Why won't no one respect me?

[Anonymous]

me 20F and my sister is 17F almost 18. It seems as If no one in my house doesn't respect me or simply I am not favored.

My sister has gotten a new dog recently and she has not tooken care of it once. I've took her on walks the whole week we got her. and today that I refused to take it I was targeted obv even though my sister was home just playing video games.

a recent argument is when my sister lost her makeup and made a huge deal over it for the whole day. she came into my room and started throwing all of my art and belongings looking for it. I told her to stop and pick up what she threw but just stormed off.. My mom calls a bit after asking if she found her makeup. I told her I didn't care because my stuff literally got destroyed and she just kept asking for the makeup? my boyfriend even told me that, that is how she will respond and then my mom's boyfriend said that what she was doing was wrong. She hung up after that.

Even if I argue back I'm not respected at all and they all use personal things against me in arguments. I'm not big with drama and I would just like to know how to stop this. I cannot move out I'm stuck here so don't suggest moving out as an option

[Anonymous]

Okay, so first siblings bickering is the norm and usually it always feels highly personal (for example as the youngest of 3 I always felt I got a short stick, but as the youngest of three I always go the most attention from my parents too.. so its a double edge sword).

Second, respect comes when your showing respect even when others aren't. If you can rise above petty behaviour and even find time to understand other people when they are acting out, you will naturally gain respect. Though, find the way to do that without disrespecting yourself, you shouldn't become a doormat for anyone, just spend the majority of time seeing why someone might not do what you see is right, but also, kindly pointing out the wrongs in the situation without blame (meaning, first say "well I can sympathise and understand why you did that [if you can, if you can't find a reason] but its effect is this, [calmly explain the problem]).

Thirdly, sometimes siblings just go through jerk phases where they always look to blame their other siblings for all the issues. It can be highly unfair and is often unwarrented, but understand that happens and to them, the other sibblings it feels like everything is not their fault. It's a part of growing up to realise that we are always at fault even when others seem or are the primary causes. This doesn't mean not also realising they make their own difficulties, but it does mean recognising that the things they use to make themselves feel better about their faults are often others faults.

We are all flawed, and only by realising that do we respect others.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh girl, I totally feel you! Sisters can be the wooolrst sometimes, and not having your mom in your corner makes it 100x harder. Do NOT let them make you feel like you don't matter!

First off, you did the right thing standing up for yourself when she trashed your room. Don't ever let her think that shit's okay just cuz she's throwing a tantrum.

Next time she starts screaming about some dumb lost makeup, I'd be like "I don't care. You're a big girl, clean up your own messes from now on." And if your mom tries calling you, don't even answer til she agrees to stop taking your sister's side all the time.

You also gotta stand up for yourself with the puppy walks. No more being their little servant just cuz you don't wanna argue. Put your foot down - start saying no more often and don't back down when they protest.

Hang in there, girl! You've got this - don't let them break your spirit. Keep being awesome and they'll HAVE to start respecting you eventually. And hold your head high no matter WHAT bitchy comments they try throwing your way. You're amazing and they're just jealous!

[laly520]

try to move out as soon as possible

she is spoiled n their fav child, u come second

sorry but thats how it is

[TommyMountainFigure]

Let's take one issue at a time ok? You will find fixing lots of little things will add up.

1) Get a lock on your bedroom, and tell your sister IF she throws your things about again? You will lock her out.

2) Whilst your mum and her b/f are sitting down together. Make yourself a hot drink and ask if they want one. If yes, hand them the drink and say "right.. we have to talk."
Tell them you are 20 years old, and you're no longer a child. They can still side with your sister if they so choose, it is their right, but they are going to have to respect you in future!

Say that without losing your temper, but be assertive and without making jokes.

The truth is, you really AREN'T a child any longer and neither is your sister, even if your Mum wants to treat you like one!

[strateguy632]

1, we shouldn't expect respect especially 2, when we argue back.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's your use of "double negatives".