Last Thrusday there was a serious discussion between my elderly mom, my brother and my self. Im always the one who tries to leven things when the things are heating up. My brother has a very bad temper and sometimes aggresive one, he raises his voice and always had been like that, now it is difficult to change his temper. My mom also has her temper and also raises her voice when she gets really mad, that is inherited I guess, her temper and has a strong character and even if she stil an elder she still shouts if she wants to. The thing is that both my mom and my brother when they fight they dont think the words that will come out from their mouths, for impulse they say what they think at the moment and most of the time are hurtful words. My mom being an elder woman after she said the bad words she like, does not think she has to apologize to my brother and she acts like nothing happened., like she can't see or feel the severity of her words. My brother being younger of course get resentful when my mom says despective words to him the reason he gets mad at her and stop talking to her, and he does nto care if our mom is elder but the problem is that neither one ask for forgiveness when both behaved wrong. My mom call my brother ungrateful and I believe that hits him hard. For one thing he is ungrateful because my mom lends him money when my brother had asked him but ont he other hand my brother believes that mom is not grateful to him when he tries to solves problems in the house for the benefit of her and myself as he is the man of the house., my dad is no longer with us anymore. In his rage that day he told my mom and me he will no longer help us anymore., if we need help for house things or other stuff
So since last Thrusday my brother does not talk to me or mom, I mean he had been completely mute to us, and try to avoid us inside the house so he does not even see us. He
Should I continue to ignore my brother and my mom stop talking to him or try to talk to him, although maybe he probably won't want to talk to us still, as it has been only 5 days and I dont see his forgiveness face yet he seems he still mad.
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That's messed up. Things are difficult to solve when people start valuing their ego more than the relation itself.
I feel for you being in the middle expecting both of them to behave rationally but they just don't.
Until they value the relationship more and accept that they can be wrong too, nothing will change sadly. And it's actually best to let it be quiet and silent as they really lack the maturity to handle a discussion.
Just keep doing what you're doing. Looking after each other, the basic needs, ask him politely to come eat when it's time but don't over do it and he'll start talking eventually.
I dont even ask him to come to eat beaue he still is mad at me after one week. In fact I wotn fix food for him anymore. I was thinking that maybe if my mom write him a letter and express the things and ask for forgiveness andtell him she apologizes it be a good idea given the fact he is not speaking to her. I mean my mom is elder and he should even respect that.
Yeah sounds okay if it was really your mom's mistake.
My mom already wrote a written letter but beause I advise her to do so, as it was the best way to get in touch with my brother. Did she did ok by writing a letter telling her how she and I feel? I mean she wrote the letter beaue I told her to or by telling her is like I manipulated my mom and convince her to do somethign she may had not had in mind to do:writing a letter.
one week and a half and my brother still do not talk to us or even seem to try to make an effort to do it so either. He avoids us inside the house stil.. I guess we have to give him some time so he can think things throughly although it was my momand his fault at the same time. This could take months without him talking to us. My mom wrote him a written letter and ask for forgiveness for me and her and told her taht both of them said each other harsh words and other words she wrote in order to perhaps makemy brother think about the situation and make it stop. My brother saw the letter today but we dont know if he read it, got rid of it or not read it. and we still have to give him time for him to change. This could take months of him not talking to us and still avoiding us. The odd part is my brother uses my mom`s car to run his errands, he is not using his car, beaue his cr is in bad condition and my mom car is the one that has all the transit legal documents updated to run on the streets, his car does not have thoe documents updated.
Let's hope he read the letter and he accepts it. Good thing is there has not been more arguments or fights. So keep hopeful. It'll get better 🙂
I mean I dont know if he read it or got rid of it or has not read but I know there was a written letter and he saw it. I guess we have to give him time until he wants to talk to us and forget and move on
Yeah you've got no other option rn. Just keep patient until it's high time to approach him and talk.
I wotn approach him he has to be the one with the initiative to do it not us. He even eat in separate tables in order to avoid our presence.
Okay!! Just let it be then. Times heals everything so it's about time it gets normal
Time*
Godo news my brother already is talking to mom and me
Oh great! That made me smile. Happy for you all. Thanks for updating 😊
that is a mess. but since the arguing is between THEM he and ma so you back away you let them argue and avoid taking sides with either one.
I mean the arguing was between them but im also part of the family and I dotn want yelling and each other saying hurtful words so I try to level things up and my mom being elder I dotn want her to pass out or something when she yells or something. I remember when my dad was alive my brother was so mad at him for something my dad simply did not want to pay attention, that my brother in his rage hit the his room door like to take it out on something and let it all out. My brother is aware he has a bad temper and my mom is also the same. I also sometimes hae my temper sure and sometiems Im difficult to deal wth in certain scenarios but I dont like when both of them raises tehir voices and say bad things that later they will regret.
Yes, hopefully.