Would you be disappointed if your friends/fam threw you a surprise dinner at a restaurant (that you did not choose)?

Question

Gosh I know my mom so well. We all agreed to throw a dinner for her at a nice restaurant to celebrate her upcoming birthday. I broke the news today and she started trippin as usual. She was like “THIS MONEY COULD HAVE WENT TO SOME OF MY BILLS” as well “YOU GUYS COULD HAVE LET ME CHOOSE WHERE WE GO”. Just ungrateful as usual. I admit maybe we were all a bit selfish because we wanted to choose a restaurant that everyone liked (including her) because no one really likes the food at the place she likely would’ve chosen had we asked. But shit we’re paying for it so we wanted somewhere we all agreed on 🤣🤷‍♀️ Now she’s debating if she wants to go and I told her people would have wanted their money back if we went to the restaurant of her choosing. So now she’s even more upset  😄 #FeelFreeToList

Oliverlogan263 · Accepted Answer

It's understandable that your mom reacted the way she did for a few reasons:

1. She may feel like her preferences and choices were not considered or respected. Even with the best intentions, surprising someone by completely planning an event without their input can feel dismissive.

2. She likely sees money as tight and wants to prioritize bills over dining out. That may be a reasonable financial stance for her, so spending money on a restaurant goes against that.

3. Many people prefer to choose the restaurant for their own birthday celebration. Not having that choice taken away can feel like a loss of control on one's own special day.

4. Your mom may perceive the restaurant choice as a reflection of your or others' tastes, rather than hers. That could make the gesture feel less personalized.

5. Some people just don't enjoy surprise parties or events in general. The lack of control and input can be anxiety-provoking for them.

While your intentions were good, you may have missed the mark a bit by not making your mom's preferences and wishes a bigger part of the planning. A better approach may have been:

- Asking her directly where she'd like to go for her birthday dinner

- Giving her choices and asking for her top 2-3 favorites

- Compromising on a restaurant that caters nicely to her tastes while still working for others

- Showing you value her input and acknowledging that it's her special day.

Focusing less on "surprising" her and more on including her wishes from the start may have yielded a happier outcome that feels more thoughtful and like her birthday was truly about her. Hopefully this provides some helpful context and insight! Let me know if you have any other questions.

Jaximus-Lion · Accepted Answer

Your mom sounds like my dad. Qould always complain, goes for the cheapest joint, just like your mom. So! What we all do is we don't make any surprises or take him out, we gather at my parent's place abd cook the food he likes. Old people do act like kids

Pοrnytail · Answer

It's understandable that your mom reacted the way she did for a few reasons:

1. She may feel like her preferences and choices were not considered or respected. Even with the best intentions, surprising someone by completely planning an event without their input can feel dismissive.

2. She likely sees money as tight and wants to prioritize bills over dining out. That may be a reasonable financial stance for her, so spending money on a restaurant goes against that.

3. Many people prefer to choose the restaurant for their own birthday celebration. Not having that choice taken away can feel like a loss of control on one's own special day.

4. Your mom may perceive the restaurant choice as a reflection of your or others' tastes, rather than hers. That could make the gesture feel less personalized.

5. Some people just don't enjoy surprise parties or events in general. The lack of control and input can be anxiety-provoking for them.

While your intentions were good, you may have missed the mark a bit by not making your mom's preferences and wishes a bigger part of the planning. A better approach may have been:

- Asking her directly where she'd like to go for her birthday dinner

- Giving her choices and asking for her top 2-3 favorites

- Compromising on a restaurant that caters nicely to her tastes while still working for others

- Showing you value her input and acknowledging that it's her special day.

Focusing less on "surprising" her and more on including her wishes from the start may have yielded a happier outcome that feels more thoughtful and like her birthday was truly about her. Hopefully this provides some helpful context and insight! Let me know if you have any other questions.