getting off sending you his own penis or he is trying to get you sexually? I don't know the context.
1. Yes. Same ride. My 3 year old was 41 inches. Yes he would be allowed to ride. 2. Did I say anything about genital pics? I’m confused. Ohhhhhh. Sorry. By “dick email” I mean he wad being a dick to me. Being rude. 😂3. My youngest didn’t tollerate blankets. He wanted to control when and for how long I breastfed the kids.
Oh, you said "dick" email. I thought you meant that he sent you a "dick" picture via email. I don't know what you mean then. He was rude and acted like a "dick" in an email?I guessed I misread what you meant. lol
Yes. Like he said something rude and pulled me from a project simply for asking a question.
That is good advice. Thanks. It’s more like mental support. Support of decisions and not talking bad about me to family and friends.
He sides with his mom, sides with my boss, sides with the fucking troll on the internet Remind me why I am even with him the last 21 fucking years of my life?
Because when it matters he's just a hand hold away, and you know against all odds he will do what he can to ensure yours and your children's lives and livelihood. Maybe.
Will he? 🤔
Ummm, fingers crossed? I think you can find room to forgive and understand. I've had to with my wife. And that coming from after leaving a baby mamma and my ex wife. I see a clear path with my wife, one i didn't see with the others. As long as i can see any path that leads to a future bleak or bright with her i can manage both.Me and her just went through something similar. It involves me seeming never to take her side. It was true in a way, but that wasn't the whole story. We were scraping by, staying with our friend and her son. We are indebted to her and her generosity, so i of course was generous in return. She was keeping my wife and four children off the streets free of charge.But my wife saw it as me being to generous, i talked to her and listened to her fears and images of the situation and really made the discussion about us and what we both felt on the subject. She had been taking our friend for granted and came to the realization that I was just being me. I'm the kind of guy that can't help but check on cars with hazards or investigating a cry for help.When some one helps us the way our friend has we are in this together. She just had jaded herself from the kindnesses of the world.Maybe just talk to him, she had to tell me that it hurt her feeling never seeing me take her side.
Let’s say you were, hypothetically, together for almost 21 years and had 2 young children?
that also depends on one last thing. was it a religious marriage?
Religious how? We fucked after 3 months, married 5 years later in a catholic school by a Lutheran pastor.
omg hahahaha. I guess what I mean is did you take the vows seriously and do you believe God is involved in it.
Ummmmmmmm I dunno 😂😭
okay okay let me try to help you under both scenarios. So from a religious standpoint you committed to life long vows to be together through sickness and health, for better or worse, I personally take that seriously, not every does. I'm not going to comment too much on that but if you're Christian that is a very serious offense that we've normalized as being okay in this country. Now that said he DOES have duties and if he's not fulfilling them then maybe it's time for family or the church to step in. I know this isn't a satisfactory answer, especially if not truly faithful so lets go with the next option and then a final thought at the end.An Atheist Perspective: You've been together for 21 years and he's no longer showing you the support you need and require of him. Talk to him, be very clear about how badly this is effecting you. Stand your ground that you need this support or you will be extremely upset with him. You can give him 2 ultimatums 1) Divorce 2) He lets you find what you need elsewhere but stay together for the kids.
Final Thoughts: Divorces suck, most of all for kids. They have to be the priority in both your lives now. If he's helping to keep the roof over your head then it's something to consider. The other thing is the lifestyle change is not easy. You could consider divorce once the kids are out of the house but be warned. You are nearly 40 years old with 2 children. It's highly unlikely that at this time in your life you'll be able to latch onto another man that won't use you and you have to consider the safety of your children too. Sadly the highest rates of pedophilia happen in single parent households when the parent is not around. Now that said there are men that would still take you if they also have children but that is narrowing the field a lot overall. I dont want to see you end up divorcing and then being alone unless you'd rather it be that way. Talk to friends and family and ask for guidance on the issue. See if he's willing to go to marriage counseling. People say it never works but that's not always true. Anyways wish you the best and hope this helps a bit.
Yeah. We technically committed to all that.
Exactly! Don't compromise this, I think it would end badly more than likely. is your sex life still active and good? Do you eat dinner together with the kids?
Yes and yes. But he undermines me and doesn’t support me (a history of this) and can be controlling, manipulative….
if you would rather message me because you feel reluctant to share it's fine. I can try to help.
Marriages have ups and downs. And I have definitely talked about them.
@"loves2learn, you should not have brought your family matter in this forum. Wise people settle such matter at home
Nothing wrong with asking for advice and it is an ongoing problem. No one here knows me in real life.
@loves2learn, sorry for my advice, some families have such rules that their family matters are solved in home, do not go out to strangers
@Zygum I think it might be a culture clash but when I am getting steamrolled by my spouse I must seek support somewhere.
@loves2learn, OK, it is your choice,
Heyyyyyyyy welcome back!
Hey babe. Thanks! I’m really busy with my 1st yr in college, so I just don’t have as much time to be on every night, but ill try to get on as much as possible. Thanks again, and kisses 😘
Not that easy after nearly 21 years and two children…
Ah married. That's gonna be hard. I would assume you already talked to him about it?
Many, many, many, many times. 😭
If you don't mind - what is it that he is not supporting? And what does he say when you bring that up?
Parenting decisions, breastfeeding, things that happen at work. He sides with others against me and sometimes would badmouth me behind my back. Thankfully it’s been a few years since the latter.
I’ve not done anything wrong he is stubborn.
They vary. He’s done this for years. To sum it all up, he is stubborn and does not like to be wrong. It is also one tightly wound individual.
You find when you are having a difficult time he tends to side with the other person. Whether it be his mother, your boss or a troll on the internet. All you wanted was his support and apparently that was too much. Your thoughts?
I think I would ask why he refused to be supportive in that situation in particular. Especially if he’s aware of your connection to the situation isn’t exactly on best terms
Because he is fucking stubborn and rigid. That is why.
Oh that escalated quickly. Sorry for the delay. He’s still your husband and hopefully you both can figure it out
why would you date a woman who can't support herself? thats not a woman you can rely on to help raise kids with. thats just another liability.
So here you say you’re with someone. I’d be surprised if you’re over in 20 days. So i should pm you why?
Not with any one now
That is beautiful
Thanks. I got a good woman
Not always. I post about the dark times too. More so in comments and opinions.
I’m not OK 😭
I am so sorry.. I keep going over your question in my head, and the only rational thing i can think of is it might cause divorce.. I would have a powerful need to know why she chose to not support me. if it were rational, if she had a good reason i think i could accept it..
Exactly. All we need is them to listen and empathize. Not side with the other side.
@loves2learn thanks for like!
Oh, you mean like that? That's more of a enemy. I thought you meant something different.
That type of little, stacking, lack-of-support is undermining your very marriage. I don’t know if I could get through that myself. I hope you both decide to talk to someone.
Would you leave him after 20 years when you have 2 small children together?
yes I would leave him. if he doesn't support you, then it's time to move on
Why doesn't he support you? Have you ever talked about it together
Because I love him, it’s been a 21 year roller coaster, 2 beautiful children
I am jealous. I can think of 5 off the top of my head.
Because we have 2 beautiful children and the love is still there somewhere.
Get one, they are free 🙃
A variety of things over the years. But parenting things, things related to my job. That sort of thing.
I think that's the bare minimum you can expect from a spouse.
Smart, I'll try that out too
@Joker_ You better
I love my wife
@Joker_We got em. Good work
@Jouth Thank you
Never productive in my opinion. As good as it feels.
The other person always cave in. Just my experience