Im starting to wonder if this friend is using me or am I just a bad friend?

[Anonymous]

Not just me, but others.

So for example she asked me to help her move from one city to another, it was a 5 our drive and a huge house of contents... I was happy to do it and she's asked me on a few occasions in a 2 month period which I did

We go out for meals every other month, it was my turn to pay this time and I casually mentioned to her that I was taking my mom out for dinner and she invited herself and her 2 kids and was expecting me to pay for everyone. I just couldn't, so I asked if she could pay for her and her 2 kids and ill pay for me and my mom. She was annoyed but she did.

She doesn't have WiFi as its getting sorted at the moment so asked if she can work from my house and she has to bring her son I said that's fine.

If I mention to her I have new shoes or new tools or something she wants to borrow them.

I bought a gift for her kids and she told me that it didn't have a plug charger just a USB one and If I can get a plug charger and that the whole toy broke after a month so she wanted me to sort out I was happy to

I have family in Canada so she wants to come next time I go so she can save on accommodation and yes bringing her kids

I bought some chicken that she didn't like and said it was too sweet

By the way she does thank me with gifts and she's supportive emotionally to me

I just sometimes feel for the past year or so everytime I hear from her its because she wants or needs something.

I have known her for over 20 years now.

Am I just being a bad friend or is there some using going on here?

[Xoxocutekitty]

I think it's normal in a friendship to have one person who is more "well off" and capable of spotting their friend, whether it's dinner, providing a place to crash, or just having stuff that's useful enough to be borrowed.

I do think that some people are much more comfortable "asking to borrow" stuff, than you might be to give it. It's definitely a tricky situation since there's a silent guilt trip if you don't acquiesce to that person's request. I do think though, at some point it can be helpful to put up boundaries.

My husband had some friends like this. They felt comfortable asking to use our car, host a party for them at our house, and use our laundry because their "machine was broken," all in the same week. Are they malignant users? Not necessarily, but will it impact our friendship, only if they can't handle the rejection of saying no, you can't borrow it - ask someone else or figure it out.

If I didn't say no to them doing laundry at my house, they would be doing it every week because "it makes sense for them." Like bro, you quit your 200k job to work at a start up. You have laundry, you just don't want to use it because getting quarters like every else is "too much of a hassle." Honestly, some people just need to grow up. If they're your friends, they'll get over it. I still hang out with these people every 2-3 weeks.

[petitedollbabee]

I think that she might be taking advantage of you, and you’ve allowed it to happen. I think she still sees you as a friend, and you’re not a bad friend, but maybe she’s trying to discreetly freeload off of you while trying not to make it obvious, hence the emotional support and gifts that she gives you. I wouldn’t cut off the friendship, but you need to set healthy boundaries. Otherwise this will keep happening. She shouldn’t be inviting herself and her children to things that have nothing to do with her. And you need to make that clear.

[Ali4Sy]

I think friends can stand for each other each time when any of them needs help... That's how friends be, it's not all about talking and laughing and etc, sometimes they need help and we have to help, you don't know maybe sometime you'll need her help.

My advice is don't lose friend like this (you are friends for 20 years that's mean you know each other very well and still friends this is a thing you can't replace).

And good luck 🤞

[JeffersonA]

Probably more going on here and she needs a helper not a friend.

Being single mom is hard and friends become helpers but protect yourself don't help her to much

Keep it a healthy thing and if she just wants help and you need a friend call someone else knowing she will need help.

Her friendship comes with a string for now

[Anonymous]

i'm guessing she's a single mom... and also loves to try to freeload every change she gets. since apparently the kids father isn't doing anything. it's not your problem that she has kids, etc. i'd honestly stop talking to her. her behavior is just straight up rude and that's not how friends act... i don't care how long you've known her, enough is enough.

[ShesRad80]

no you aren't being a bad friend she is. start dodging her calls if she only is calling when she wants something. sounds like a one way friendship these days on her behalf

[Asker]

She called me yesterday to see how am I am and wants to visit because I've not been feeling well

[Asker]

And told me she's here for me

[Flower7]

Very rude of her to come to the dinner with your mom, especially since she brought other people. And unthinkable for her to think it would be a free meal.

[glennos89]

Express your feelings. Maybe she doesn't realises that she is doing that. In a good friendship you should be able to have a conversation about it at least

[WhitneySnow]

She sounds like a user. Though she does give you gifts and support you emotionally so I’m not 100% sure.

[noohair]

It seemms like you treat her as a friend and she treats you like something less. I have removed everyone that I consider an emotional or financial vampire. They are not friends anyway.

[WilmaReportu]

I take a zero-tolerance stance on any type of offensive speech. If you are found to be using hateful or derogatory language, I will take it upon myself to report you. So, if you wish to stay out of trouble, think twice before you speak.

[Hazelxoxx]

Dont let her use ur staff and don't pay her anything. And if she upset she want to take benefit

[Anonymous]

Yes, I think she is using you, but you are allowing it to happen.

[Asker]

She does buy me gifts to say thanks though like vouchers or she'll pay for food. She let's me stay at her house if i need to. She does give back its not one sided am I being unreasonable

[Opinion Owner]

Sounds about even then.

[boobliker]

its you

[Asker]

How lol

[In_Trance]

it's both