How many times would you allow someone to pop up on your doorstep before you file a restraining order (read the bold)?

[DizzyDesii]

I’d love to say Im joking but this is mad annoying. I have never had anything against my dad, but I just never cared to know him like that. I was not the child to ask about a dad or to ask to visit him. I legit just care for the people I’m around 100% of the time and thats it.

As a kid, every few years, he’d ask to see me only for his family vacations where he wanted to showoff his kids to coworkers, friends, extended fam, etc. Throughout HS, i dont even know if i remember him being around unless his mother reminded him of when my birthday was. Again, I have nothing against this dude. I treat all outsiders the same. I don’t keep up with their bdays so I don’t need them to know mine. If i have never lived with you, don’t pop up on me.

All in all, he didn’t start popping up like this until his wife started having an affair and all his other children graduated and moved away. In February, he did this...

Would you give in and open the door for someone that you told not to come over?

Last weekend, tried to pop up again. Today, I get home from the store. I go to open the door to see if my snowglobe arrived and this mf is standing outside. I dodged him all the other times and intended to again. I keep asking him not to show up, especially uninvited and he continues to do so. And he never wants anything, just to say Hi. I say Hi/Bye through the door. Thats not good enough for him. He keeps busting in the house and not leaving when asked.

Today he had some ned the wino ass dude in the truck pumping him up screaming “thats your kid, bust in there.” Trying to impress his coworkers/friends as usual, he busts in and chases me saying I just want a hi, a hug, la fist bump! I said hi but i dont even hug the folks i like. I had to slam the bedroom door in his face til he left. I’m sick of it yo.

#FeelFreeToList

Updates

1 y

He didn't even start poppin up until i started my first job. He sees me as a walking atm just like my mom and grandparents. He really needs to leave me alone. I’ll never get over him asking me to help find his wife a new job and to help him pay bills when i prob last got a present from him at like 12. He’s a user just like the rest. But at least they took care of me. I never owed him more than a thank you for creating me

Updates

1 y

Everytime he calls, I ignore it. When he texts asking to come over, I say no, please stop bothering me. And then he shows up unexpectedly because he says its the only way i can't say no. Like really dude... he did the same back in February. I just dont get why he expects special treatment. I say the same thing to anyone, friend, boyfriend etc. Do not show up uninvited because i will leave you outside knocking.

[SteveSmith1985]

Reading this post, I feel more out-of-place commenting on it, than I do when I usually reply to questions. Usually, I feel very confident I know what I'm talking about, and can give someone (what I think is) good advice to hopefully help them navigate their situation.

When it comes to this situation, I don't have any experience to draw upon, I CAN'T properly put myself 'in your shoes'. I do not know what it feels like to have gone through all you've gone through with your father. But, I feel like I want to throw in one suggestion. Which might not even be a good or practical suggestion. But I got a little choked up reading this.

What got to me was the pathetic desperation of this man (whether he be a good man or bad) to somehow establish a relationship with his adult daughter after fucking up being a dad for a lifetime.

I'm not saying it's right, or saying it's ok, or saying you ought to 'give him a chance'. But, the image of your dad "busting in" to your place, and literally chasing you around the house asking for a hug... is heart-wrenching. It's scary as fuck, wildly inappropriate, and not in any way ok for him to have acted that way. But it does speak of a 'wits-end' desperation to have a relationship with his daughter who wants nothing to do with him. It's just a very sad state to imagine any father in (even if it's deserved).

But the more important thing, is your safety/peace of mind. Of course you have every right to choose to not have a relationship with your father, and he will have no choice but to respect that. Even if you have to use legal means to make sure he respects your choice to not have him in your life.

I think there is no argument against NOW being an appropriate time for a restraining order. There has been a pattern, and the last time it escalated to a point where things became legitimately frightening in a way they hadn't been up to that point. If you'd feel better starting the process of getting a restraining order NOW, then you should absolutely do that.

My only suggestion (and for all I know you've already done this, many times already, so forgive me if I'm recovering well-trampled ground here):

What about writting him a letter. A long-ass letter.

You can say everything and anything you feel you'd like to say to him. Let him know how he made you feel growing up, explain how upset he's making you by trying to pop up into your life now. Do all the rambling, venting, etc that you care to do (or none at all, whatever you want).

But you lay out, in very clear, unequivocal terms, that you do not want a relationship with him. You do not want contact with him. And at least warning him that this letter is the final straw before you begin legal action to keep him out of your life.

The idea is that he'll have your written letter to re-read the next time he gets the overwhelming urge to pop-up at your doorstep. Maybe it'll make him think twice.

Plus, he'd at least get a final "heads-up" before being slapped with a restraining order.

Lastly, there would be no if's and's or but's about whether or not you were 'right' to start these legal measures. You'll be giving him one last, final chance to 'act right' and to leave you alone.

Again, you may already be well past this, and may already have been clear as clear can be... and a 'last chance' might be long past. If it is, then disregard this.

Regardless. Good luck 🙂

[DizzyDesii]

I just feel like I have told him kindly that I have nothing against him. I can’t say he really did wrong in life because he was there until I was like 3. But he still tried to reach out. I just chose to stay away since then and always. My mom forced me to go on the family vacations with him and his other kids. Outside of those bragging moments of his, he doesn't reach out and I am not even mad because I’ve never cared to be around him. I dont hate him, I just dont care for him and I’ve told him that directly and bluntly and he doesn't get it. He did not try as hard to see me until his wife didn't want him anymore this year. Before then, he prob popped up just for HS/college graduations. He doesn't even know my birthday. People spread word when I have a good job and am being paid well and then he pops up. Everyone in my family is an opportunist and he’s no different. He doesn't bust in out of desperation. He busts in because he plays too much and wants to impress whatever person is riding alongside him in the car. You say give him a chance? I did once after my juco grad and he was a noshow. I gave one more try before the pandemic hit when he took me to the airport. He was so rude and arrogant and controlling that whole car ride of “getting to know me”. He tried to turn me against my mom but was just as bad as her. He is her 2.0.

[SteveSmith1985]

I'm not quite sure why your situation hits me emotionally so hard. But it really does. Maybe it's because it's so foreign from anything I've had to go through in my own life; and imagining having to deal with the dynamic you're dealing with... would be fucking hard.

Now, I didn't mean to 'give him a chance' to have a relationship with you. Not at all. That's your choice to make, and I'm not going to presume to try and tell you anything about what you should do with regards to having a relationship with your father. That's 100% none of my business, and isn't what I was trying to make any comment about.

What I was urging you to consider giving him a 'last chance' on was: "One last chance to leave you alone, before you get the law involved to make him leave you alone."

The fact that you HAVE tried to 'give him a chance' to maybe try and establish a relationship, makes writing a letter all the more applicable. He might interpret those past 'chances' as hope that you might, maybe, possibly consider repairing your relationship.

Since you are clearly decided in your own mind that you do NOT want a relationship with him... writing a letter, saying whatever it is you want to say to him... might help make it crystal-clear to him where you stand; what you want; and makes it clear that this is the final step before you get police involved.

But again, if you don't feel a letter is necessary or appropriate. Then by all means disregard my suggestion. I'm not claiming to know what the 'right' move is 🙂

[DizzyDesii]

Do you feel a letter delivers something better than a text? Because i had text a bunch of stuff to him. I mean its deleted now but i made it clear to stop. He even used the excuse that I sent him to the hospital with my reaction like what

[SteveSmith1985]

Well, a letter is only different than a text insofar as it can be longer, and it can seem more 'formal' or 'official' or 'serious'. I mean... when's the last time anyone you know took the time, and effort to write motherfucking letter (typed is fine, written is even better). It DOES tend to make people 'pay attention' and makes them understand that this is something you've thought through, taken your time with, and are very serious about.

The other advantage is, it's ability to collect EVERTHING together for him all in one place. Telling someone something over the course of many text messages, especially if they're not all part of one single text conversation... is way less clear, and impactful than laying ALLL of that out together and wrapped-up in a neat package... where nothing is left unsaid, or unclear or in any way open to misinterpretation.

But, I feel like YOU feel like you've said all you feel you want to say already. You seem to feel that you have been crystal clear already. And seem to find the idea of a 'letter' redundant and unnecessary. And that may very-well be the case! If a letter doesn't sound like it makes sense TO YOU, then, don't even give it a second thought. I have no idea about the details of what's been said already, or what may have been left unsaid. Maybe you've already DONE all of this. Don't overthink my suggestion if it's not seeming to be a good fit for you and your situation. You know better than I do whether or not this makes sense.

[Lliam]

The other thing about writing a letter is, you could send it registered delivery. You could keep a copy of the letter and the return postal receipt for evidence as your reason for requesting a restraining order if he continues to show up at your house unannounced. It would show that you tried to reason with the man.

[SteveSmith1985]

@Lliam That's a very good point. You can even look at it as PART of the restraining order process. (just the step right before you involve the police and courts). But again. Only if it's something you feel would be a good fit for your situation.

[DizzyDesii]

No you’re both making s lot of sense :)

[SteveSmith1985]

Best of luck whatever you decide to do 🙂

[DizzyDesii]

Thank you

[SteveSmith1985]

You're welcome 🙂

[Anonymous]

I noticed people from older generations are more likely to “pop up” unannounced. Similar to calling someone on the phone for a long conversation with no heads up via text you would like to chat. Older people are more likely to do that. That is part of it.

Anyway I am not at all justifying his behavior. But I would give him one final warning that if he shows up unannounced on your front porch again then you are considering filing a restraining order. There is a court process in front of a judge for this.

Also just a heads up restraining orders do show up on background checks. This could impact his ability to interview for a job. A landlord could turn down his rental application among other things. So it’s got some far reaching effects. So make sure to use the words “restraining order” when you give him his final warning. Say it straight out so he knows what he is risking.

[DizzyDesii]

My dads not even 50 yet tho lol but yea he is old ig. He popped up because everytime he texts i tell him not to come and that i prefer to be left alone. So he decided to show with no warning. And damn i didn't know a restraining order risks all of that. I thought it was just if he broke it. Yea i’ll have to think on it

[Opinion Owner]

Most people don’t know how serious a RO can be. So if you are going to do something like this 1) give him a stern warning and the use the words “restraining order” verbatim. 2) study the law on this via the state you live in.

But I have to wonder if there is something your dad just needs to get off his chest and out of his system. Maybe or maybe not he needs to say something. It could be a deep regret about something.

[DizzyDesii]

No everytime he pops up he just says “i just want a hug”. Like ew stop 😂

[Opinion Owner]

You are his daughter. So despite his past behaviors at a DNA level he feels that bond towards you.

With that said you need to explicitly state WHY you feel the way you do and WHERE you stand. You need to draw the line.

I know how it feels having a parent that was far less than ideal by the way. I have some very deep issues with my mother. I haven’t had a genuine conversation with her in 6 years.

I told her explicitly in text message 6 years ago that “Mom there are some things you and I need to discuss directly. Until then there is going to be a boundary between us”. Instead of setting up a time to meet up she instead just ignored my issue and tried to pressure other family members into blaming me for the rift. All I want her to do is own to her past bs. But she is terrified of admitting she’s ever been wrong anything.

Anyway I set up the boundary like a mature adult. I said what I could say and I did it directly. I am not giving her a “pass” on her crap.

I got a feeling you haven’t been direct enough with your father. Instead your like “ew get away from me”. While your feelings may be justified it would actually help both of you communicate directly. It doesn’t have to be in person but a text/email that carefully and cogently speaks your mind will get through to him.

[Opinion Owner]

Also if he doesn’t respect your direct message than you might consider getting a RO. But again you can’t be passive aggressive on communicating where you stand.

[DizzyDesii]

I’m saying ew jokingly because i dont like hugging. Butj thats the thing i keep telling him that i have nothing against him personally because i mean it. Im just not a people person and I want him away from me. I didn't grow up around him so he's more easily disposable. But even the people i grew up around, i told them the same thing and they didn't respect my boundaries. They showed up uninvited and got left out in the cold. I like my space and need people to respect that. I think he thinks that i care whether or not he was around as a kid. I personally dont. Its nothing against him but i never cried about having a father. He was always available to visit and i always chose not to. I just dont care to be around him or 90% of others for that matter

[Opinion Owner]

And you need clearly communicate that because he doesn’t get it.

I would start writing up a draft email. Don’t sent it right it away but spill out your feelings. Maybe put it in a word doc first.

Revisit it again a few hours writing it (there is no such thing as good writing only good rewriting). Maybe have a trusted friend review it.

When it’s ready email it to him and send him a quick message. Make the following clear:

1. You acknowledge that he is your father and you can respect that fact

2. You have serious issues for him being out of the picture for most of your life.

3. You do NOT want nor appreciate him showing up on your doorstep unannounced. You do not feel comfortable hugging him. You do not like unsolicited texts/calls. All of that makes you uncomfortable.

4. You do not “hate him” but you do not know where you stand with him. But you are very sure that you don’t like him trying to contact you the way he does. You wish him the best but you want it to stop immediately.

5. Give him a warning that if he keeps doing this you will likely take legal action and file for protective order. However give him clear exceptions to the “no contact” rule (true emergencies)

6. Close with saying again you don’t hate him nor are “punishing” him with this. But you are an independent adult and want your boundaries. He need to respect that or there will be legal consequences.

[Opinion Owner]

by the way if you really do end up filing a restraining order you will need to provide evidence of his harrassment. Having proof that you sent this email is solid evidence.

[DizzyDesii]

This is really good except for #2. I dont care that he was absent. If i say that, he’ll think i have an issue. I pushed him away and continue to do so #2 is not his fault lmao

[Opinion Owner]

Well write #2 how you want. You need to be a combination of considerate, direct, honest and as tough as it might be respectful given he is your dad (and I know that’s easier said than done). But you also need to draw the line and effectively communicate. Even if he’s your father he still can’t read your mind.

If that doesn’t get through to him then you should take things to the next step. But you can’t keep going halfway on communication and expect him to suddenly figure out what where you stand. This goes for other relationships you have men too.

Women could do a better job at effectively communicating.

[Opinion Owner]

I say that all above with understanding this is a difficult and uncomfortable situation. But write it out. It gives you time to think through vs. just blurting someone out to him or worse saying nothing at all and expecting him to pick up in your body language.

[Opinion Owner]

*blurting out something

[DizzyDesii]

I've called him some certain slurs/out of his name and said stay away from me. he's an idiot if he doesn't take that to heart. he's just not listening. I literally talked to him like some random on the street and i hated that because i am actually somewhat nice but he annoys me by not listening. It goes in one ear and out the other with him. I dont respect him at all. And i definitely speak my mind with guys who i no longer want around me

[Opinion Owner]

This dynamic is a bit different though given he is family. Again that does NOT justify him showing up on your doorstep unannounced and asking for hugs all the time. But you need to acknowledge that difference.

You do not necessarily need to respect him but you can respect the dynamic that he’s your dad. That’s why it’s necessary to write a carefully written email like I recommended above.

Also I will tell you that most guys react better when the woman is very direct yet respectful about where they stand. Getting yelled at (right or wrong) creates animosity and adversarial combative feeling in guys. Some guys will actually continue to act the way you don’t want just because now their hurt/pissed. Definitely not saying that’s alright either but it’s how things escalate. You need judge each situation accordingly and control your emotions while doing so. That’s why I recommend writing this out.

If you can carefully write out this email it will give him an honest opportunity to see exactly where you stand. If he excepts it and backs off great. But if he doesn’t then it’s time to take things a step further.

But give him a chance with email first. Make sure to send him a quick text after you send it to make sure he reads it. You don’t have to respond to anything after that. If he shows up on your doorstep unannounced again it’s time for plan B. If he emails/texts you that he wants a respectful conversation after reading it then I will leave that decision up to you. But this is about very direct yet respectful about it. That will get through to him much more effectively than calling him a name. Trust me.

[DizzyDesii]

Thank you so much

[Opinion Owner]

No worries. I don’t know your dad from Adam but I do know how men think. We crave respect and we know the difference between respect and likeability.

Respectful rejection cuts through us because we know the woman is not using her emotions but speaking from a rationale headspace. Rationale judgment doesn’t fluctuate vs how emotions do. So we know she has her mind made up when its communicated like that. Nothing we can do at that point. This in turn makes us reflect on our own behavior.

Anyway I am not trying to “protect” your dad nor can I guarantee this will work. But I do know this is the best possible course of action to protect both of you.

Best of luck with the email.

[ZenJen444]

1st time would be a warning and the 2nd time restraining order. I feel you've shown him and told him you don't want to be bothered yet he continues to overstep your boundaries. But you know what he's gonna do once you file a restraining order?🤣 throw himself in the hospital talking about my daughter put my blood pressure up then text you like he did last time saying ,"look what you did to me." He's such a "victim". My dad is the same way ain't been around and now wants to pop up because he's getting older and he's all alone. The only time he wants to talk is to have some sort of bragging rights to his friends, his side of the family and his coworkers. I dont bother with him. He got mad at me because I didn't wish him happy fathers day. Fuck him father's day is for fathers not assholes who pop up once in a blue moon for their own benefit.

Unfortunately, I don't know if you'd be able to get a restraining order due to him being an asshole. I think he has to pose a threat to your safety. Depends on your state though.

[DizzyDesii]

You’re so right tho 😂 I was just thinking about him saying i caused him to be in the hospital. Like nah you busting in my house repeatedly is why you in the hospital

[ZenJen444]

😭😭😭🤣🤣 .. Can your mom talk to him? Can you change the locks?

[DizzyDesii]

he's a leo just like her. They enable eachothers bad habits. They would still be together if my grandma didn't make it look like he cheated. And he doesn't even have a key. He just busts in when someone goes to open the door, regardless of if we know its him or not. My mom asked him to leave and he started chasing her for hugs and she's sick and was sneezing all over him and he still wanted one. He already told me once that his goal was to get back with her and have his family again. Like mf bye. You had kids with three other women after her 😂

[ZenJen444]

🤣🤣😭 he's kinda funny in an annoyinh way. Maybe that's his agenda to be nice to you and suck up to your mom so he can get back in the picture.

[DizzyDesii]

She dont want him lmao. They ain't been together for 25 years

[ZenJen444]

Yet he's still trying? He needs to give that up🤣

[DizzyDesii]

He bragged about his meanass wife and now can't believe that she dont want him. Everyone warned him back then. His parents even only claimed my mom as their in law. Lmao

[ZenJen444]

🤣 and who was the guy egging him on to bust through the house? He need be put on the restraining order too.

[DizzyDesii]

Its prob the drunk he keeps helping out of kindness. Like i said, he's an enabler

[ZenJen444]

Lmfaooooo 🤣

[ZenJen444]

And he brings a drunk over omg no

[DizzyDesii]

I’ve never seen him with the drunk until today but i’m 99% sure its his “friend”. When he took me to the airport years back, he told me about his friend who turned to drugs/alcohol and begs him for money. Yet he keeps giving him money knowing the guys prob just gonna go buy more. Im extremely sure that was the guy. He said that after becoming a preacher, he just can't find it in his heart to say no. Like dude whatever

[ZenJen444]

So the alcoholic knows where you live now?

[DizzyDesii]

Omg i didn't even think about that. he's an idiot for bringing that guy by

[ZenJen444]

He's putting your life in danger. omg

[ZenJen444]

That's enough for a restraining order

[DizzyDesii]

More like he's putting the drunks life in danger 😂 my dads a big guy so its hard keeping the door shut when he's on the other side. Plus i dont wanna hurt him even though i dont care for him. But the other man is absolutely a stranger so nothings stopping me from fighting back

[ZenJen444]

Omg 🤣😭 your dad makes me laugh. Hard to hate him he's hilarious 😂

[DizzyDesii]

Thats why i said i dont hate the bastard but he got 4 sons (or 3 I don't know i lost count) who talk to him (i assume honestly dont know dont care) and then he has a stepdaughter. Im the oldest of all his kids but like why bother me man 😂

[BlueScorpio]

How old is your father? I'm hearing stories like this a lot now. There's this YouTube/tiktok trend going on where a lot of older women and kids are saying they won't be hospice care wife or kids for men/parents that's dipped out on them earlier in life and then try to reconnect with their kids the second they become deathly ill, too old to care for themselves, or just looking for money/place to stay etc. If you feel like that's your current situation and you feel like he's crossing the line, then definitely get the authorities involved. It's okay to forgive a parent who never around, but that does not mean a person gets to come back just to use you after not caring about you for many years. That is manipulation and a very selfish move. So please beware.

[DizzyDesii]

40 something. I don't know because i dont keep up with birthdays regardless of if i like the person or not 😂 But my parents dont need a hospice. Sadly in this area where i live, parents expect the kids to take care of them financially when the kid gets a job of their own (no matter the age of the kids). Parents like this are sickminded but its very common in my college town apparently. Outside of financial stuff, its not that he wasn't around. I didn't live with him bt he was always available to visit and vice versa. I just never cared to know him so i dont visit unless forced

[BlueScorpio]

How often would you say he was around?

[DizzyDesii]

Tbh, as much as i allowed. I never gave him the time of day when we lived apart so I don't know maybe once a year then as i aged up, once every 5 years or so

[BlueScorpio]

So he tried to be part of your life? What made you want to push him away?

[DizzyDesii]

Nothing against him. I push everyone away unless its someone im looking to someday marry

[BlueScorpio]

That's not good, don't burn bridges for no reason. Someday you will need those roads to get to the other side aka love, support etc. Plus there's loads of kids who wish to have their father in life but a lot of the dads don't put effort to be with their kids. If your dad really is trying build a relationship with you and not use you, then I think you should give him a chance. I thought this was one of those deadbeat dad situations, but I see now you just need to be comfortable with letting your guard down at bit.

[DizzyDesii]

He still a slick deadbeat though. He has too many kids and dont like to pay child support. I dont have a guard up tho. I just dont care to know him or really any of my family. Im even tired of the folks i lived with. people just think they’re more important than they are

[BlueScorpio]

Oo okay I see

[Aerissa_Jade]

Here, you need evidence to get a restraining order, it is easier if you lived together or been in a relationship. Hard to get against a stranger, as you'll need to prove you feel threatened for your life.

I'd call the police on him for trespassing as that should qualify in helping to get one.

I'd follow the three strikes your out, this is assuming it is just on my door step and not inside... if someone came inside I'd ask them to leave at the end of my gun. Can't say I'd shoot them, but I'd say out or else, cause I don't feel safe with you inside.

[DizzyDesii]

Its my dad lmao

[Aerissa_Jade]

Good luck with that

[Ms_Facesitter]

Once or twice. I am... how do I explain this. I like having people over, but only when I invited them in the first place. Whenever my parents would have people over I hated it. My parents were also pretty nosy for no reason and it really got on my nerves when they come in to make things more stressful than they need to be just by joining in on whatever I'm doing so any unannounced visit isn't welcome. Only if you're one of my best friends or my siblings, you can go do that, because they KNOW me and they would only do something like that when there is something really serious going on. I've had that happen this year, and it was indeed because of an emergency and that was the only time that she done something like that so.

But if you're not one of those people, I hope you brought an umbrella.

[DizzyDesii]

I dont even like friends/bfs over without an invite. No one

[AimeeKyle]

That is a tough one, especially knowing it is your father. And even more difficult, he isn’t respectful of your boundaries / requests.

It didn’t seem, from anything that I read anyway, that you have safety concerns. If that is a true assessment, then I would continue your stern regiment, reinforcing what you say/want. And maybe you install a ring or nest camera to improve notifications/avoidance. It would also allow you to not even answer the door / or go out the door knowing anyone was there.

A restraining order would be the last resort…. and I would likely only do it if there were safety concerns.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea no safety concerns. Just annoyed he doesn't respect boundaries

[exitseven]

This ia a difficult problem. My father divorced my mother and married somebody younger. I never saw him the same way after that but after a few years we started having some kind of relationship again. He was going to retire and I was about to become unemployed and we had made plans to do some things together. He died before we had a chance but I am glad we sort of reconciled a little.

[DizzyDesii]

I dont blame him for the breakup because my grandma planted stuff to make it look like he cheated. So i dont hold that against him at all. I am just not that kind to those who dont live with me. I told him as nice as i could several times but he keeps coming

[exitseven]

okay- maybe check to see if he is really sincere about having a relationship with you. If it is a scam than you cut him loose.

[DizzyDesii]

Im sure he is but i dont want one with him scam or not. he's just another outsider to me

[exitseven]

so for the rest of your life you will only allow the same people you have now to be a part of your life?

[DizzyDesii]

Um nooo. When i move states, they’ll get similar treatment

[exitseven]

What about your friends?

[DizzyDesii]

They are the main ones i used to leave knocking at the door. I told people not to showup uninvited and i meant it. I just turn the music up louder and blast out there knocks

[exitseven]

Okay, I will make sure I call you first.

[DizzyDesii]

Lol yea

[Wish4UrB00ty]

Damn! Yeah I think it might be time to get a restraining order. He just doesn’t seem to get it that you don’t want him in your life. And if he thinks it is okay to bust in and make you talk to him he has another thing coming. Honestly I would give his ass a beat down if he thinks he can just waltz in an own you. Like fuck no bitch! I’ve never had to get a restraining order but I know people who did. And I would have one on him!

[DizzyDesii]

You reaction is adorbs and made me laugh

[DizzyDesii]

*your

[Wish4UrB00ty]

I don’t like people messin with my people!!! ☺️😊

[mstbooblover]

No real idea, but the only person I'd allow to pop up that often would be an intimate girlfriend, but sure enough we would already have discussed about living together. Some exceptions may occur depending on circumstances, as for instance a job that needs to be done together, or some real emergency. Otherwise, nobody must inflict themselves on me unasked for without a good reason.

[DizzyDesii]

I dont like anyone poppin up on me. Not even my grandparents nor a boyfriend. I have left the bfs standing outside several times

[mstbooblover]

Well, I do understand that very well, and my wife would have agreed with you. Let me still honestly add that I don't get many visits anyway... ;0)

[JDAC092299]

Depends who they are and what kinda relationship I have with them, if it was family I’d limit it to certain days if they came round any other day I’d ignore them lol
If it was a girlfriend tho or my best friend they’d have a fair bit more leeway and freedom to visit whenever they want 👌

[DizzyDesii]

I’d ignore all the above if theyre uninvited 😂 I wouldn't give out keys for a reason

[JDAC092299]

Oh yeah keys are a no no, those people I mentioned would be allowed to visit when I’m there but nobody’s walking around my place without me XD

[DizzyDesii]

I dont blame you haha. But even if i was dating someone, if we dont live together, i dont want them showing up uninvited.

[JDAC092299]

I get that tbh it’s not everyone’s preference but If I’m dating someone and I’ve invited them back to my house I’ve clicked with them and I’m not planning on letting them go haha so the more time they want to spend with me the better because they would currently be my favourite person to be around but hey as I say I get that you wouldn’t want someone you barely know yet inviting themselves over that feels like a big red flag.

[DizzyDesii]

No like i could be dating the person for months and still only want to see them once or twice a week or month lol. I don’t want to spend every day together unless we’re like engaged and living together. But i definitely want to talk daily. I just dont need to see them daily

[JDAC092299]

Fairs, personal space is important oh and boundaries. My main problem is I compromise too much when it comes to them. I don’t think anyone should when it comes to boundaries as they’re there for a reason, respect, personal space, privacy etc I think people like me often compromise them a lot of the time to show love and trust but 9 times out of 10 that’s exploited. We live and learn tho right?

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i stopped compromising after 2019. I didn't feel like myself anymore trying to keep others happy. Now i set stuff in stone and if they can't deal, they gotta go lol

[JDAC092299]

💯 to that lol

[Googlemyahoo]

I don’t like pop in visitors. I guess being your father is a different circumstance but I can’t relate because I would never treat my kids like that. My parents weren’t assholes we go for dinner 2x a week my kids sleepover there.

My mother in law routinely shows up unannounced if I’m already doing something I keep doing it, gaming, cooking or napping.

[DizzyDesii]

Im more of an asshole than him but i just want him to stay away

[LordOfThePines]

No more than two times. It is clear they will not listen after the first time, and my sole duty is to ensure the safety of myself and my loved ones. If one shows up after that first encounter and being told to leave and not return, I will call the police. If they break in, I will do what I must to protect my family.

[DizzyDesii]

Im referring to a situation like mine though where its your distant parent

[LordOfThePines]

I am aware. It makes no difference to me. If I do not want someone to come around, I will tell them as such. If they show up again, I will call police. If they break in, I will have to consider them a threat at that point.

[DizzyDesii]

I like, i like.

[Abdulwahh]

If it's a friend then I don't have a problem. If it's a parent's I have a great responsibility in my religion towards them, they have certain rights over me, besides that you never want them to leave this world and regret is felt. there's a saying your own kids will treat you how you treat a parent, therefore I try my best to be mindful as imperfect as I am.

Nb. That's just my honest views I'm not forcing it on anyone.

[DizzyDesii]

No i understand. But i wouldn't regret anything because i know i’ve done my part. Anything else is extra

[SnowedIn]

Based on everything you wrote, I'd get the restraining order. He's getting physical and the guy in the truck isn't great either. I'm sorry this is happening to you. That really sucks.

[DizzyDesii]

Its just so uncalled for how he's doing this. If anything, thats moves he shouldve made when i was a kid or moves to keep
His wife from cheating 🤷‍♀️

[SnowedIn]

Just terrible. So sorry!

[LovingLoverReturned]

That's wrong. He is basically a stranger. And that's creepy. Is he fully sober? I'd go to the bathroom and call the cops. And maybe get a guard dog.

[LovingLoverReturned]

Being related to someone doesn't make them safe

[DizzyDesii]

He doesn't drink or anything. he's just aggressive. The guy on his passenger side was the drunk. he's the only drunk my dad puts up with. Im too afraid of dogs to want one

[RavVid]

Sounds pretty toxic that he wants help paying bills. I'd go down the restraining order path.

How do you deal with mom & grandparents? It is quite a burden being put on you.

[DizzyDesii]

Outside of occasionally grocery shopping together or movie night, i distance myself from them greatly. They are life suckers. I can't wait to go to vegas alone again

[RavVid]

A IRL friend has really been messed up by her toxic family. Unfortunately she is a very family oriented girl and it has ruined her life. Take care of yourself on this.

[DizzyDesii]

Thankfully im family oriented in terms of wanting to start my own. I won't let my past ruin me

[RavVid]

Glad to hear that.

[Guy13]

I’m thinking professional advice. Counselors are good in this area. And, Attorneys know those standards. They also know what normal is…

[DizzyDesii]

What about the norm?

[Guy13]

I don’t know enough. I would have to consult others who do. 🤷🏻‍♂️

[AMS700CX4u2]

That is why my father told my wife and I to get the"Hell Outta Dodge" Go live your lives your way.

[DizzyDesii]

I’d love to here that

[DizzyDesii]

*hear

[Agape93]

Without fear of violence, three times at most. But the moment you bust in my door, buckshot is busting through his skull.

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao you trip me out

[Agape93]

Hey, no trippin without mushrooms.

[worldscolide]

Once is enough. Just one time, if they did it again I would have them arrested for trespassing.

Where I live I honestly have the right to shoot them.

[DizzyDesii]

I wouldn't go so far as to shoot him or have him arrested. I just want to be left alone

[worldscolide]

You might have to have him arrested, if he doesn't obey a restraining order

[DizzyDesii]

Maybe escorted off the premises

[MysticDevice]

A restraining order is just a piece of paper. I have other methods my state allows. My house is my sanctuary. I don't play around when someone challenges that.

[DizzyDesii]

Thats where the big guns come out to play huh

[MysticDevice]

Fortunately that's never happened. Hopefully it never does. I worked hard for what I have and don't want to lose it.

[DizzyDesii]

I fully understand