Is my mother being honest or harsh? I was scouted to be a model recently but she said I’m not beautiful enough?

[Anonymous]

I got scouted by a model agent on my social media a little while ago, and it is for a well-known London agency. I told my mother, and she said I’m being “really shallow” in wanting to be a model, and said “all I want to do is show off my body.”

I said that our family friend had been a model as well and she was never shallow, it was just an artistic thing, and my mother then said “but she was a model because she was very beautiful. You aren’t model material you’re not beautiful enough.” She said I’ll never be a model. Am I wrong in being hurt by these comments?

Family members used to say I was model material as well and a cute kid and my mother would always say “no she isn’t, she’s not pretty enough.” Is she being rude?

[Biancam13]

I used to work in the industry as a model so I will give my two cents.

1. your mother is correct that the industry is very scammy. So her trying to protect you is understandable. A lot of parents of models or wannabe models are the same way.

2. However, it doesn’t sound like she’s merely trying to protect you from heartbreak or being scammed. From the eg. you gave, it sounds like she is trying to bring down your self-esteem unnecessarily. For what reason she is saying these mean things about your looks I don’t know (envy, perhaps? A need to control?) but these comments are not normal. Sometimes mothers can be envious of their daughters. It’s truly a taboo topic, but it does happen.

3. If you want to be a model, do your research. If an agency ask you to pay in ANY way, they are a scam.

If a legitimate agency wants you, then it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks if you are “worthy” of being signed or not. The agency is the only factor who determines if you get signed and if they want you in their roster. So ignore everyone else, and if you truly want to get into modelling, go for it. But DO YOUR RESEARCH FIRST and be careful.

[Biancam13]

Also, modelling isn’t just about beauty. It often isn’t in the conventional sense unless you are looking to be a centrefold or a VS model. So her argument is moot anyway

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Sounds like your mom is jealous.

You've been scouted. That means someone finds you gorgeous enough to be a model.

Your mother isn't a modelling agent. She doesn't know what is or isn't model quality.

That said, it is always worth doing your due diligence on the agency. Some agencies are very predatory, so you want to make sure you're safe.

[Mynameisbobby]

When you were a kid She told people that you weren't cute and pretty when they said you were? She sounds like she's jealous of you. As your mother she should be supportive of you not tearing you down. Try not to listen to her.

[UniquelyBasic]

Well it depends if its just her saying you're not pretty enough because if more times than not people say you're model material then you might be. Especially if a model agency contacts you.

[Bee-Hatch]

Ok you need to separate what's going on here.


Your mother has seen you since you were born. She's wiped your arse when you were in nappies. Raised you. Fed you. Shown you how to use a potty so you can stop shitting and pissing yourself. Sat by your bed when your sick, and occasionally probably cleaned up your vomit. She's seen you in some of the most grosse ways a human can be. You're her daughter and she loves you. But because she's seen you pretty much every day of your life she may not have oversight of how you can appear to others. A bit like that toy you still have from childhood that's threadbare and looks a ratty mess to others, but in your head it's still amazing, but in reverse. She doesn't see you that way. So she's not being mean or harsh, it's probably just never occurred to her that others might see you that way.


As for the modeling opportunity, just be careful. There's a lot of sharks looking to get young girls into various areas of the porn industry, and glamour work, on the promise it's legitimate modeling work. And if it is legitimate modeling you'll find they'll have many demands about how you live, what you weigh etc. Just be careful, it's often not the Golden ticket folk hope for. But I really hope it works out for you.

[Biancam13]

I disagree. A mother should never tell her own daughter she’s not beautiful enough, what a toxic thing to say. Even if she thought those things, it shouldn’t come out of her mouth. Have some tact.

[Bee-Hatch]

I'm not excusing it and the relationship sounds like it could be healthier. But to ignore people's perspectives ignores the root of the question here

[Biancam13]

I would go as far as to say OP’s mother sounds very toxic. But I get what you are saying.

[Jessica405]

Just be careful what you get involved with. Things are sometimes not as good as they appear. Occasionally, they can be damned dangerous!

[Anonymous]

the fact that you have to ask if she's being rude or why she's being rude means you are in a very toxic relationship with your mother. and you're being half gaslighted. take the job and get the heck away from her.

[mandyfire98]

If a guy who's entire job is to scout beautiful women and he scouts you, I'd say it's probably a safe bet you are beautiful.

[bean2k21]

Even within the fashion industry, beauty is subjective. There are some people who would find Alice Pagani ugly.

[FilmGuy93]

If you're getting scouted by an official talent scout (which you can determine by giving their offices a call), then your mom is just being mean.

[WhitneySnow]

She’s being way too harsh. If a well known agency scouted you you’re beautiful.