For context, my mom is toxic. Although everyday wasn’t hell, as far as I can remember, she is easily angered even by small things, is mentally and emotionally abusive every now and then, but was consistently throughout their relationship, such as putting my dad down and belittling him, saying he’s a good for nothing whenever they’d fight. Which by the way, she’d almost always cause and initiate arguments and fights, even physical violence bc she’ll start it. It’d escalate that bad occasionally but not frequently. During these instances, she’d tell my dad to leave for good. Looking back, I realized we had to walk around eggshells to please her. I’ve seen my dad a few times become distressed when my mom escalated. During these fights, he’d tell my mom he doesn’t love her. They’d “make up” and things would return to “normal”, which even then, we typically catered to my mom. Often, my dad would get home from work and she already had something to fuss about. I’d get anxiety and would leave my door cracked open so I’d hear if my mom began to argue at any point of the night. I never worried about my dad initiating fights. I believe my dad stayed to provide for me and my siblings as my mom didn’t work. There were good days. But I realize their relationship wasn’t right. I reached the point where I thought they may be better divorced. I never really wanted that but rationally, it made sense. Last year, my dad confessed to loving someone else who he’d been talking to after my mom suspected. Subsequently, he divorced her. My mom has ever since tried to turn me again my dad, saying he doesn’t love me and says bad things about him, while my dad encourages me and my siblings to still respect my mom after everything she’s done. He hasn’t made an attempt to turn me against her. Is it bad that I can understand my dad cheating? While it was wrong, I sort of view my dad as a victim of abuse stuck in a cycle. While I am disappointed, I’m not necessarily infuriated. Any thoughts?
My dad cheated on my mom, who is toxic. Is it wrong that I don’t blame him?
