Which is worse having a baby too early in life or too late in life?

[Apple1996]

Too early meaning teens-23 age range. And to late meaning 38-50 age range. Anything in between that I'd consider normal age to have kids.

in my opinion seems worse to have them when old since you'd get less time with them, never meet your grandkids and never get to enjoy retirement. Also just seems really difficult to care for a baby/toddler at thay age. Maybe I only feel that way tho since I had my kids when young so older seems kind of crazy to me.

So what do you guys think is it worse to have kids when you're younger or older?

Too early

Too late

[Bellona]

In today's society, you would be lucky to have a baby young with a loving partner, considering most people are just finding life-long partners in their 30s on average.

I feel like it is better to have a baby early because they, as children, can grow with you. For example, if you want to renovate an old home, your child can help with ideas, painting, and so on, which can be nice to cherish because it can be more memorable when more family members you care about are a part of making your dreams/goals happen. Also, if you have a young child, you benefit them by spending more of your life with them, and the child's grandparents and family will have an opportunity to spend more of their lives with them.

Controversially, I feel like people should not be allowed to have sex before age 24 because 24 is the age when people's brains start to stop developing. The last part of the brain that stops developing is the part that makes you think about your actions before you do them, like mistakes. Therefore, some who have sex before the age of 24 will not think about the consequences of an unwanted child, and because their brain is not fully developed, they will not be mature enough on average to take care of the child in the best interests of the child. Banning sex before 24 would be better than banning children born by a mother before 24 because a mother would have to go through the pain of losing her baby. Abortions are expensive, and the government would have to pay for them if they banned children born from a young mother.

To conclude, having a baby is worse earlier because if the mother is under the age of 24, she is mentally not mature enough to make the decision whether having a baby is a good idea as well as make a decision in regards to how she will bring up the child.

[Apple1996]

I must be lucky then cuz I got married and had babies young.
And even tho the brain isn't developed till 25 for women. It changes a lot during pregnancy and makes the mother mature and change so she's ready to care for the child

[TenderFantasy]

I agree with Apple1996, 24 is the PERFECT age to have children. Actually they say and I read that all through out your 20's, not much will change for a woman biologically in terms of having children. It's when the person hits their mid 30's (35 and older) does it probaly become a little harder to conceive and to give birth. Granted I have never had kids (wasn't "lucky" enough I guess, to meet Mr. Right at an earlier age, plus I lost my V card at at a late age of 28 during a one night stand lol), But anyway, I disagree with you in that if you have them early it's better. I don't agree with the reasons really, that they can chime in with the room decorating decisions (because they may make the room polka dot PINK or have Transformer colors everywhere lol. Hey, lots of kids go through phases so... and I used to be one so I know!). I think it's better to have them earlier because your body recovers from pregnancy (heck your body recovers from general sickness and injury faster too) at a younger age. It's also way easier to conceive when you first start menstruating! Gotta thank that cervical mucus stuff haha. Biology and modern society (where people are OBSESSED with getting their ducks in a row and making above 60k to 70k a year and or having a HOUSE or whatever, FIRST, getting married to Mr. Handsome and not to mention traveling the world, before having kids). .. They just don't mix!

Having children is better early in that they do grow and experience life with you, but not those little things you mentioned hehe.

Anyway, thanks for the question, Apple 1996. I liked it.

[TenderFantasy]

I meant I disagree with ya that having them early is worse lol. That's what I meant.

[Alwayreckles93]

@TenderFantasy You do have good points. It's different for everyone. I will be 30 soon and I'm done no more babies for me lol.

[Alwayreckles93]

And married sex outside of marriage or just living together not married is a huge Sin God does not approved.

[Alwayreckles93]

@TenderFantasy Okay wait so you had a one night stand? Well it's not your fault all Catholic people never teach woman to wait until marriage. I ma not trying to be rude but God doesn't like it when you have sex you really should had waited until marriage. This is what I like about Mormonism they teach woman to have self respect and wait until marriage. I mean God does not approved of that.

[Bellona]

@Alwayreckles93 YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BE RUDE ANY RELIGIOUS PERSON WHO GOES AGAINST THEIR RELIGION IS A HYPOCRITE AND A SINNER, DOES NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO CALL THEMSELVES RELIGIOUS UNLESS THEY CONFESSED IN A CONFESSIONAL AND ASKED FOR GOD'S FORGIVENESS IN CHURCH. SWEEPING SIN UNDER THE MAP IN IMMORAL.

[Alwayreckles93]

Bellona Read the Bible Pendeja. A woman needs to be married first before having any child. I called people when I want.

[DailyAsk]

Have you ever cheated or thought of cheating on your partner? @Apple1996

[Alwayreckles93]

People are going to hate my answers but I rather say what I think then pretending to be something. Honestly I wish I had my kids when I was in 18 - early 20's more healthy. Now I am 30 I don't have energy I must say I can't stand baby cry in fact now at 30 I don't have patience with babies. I get super tired. I had my kids late 20 . Honestly I wish I had them younger i was more petion and energetic back then.

[Apple1996]

Yeah I've heard that with age people have less patience with kids. Like my older siblings and parents can't stand if they hear one of my kids crying then complain it gives them headaches even tho they barely ever cry around them.

[TenderFantasy]

Wow 30 you're already breaking down? ? ! Hmm, that's strange. 30 is still young. That should not be happening really.

[Alwayreckles93]

@TenderFantasy I'm diabetic.

[Alwayreckles93]

@TenderFantasy I don't really drink coffee or other energetic drinks. I never drink or smoke either. Well I used to be Mormon and till this day I feel guilty to just drink any alcohol or coffee.

[TenderFantasy]

I never did either. I am not diabetic (I thought I was but a recent blood test thankfully showed otherwise). I didn't know that being diabetic could suck your energy. My father is diabetic but he still makes a point to exercise and play tennis at least once a week with my uncle. He's 70 now. I think it's manageable. Good luck.

[Alwayreckles93]

@TenderFantasy yeah honestly I look better now compared to some 22 year olds. People always tell me I look 19 .

[Alwayreckles93]

Thanks

[Alwayreckles93]

@TenderFantasy If you don't mind me asking what religion are you?

[TenderFantasy]

Well, I'm trying very hard not to lose my faith to be honest. I was born a Catholic. My whole family was born and raised Catholic as well. Why?

[Alwayreckles93]

@TenderFantasy you know Catholic Chruch is a false religion. I recommend you live the Catholic Church.

[Alwayreckles93]

@TenderFantasy Try a Baptist Church believe me you will feel the presence of the Lord. Catholic church can be very controlling get out asap.

[Datboi65]

It depends. They have different consequences.

Socially, I would say having a child too early is worse. Reason being is that the mother is not mature enough to make the best decisions for herself or the child at that point in her life, and is still somewhat dependent on her parents. However, there are very low underlying health risks for the child, unless there is family history that states otherwise.

Biologically, having a child at an age closer to menopause is a serious health risk for the child, and can potentially lead to several aneuploidy disorders, most likely trisomies (where the total number of chromosomes in a human karyotype is more than 46 due to an additional chromosome). An example of that is down syndrome, which is 4.5 times more likely to occur when maternal age is between 35 to 39, and over 15.4 times more likely when the age is over 40.

Now having said all of that, of course there are exceptions to every rule. However, when we look at these effects, we care more about trends rather than statistical anomalies. Is it possible a very young, presumably single mother will be a successful parent without them having any psychological problems? Yes it is possible, but unlikely due to how stressful that situation is. Is it possible that a woman in her 40s can give birth to a healthy child? Absolutely, but the risks are also to be taken into account. At the end of the day, the best age to have a child for a woman is most likely between 25 to 34, depending on her marital status, socioeconomic status and a host of other factors that are to be taken into account as well. 1 to 2 years earlier or later wouldn't affect the range by much, but if you add or subtract 5 or more years, then you will start to observe the issues I mentioned.

[Chris_u006]

Statistics are still factual.
Let us remember that and adapt that into consideration.

[BullShark]

Well, if we set aside all the financial issues that pertain with having a baby, then the obvious answer here would be having a baby late, and anyone who's saying early, really don't know what they're talking about nor do they have any inkling of how the human body functions.

When a woman is younger, it's obvious that her body would be way more fertile. She can not only conceive much more easily because her ovaries are still healthy, producing healthy and fertile eggs, but also because she'll be much more healthier physically as well, and for the most part, wouldn't be bed ridden and having to depend on others for trivial tasks like walking her to the bathroom or passing her the jug of water that someone stupidly placed across the room.

Not only that, but the baby born will be much more healthier as well. Older mothers who give birth later on have been reported to having babies be born with slight mental and physical difficulties. Plus, older moms also have the risk of giving birth to still-born children (kids who are born dead) and have a higher chance of dying in child birth as well

[shaysh87]

That kinda stuff doesn't happen unless the mom is over the age of 35/36. Vast majority of babies born to moms 36 and under are normal and fine.

[BullShark]

@shaysh87 this question doesn't apply to mothers who are 35 to 36 or generally in their thirties, because that isn't considered "too late". It's asking about mothers who are between the ages of 38 to 50. I think you need to re-read the question and my opinion lol.

[shaysh87]

women can give birth up to 40. But very rarely ever give birth after 40. Generally vast majority of babies had prior to age of 36 come out safe. The risky part is having kids over 36

[shaysh87]

women who take care of their health throughout their younger years tend to be able to still have healthy children later in life such as 40. Women who give birth late in life such as 37-43 tend to live longer lives compared to women who birth at a younger age

[TenderFantasy]

@shaysh87 Actually my Asian Filipina aunt gave birth to twin boy and girls back in 2012 at the old age of 48. It was her through her second marriage. They used IVF to conceive the twins. She had three kids prior with her first husband. They look healthy to me but you never know.

[shaysh87]

@TenderFantasy

Its not advised to give birth in your 40s. Jusr because a baby comes out healthy , it does not necessarily mean the baby is completely ok. Disabilities may not become apparent until the child is older in elementary school. Kids born to older parents also have higher chance of developing mental illnesses when they grow up. Along with poorer health in adolescence and adulthood. Less intelligent too

[DoctorSex]

My mother had me and my two older siblings before 23, (my father was 50). We are all physical specimens. My brother got into athletics when he was 28 and managed to run track for England. We all have IQs above 130.

My mother had my younger brother when she was in her late 30s. He isn't physically gifted. Has locked knees and was never the best athlete in his class. His main advantage was having 3 older siblings that love and pour into him all throughout his development.

He isn't as confident or as naturally well spoken as his elder siblings either.

Im very proud of him though and consider him my son as no one has put more into him growing up than me.

Kind regards,

DoctorSex

[Apple1996]

Younger siblings are never as confident. I'm the youngest of 7. We tend not to like center of attention/end up being shy and not as physical but more creative. Not sure if that's cuz birth order or possibly something like having older parents

[DoctorSex]

My guess would be, a bit of both. My younger is very creative. However he's had 3 older siblings for IQs above 130 😄, all 3 of us have competed in being the best older sibling his whole life. A mother and a father who focus on him purely... He's had it made lol

Kind regards,

[DoctorSex]

*3 older siblings with IQs

Sadly not smart enough to proof read.

[shaysh87]

thats kinda creepy a 50 yr old having kids with a kid under 23. Must be some kinda perv relationship.

[DoctorSex]

@shaysh87 you should probably mind your own business.

[Apple1996]

@shaysh87 it def seems like a big age gap. No judgmental towards his parents tho

[DoctorSex]

Again, that's non of any of your business's. Nobody asked for your judgements, learn to live your own lives. They've found happiness. Try it for yourselves.

[Apple1996]

I've already found happiness 10 years ago with my husband 😂

[DoctorSex]

Then focus on that marriage and being of benefit and of help in your community. Not online passing sly online judgement on happy couples marriages in a culture you don't understand. It's frankly pathetic and stems from a truly unhappy heart.

Kind regards,
DoctorSex

[Apple1996]

Nah I do understand that kind of culture. I've seen friends/family members have issues in age gap relationships so I def don't think they should be talked about in a postive way at all

[Apple1996]

And I don't see how me being married means that I can't be online? Lol

[DoctorSex]

So here are my final words to you and I want you to remember this because you're a young girl and clearly your husband hasn't taught you wisdom yet.

When you go out of your way to be good and spread goodness, it comes back to you in a myriad of ways in this life. Not only you but your family is the repository of your kind acts.

But when you go out of your way to be offensive, to spread evil, to be judgmental over people who haven't asked for your opinions or judgements. Then that bad karma you put out, will come back to you and your family in this life. What you are doing is essentially sowing the seeds of a curse in the lives of your loved ones.

Kind regards,
DoctorSex

[Apple1996]

Like my husband needs to teach me anything. I'm a grown ass woman and can have my own thoughts.
And no really I'm trying to protect anyone in the future that could read this comment and see that a age gap is not normal and should never be praised. I am doing a good thing.

Like I said no hate to your parents but 90% of the time a relationship with that age gap will fail. Even just a 5 year age gap is 20% more likely to divorce and keeps going up every year. Age gaps aren't healthy and aren't normal.

[Haha456]

@DoctorSex

I gaurantee 99% chance it was a perv relationship turned marriage. Your father must be DoctorSex Senior.

[Surely]

A woman's body is probably more able to recover from childbirth at an earlier age. As a parent. You are more able to physically do things with your child.

On the other side. As an older parent. You are should be more financially ready to handle a child. But, as you said. You will not have as many years to spend with them.

My mother was nearly forty and my father was in his forties when they had me. So yes. They didn't do a whole lot of physical things with me. Like playing ball or biking etc.

Flip of a coin.

[Apple1996]

Yeah my parents had me slightly old at 32 and 35. It has only been a struggle for me having to watch them age and have health issues. I'd rather not put my kids through that

[shaysh87]

@Apple1996

have you ever considered the fact that young parents 18-23 really would not have the adequate financial resources to support children? data has shown that kids born to financially inadequate parents tend to be worse off than kids born to financially adequate parents.

[Apple1996]

@shaysh87 My parents were broke by the time they had me so it wasn't a good choice at all. I've been better off financially as a teen/young mom then my parents ever were. So it really just depends jobs and how the parents manage their money

[shaysh87]

@Apple1996

Financial stability takes time to grow. It doesn't happen very early in life.

[shaysh87]

I grew up under poverty. I suffered immensely due to it. Its 10 times harder for a child from a broke family to succeed in life compared to kids of richer parents.

[Apple1996]

@shaysh87 it doesn't take long when you know how to properly save and spend.
And yeah I feel you. I grew up extremely poor but never let that stop me from doing what I wanted in life

[shaysh87]

@Apple1996

You can't raise children on the premise of saving and spending as little as possible. That was the way my parents raised me. And guess what? I suffered tremendously. If you are going to have children, you will need to spend. You can't spend as little as possible. Doing so only will make your children suffer.

[Apple1996]

@shaysh87 I'm about to have my 4th and my kids have never suffered. If anything they are overly spoiled

[shaysh87]

@Apple1996

Actually poor people tend to have more kids than rich people. And many of these poor parents do not care about the fact they cannot adequately support their kids.

[TenderFantasy]

@shaysh87 I don't know if that is true honestly. There are obviously MORE poor people in this world than rich. And guess who was populating (and continue to populate) the world; POOR PEOPLE! So maybe monetary wise, they are "losing" but biologically speaking, they still have a stake into the future! I think that's one big regret I have in my life (not having children early enough), but it's not like I could have CHOSEN Mr. Right early. That's not within (and was not) within my control. It takes TWO to tango like they say. I also learned when I was like in my mid thirties, that money can ALWAYS be made, but TIME, Youth (and maybe even health), CANNOT!

[shaysh87]

@TenderFantasy

Sweetie, if you start your career at 22, which is the age when most people graduate from college, you should be financially stable enough to start a family by the time you hit 30. If you are still not financially stable by the time you hit 30, it means you have done something wrong.

Most mothers nowadays who give birth are women in their 30s. Most common age of motherhood is 30s.

Im 27 and im planning on having kids by the time im 32 to 34 regardless if i end up finding a husband or not. Im planning on looking for a coparent or going to sperm bank. You can find a husband any time in life but you can't have kids at any time in life.

All it takes is proper planning and you will be alright. Only problem is that many people do not plan and they end up regretting it once they get older.

[shaysh87]

Most people can still have kids in mid 30s. Not being able to get pregnant at 35 is kinda early to be infertile

[TenderFantasy]

@shaysh87 Thanks that makes sense. I am older and about to hit the big 4 0. You're right, I didn't really plan my life well and so yes, I do have regrets, but it's not like I could have controlled EVERYTHING that happened to me in my life! I WISH that life was that perfect. I graduated college (with an associates degree) at 24, but not a Bachelor's. I also learned in life that you can always go back to school at ANYTME, but like we both said, you CAN'T just have children at anytime. Unfortunately, that's not how our bodies work. You're smart. However, if some of your plans don't work, you can have a plan B maybe or something. ... I think I LOVED (pleasant? !) surprises too much that's why I didn't really plan my life out like that, earlier. Plus, I just thought that finding Mr. Right and getting married and having a family would just naturally happen! I didn't have a SPECIFIC plan for it, which I probably should have.

That said, it didn't help that I lost my virginity at a much later age than average (at 28) through a one-night stand lol. Sorry that got personal, but I just wanted to add that in because that was also a contributing factor as to why I still don't have children at 38.

Finally, I like your goal in that it doesn't matter if you are with anyone at the age you want to have children. Maybe I should have done that.

As far as a career went, I always just usually worked at low paying jobs and so sadly, I wasn't able to truly save up for big expenses like a pregnancy or my own home, etc.

Money is too high of an importance, at least that is what society is always saying. Even my dad said that to me in my 20's, so that scared me. What 20-something year old makes 60k or more per year (the decade that is usually the best time to have children)? ! Anyway, I'm rambling haha.

[shaysh87]

@TenderFantasy

Money is very important. I grew up in a popr family with parents who struggled to raise me. Trust me, you will suffer raising kids that you cannot afford to raise. You will be so frustrated, worried, sad, life will have so many problems. Your kids will also find it 10 times harder to succeed in life compared to other kids where their parents actually have the resources to raise them well. I was raised by parents who didn't have the resources to raise me, i know what it is like very clearly. And i am still partly suffering from it.
Less money = more problems.
Just because age matters, it doesn't mean money does not matter
Its been proven through data that kids who are born to parents without adequate socioeconomic resources tend to do worse in life.

[shaysh87]

@TenderFantasy

You will suffer raising kids you cannot afford to raise. I grew up with two parents who struggled under poverty to raise me. Trust me, they werent happy people. Not only that, kids born to parwnts withojt adequate economic resources tend to find it 10 times harder to suceed in life. You dont understand what it is like because you have never done it. I have seen parents go without breakfast or underwear for years because they simply didn't have the money. My parents walked me 10 miles a day to and from school because they couldnt afford a car.

[shaysh87]

And if you think money can be made any time in life , think again. Once your kid comes out, you will be rushing home from work to care for your kid. You will not have the time to go back to school or study or work extra hours to focus on your career for a promotion.

Best time to develop your career is before your kid comes out.

[shaysh87]

I attend school with parents with kids. Trust me, all of them complain being worried about not being able to graduate because they simply do not have enough time to study. Their grades slipping because they simply do not have enough time

[shaysh87]

60k a year is barely enough to send a kid to college nowadays.

[TenderFantasy]

@shaysh87 Look, I don't know why you want to argue with me about this. My thoughts and values are my thoughts and values, I don't know why you are trying to change my mind. I know from experience that money doesn't COMPARE to having the blessing of being able to spread your genes! I think money only truly matters (to a great extent) to those who are greedy and materialistic.

Second, you have no right to say that my kid will suffer and be in poverty because you don't know my personal life and my financial situation really. You only know what I tell you/chose to disclose to you or anyone else here!

Another thing, it's not like I was going to go on to have 5 or 6 kids, just one or two would have been sufficient!

Honestly, who are you to tell me what to do with MY life or how to live it!

I was trying to be nice, but I don't think you care to be nice to people online or people you don't know anyway, just because we are anonymous to you or "hiding" behind a screen, does NOT mean we don't have feelings! It's not right for you to disregard what I am saying or be closed minded about it, just because you don't like something about me, like my age or race. There are many reasons you may argue with me. Maybe you have had a bad experience, but it doesn't mean that I will have the same. And 60k is PLENTY enough to raise a baby. Some people do it on a lot less. In fact, PLENTY have and will continue to do so!

[shaysh87]

@TenderFantasy

You can have the joy of having a child but then years later, this joy will fade as you will encounter problems and obstacles along with working exhausting 20 hour days where you feel like your body will fall apart. Days where you get absolutely no help. I have never seen a single mom under poverty say that she would recommend young girls to become broke single moms

Just because you have a burst of joy having a kid during the first 5 years , it does not mean you won't suffer. People like you dont have any life experience. You seem quite naive for your age.

And you can be mad all you want but not being prepared to have a kid was your fault, not mine.

Just because age matters, it does not mean money does not matter. Money will always matter. You can't raise a child off of nothing.

[shaysh87]

60k is barely enough to afford college. Keep in mind , cost of college has doubled over the past 20 years and it will continue to increase.

60k is also just 45 to 50k after taxes.

[Apple1996]

@TenderFantasy me and @shaysh87 have had this convo many times but she obviously has her own different opinions but it's definitely possible to raise kids on less then 60k a year. I have 4 and my husband doesn't even make close to that. All my kids are spoiled and happy

[shaysh87]

There will be times where you have to go to work to pay your bills but you can't because your kid is sick. Your employer threatens that he will fire you.

There will be times where you have to pick between keeping your job or taking care of your child.

There will be times where you can't afford to hire a babysitter when you desperately need one.

There will be times where you're so tired that you can't even move any more and you still have to finish your shift then run home to cook clean tutor kids on homework, grocery shop.

After years of this, you grow unhappy. Regardless of how happy you intially were

[shaysh87]

you're working so hard but yet you still struggle to feed your kids and yourself. Then when your kid hits 18, you tell them you can't afford to give them a good education so they will have to live the same suffering life you did.

[Apple1996]

@shaysh87 I stay home with my kids so there will be none of that going on. And yeah not sending them to college. I'm hoping they go get a real job even if it's like with a trade school would be better then college

[shaysh87]

@Apple1996

Thats a clear sign you dont have enough money to adequately support children. Guess what? Your kid might not even want to enter a trade. Trade work is not for everyone. While all the other kids get plenty of options on who to become, your kids might be forced to do something dangerous and dirty or a job they hate for the rest of their lives.
Otherwise they will be condemned to a broke life of suffering under poverty.

Trade school is not cheap either. If you have to send all 4 to 5 kids to trade school.

[shaysh87]

In my opinion, it is better to be raised by a financially stable single mother than to be raised by a broke mother and father who do not have the resources to raise children. Your kid will only find it a million times harder to suceed in life

[shaysh87]

I personally grew up in a family under poverty. Growing up under poverty is a form of child abuse. No kid should grow up with not enough food to eat or having to eat crappy unhealthy food. No kid should be abused or yelled st or screamed at by frustrated bitter single moms because her life is just soo hard.

Mosr cases of domestic violence actually occur in single parent homes, not two parent homes. And the reason is obvious: single parents are more unhappy bitter and frustrated with their lives. So the kid ends up being abused me.

It also happened to me as a young child. Broke parents are under significantly more stress. These parents will be less patient and yell scream shout or beat their children over the slightest things.

[Apple1996]

@shaysh87 you do realize the world needs people who are willing to do the dangerous/dirty jobs? Without most of them we wouldn't be able to live comfortably

[Apple1996]

@shaysh87 I grew up extremely broke and never had a problem with it. I'm just thankful my parents choose to give me life

[shaysh87]

@Apple1996

[you do realize the world needs people who are willing to do the dangerous/dirty jobs? Without most of them we wouldn't be able to live comfortably]

are you gonna force your kids into a life of misery just so they can survive?
Just because you want to go into a field, it does not mean you will be good at the job. You need to pick something that you are good at otherwise, your days on the job will be limited. I knew of a guy who spent 5 years studying accounting, he graduated with a bachelors degree. He was a terrible accountant. He ended up having to switch fields. People asked him : why did you get into it? Because my mother wanted me to get a job and she said accounting was a great field. He personally had no interest in accounting. He was also a terrible accountant.

I'm gonna give you a personal life story of how being broke really affected me.

[shaysh87]

Once upon a time, I worked a job for 2 years to pay for nursing school. It was 25k that I took 2 years of hard work to save. My parents could not afford to pay anything for me. I personally had to wait 2 extra years to start nursing school.

Shortly I began nursing school, I realized that I didn't have a car to travel to my clinical internship locations (where they held clinical classes). I had to attend them otherwise I will not graduate. My parents were always broke and relied on walking or the bus to get around.

The Problem was that no buses went to any of these state locations. The only way for me to get to class was uber. It was over a hundred dollars a day to UBER to class on a daily basis. Clearly it was not something I could afford. At one point I thought about dropping out of the program that I worked soo hard to save up for. Maybe I should give up on my nursing dreams.

But later on there was a really nice classmate who offered to drive me 40 minutes to the train station on a daily basis so I can get home.

One of my other classmates who also didn't have a car, he walked 12 miles on foot just to get back to the train station.

Without a car, it took me 3 hours to get to school in the morning. I woke up 4:30 am to get to school by 7:30 am. All my other classmates, who drove cars, woke up at 6:30am to get to school. It takes me 2.5 hours to get home. I spent about 6 hours a day commuting to and from school on a daily basis, which took away so much of my study time and leisure. I lacked sleep because I had to wake up so early in the morning.

My parents used to walk 10 miles to bring me to elementary school. Then walk another 10 miles to go back home from school.

Don't put your kids throughout the hell that I went through. Its not fun. And if you still to pretend that money does not matter, its because you do not care about your children

[shaysh87]

@Apple1996

I never learned how to drive because my parents never had a car. I ended up having to pay 120 dollars for a 1.5 hr lesson with a driving school. At some point, I ended up not being able to afford driving lessons any more because it was too expensive. Then I had to personally save up to buy my own car in order to learn how to drive. With insurance rates soo high through the roof because I was still only a learner permit driver.

I'm sure you can see right now why its a million times harder for a poor kid to succeed compared to kids of financially well of parents.

All the kids who study at medical schools and law schools and ivy league schools come from parents of financially adequate means. None of these kids come from an impoverished background. It takes money to become a doctor or a lawyer or attend an ivy league school.

[Apple1996]

@shaysh87 you chose that lifestyle tho. You didn't have to go to college if you didn't have the money or resources to do so.
And my parents kicked me out of the house with my 2 month old son. No job, not done with high-school and didn't know how to drive and I still did just fine in life so I don't blame my parents at all since it was my responsibility to figure out life as a adult. Past 18 we shouldn't be depending on our parents anymore

[shaysh87]

@Apple1996

often it really angers me how some of these other kids get to live such easy lives where they parents teach them how to drive, pay their tuition, never having to walk 10 miles to get to and from school on a daily basis, never had to save money for college / car. I grew up being told by my parents that I wasn't allowed to buy anything that wasn't "on sale" at the supermarket. Anything that wasn't "on sale" was considered unaffordable and too expensive. It was painful. Sometimes I was dying for a bag of chocolate candy and my father told us no every single time. I ended up getting used to depriving myself of what I wanted. It became the norm for me.

Soon every single year when my grandma would give me 30 dollars for my birthday, I would have no idea what to buy at the market (because I was soo accustomed to ignoring what I really wanted). I just walked through the isles holding my 30 bucks and had no clue what to buy.

I don't want my kids going through the same crap that I did. Its not fun being poor.

[shaysh87]

@Apple1996

[you chose that lifestyle tho. You didn't have to go to college if you didn't have the money or resources to do so.
And my parents kicked me out of the house with my 2 month old son. No job, not done with high-school and didn't know how to drive and I still did just fine in life so I don't blame my parents at all since it was my responsibility to figure out life as a adult. Past 18 we shouldn't be depending on our parents anymore]

because I wanted a better life without all the suffering. Thats why I wanted to go to college. I don't want my own children to suffer the same way I did.

You can brag about not depending on your parents at the age of 18. But the reality is, without your parents help to send you to college , your chances of succeeding in life is slim to none. You need your parents beyond the age of 18 if you want to do well in life.

[shaysh87]

None of this should be desperately waiting until your kid turns 18 so you can finally kick them out.

Your job as a parent is to ensure that your kid has the resources and skills to succeed in life. Your job as a parent is to guide your children in the right path to a happy life.

If your first priority as a parent is to kick them out as soon as possible, it already shows how terrible of a parent you already are.

[Apple1996]

@shaysh87 unfortunately my parents only kicked me out that young. Everyone else they didn't have a problem with. I have no plans on kicking my kids out but hopefully can raise them to be ready to leave around that age

[shaysh87]

@Apple1996

Your kids may be older than my kids. But I can guarantee that my kids will be a lot more successful and happier than yours.

[Apple1996]

@shaysh87 success doesn't equal happiness tho lol

[shaysh87]

@Apple1996

Often times , success does equal happiness. Success gives you the chance to live the life you want, however you want, you also get to control how you spend your time with who you want, doing whatever you want. Being successful also makes you more desirable when it comes to dating and marriage.

Overall, it does make you happier.

[shaysh87]

@Apple1996

My kids won't the ones who would be struggling to pay their bills or struggling to raise their kids. My kids will enjoy a good education and hold a good job. And its something that only money can provide.

You could barely afford to pay for trade school for your 4 to 5 kids.

[Apple1996]

@shaysh87 I'm gonna be having more kids then what I have now. And no im not gonna pay for their education at all even a trade school.
I already have a way to pay for 2-3 of their colleges for free cuz of my husband's gi bill but we will not be doing that for them since they should have to work for what they want in life.

[shaysh87]

@Apple1996

your husband doesn't have a GI bill. if your husband had a GI bill, you wouldn't be forcing all your kids to go to trade school.

[Apple1996]

@shaysh87 he definitely does have a gi bill. He's been active duty military for the last 7 years. Just cuz we have that doesn't mean we have to give it to our kids. We can use it on ourselves or not use it at all

[shaysh87]

@Apple1996

guess what your children's lives would turn out to be like if you didn't have the GI bill like the rest of millions of families who hadn't serve in the military?

[Apple1996]

@shaysh87 most people don't use their gi bill. I think only 30-40% of people use it and mostly use it for themselves. Also kids of military members are like 80% likely to join themselves so no need for college before joining when they can do it when they're in for free too

[shaysh87]

@Apple1996

and you said money didn't matter to raising a child well. without college, your kid will be struggling to survive.

[Apple1996]

@shaysh87 I didn't go to college and doing just fine lol

[shaysh87]

@Apple1996

Because you never ever held a job in your life.

[shaysh87]

@Apple1996

You also never paid a bill in your life. Your husband pays for all your bills. If you were unmarried and with 5 kids. I can guarantee you a terrible life.

[shaysh87]

@Apple1996

Girls should get married at their own will. They shouldn't be forced into marriage simply because they know they can't survive on their own.

[Apple1996]

@shaysh87 I raised my oldest son for the first 18 months of his life alone cuz my husband didn't have a job. It worked out fine. I'd go back to that lifestyle if I had too.
And I would have gotten married to him even if we never had kids or he never worked

[shaysh87]

@Apple1996

Ok so you're saying that you were homeless with your 18 month old son and you turned out fine so you're recommendeding all other moms that its ok to do the same to their child?

You wouldn't care if your son starved to death

[Apple1996]

@shaysh87 he wouldn't have. There are plenty of ways to get food when your that broke. It tends to be middle class that actually struggles with food buying food.
I sometimes joke with my husband that will get divorced just so I can be a single broke mom and be able to eat good and have good medical insurance again 😂

[shaysh87]

@Apple1996

Nobody is gonna give you welfare if you're homeless , sweetie. Thats not the way the world works. Single welfare moms get a reality kick when their kids grow up and suddenly all their welfare stops. Thats when you really start starving

[shaysh87]

Its obvious youve never supported yourself in your life if you think that there will always be someone to give you food when you're homeless.

Welfare are for folks who can't put food on the table. Its the bare minimum the government is willing to give you so you won't starve to death.

Its the middle class folks who have cars, go on vacations, have rental properties, are able to send their kids to college.

[shaysh87]

@Apple1996

My kids are gonna be landlords and own real estate. Im planning on buying multiple properties and renting them out so I can retire early and just live off the rental income.

There are some people who work untik the day they die and still have nothing. Then there are people who can retire mid life and have everything.

[Apple1996]

@shaysh87 you have to have a address to get welfare so true homeless people can't get that but they can get other things.
And my husband is retiring at 39 and we plan on running a farm for fun so sure it'll be work but more so we don't have to depend on others for food

[shaysh87]

@Apple1996

you need money to buy a farm. you need money to buy land. there's no chance you will be able to buy anything if you can't even send your kids to college.

[shaysh87]

@Apple1996

it takes money to make money.

[shaysh87]

Currently I"m 27. I'm working hard on my career to save up 100k a year so I can buy my first rental property in 3 years without a mortgage. By the time I"m 32, I'm planning on living off of rental income so I don't have to work after I have my baby. So I get to be a full time mom , never hold a job and yet still have income. I can choose to be a stay home mom or I can work a career. If i work a career, i would be able to buy my second rental property 5 years later.

If i keep doing this, i can retire by the time I"m in my 40s and I will still make more money than you without having to hold a job.

[Apple1996]

@shaysh87 my brother in law does that with houses but from what he's told me there's gonna be a lot more rules about doing it in the future cuz so many people are buying houses then renting them out so gen z kids will never be able to be home owners in the future unless it's a new build. It's really bad for the housing market and they wanna put a limit on how many rentals a person can have

[shaysh87]

@Apple1996

actually demand for rental housing will be greater than ever before.

why?

because people can no longer afford to buy homes. but you still need a place to live right? so you need to rent. you can't afford to buy so you need to rent.

that alone gives me the right tor rent to you.

reality is : its purely a supply and demand issue.

if you can't afford to buy a house, you will need to rent a house. if there are not enough landlords renting out houses, a lot of people will be homeless. You need landlords. If you put a limit on how many rental properties landlords can own, it will also mean you're forcing people to become homeless.

the property that I will buy at 30 years old for 300,000 may be worth over a million dollars by the time I am 60 years old. I can easily sell it then and become a millionare. If i sell multiple homes, it would even be worth more money. I can retire anywhere around the world I want. I have enough money to travel, do everything that I want, live anywhere I want. Not only this, I can inherit my properties to my kids and they can enjoy the benefits of my hard work

[shaysh87]

[gonna be a lot more rules about doing it in the future cuz so many people are buying houses then renting them out so gen z kids will never be able to be home owners in the future unless it's a new build. I]

thats not true. there are plenty of old homes out there that are cheap as hell right now. the problem is that people do not have the money to buy a home. this is why they say its so hard to buy a home. because they simply do not have the money. one of the key aspects to real estate buying is location.

i have learned a lot of secrets to real estate over the past year. The truth is, you need to be an expert in your field. Every obstacle has ways around it. It depends on how smart you are as a person to navigate around it. Smart people live to win. Dumb people live to lose. I dont live to lose. I'm smarter than that.

[shaysh87]

@Apple1996

some experienced landlords accumulate a lot of wealth over the years. They even build new homes so they can sell it or rent it out. And they make a lot of money from doing this.

the sky is the limit. it really depends on how smart you are.

[Apple1996]

@shaysh87 renting a place is more expensive then buying. Most people rent for convenience not cuz they can't afford a house

[shaysh87]

@Apple1996

most people rent because they cannot afford to buy. Because buying will always be a better deal than renting.

[shaysh87]

@Apple1996

Most people rent because they can't come up with the down payment.

[art84]

My brother had his children when he was 21 years old and his then girlfriend was 18 years old. Then when he was in his 30's and his new girlfriend was in her early 20's, had two girls. Out of both I think him having children in his 30's was harder cause he didn't have the energy as his 20's. Girls are more hyper than boys and really tired him out when they were 4 and 3 years old.

My parents had me and my brother when my dad was 32/33 years old and again when he was 35 years. My mom was 22 when she had me and later 25 when she had my brother.

[Apple1996]

Oh I don't know about girls being more hyper. I've always heard they are calmer

[art84]

I know my nieces behave when they are told but they tend to run around the house whenever they visit. But if they have a tablet then they sit down in a sofa or chair and play for hours. They aren't loud as they never talk just play games on tablet. My nephew on the other hand is loud and not calm.

[Sixgunsound]

I can tell you from teaching middle school that the problem boys tend to get up or run around or throw things or hit each other more but the problem girls WILL NOT be quiet! It’s just not going to happen. Most of the kids are good don’t get me wrong, but it’s a lot easier to stare a boy down if he starts standing up then it is to stare a girl down who won’t stop talking. I lose far more lesson time to talking than running around. That said, under the current state ( union) mandated setting conditions in public schools I’ll take an all girl class over an all boy class, because the way they expect boys to sit still for almost an hour at a stretch makes me wonder if education planners ever met a boy or if it is intentionally designed to decrease male academic success.

[TenderFantasy]

Having them later is worse because health reasons. You're more able to heal faster from pregnancy and childbirth better when younger. You're more able to conceive faster too. Thing is, society is (and was) ALWAYS money hungry and people always think they need this and that, like having Mr. Perfect and have house with a dog, traveling the world, getting that law degree, doctor degree, etc. etc. before having children. THEN they realize later that they made a big mistake because they poor have that biological advantage becuase they concentrated on Biology and being physically healthy and in their prime, taking advantage of that stuff. The poor are not poor because they are stupid (sometimes), it's just that they got unlucky money wise, but smarts? ! Damn.

[misogynistic_pig]

It's worse too late, it's never too early for a woman to get pregnant, the younger a woman is, the better genes she has, women should get pregnant from when they start puberty until at most 29 years old, after 30 years old women don't They should get pregnant because they are old.

[Apple1996]

Eh like the 10 year old that get pregnant are obviously way to young but yeah like 18+ is fine

[MysteriousDarkness]

@misogynistic_pig
So you want girls in elementary school to get pregnant.

[sunflower00]

Most women start puberty around 11, definitely not an ideal age to get pregnant. Girls who have just started puberty or are only a couple years in are likely to have complications or lose the baby because their body is NOT ready for childbirth or pregnancy. Early 20s-mid 30s is when it’s physically best.

[shaysh87]

Most girls nowadays do not want to get pregnant early in life. Doing so will prevent a woman from enjoying her life. Plus, it takes longer for a woman to get financially stable in order to support a child. The days where the man is the provider is long gone. Reality is, few men can adequately support their families on just 1 income.

[hahahmm]

Having a baby with a guy you are not 1000% certain to be "father material" and "husband material" is bad, regardless of your age. And the best indication of someone being husband material is him already being a good husband.

The flip side of this can be said of men making babies with women too: she should be better than random woman #5.

[Apple1996]

There is no way to test to see if someone is gonna be a good father unless they already have kids. Being a good husband does not equal being a goof dad

[Apple1996]

good*

[hahahmm]

Disagree... because a good husband has to be good "dad material" to begin with. Unless the woman marrying him is just a retard.

[Apple1996]

I often hear women complain about how their husband's don't do anything for their kids but are good husband's. It's a really common complaint

[hahahmm]

Apple1996 - Eh, a dad could provide a good home, fund 100% of everything... the kids have a nice safe environment and the mom might complain that he doesn't do anything. To me that's a baseless complaint. 85% of the people in prison come form fatherless homes. That's a clue that having a dad at home means more than some women seem to think.

[Apple1996]

Being a financial father is not being a father. They actually parent...
And I've seen other studies about how almost all abusers in relationships learned that behavior from growing up in 2 parent households so it's not always a good thing for the dad to be in the kids life

[Paulalove98]

I think sometimes early it can hard financially but later it can be hard physically for women. My mom had me at 38 so she started late but my sister she had her at 20. While some people even would see early 30s “old” it’s actually ideal since doctors say late 20s to early 30s is the best time to get pregnant. After 35 it’s considered a geriatric pregnancy where there’s more risks involved for the mom and baby but I’m very blessed I was healthy with my mom having me at 38.

[Paulalove98]

I definitely won’t start that late tho. I wanna have a child at 27-30. Which I still find pretty young to carry a baby.

[Apple1996]

Yeah 27_30 is about a average age to have kids

[Paulalove98]

Yeah my neighbor and her husband didn’t have their daughter till they were 28 because they were still trying to get their jobs steady and make sure to be financially stable but she recovered pretty quick and now she’s like almost 31 with her little girl.

[shaysh87]

you're a smart girl. its very true that its important to become financially stable before having kids. I grew up under poverty and I suffered immensely. Data shows that poor children tend to do significantly worse off compared to kids born to financially adequate parents, regardless of whatever age their parents birthed them

[jennifer_bloom]

The biology might be harder if you're older but the social and material care that you give your child will be easier and my mom says your pain handling improves with old age because your physical senses weaken. Like when I have the same health problems as an adult that I did as a child, I feel like its over 40 times easier to deal with cause my ability to sense pain is less.

[Apple1996]

Hmm not sure about the pain thing but that kind of makes sense. The things I hear often tho is that older moms get more tired like they can't deal with getting up all night and make the father do it so harder in that way not so much pain wise

[exitseven]

I had my first when I was 25. I was not settled in my life and it was a big adjustment but they are all grown up done with college and I am still relatively young. My cousin is my age and had kids later in life and they sare still in grade school. He will be in his 60s before they are done with school.

[Apple1996]

Oh God 60s is late. I'm hoping to be a grandma or great grandma by then

[exitseven]

yes me too.

[shaysh87]

my father had my brother at 40. My brother is now 23 while my father is 63. Unfortunately my brother is still in school, my father is delaying retirement so he could support him. My father warned against having kids too late in life regardless male or female parent. He said when you get to an old age, you simply won't have the energy to keep up with the responsibilities of raising children any more. Some people can never retire due to still having to pay for their children's college tuition.

[Lucy68]

Honestly I always thought I'd have my first baby by the time I was 23 or 24. From the rate it's going with me as long as they're healthy I'll be happy. Honestly it doesn't matter earlier or later as long as the baby is happy and healthy and well taken care of that's all that matters

[Paulalove98]

Oh same here but I’m cool with getting pregnant in my late 20s. My neighbor had her baby at 28 there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s still young even approximately at early 30s is too. It’s better than having a kid right at 40 or nearly.

[shaysh87]

Too young or too old is bad.

Too young: you don't have the money to raise children. Data has proven that children born to parents lacking sufficient financial resources tend to be worse off compared to kids born to financially well off parents. Not only this, parents who lack financial resources to raise children tend to have a harder time raising children.

Too old: You have the financial resources, but you lack the energy and patience to keep up with raising your children. Your lack of energy and patience tends to result in a child missing out on a fun childhood or being the target of misplaced frustration.

Best age to have a child is when you're not too young and not too old. Aged 28-34. At this age, people are financially stable but also not too old.

[ZackBan]

Every kid I ever met growing up who had young parents was a neglected emotional wreck. Or a closed off bully. With no exceptions.

Sure having kids too late is bad as well because you are too culturally different from them but I say the sweet spot is on the older side.

More mature parents take far better care of their kids and those kids grow up with less emotional trauma, there are downsides.

My folks were in their early 30's when they had me and so they didn't know anything about tech which means I had unrestricted access to the internet as an 11 year old just because they didn't know better, but they raised me well enough so that I never strayed into anything that would destroy my life.

[Jamie05rhs]

I would say that having a baby too late in life is worse. Because they could have birth defects. (And no, I'm not being sexist; because I'm talking about birth defects from the mother AND the father.)
But this is a highly subjective issue, of course, and this is just my opinion.

[Jamie05rhs]

But it's also bad to have one too early, if the father does stay around.

[Jamie05rhs]

Oops- I mean DOESN'T. Sorry about that.

[Apple1996]

Lol its okay

[Jamie05rhs]

Lol thanks

[dolemite89]

depends, i think having one too late in life for women is too risky in terms of the kid having developmental problems. it’s really hard on teen moms but they baby is more likely to be healthy and the mom has the rest of her life to bounce back financially. For men, having a kid too early in life is just the nail in the coffin for a lot of hopes and dreams they would have had. Having a kid when you’re an older man is hard sure but you’re more likely to be more well off financially and able to take care of the kid even if it put a damper on your retirement plans.

[MCheetah]

I think both are equally bad. But I say the latter is worse, cause physically, having a baby after 34 is legitimately risky for women. Hypothetically, one could have a baby at 18 and be just fine, assuming their parents were wealthy or they had additional help in raising the baby and wasn't a broke single parent.

I think my mother, who I don't get along with or love, is 62 right now and I'm technically a second child (have a half sister eight years older), meaning my mother became a single mother at age 18, and then had me at age 26. And by the time she was my current age, I would've been 10 years old. I myself can handle raising a ten year old at this stage in my life, but me in my 20s was pretty depressed and f*cked up.

[HippieVeganJewslim]

Younger is worse. One needs to work a lot and/or attend college/graduate school, or stuff. I have to disagree with Your argument. One can meet the kids of kids that one bore at an old age. My maternal grandpa was 41 when my mum was born (1973) and he passed away when I was 16. If he hadn’t smoked that heavily, he might’ve lived longer. I think he did get to enjoy his pension. It’s just that he lived in Soviet Russia and We lived in USA that he couldn’t see us too often. About babysitter/nanny, I’ve had plenty of old and young nannies; one I recall was 55.

[Apple1996]

I missed out on meeting all but one of my grandparents cuz my parents had me in their 30s. On my husband side that's full of teen parents is not like that. my kids have met their great great grandfather and still have their great grandparents and also grandparents on that side. I'm jealous of all their generations being able to have each other

[Apple1996]

So for some people like myself we really get cut off from family just due to having old parents

[HippieVeganJewslim]

Looks like it can depend.

[art84]

I never knew my grandmother cause she passed away before my parents married. My grandfather I got to know on my mom's side. My grandparents on my dad's side passed away when I was 7and my brother was 5. Never knew my great grandparents though my mom and dad tell stories of visiting them when they were young.

[Sixgunsound]

Both have their disadvantages; too young the disadvantages are more social and economic but the kids will likely be healthier and mom will have an easier time and a quicker recovery. Too old and you’re asking for birth defects and congenital diseases and mom will have a much more difficult recovery.

[Saltystardust]

Too late. When I mean too late, I'm talking about the women that get pregnant with doctors help in their 50's and 60's. If they pass on from old age, what's going to happen with the children?

[Apple1996]

Yeah exactly those parents are gonna die before the kid graduates

[Saltystardust]

Not just that, but I think of like the loss of cognative function. Someone's going to have to take care of the child and their parent. Even as an adult caring for a parent that has dementia, Alzheimer's or even sundowners, are confusing for an adult child, I can't imagine someone trying to explain to an older person's child, that mommy or daddy's brain and cognative function isn't how it used to be.

[Apple1996]

Omg soo true that'd be tough on a kid 😳 it's hard enough when grandparents have those issues but with parents it'd be bad

[Hypermotard1916]

I don't know about how women feel about it, but I can analyse objectively (I assume too early is over 20 too late is under menopause)

It is all about upward mobility in a capitalist society. Hence, older mothers are more common in individualistic societies. Exceptions are poor girls who have no upward mobility.

Now it is argued that traditionalist societies oppress women. But the thing you have to understand is that it only oppressed young women specifically by limiting their opportunities. Older women had authority in families, and if they are noble it cascaded down into the society as well. Hence here there is an incentive to become mother early. Also child is a asset back then instead of liability as today, with costlier education, inflation, etc...

tldr: Today's society is not traditionalist hence it is worse to be a mother at younger age, also factor the rate of divorce and single motherhood you know the answer...

[HighValue]

Too late is worse because of possible health problems for the kid. Too early would be bad too if it is before she is finished with high school.

[Apple1996]

Kid before graduating isn't too bad since it's very easy to do online school now a days

[HighValue]

1. The grandparents would have to support it because the parent that is still a minor in school isn't working enough to support it.
2. Statistics show that teens that get pregnant when still in high school have a much lower graduation rate than those that don't.
3. It hinders their high school social life and their social development.
4. For less mature/less disciplined people, online school is significantly less effective for learning. (Obviously the person is less mature/disciplined or they wouldn't have an unplanned pregnancy in the first place.) Recent test results are showing that when students did online schooling during the lockdowns, it greatly hindered their abilities in math and ELA. Anywhere between 6% and 14% worse per year of online schooling depending on how long the lockdowns/online schooling lasted.

[Apple1996]

Oof I was a teen mom and I did not allow my parents to even see my son's for a long time. Me and my husband both graduated early online so we could move on and get married. Most of those stats on teen moms are old. a lot of teen parents graduate since it's easier now