Girls, What do you do about a lonely prideful older relative, who is safe but miserable, doesn’t exactly like talking to you, but feels neglected?

[VIVANT]

I just do not know what to do. I do not want to ignore her bc I feel bad for her predicament & even tho she wasn’t great to me as a child, she had her moments, also she came from her own trauma.

Now she’s older, less confident- a lot bc of the people she lives with I think. I want to help her feel like she has her “own people” but I don’t think she really likes or respects me -tho she won’t say that - and I think she does feel bad if I don’t contact her but she doesn’t like talking much & I most often end up accidentally offending her just trying to have a convo 🤷🏻‍♀️

she’s older than her husband and his daughter is an adult living with them and I feel like they gang up on her. Not physically. She is safe and living comfortably, I just think she’s lonely and sad but I don't know how to help. It also is difficult for me talking to her bc it brings up dark stuff done to me as a child most of which I don’t think she can even comprehend or would bother to consider. So when I don’t contact her she prob thinks I don’t care as apposed to I care a lot but it’s too painful.

I can’t see her bc I don’t trust that family based on history, and I have my own trauma, but I can call or write. Which again I don’t think she pays much attention to 👀 🤷🏻‍♀️ 😂 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️😐😮‍💨

Internet image

Updates

1 y

Why does this keep saying GIRLS? I’m asking EVERYONE 😡😠🤬😠😡

Also thank you 🙏🏼

[menina]

You probably selected "Girls Only" by mistake. You can ask the administrators to change the way your question is written.

Honestly I know this is a tough situation but I wouldn't help her. For what you're saying it seems that she doesn't care about you. Also you said that she doesn't respects or likes you so in my opinion there's no point in helping her.

[VIVANT]

I think she loves me but does not like me nor is she proud of me. When she was younger it was much easier to stay away I was angry with her. Bit now they she is older I don't know I know it’s not great for me to interact with her but I know she does feel a connection so I don't know I feel obligated. Tho she did choose these people, i didn’t.

Tho as someone rise says it can be true she’s sad but doesn’t necessarily want to be bothered 🤔

[menina]

I see what you mean. I guess that if she wanted to talk to you she would reach out to you.

[menina]

Perhaps she's ignoring you because she doesn't want to keep in touch with you.

[VIVANT]

She keeps in touch she just doesn’t talk. She will send little gifts once a months with a note.

[menina]

Ok, then I misunderstood you, I'm sorry. Well in this case, you could try to find a way to talk to her. She probably needs you but she doesn't want to say it.

[VIVANT]

No you didn’t I just wrote it terribly. Thank you Menina 💕

[menina]

It's ok, you're welcome. 💛

[menina]

Thank you for the MHO. 😊

Hope you're able to make the best decision for her and for yourself. 😊

[Pinay_ako]

I feel you. I have an aunt who treated me so badly when I was 17. She made me want to run away … now she’s old, I’d still want to check on her and I have forgiven her.

[VIVANT]

I did run away but yeah now she’s old and I just have pity.

[Pinay_ako]

Coz you’re a good person that’s why

[VIVANT]

Sorry about your aunt. It sucks when people are so terrible that it is difficult to be around thrm when you really just want to _be able_ to be kind.
💕

[Pinay_ako]

Yea but we all need love 💕 even if it seems people don’t want it. Spread kindness and love, it will come back to you many fold ❤️

[Pinay_ako]

Thank you baby girl for the MHG 💕

[Sour-rose]

Let her choke. I know what I said. If there is a reason I'm not talking to a family member, it's because they gotten on my nerves and do not respect me. And if that's the case, i MIGHT give them a chance to change their ways. Can't?

[Smoke-n-Growls]

Sounds like grandma fucked around and is now finding out.

It's sweet you want to support her, but it isn't worth you being at the receiving end of a toxic relationship.

Perhaps worthwhile to help her find senior volunteer initiatives, at most.

But I wouldn't put yourself out. If she's not fun to be around, other old people probably won't want to hang out with her, either.

[Emiliamazing]

Sorry to be dispensing advice on this situation. It sounds like you both have challenging issues to work through. Any chance that you could plan a visit or a meeting somewhere outside of both of your homes? Perhaps a park or a restaurant that you both may have fond memories of from past years.

I don’t know if you live in close proximity to each other, but sometimes meeting outside of familiar circumstances can be a big positive.

[RedStiletto88]

I would limit my interactions with this type of relative. It’s very easy to get caught in their depressive state but not everyone actually wants help

[VIVANT]

That’s a fair king she may be unhappy but want to be left alone.

[KatherineJ]

Honestly, it sounds kind of like a person who I would keep at arm’s length. Send the occasional email, or card. But keep your distance, unless I misinterpreted what you wrote in the background.

[dustybiker]

Check to see if you have any senior centers local to her. They often have activities they can do and offer transport. Suggest it and ask if she is interested.

[LazerBean]

She made her bed, she can lay in it.

[Samantha_17]

Another tough question. :)

[Agape93]

Nothing

[ZenJen444]

Mind my business. It's their life