Guys, I caught my husband peeking at a breastfeeding woman?

[Suncatcher23]

For context, he attends a play group with our child 1-2 times a week and has mentioned the name of one other mom a couple times, 'Beth'. I guess she had attended at the beginning of group in Fall (when he did as well) so they got to chatting eventually.
He mentioned to me once that she breastfeeds her little one at playgroup, and one time it was right next to him. I was a bit off put by it, not by her doing it at all (it's necessary!) But that he mentioned it. I honestly can't remember what I said, but tried to make it seem like it wasn't a big deal.

I recently attended a playgroup with husband, as I'm not often able to go. At the end, nearly everyone had cleared out except for Beth and one other mom. We were sitting across from Beth, when she started breastfeeding.
I was talking to the other mom and I noticed my boyfriend's eyes were lingering on Beth for a bit. Like 4-5 seconds (that I noticed, but it might have been longer). He also may have looked more than once, but I was trying to hold a conversation with the other mom until he eventually joined in After the two min feed, Beth came up to him and they started chatting and I kind of joined but was a little heartbroken. Like he had gotten something out of watching her do that. It was hard to concentrate on conversation.

Unsure if it matters. He called her a 'grandma' mom once before. Like yes, maybe she looks a bit older, but nowhere near grandma age. She isn't super attractive, which I hate to say would make this worse otherwise. I think he just called her that so I wouldn't worry about anything.

I just feel a bit silly about feeling insecure. But it seemed he was trying to catch a glimpse of nipple/breast. Is it something worth confronting over? What should I say?

They will continue to see each other weekly for now

[loveslongnails]

You didn't want to make a "big deal" out of it when he mentioned it, yet here you are making "a big deal" out of it. LOL Look, guys like boobs. If one is exposed, we're going to look. You should already know this about men.

What exactly would you say? "Honey, why are you so intently watching her breast feed? If seems like you're trying to see her nipples, or making the milk dribbling out? Why are you doing that?" What would be an acceptable response to that, for you?

You're feeling insecure about something, that's for sure. You should figure out exactly what that is before you say anything, and determine then if it's something that he needs to hear, and/or you need to fix.

[Suncatcher23]

I do hear you. I understand it might not have been a big deal to him, but it did matter to me. I think I should have reframed this question to not be whether I bring it up, but how to bring it up, so that it isn't a huge issue.
Definitely do have insecurities though, beyond this, which are probably the root of it

[loveslongnails]

Thanks for being calm and considering all the options. It's always a good thing to examine "why does "X" bother me", and first answer that. That's a good practice in any situation. Consider also that you might want be thinking "anything remotely sexual about his attention or desires should be directed at me, and only at me, because he's MINE." Maybe you think you own that part of him, and that he should understand it and abide by it, and simply look away from ANYTHING remotely suggestive for the rest of his life?

If you're thinking that, you have to change your thinking. Not only don't you possess that, but... as I said initially --- Men Like Boobs and they're going to look!! You're not going to change that behavior with a marriage vow, or a piece of paper, but you CAN learn to accept it.

[connemara_crocodile]

Nothing to be bored. He's bored and he's ayes are wondering, and when you're mind is blank, it seems like you're eyes always end where you are trying to avoid to look. Happens all the time to me.
Then you go "oh fuck, I'm looking at it again", and try to look again.

Imagine being very bored in a line for a girls toilet, and from where you are you can see the guys pissing. You don't wanna see it, but you're eyes are gonna end up there evry now and then cause you keep thinking "don't look there, don't look there", so "there" is in your brain.

[Suncatcher23]

That's funny. I asked him and this was similar to his response. He also knew I saw, thought it wasn't a big deal, because he averted his gaze. I suppose in my head any amount of time could have seemed longer than it really was.

We also talked about when I was feeding. It's hard when you don't have a cover. Sometimes I could tell when people were uncomfortable and jerked away, or were the opposite and stared for way too long. Both those reactions more noticeable and made me feel uncomfortable or that they were sexualizing it.

His reaction was pretty calm. I'm taking that at as good sign

[UncleBilll]

you story is very confusing, you should not be concerned with what he does with his eyes since he's coming home with you... Do you still have milk, maybe he wants some.

[Suncatcher23]

Sorry it was a bit rambling. Maybe he does. He's mentioned it once before.
The only reason I'm not overly worried is because I can't tell she isn't his type physically. But it still bothers me

[UncleBilll]

He wants the milk, perhaps when your pregnant add him to the routine

[Suncatcher23]

I'm pregnant now. I'm trying not to make them off limits but it's a bit painful.
He is welcome to look at them anytime he wants lol. Maybe it was also the novelty of seeing new ones.
Mine are larger and maybe seeing smaller was intriguing

[UncleBilll]

yep, he can always look at hers while sucking yours

[AFretiredTXn]

Love your answer

[AFretiredTXn]

@unclebilll love your answer

[Suncatcher23]

@AFretiredTXn I wouldn't be okay with him watching for enjoyment. If he caught a peek because it was in his line of vision, no big deal. But I just wanted to clarify his reaction.
He said he thought it wasn't a big deal because he looked away, and that he was a bit grossed out by the fact it looked like he was watching.

It's kind of like when I was nursing. He watched, but wasn't into it. What got him turned on was when I would lactate when we were intimate lol

[AFretiredTXn]

Loved it

[SnowedIn]

Let this go. Please don't make a big deal out of it.

[Suncatcher23]

I get it. I did bring it up because in the end, I knew I wanted to see his reaction from talking about it.
In the end, I feel a bit embarrassed actually.
I think the 4-5 seconds I thought it was, was probably half that time. Just sensitive right now

[SnowedIn]

Don't be embarrassed. It makes a huge amount of sense. And your sensitivity is legit. I just think not worth bringing up. and making a big deal of.

[Suncatcher23]

I did bring it up. But i will leave it alone now :)

[es20490446e]

When I did that it was plain curiosity.

I didn't felt like sexual arousal, rather like eye garbing.

[Wise4myage]

Its natural for us to look, so don't get too freaked out about it.

[Suncatcher23]

Makes sense, I have noticed as well I suppose. I am somewhat bisexual (have some attraction but never had a female relationship, so I don't know for sure)

I doesn't do much for me at all. I think 'oh wow, a boob'. Then I move on. We have similar thoughts so maybe this was similar too!

I think pregnancy hormones are making me overthink

[Wise4myage]

I’m guessing being pregnant has a lot to do with this, lol. I’m following you.😊

[Suncatcher23]

And apparently I am following 5 people even though I don't know how that happened. Lol!

[Wise4myage]

Me either lol

[Wise4myage]

Sometimes you can do that by accident.

[Wise4myage]

Your first two followers are added automatically when you sign up. So it’s just three that you don’t know about. 😊

[Wise4myage]

Sorry just 2.

[mathew1543]

It looks like he enjoys to seeing it and she's feeding the child on purpose so that he can she it.

[Suncatcher23]

Yeah I had wondered if she did wait until he was right Infront of her. But I am not worried about her behaviour, more his. What could I say to confront it?

[mathew1543]

Tell him he shouldn't have stared at her breasts like that. It's completely normal even if you get mad at him. He is going far. And she could have breastfed her child in the car too lol

[Suncatcher23]

Yeah, I do believe a woman should be able to feed her child anywhere. But maybe I'll find a way to bring it up

[mathew1543]

Really? Find a way to bring it up? He's your fucking husband!! Tell him directly what you have to.

[Suncatcher23]

Yeah, I'd like to. You wouldn't be tempted to look at all? I'm just trying to gage if it was normal he did this or if its not normal at all

[mathew1543]

If I have a partner I don't a fuck about other girls. And she literally has a baby too like OMFG!

[Suncatcher23]

I don't think he's into her, maybe just in seeing a glimpse of something. I'll bring it up

[mathew1543]

He has done it before too

[Suncatcher23]

Yeah, I would believe it

[mathew1543]

Follow me so I can dm you

[Suncatcher23]

Lol why dm. I actually think I might have had less of a reaction to this than you.. so it's made me realize I want to approach it rationally and as calm as possible.
Otherwise it would blow up into a huge fight, and it's really not worth that.
Thanks for input!

[mathew1543]

I hope the best for you. I hate when people do that. It gets on my nerves easily. Cause if a person is in a relationship then just fucking think about their partner and focus on him/her and not someone else.

[mathew1543]

You sound like he wears the pants in your relationship. Good luck to you!

[Suncatcher23]

I'd have to correct you there, for sure. I confront things when I feel it's needed. But before that, I try to keep things in perspective, reflect on when things are a big or small problem, before I act. Hence my question here.

I've had someone flirt with me once without knowing I was married. Husband's reaction was to be happy that I told him, and happy that it gave me a confidence boost lol.

After a sleep and a good talk with him I'm reminded that not everything leads to cheating/fantasizing about others. I hope you can relax those nerves. I would certainly wish best of luck to you as well for that reason. Its hard to do relationships otherwise

[LiamJHayden]

It is kind of normal to look a bit longer at something unusual.

[In_Trance]

Instead of getting offended, why don't you shove your boobs in his face

[Avicenna]

I would leave it alone

[Suncatcher23]

Is it normal for almost any guy to look?

[Avicenna]

Yes, it’s normal. He should be discreet about it though, as much as possible

[AFretiredTXn]

@Suncatcher23 yes t's normal, and when my wife was nursing, I like to watch and enjoy some milk also.

[Guy13]

Sounds normal to me

[Shamalien]

Women ruin relationships with this shit