Why do some people struggle with opening up, like they don't open up easily at all?

[Anonymous]

she never opened up to me and I addressed it, so she said "its somethign i struggle with, but im aware of it and im working on it. you're one of the v few people i feel comfortable opening up to, so please dont be mad at me"

[provokeesmokee]

There's a lot of reasons.

I don't know hers, but here are some of mine:

• I grew up in abuse, my mother leveraged any knowledge she had of me to abuse me. So, being secretive and reserved was protection.
• Due to the above, I found it hard to trust.
• When I did finally become comfortable to be myself, my old friends didn't like my "new personality" - I realized they never knew the real me. Only the curated version of me that pleased my mother. That made it hard to think others would like who I was, authentically, at first.
• My family often ridiculed me - either because they were dicks (a cousin of mine with a bad personality but he's also the party animal), manipulated by my mother, or they were just being fun; but abused me couldn't tell because sarcasm = attacks in my home.

It took literal years of therapy, meds, and working through trauma to get to a point where I can not only feel comfortable opening up, but I know how to "gate" parts of my truth to protect myself against strangers or people I don't trust.


It's very good you're able to be someone she can open up to.


If you truly want to support her, let her know it's an honour to be trusted with her opening up, and you're excited to get to know her more, at whatever pace she's comfortable moving at.

[Changiis07]

It's hard sometimes to open up, specially if you weren't heard as a child opening up as an adult can be difficult, lots of struggles come from past situations where maybe she wasn't heard or her parents didn't care or weren't there. Not saying this is the case but something in her past is letting her open up now

[Asker]

oh thank you- yeah she's pretty much of a hermit. her response was really sweet though saying "im aware of that and it's something I dislike about myself, but i'm working on it. Maybe there never was an incident or moment that allowed for us to earnestly open up, but if anything you're one of the very few in my people i feel comfortbale opening up to, but trust me, im working on it. are you mad at me?"

[Changiis07]

She probably feels heard by you and it's not something that can happen overnight, it does take time she prob needs to feel heard or cared for. Also asking questions and deep diving, asking open ended questions that can also have her open up more

[Telekinetic-Potato]

I don't like opening up. There's a lot of darkness to me. From my childhood to the people around me, the situations I've had to go through. They've shaped me in ways that aren't easy for people to notice irl and are even harder to understand, even to me.

[JeffersonA]

Honestly just how comfy they are and how much they trust you.

My trust takes time and people force it so I pretend open some. More defensive thing that I got from being hurt then I wanna be fake.

Give her time and be friends she will open up

[Anonymous]

In a lot of cases, people like you want others to open up because you yourself over share and don’t wanna be alone in putting out all this unnecessary information. Some people aren’t interested in doing that and it’s not always about trust, comfort, or whatever, it’s boundaries.

[jahaims]

Because it bit them in them in the ass before in past relationships

[Asker]

can i ask you another question please?

[jahaims]

Sure

[Asker]

i was apologizing to a guy friend of mine for something i did cuz i was upset, and he said he's always there for me and that he'd never get mad at me, so then he said "but funny thing is that you never open up", so i said "im aware of that and its something i dislike about myself. but if anything, you're one of the few people in my life i felt comfortable opening up to, maybe we just never had the chance/incident where we could earnestly open up." so he said "but you never did", so i said "its something i struggle with and im working on it. are you mad at me?" and he said "nope".

why is it that he wants me to open up so badly?

[jahaims]

That is how people connect

[Asker]

but what does he want me to talk about?

[jahaims]

You'd have to ask him. How would I possibly know what a stranger wants to say to you lol

[In_Trance]

They don't struggle; you just aren't the person they feel comfortable doing it with