Do you find it difficult to forgive major things?

[Anonymous]

Not asking about petty fights or misunderstanding. I mean abuse, betrayals, lies or a terrible first impression.

I found out upon self-reflection that there are in fact some people I don't really know if I will ever forgive, which really sucks because I really don't like the idea of holding grudges. I usually try my best to not do wrong by people, and when I do I apologize and take accountability for what I did wrong. For that, I've never really been blocked by someone.

However, on the flip side even though it happens rarely, there are a few people that refused to apologize and doubled down on what they did, so I excommunicated them. Seems like the logical thing to do, right? Cut the toxic people out of your life, right? And I do, but the resentment remains, and I do struggle with it sometimes. I tried to let go, I did but I always eventually go back to having intrusive thoughts about things they did over and over again.

Just to make things clear, I don't wish evil on anyone. However, I definitely will not shed a single tear if I find out that one of them passed away.

Do you struggle with the same problem? Is it normal or abnormal? If you no longer have resentment for anyone, how did you do it?

[Midgetmcwidget]

I think everyone struggles from time to time. I don't forgive and I dont forget how I'm treated or what they did but try to delete from my life or be civil if have to stay.

I hope you are able to move past how you have been treated and come out the other side as open and polite as you sound, not sure if you believe in karma but people who are nasty aren't able to change who they are.

[Asker]

Thank you for your kind message. I do not want to make it sound like my life is super difficult or that I have it worse than anyone, because I know there are plenty of people going through hell and that my life is paradise compared to them. I'm grateful for the good things in life.

However, I have dealt with a lot. The thing is, I'm doing good mentally and physically. I'm able to achieve daily tasks and am doing good in uni. It's usually when I try to really fully get over some of these memories that I get flashbacks and my hate returns again. Some of them are people I will never meet again (thank god) but others are family members, or one colleague currently in my university whom I have classes with everyday. It's in those situations that you see them consistently where you have to either forgive them, or avoid them completely and I've chosen the latter. I don't really know if that's realistic considering I have another 3 years in my course (doing medicine) and that's a very long time being around someone you strongly dislike.

[Guy13]

Of course we do but we have to process and get over it or we’re never going to recover.