My family don’t care about me, I’m scared of being alone during Christmas, what should I do? Why are they like this?

[Anonymous]

It’s very complicated and a long story. My sisters lived with mum and I lived with my dad growing up. Dad worked away so my former step mother looked after me and she was extremely abusive. Fast forward to now (I’m an adult now), my dad would say hurtful things or critique my appearance/size (I’m a US size 6). I would get upset and disagree or run to my room crying - they called this being “too sensitive” or “blowing it out of proportion”. My dad and new step mum would be the first to tell everyone about this and make me look bad. Then my siblings would give me the cold shoulder when it’s nothing to do with them. They also would complain that I never helped when I spent every evening helping them around the house and cleaning their guest rooms after work.

I would also hear all the nasty things they would say behind my back. The worse was when they said the car didn’t even hit me (I was in a car accident and took 3 months to recover from my injuries). Earlier this year, I had a massive fight with my dad, I got good news and they called me and critiqued it until I was upset. By this point I had already moved out and decided to stand up for myself and said if they can’t respect my boundaries then to leave me alone, that I wasn’t going to tolerate nasty comments anymore. So they cut me off, they told my sisters and my sisters gave me the cold shoulder. I haven’t spoken to them since until today. I reached out to all of them and apologised. Got ignored mostly but my sister said I “twist things”, “blow things out of proportion” etc and that I have to apologise to everyone. Eventhough I’ve done this, they don’t seem to really care. It hurts so bad. I’d never do anything to hurt anyone. I don’t understand any of it and I don’t want to be alone during the holidays, what should I do? Why are they like this?

[lightbulb27]

I don't know for sure. you really need a counselor to help sort through this.

As you write it, they are abusing you emotionally by devaluing how you feel and your contributions. There is a "group think" that happens after someone is beat down enough, others start to kick them as well. Just because that's what everyone does, so others follow along. As well, is it possible you are more sensitive and maybe more empathetic than others?

It may be you are a more sensitive person... lookup highly sensitive person personality.

I like how you started standing up for yourself! Bravo!

That does hurt bad, I've not experienced this. I'd be inclined to find a way to enjoy the holiday, possibly without them.

I'm sorry to hear, family should be better than that. That is not normal.

[Ironic_Method]

Growing up I didn't really have a family. My mom lived in another state and my dad would just leave and do his own thing on the holidays.

Fortunately I had some amazing friends that always loved to have me over and it's the best feeling.

I personally only care about the family I choose.

[MemeSupreme]

ik it sucks going through family drama like that bc it's the most infuriating and toxic thing ever.

my mom and step-dad were very abusive and i moved out at 16/17 into my grandma's. ik it's soul crushing being away from everyone but push through. it gets easier each year and not having that toxicity near you is so worth it mentally. i only recently started talking to my mom some after 3 years bc she gave a genuine apology surprisingly and the conversation felt real. i also wanted to see my little sisters and brother

i'm sorry you're having to deal with your family being cold like that tho and some family members are just assholes bc of their upbringing or whatever reason. it's not on you which ik can be easy to forget

[BunBun369]

Come spend the holidays with me 😊. (Not hitting on you) Shit my family isn't perfect but it's a family. The more the merrier! My mom becomes everyone's mother! Shell adopt you! 🥰🥰🥰

[KrakenAttackin]

Well, if the common denominator is you, you likely have some fault in all of this. Having said that, people don't really change. Either accept your family (I wouldn't) or just forget your own path and don't look back.

[artgorgeous]

Try celebrating it with friends. Or a guy.