I'm hurt with what my mom said, how should it be approached when we cool down?

[Anonymous]

I'm 27 and I just moved into my mom's house because I couldn't afford my apartment anymore. The city and state where I live, prices have gone up in the cost of living but the pay for jobs have remained the same. There have been times where I had no food and starved because of how bad it is. I have two jobs but I couldn't do it towards the end.

My mom just went through a break up from her boyfriend of 13 years, so she's a little negative on things. For the past two months if I tell her a guy talks to me and give her the details to it, she will automatically say he's gay and not interested in me. The guys are 100% straight. It got me upset because it made me feel like I'm not capable, good enough, or pretty enough for a guy to talk to me without the conclusion that he likes men. I've talked to other people about the guys and get their inputs but they don't go to the conclusion that they like men.

How do I approach this when we cool down? I'm honestly really upset about this.

[ManOnFire]

That's a pretty toxic thing to deal with from your own mom who you should feel comfortable talking to, especially since it would be that good kind of girl-to-woman bonding you need. Very sorry she's doing this to you.

But I can explain it: you said your mom just went through a breakup after 13 years and she's in a negative mindset. But believe it or not, she would also be like that with her child, because there are many cases of mothers being jealous of their own daughters being able to attract males where she feels lacking and not good enough after going through that breakup. She feels undesirable right now, so she's going to shoot you down. Keep in mind that women who are single and feel undesirable can be this way even with their own female friends too. And they also can be this way even with men when a guy tells a woman that he's got some women being into him.

I think the best thing to do right now is to just not talk to your mom about guys who like you, so that not only you protect your own self from her negative attitude, but that you also don't inadvertently make her feel like you're putting it in her face that guys like you, because she'll take it as meaning men don't like her since she's tangled up in all of her emotions right now.

[Asker]

Oh my goodness. I really love your opinion and input on this. Thank you so much for sharing. This opened my eyes a little bit and made me think about things differently.

[ManOnFire]

No problem. Even when it's tough, we sometimes have to look at the way the other person feels too and think that maybe something we're doing might cause them extra hurt. You're not doing it on purpose but she might see it that way. She's your mom and I'm sure she loves you, but right now she's just in a dark mindset.

[MementoMori777]

Sounds to me like she's hurt from her breakup so when she sees you with your partner she reacts with her emotions

[Asker]

What can I do about this? It sucks cause she's really the only one I talk to. My Dad died two years ago and I have only one friend but she's married with kids and is always so busy. So I don't have really anyone to talk to...

[MementoMori777]

Was her boyfriend gay by any chance? Because that coming out of nowhere makes me think that's why she broke up with her boyfriend, comfort her like a friend through a breakup, she's just hurt and has no one to lean on and it's why I think she's reacting off her emotions

[NotTacocaT6969]

She’s hurt and upset about what happened to her and it’s causing her to lash out at you.


Do you best to forget what she said and avoid the subject of men and relationships when you’re around her to avoid triggering the part of her that’s still trying to get over what happened.


Imagine if you had a kitten who died and your mom kept talking about kittens in front of you…it would hurt you every single time wouldn't it?

[ImalwaysrightOK]

She's jealous of you, which is kind of sad.