Can a woman also get tired of being sweet too and become outspoken?

[Anonymous]

I finally understand posts about men that changed their attitude. They claimed to have been shy and sweet at some point in their lives but people took advantage of that. Can that same thing happened to women too? We get tired of being naive, sweet and trusting and can changed into a strong, outspoken woman. She doesn't care anymore if she's liked or not.

Nowadays I'm more straight forward, no sugarcoating, no nothing. The once sweet, quiet introvert people knew me as had died. She's not coming back ever. Obviously if it's someone decent that doesn't deserve it or they're real naive, I'll make an exception for that person and reciprocate. I don't have the heart to take advantage of a naive person; perhaps that's my only remaining tiny sweetness within me, not having the heart to destroy someone's trust nor innocence.

Here is my rule basically:

If someone is sweet, I'll return the same treatment. However, if someone is arrogant, mean or a real disgusting cheapskate, I'll be a total b**** and 10 times more arrogant, a lot more cheapskate than they are, go out of my way of treating them like garbage. This applies to anyone, man or woman.

Just like men get tired of getting taken advantage of by people and hardened, can this happen to us women too and we become?

[serious]

I will reply in parts

1. "I finally understand posts about men that changed their attitude. They claimed to have been shy and sweet at some point in their lives but people took advantage of that. Can that same thing happened to women too?"

Yes of course the same thing can happen with women too. That is why it is important that a really nice, caring and sweet person should be treated with respect otherwise at some point they can change into an opposite type of personality as well. Although it is not necessary that it will happen for sure but chances are there.

2."We get tired of being naive, sweet and trusting and can changed into a strong, outspoken woman. She doesn't care anymore if she's liked or not."

Yes it it definitely possible

3. "Nowadays I'm more straight forward, no sugarcoating, no nothing. The once sweet, quiet introvert people knew me as had died. She's not coming back ever."

Well, that kind of change can only happen after realization and self reflection and how people have treated you all these years so it makes sense.

4. "Obviously if it's someone decent that doesn't deserve it or they're real naive, I'll make an exception for that person and reciprocate. I don't have the heart to take advantage of a naive person; perhaps that's my only remaining tiny sweetness within me, not having the heart to destroy someone's trust nor innocence."

Yes I understand that but then someone being naive is not something that is appreciable either, it is not a good quality. I think you are just being tolerant and nice towards such people because you don't want to hurt them which is totally fine.

5. "If someone is sweet, I'll return the same treatment"

That makes sense.

6. " However, if someone is arrogant, mean or a real disgusting cheapskate, I'll be a total b**** and 10 times more arrogant, a lot more cheapskate than they are, go out of my way of treating them like garbage. This applies to anyone, man or woman."

Okay it is your life and it is your choice, but then I my question to you is that if you do the same thing what they are doing with you, if you give them the same treatment in fact you said you will be even go out of your way to treat them badly then don't you think there will be no difference between you and those people who treat you badly?

Don't you think your class can be higher if you deal with them in a much more mature way rather than taking revenge or doing tit for tat strategies?

No, I am not saying you should tolerate bad behavior, what I am trying to indicate is ceasing contact, ignoring such people and removing them out of your life and you being successful is a much more mature way of dealing with things?

That being said if you really want to do what you have mentioned, then it is totally your choice.

7. "Just like men get tired of getting taken advantage of by people and hardened, can this happen to us women too and we become?"

Yes of course that can happen. A person who was once very sweet, very caring and forgiving towards people can also change into what you have mentioned.

However that is only a possibility and not a certainty.

As a man I have always had respect for people who are genuinely curious, sweet, caring because as per my definition a genuinely sweet person always has respect for others, they are very nice, very soft spoken can be humble too and really caring also. They tend to be of the open book type too. They don't seem to angry and are very much tolerant and forgiving. These are excellent qualities. It is said men generally don't like such people but my thinking is different.

On the contrary I have lot of respect for such people and I ensure I treat them with respect. However, that is conditional only as long as they don't do anything that is unforgivable (subjective to me that is).

[serious]

Please don't mind. It is just my style of replying.

[Asker]

I like how you broke my question into parts. Off course if a sweet person does something unforgivable then they stopped being sweet and need to be out of our lives.
I tend to get upset at that moment and will treat them with the same disrespect too. Then once I've done that, I would likely block then afterwards or not speak to them. I guess at that moment it's like wanting to give them a taste of their own medicine even for a bit.

[serious]

"I like how you broke my question into parts. Off course if a sweet person does something unforgivable then they stopped being sweet and need to be out of our lives."

It is good to know that you took my response in the right way.

[serious]

"Off course if a sweet person does something unforgivable then they stopped being sweet and need to be out of our lives."

Yes but then it is almost impossible that a genuinely sweet person will ever do something that would be unforgivable.

Of course if they do then instantly they will be out of my life and there will be no forgiveness and no second chances given also. I am a very logical person so yes.

[serious]

In the past I also one experience with a really sweet person and I broke contact and that too for no fault of theirs. It was a long time back and when I think about that now I cannot believe I was immature back then.

I was angry for no reason. I don't want to get into the details into that but since then I had my realization and I never made that mistake again, it is only after that my respect for such people has increased.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Definitely, although I don't think that's a bad adjustment you made. Something that I found interesting is game theory in the context of repeated games against the widest variety of opponents. There's an extremely effective strategy called "tit-for-tat" which reminds me of yours to some degree.

>> An agent using this strategy will first cooperate, then subsequently replicate an opponent's previous action. If the opponent previously was cooperative, the agent is cooperative. If not, the agent is not. This is similar to reciprocal altruism in biology.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/BOvAbjfJ0x0

So it's a strategy that initially starts off cooperative, yet if the opponent is uncooperative, it retaliates. If the opponent is cooperative, it reciprocates. If the opponent switches from uncooperative back to cooperative, it also reciprocates and switches back to cooperative.

This seems like the optimal strategy to me for life. You don't want to be so cooperative and sweet to people that you continue to try to do so when people are uncooperative. You need to have some metaphorical claws as a lion even if you initially start off keeping them retracted.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Yet this strategy also embodies a sense of forgiveness. If someone is uncooperative and switches back to cooperative, we forgive and switch back to cooperative again.

[Asker]

Thank you for the video and it definitely makes sense. I'm less forgiving than when I was younger and naive.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I think forgiveness is often most useful when interpreted in the minimalist sense of the word as in letting go of any hostility and vengeful thoughts you might have towards the person, like this:


So it is for your sole benefit that you forgive someone in this minimalist way of just letting go of any anger or resentment or vengeful thoughts towards them, but you don't have to do anything nice for them after or even give them any additional chances.

This is also the difference to me between justice and vengeance. Justice forgives the criminal (in this most minimalist sense) but might still seek to lock away a violent criminal for the rest of their lives, deciding very calmly and rationally that this is the best and only way we know to protect society from further harm. Forgiveness in a minimalist sense here doesn't mean letting the criminal go scot-free, since that would be reckless and extremely foolish given the future threat they pose to society. Meanwhile, vengeance would not forgive in this way and might seek to torture the criminal for no rational reason except that we're very enraged and want them to suffer for their crimes.

I think focusing on these types of differences will help you find your own sense of balance between your good and kind side you have and the side that doesn't tolerate mistreatment of you, to avoid becoming a pushover while simultaneously avoiding become a jerk. It's all a delicate balancing act as I see it.

[slatyb]

Yes of course she can. It's not a question of being ""tired* it's realizing that she has desires that are unfulfilled.

[Asker]

Yeah I've reached the point where I had enough.

[slatyb]

Yes, too many young women are raised to be deferrent and to ignore their own desires. I think this is particularly true in fundamentalist religious groups. Then one day the realize that they have given and given to others but no one is asking the what they want. Sounds like it's time for you to be more assertive, and learn to say "no". Have you considered counseling? it helped me at around your age as I was leaving a marriage to a narcissist.

[BarryLiverstone]

That’s normal. You are not a pushover

[Asker]

Exactly. Everyone has a limit of when enough is enough.

[SolitarySolace]

Women aren’t sweet it’s all an act

[Asker]

Not true. I used to be very forgiving and trusting, always believing in 2nd chances if someone screw me over once. That girl doesn't exist anymore.

[SolitarySolace]

It is absolutely true. I wouldn’t expect a woman to admit it

[Asker]

Well no one is going to be a pushover forever. There are limits too. I had enough.

[SolitarySolace]

Good 4 u. Stay single like i am