I'm 28. I've never had a friend or partner. My parents didn't want me. My mother's boyfriend was molesting me and I told her about it and she told me I was a whore and it's the way he shows affection and not to ruin things for her. When he elevated that abuse to the r word i called the cops and she threw me out. my extended family didn't take me in so i was homeless as a kid. obviously that type of thing kept happening cuz that's what happens to homeless girls. i had two people i thought were friends at school but when i became homeless they both dropped me cuz they didn't wanna get dragged down by my situation. eventually a dude ten years older than me invited me to move in with him. obviously there was a price. i'm 28 now and i'm not homeless and i have a job and no one knows my story, but i still don't have friends. I still don't have a partner. I still don't fit in anywhere and I always have to pretend to be someone who isn't real because why would i tell anyone what happened to me. I want to change my name to get a fresh start but when i like a name my roommate makes fun of me and bullies me about the name until i change it to something else they keep bullying me for and it's an endless cycle. I don't have a thick skin about being bullied cuz it never stops. I'm not suicidal, I just feel cornered by everything in my life and I don't know how to build bridges without any cement for a foundation. How do I do that? Stick to a name when I know he's just gonna make me feel like shit about anything I come up with. And how do you make friends with normal people when every conversation is vapid and you have to pretend you're an identity that isn't real? I want a real life but nothing connects. I don't know how to "be." Everyone always thinks I'm too much when I'm toning down everything about myself and staying silent as a clam. It's a lot of work with no rewards and endless negative repercussions. How do you fit in and find people?
How do you make genuine friends?
