Do you thinking staying at home raising two kids you love is more difficult than working at a job that you hate for 60 hours/week for your family?

Question

I'm asking because I'm not a father but my sister was saying how she'd much rather have done what my dad did than even raise one child. I completely disagree. I'm not a parent but I feel like even 60 hours at something I hate on behalf of my family is harder than raising 2 children I love. I do recognize that raising kids is like a job without pay, but you have food and shelter and more because your spouse loves you. Is that security not enough? Do you feel like you need luxury because of all that you do at home? After work, it's not like one person is doing everything although there is one primary homemaker.

Please share if you have experience. I'm not saying either is easy. I'm not saying either should be disrespected. I'm just saying that it feels like to me that people should be happy to be spending time with their children and should respect that someone else is willing to do something he/she hates to feed the family.

I really am open to hearing opinions though. Maybe I'm missing something. I love my sister too by the way but I just feel like she's disrespecting my dad by saying this. At one point, he actually worked without a day off for over a year, 85 hours/week, and they actually had 6 kids together. by the way I absolutely love my mom. She's my hero and she kept our family together, and my dad actually is far from the coolest person in the world but I still recognize what he did for our family.

Just in case you're wondering why I didn't use the numbers 85 hours and 6 kids, it's because those numbers are difficult for people to comprehend. Also, I'm thinking about my future, and I don't plan to have 6 kids or work 85 hours/week

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

They're hard but in different ways.

Home F/T Raising Kids:

It's a lot of responsibility raising the future generation. Every thing you do in their presence, every word you say, can be absorbed. Their minds are sponges. Anything can feel like a mistake, and some emotional reactions are impossible to undo. That can take a toll on one's psyche.
There's no such things as private time and personal space, or "Away/Do Not Disturb."
You don't get regular, or much, adult time, talking amongst peers. Your world becomes focused on the mind and experiences and preferences of a young, new, human being, and your life is given to them, in sacrifice of them.
Patience is pushed to the limit just about every day. The parent has to be the 'bigger person', no matter what the little hellions are doing.
Job satisfaction, or a job well done, doesn't exist. Because raising kids never ends, is not project-based.

Job Outside the Home:

Not being able to make your own decisions, on the fly, independently, as you see fit. There's almost always a hierarchy and decisions and actions have to be run by others.
The drudgery of getting up and going out there, 5 days/wk, never ends, rain or shine, and there's no such thing as working in your pyjamas or taking a quick nap when necessary.
Feeling part of a team, brainstorming ideas and solutions, happens frequently. You get to be a part of something bigger.
If the kids are insane when you get home, you wonder, "What am I doing this all for?" (going to work every day.) You feel like you work in service of others.
Alarm rings, get up, shower, grab a quick bite, commute, work all day trying not to grimace and show how hard it all is, and doing it again, and again, and gain, like Groundhog Day.

Your parents sound like good people. Glad you respect and appreciate them. Keep in mind, though, that having 6 kids is a choice, and if working 85 hrs/wk is something that results from that, and that's the only way for everyone to survive, well that's on the parents. People shouldn't have more than they can support.

P. S. I don't have kids. I'm just guessing here.

TrueConfection · Accepted Answer

A! It's not the pay scale or the need for luxury. What makes it harder is there is never an off button.

There's no lone commute time with a cup of hot coffee in the morning or an unwinding of sorts from your co-workers in the evening. A cup of coffee could take all morning to sip (gone room temperature).

There's no bathroom break. Even at a job you hate, your co-workers aren't putting their fingers under the door, asking where you are, or about to get into something in the 30 seconds you spend emptying your one cup of tepid coffee as fast as you can.

There's certainly no lunch break where you sit down and eat your meal either alone or with adult conversation for just 30 minutes (or 60 whichever you get at your job).

When you're at work, you might be able to close your office door and actually feel like you accomplished some sort of goal you had for the day.

Picking up groceries on the way home from work is much easier than toting kids to store after carefully scheduling the trip after nap time in order to hopefully avoid a mid-shopping meltdown and try to get out of the store with everything you need. Loading kids and groceries and returning the cart is all part of the fun. Then there is a good possibility a diaper change will be in order or a toddler will be desperate for the bathroom clear across the store while the deli clerk is holding up a slice of turkey asking if you like the thickness. Depending on the age of your two kids, both scenarios could occur.

The hardest part of all for me was not having a stimulating adult conversation. Not even with the other mommies. The conversations were always, how was labor, what color is the kid's poop, what's for dinner, what the kids did that day, when they first slept through the night, how many you plan to have, etc.

I love my kids very much and I'd do it all again. I can honestly tell you that working a job is easier though. When my kids were old enough, I took a part time job just to get a change of scenery and stimulate my brain.

Chazmatazz269 · Accepted Answer

The old saying, “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” applies here i think.
Curiously though, many years ago Warren Farrell conducted some research at his relationship seminars. Two questionnaires given to all attendees, one for men and the other for women, thousands by the time the tour ended. One of the questions asked men if they’d be willing to work less if they could spend more time at home with their kids. Nearly 90% indicated they would if their wives agreed to it. Another question asked women if they’d be willing to work more so their husbands could work less and spend more time at home with the kids. Only about 15% said they would.
So i suspect there’s more than a little rhetoric coming from one side of that fence.

Anonymous · Answer

So I’m a stay at home mom of 3 kids, youngest is a newborn so up until recently I had two kids here at home. It’s so hard. It’s stressful, you don’t get a single minute to yourself like ever. You don’t even get to pee alone because the kids follow you or demand attention from a different room. I don’t even know how many times I had to get up from the toilet and rush out of the bathroom with my pants still down not even finished because the kids got in trouble during those 5 seconds it took me to reach the bathroom and sit down. Today I didn’t have time to eat breakfast until lunch timeand that’s nothing unusual. I don’t remember when I last ate a hot meal in one sitting, or a meal at all in one sitting. You have to get up like 10 times during a meal to get stuff for the kids or help them to the bathroom and what not. The meal is cold or soggy before you had time to have your second bite. It takes at least an hour to get the kids ready and get out the door whenever we’re leaving the house. Even if it’s just to go to the park down the street. They need to get dressed, need to pee, I need to pack their bottles and snacks, diapers, extra clothes, pacifiers, someone who just had a diaper change and got their shoes on pooped and so we need to start over and so it goes on and on. They fight and scream or just play (with things they should not be playing wth) and scream 24/7. You never get a break and it’s very draining and frustrating. My looks have aged at least 10 years since I had my first kid because of stress. With all of this said, I love them and I love being able to stay at home with them. I wouldn’t want to work instead. I’ve had jobs I hated, especially one job comes to mind. It was frustrating and draining too, in a different way. It caused anxiety and every Sunday was awful knowing tomorrow a new week would start (mind you I sometimes feel like crying in the mornings waking up because another shitshow day with the kids awaits so…). I’ve had jobs I felt completely ok with though and those jobs were MUCH less hard and draining than staying home with the kids. I’ve heard other parents say going the work (they enjoy or at least feel neutral about) feel like vacation compared to staying home with the kids and I kind of agree. Even so, I wouldn’t trade being a stay at home mom because even if it’s harder than working a job you enjoy or feel neutral about to me being witht he kids is much more fulfilling and feels more meaningful. And being able to decide what activities we do each day and also not having the get dressed and rush out the door at 6 in the mornings are pretty nice benefits to being at home.

alice55 · Answer

Depend on your child, if the child is behaved it's easier to stay at home but if he isn't then you are gonna have a hard time especially since parents who stay at home do absolutely everything in the house the person working just work, the other do everything, the grocery shopping and housecleaning when they kids are not there, picking them up, making their homework, bathing them, cooking for everyone, etc... while it's simple stuff you can imagine how hard it would be if the child didn't behave and spend their time arguing and fight with their sibling in those case working is easier but when the child is behaved or older is it easier to stay at home.

The only things is that at home you never stop always something to do and people think you're a lazy ass for doing that and think you don't do anything (so not great for mental health) cause you work 24 / 7 no week end and no holiday

while the person working just works their 7 hours a day and come home waiting for everything to come and being able to repose themselves.

Personally I would rather be a stay at home wife / mother cause coworker are too shitty and taking care of people you love is great (though can be exhausted if you don't get proper sleep or can't nap during the day).

LilyoftheLake · Answer

Sixty hours a week or two kids? I think fifty hours would be more equivalent, so I had to go with B.

LazerBean · Answer

Working 60 hours would probably be harder, but not more beneficial.

Do you thinking staying at home raising two kids you love is more difficult than working at a job that you hate for 60 hours/week for your family?

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