I don't consider myself nice. At the very least I don't prize niceness. I value many other things ahead of it- authenticity, strength, goodness. We're done with this.
But there's more. There's more interesting matter to get to. What makes a guy be nice (who should know it's not in his best interest)?
![Why are people nice, when they should know better [deep question]?](https://cf.girlsaskguys.com/q5194362/cf81e1d3-359a-46d4-a57a-9766c9eb24b7.jpg)
Now we are onto something. There are forces, drives, compulsions. Now we are into psychology- depth psychology, Jungian complex psychology, behaviorism/conditioning, personality, social psych, cognitive psych, neurological.
I wish I had the answers but I have some ideas. I noticed in me I felt a drive, a sudden impulse that changed my state, my mood, to bow or become meeker. Nobody was around. I was only in my room writing and reflecting. It was a deeper drive than I had conscious awareness of. In other words, I couldn't capture it, understand its cause, its motive, write about it in any substantive way. I've felt it before too. It lurks and ruins.
What makes people as they are? Does anyone want to get nervous talking to someone they like? If it's in our best interest to be fearless and bold, why aren't we that way more often? Does our self work against us? More importantly how do we fix it? Is going to the gym, learning martial arts and discipline the answer? Is it getting your first break or first girlfriend? Is it auditing all your beliefs and unconscious structures very carefully, by writing and slow thinking? I hate when my self works against my own interest. It is stupid. Almost always this is a reduction in sexuality. Almost always if you lead with sexuality you never collapse.
I think we are a sexually repressed society and it finds expression in superficial sexuality, on billboards and drunk crap but it is also hard to walk alone being one authentic guy. Why are people nice if they know better? Is it like an addiction, or is it substantively different- like a compulsion from social, moral and financial pressure?
What Girls & Guys Said
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2Opinion
I see an ideal person as capable of ranging from meek to menacing depending on the situation.
If we use the analogy of taming wild animals, depending on the animal and the exact situation at hand, it can sometimes be beneficial to make ourselves look as small and harmless as possible to coax the frightened animal. At other times, it helps to do the polar opposite and big and dangerous as possible to scare the animal away. In yet other times, it can help to be somewhere in the middle to discipline the animal.
The problem I see at the heart of your question is that a lot of people are meek and make themselves as small as possible not because it's what they rationally deem to most likely be the best-suited stance for the situation, but because they're motivated by fear of some sort or they lack the aggressive instincts in the first place.
It's not something that should be a source of pride if an individual is incapable of being any other way. An expression like, "He couldn't harm a fly," should hardly be taken as a compliment. That's something I think we're missing these days in society, like a gentleman isn't a man who is only capable of being gentle; it's only noteworthy if he's capable of being formidable, assertive, dangerous.
I'm not sure about sexual reduction. At least my analysis is opposite. I think we live in the opposite of a sexually-repressed society. I see the saturation of the superficial kind of sexual content not as a repression of our sexuality but a reflection of its overly eager embrace.
If anything, I think we've divorced ourselves too far from the fundamental procreative function of sex in creating offspring that need extensive biparental care (exceptionally so in the case of our species given the enormous complexity and cost of raising our offspring). The technology and culture seems to have largely blind-sighted us towards this ultimate function which I see as requiring a great deal of commitment and bonding between potential parents of offspring. So I actually think too many lead with the sexual when I don't think that's what we should be leading with to determine mating partners for life.
Please forgive me as well if I misinterpreted anything with the sexuality aspect. I'm not well-educated on the deeper aspects of psychology.
they may behave in ways that go against their better judgment due to social, moral, or financial pressures thus it can resemble addiction or compulsive behavior, driven by a desire for acceptance, approval, or avoidance of conflict
Every one i know in my life tell me aim nice or good person
Even when people hert me i still nice person to them