How does anyone do it all?

[Anonymous]

I’ve found that I can’t seem to keep up on everything…. I don’t really talk to any of my friends these days, I have doom piles stacking up in corners of my apartment, I’m stressed and depressed and my mild OCD symptoms have been kicking into high gear…. I just…. Can’t seem to stay on top of everything….. I have to make dinner for my household of 4, clean the house, converse with my minor sister living with me, manage my adult brother’s meltdowns, do the pick ups and drop offs and grocery shopping and work and apply for a third job and somehow manage to have time and energy to tend to my husband’s needs… and I’m dropping balls everywhere… I beg my brother to just try to empty as much of the sink of dishes each night as he can and hand wash dishes and load the dishwasher and he is irritated and my husband feels neglected and my sister is sad because my two bedroom apartment is anything but my mum’s house which is minimalistic and pristine…. And I’m just exhausted and barely have the energy for making food and working and trying to keep up with everyone’s needs….. help?

[SteveSmith1985]

You poor woman! You've just got too much on your plate. That's what it is. Most people DON'T "do all that!"

No wonder you're dropping the ball... you're trying to juggle an absurd number of balls. Just a crazy number of balls; more than any person (or clown) should ever try to keep in the air.

You do need help. Or at least you need to one way or another, empty a couple of things off of that heaping plate.

I have no idea how stressed out your husband is, but he better be stressed-the-fuck-out otherwise you need to offload some of this on him. I'm sure he's a busy guy, and you don't want to load more shit onto him... but seriously... Marriage is a partnership right? You have a lot of weight you're trying to pull (overall) is he truly pulling his share? Is he as stressed out as you are? Because if he's even a tiny-bit less stressed out than you are... you need to ask him to pick up some of the cooking, cleaning and other household stuff that he is ABLE to help you with (should you ask).

I don't know your husband. I don't know if he's a wonderful man, or a lazy piece of shit who doesn't' deserve you. Regardless... if he loves you, he WANTS you to unload some of that on him right now. He really does. Do you think he'd offer to help any way he could if he knew just HOW stressed-out you are at this moment? Of course he would. Even a shitty husband would. Fuck, I would offer to come clean your house if I could. You're stressed out to the extreme... but with such valid reason for being! If your husband is physically and psychologically fit to help you. You need to let him know you need his help.

Now, your adult brother. My suggestion is to literally (literally) copy-and-paste what you wrote here and either read it to him, send it to him, or print-it-out and hand it to him.

He will be better.

(Note. If he is not better: Open-hand-slap-the-shit outta him. Just let-him-have-it. Beat him about the neck and face as though he were a piñata. Just take out all of your stress on his stupid-selfish-face, until you're good and tired. What's he gonna do? Call the cops and tell them his sister slapped him around? I doubt it)

Your little sister... now I don't know if she's 17 or like 9. I also don't know the story that leaves her living with you. But I'm going to guess she's been through some shit--possibly recently. You're a great sister to talk to her, to try to comfort her, and to make her feel better. Just be realistic about what you're expecting of yourself. Is your sister REALLY sad because it's not like your mom's place? Whether that's something you're assuming, or even if she's straight-up saying that's the exact reason she's sad... I think you know it's not.

There's a whole lot going on there. I'm sure she wishes your place was just like your mom's. I'm sure there are all kinds of complicated emotions for her... attached to the fact that your place IS NOT your mother's place. But it's not the REASON she is sad. I suspect she is sad about a broader situation, and this is a symptom. You're doing a great job of being a sister. Don't expect you can fix all that your sister is upset about. I guarantee you she truly appreciates what you ARE doing for her. Even if it doesn't seem like she does. You'll find out when she grows up... she already knows you're a great sister. Don't put as much pressure on yourself to keep your place 'pristine' like your mom's.

I think you are already super-woman for doing all that you do. I don't know how you do all this. This is not what most people have to do. Third job? Are you kidding me?

You hang-in-there... super-stressed-out-mystery-girl. You're kinda my hero already... but you need to spread some of this weight around. You cannot do this much. It is unsustainable. You have to find ways to lessen bits of this burden. This is too much for anyone. Good luck 🙂

[Asker]

I really really really appreciate everything you wrote 💙 I’m…. Trying to convince my family members to help a little bit and trying to balance things a little better… as for my husband… he’s…. Exhausted a lot, just as I am…. my side of the family doesn’t really know how to be around him much so he can’t really help out a lot with some things, though he has tried to…. Pretty much all he feels comfortable doing around them these days is hanging out in our room on his computer usually with the door closed….. but he does help with my brother’s meltdowns lately so that has been good…. He’s a great man, we just are lacking in the communication department and kinda both don’t wanna be a burden to the other……

[SteveSmith1985]

I can appreciate not wanting to be a burden to the other. That's generally as it should be.

But it's ok to ask for help when you've got more than you can handle. That's how it should be as well.

I cannot imagine what the story might be leading your side of the family to not want to be around your husband. But that is an insane additional layer of stress for you to cope with.

Obviously I don't know you, or your situation. You gotta do things however makes sense to you, of course. But... one thing in particular really seemed "off" to me.

You are on the verge of a nervous breakdown... for fully legitimate reasons. You have so much on your plate, anyone would be stressed beyond stressed. So while you're killing yourself trying to get everything handled... running yourself ragged... he is most comfortable on the computer? That seems really really wrong to me.

I hope that one way or another, your life gets easier soon. You've got more on your plate than anyone should have. I wish you the best of luck. 🙂

[MementoMori777]

First thing you gotta do is take a breather, so drop everything and take a breath, you are trying to do everything at once, you have everything in your mind and you are only one person, so do the easiest/most important things first, one thing at a time, stop jumping ahead of yourself, it will just stress you out more, focus on one thing at a time and complete it, you'll be more calm, I doubt everything you gotta do has a due date.

[Asker]

I know if doesn’t have a due date per se…. I just… feel like I am slacking too much and that is making everything chaotic….

[MementoMori777]

Rushing at it will just make it more chaotic tho

[MementoMori777]

You should be going with the flow not trying to outrun the flow 😆

[Asker]

Maybe… I just…. if my mum knew how bad of a job I’m doing adulting at 24 I would probably be in a ton of trouble….. I also feel like I’m totally failing at life 🤣 it’s greeeeat… and I feel bad because I accidentally disturbed the ant nest in our bathroom and my husband had to help me kill them with rubbing alcohol, keeping him up late when he works tomorrow morning (I have an accidental day off because they forgot to schedule me XP)

[Asker]

I don’t know how to go with the flow XD it’s not a phrase in my vocabulary

[MementoMori777]

You can definitely use that free day to catch up on things, or you can just sleep through it, whatever lol

I don't know why y'all wasted alcohol if y'all could've just drowned them in water or ant spray, either ways I believe you are adulting perfectly fine, just have a lot on your plate which is normal and I'm sure happens to everyone, no lie tho the time you are using speaking to me about your bad adulting you could be using to accomplish some of these things on your long list 😂

[MementoMori777]

And if you slow down you can learn to go with the flow, this girl over here trying to race that shit lol

[Asker]

Oh no trust me, I’ve been working on making a digital list of all the things to do in the morning XD I would be doing the things but everyone else in the house is asleep at 2AM and would not be stoked XD

How does one have time to slow down? I can barely convince myself to sleep XD

[Asker]

Also, with the water or ant spray thing—the ant spray would hurt the cats if left on the surface and we already had mold when we moved in so water on the bathroom floor was not the way to go XD we just have a megaton amount of rubbing alcohol around the house because my husband swears by the stuff XD he dilutes it a little with water and sprays it on anything he can think of XD

[MementoMori777]

Homie sounds like a germaphobe, God bless his soul, so is everything on your list some loud activity that will cause a ruckus 😂

But if it's 2am for you as well then perhaps you should get rest and about the mold... yea I got nothing, let mold be mold I guess or spray it down with some of his alcohol water, just try to take things slow when you wake up and start doing your ruckus activities, there's no reason to rush, except maybe that stack of papers you got sitting on the corner of you'd apartment