Why do I feel like I’m failing people that matter to me?

[Anonymous]

Like it feels like I can’t do right. Back when I was in therapy the therapist told me “what you are is a people pleaser and it’s not bad until it’s causing stress and or is detrimental to your mental health “ . I’ve been more aware of how nice I am to people and how much I can handle like in terms of favors whether it’s work, assistance in whatever, hanging out, etc. but lately it feels like I’m pushing people away but the more I’m around people the more draining it is. Like people be so negative then they try to be positive and all I see and remember of them is being angry and yelling at me and all that. Like I want to be a good person, son, friend, brother but it just gets hard. What ways can I get rid of this feeling?

[petitedollbabee]

It sounds to me like you’re becoming burnt out. I used to be a major people pleaser, and would often end up burnt out and feeling the way that you’re currently feeling. You can’t pour from an empty cup, as the saying goes. You can’t fulfill everyone’s needs and expectations of you, and the expectations that you put on yourself. It won’t end well. You’re doubting yourself and ending up depressed because you’re not able to fulfill all of those expectations, no one can! You need to be able to recognise when you’re giving too much of yourself to others, otherwise this will only repeat in a vicious cycle. Your therapist isn’t wrong, people pleasing isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it’s not a good thing either. People pleasing without boundaries is only self harm.