I want to be his friend, how should I plan this?

Question

There's this guy in my class that I want to be friends with, but I'm pretty shy and don't know how to go about this. I'm planning on sitting with him next time in class, but where should I go from there? I don't really know about his interests, so I need help with convo starters or just things I can say.

I've already thought of a few like:

"hey, how's it going?"
"are you ready for the test?" (before a test)
"how'd it go" (after a test)

I still need ideas on what to do so please help :) !

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

Well, I think you're overthinking this.

Personally, I've found that NOT making any sort of specific plan for 'what you can talk about' is definitely the way to go.

Full disclosure. I'm not a shy guy. I never have been. Making new friends has always come really easily and naturally to me. And I think that making friends, makes it easier to make more friends because you start to gain confidence. You DON"T worry about 'not having something to say' or 'saying the wrong thing and looking stupid' (simply because you've done this so many times, and that hasn't happened)

I think that's allowed me to just, relax, and 'be myself'. I understand that things may have been very different for you. I can certainly appreciate that making friends is extremely stressful and difficult for some people. And I understand that I have no real idea what that feels like. I can only 'imagine'.

Nevertheless, I still think I can give you some (hopefully) useful advice. That advice would be "to put more trust in your own instincts. Put more trust in your own ability to find the appropriate thing to say in the moment... off the top of your head"... rather than coming up with a script, or a list of conversational topics or anything like that.

There are a few reasons I'm suggesting this.

First, you will come-off BETTER if it's actually 'natural' conversation. You really will. Think about what you've planned to say so far: "are you ready for the test? and "how do you think you did on the test" are both... basically attempts to pre-plan (what you hope will appear as) natural, off-the-cuff casual small-talk.

I guarantee you, that you will appear EVEN MORE natural if you really do engage in natural, off-the-cuff small-talk... that you genuinely are 'coming up with' on the spot.

For example. I am confident that you would naturally have thought of "are you ready for the test" if you had planned nothing, and just sat down next to him with no plan aside from trying to engage him in some small-talk.

You DON"T NEED a plan to come up with that. You never did need a plan to come up with that. You should TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS enough to be confident that you could remember that... when you're sitting there in class... before a test! And the other advantage to not pre-planning is... there is nothing to 'say wrong' or 'to remember'.

If you DON"T happen to think to ask him about the test, that's no big deal at all. You'll find SOMETHING else to say instead. You talk about something pertaining to class, school, people, your random thoughts about random things, or really anything at all, about whatever. THe CONTENT of what you talk about really doesn't matter. It can be anything. The point is to 'get talking' it doesn't matter what you're talking about.

The other reason you don't want to pre-plan is... a conversation is a two-way street. He will say things TOO. It's not only up to you to keep the conversation going. Plus, you're going to HAVE to 'come up with' responses to whatever HE says 'off the top of your head' (there's no way around that).

So just like you hopefully are pretty confident you can RESPOND appropriately to his end of the conversation, you should abandon pre-planning all-together, and try and have more confidence that you're equally capable of INITIATING random casual small talk as you are at responding to whatever he says in response to you.

I wish I could better put into words "how to easily make friends" but it's not something I can really articulate.

But I think that relaxing, allows you to be yourself. I think that you will 'come-off' at your best the more you feel at ease to talk... normally. Like you would for someone you didn't particularly hope to become friends with. THAT relaxed you who ISN"T trying to impress anybody... is going to be the version of yourself that people find most appealing.

I realize this is all easier said than done. But I really do think there's something to this. It would stress me out to try and do what you're trying to do. Remember a script, or a list of potential topics or whatever. I really think it's the wrong way to go. It's inevitably going to be an UNnatural seeming version of yourself (because that's exactly what it is)... and you'll do so much better, jumping in with both feet with no plan... and trusting your instincts to navigate the situation a lot more than you're trusting them now.

I hope this helps, it might not. But I really hope it does. Regardless, I wish you good luck

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

This book is like 100 years old but it will help you tremendously.

Guy___ · Accepted Answer

Don't just talk emptiness. You need to offer something valuable.

Anonymous · Answer

Do you want him or something?

I want to be his friend, how should I plan this?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

I want to be his friend, how should I plan this?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.