How long could I been mad at my mom for sleeping with one of my friends?

[Anonymous]

So basically my mom has very bad depression ptsd anxiety and ocd. She tends to use alcohol Xanax and weed to cope with this. My mom tends to get very aggressive and gets extremely emotional and likes to play victim in situations where she’s not (backstory my mom has a very violent childhood this is why she has most her conditions) my whole family knows and understand this. So December of 2021 my mom decides to call a few of my guy friends over to help fix her car while I’m at work and unaware. She tells them over and over I’m omw home (which is not true) when they finally realize this they start calling asking for me n asking where was n I was never omw home. they decided to leave when they realize this and they start to feel uncomfortable bc my mom offered the to come in n drink alcohol but of course one of them stays. When I come home from work I see them alone in my room together and they are drunk so i to leave when I come back the next day he is still there he tells me he slept with my mom and laughs then finally leaves (my mom by the way knew I was uncomfortable with him even being there but she said I was being disrespectful and it was her house and she can invite whoever she wanted to in) I confronted her she denies it then gets aggressive trying to hit me then admits to it and says oh well he’s 18 (his birthday is 5 days after mine we are freshly 18 and seniors in hs) she then Starts calling all my friends telling them i have stds, ima liar, everyone in my family hates me etc. I tell my family ofc n they don’t seem to really care and say I need to forgive her. It’s now 2022 June 6 months later and I can't seem to forgive her and my family says I need to but do I have to? My family’s says she has mental illness n I don’t so I have to be the bigger person but I just can’t especially when her behavior hasn’t changed so can i stay mad?

[sweetpinkutie]

Dude I'm sorry you're dealing with that, first off, do you have health insurance to see a psychiatrist? I started seeing one recently, and its been helping so much, especially with forgiving my mom. Im not depressed or anything but i was lacking motivation and doing law school so I wanted to see one just to keep me on track but he's helped above and beyond and texts me daily.

I also recommend you listen to "healthygamergg" on spotify and youtube.

It's helped me come to a realization, which I will recommend to you: first, your mom won't change, so dont try to bother with that. She has narcissistic traits. I had a violent childhood, its not an excuse to be a shitty person tho. Second, you are being treated this way because you're probably a good hearted person that doesn't react badly to her doing that so it makes you an easy target to blame you or act aggressively towards you. My psychiatrist explained this to me, that im too nice and thats why my family tends to blame me for family fights that I dont even start, but because I dont hold grudges and forgive and love so much, it makes it easy to blame me, or treat me bad and not really take responsibility for their toxic behaviors. Third, you mentioned you're 18+, I realized this wayyyy later than you, I wish I realized this sooner, but move out dude, start your own life, and set boundaries to see your mom on holidays, maybe brunch here and there. You can still love your family and set a healthy distance from them. No one is forcing you to stay there and have to deal with that toxicity. Currently Im saving up, and waiting for my friend to move back in Aug so we can maybe move in together. Looked at couple of places and calculated my expenses. I recommend you start planning the same because she will never change and it will only build more hate for her and more negative feelings for you.

Forgive her for yourself, to make peace with it. But no, you dont have to forgive anyone, thats always your right, do it when you're ready. Clearly you're hurt by her behavior, and sure she may have mental illness, but just remove yourself from that environment, it doesn't need to be your burden to deal with.

[Asker]

First of all I appreciate ur advice so much you seem like an amazing person. I actually was talking therapy at my hs and my therapist also told me the same eact things which is crazy and he also wanted me to move out asap but I didn’t get therapy for very long bc as soon has school ended so did it. but the thing is I don't know I looked at renting rooms and studios I just don’t make enough to do it alone n I can’t seem to find any roommates. I’ve looked online n used apps nothing. But I will most definitely try to listen to that on YouTube. I also loved when u said forgive her but for myself I think that’s exactly what I’ve tried doing my therapist said I needed to work on my iner self and learn a
More self love n that my mom was an external source that was breaking me down

[sweetpinkutie]

I don't know what type of skill sets or degree you have, but some jobs to consider, especially for the summer if you're not doing school: fitness sales (at high end gyms like LA FITNESS or Equinox), If you have a BA degree, Enterprise is amazing to work at and theyre international so you can relocate anywhere whenever you want and they only promote from within, High end sales (Gucci, Prada, Burberry, etc.), these types of stores will pay $4k/month if you make it as a sales person, its okay to start off as a temp and show them youd be good as a sales, they pay high hourly plus commission, and provide you with their brands outfits and shoes, super fun environment too! Lastly, Car sales pays a lot!!! get your foot in the door with any small car sales spot and after 2-3 months move up to mercedes orsomething more high end! BIG MONEY in that!!

Literally work 2 jobs if you need to. When I was 19 I worked at Gucci, and the gym as front desk not sales because sales was full time but i was able to later switch to being a manager at a different gym and left gucci. all while taking full time college classes. And guess what, you won't have time to see your family!! lol trust me work can be an escape and you can gain so many life skillsets that will make you a shark in this world! Dont under estimate yourself. if you need help with a resume lmk.

Don't ever neglect school though!! get your degree, at least a BA, its necessary for better jobs in the future.

[IJhonnyI]

Listen I'm gonna make this quick i think, this is really messed up and I'm sorry you had too go through this, even you being around it hurts me to read, but listen please separate yourself as much as you can, there is no reason you have to put up with it, just ignore her let her do whatever seems like she's gonna do that anyway so my advice too you is, just concentrate on yourself and ignore, and whoever that guy friend was stay away from him as far as possible (don't want too sound demanding because it's not my life so I'm gonna add this part do w. e you want but it's what I suggest for the better) and back on your "mother" ignore her don't give her the time of day like I said and will say it again concentrate on you and try to get out of there as soon as possible from all that toxicity get away from energy like that (you definitely have the right too be mad but don't use it too throw it at your mother use it to drive you to get out of there asap) please 🙏🏽, for the better of whoever you are 🙌🏽👍🏼

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you need to get out of that toxic situation asap. Find someone looking for a roommate (a girl) and share an apartment. You'll live a lot easier and peaceful. Let your mom fuck up her own life. The guy is NOT your friend, ditch him.

[Asker]

Any way yk how I could find roommates? N yes most definitely he is not my friend I just can’t understand why he did this to me I felt betrayed:/

[Opinion Owner]

@asker i don't know but look up fb maybe or a website for finding roommates in your area. Maybe around school or college bulletin board in your area.

[JohnK123]

Kinda got lost in the last part… what happened