Was I excessive in this apology gift?

[Anonymous]

I'm horrible as social cues and understanding how people will react to things as intended (poor social skills). So, I just need help in figuring out if I went too overboard. And if possible how I came off.

Long story short I messed up very bad when a friend who I held romantic feelings for.

Basically, I was completely in the wrong.

Months after the incident I reached out and apologized throughly and offered money. He accepted, and we’re gonna meet up for me to give it. Was gonna just do the money, but since it wound be our last ever interaction I wanted to do more. Just wanted to make him happy.

Anyways, I ended up spending almost $300 dollars on a tailored gift bag for him. Got him a mix of candies, CD from one of his favorite bands since he loves music a lot, type of pricy hot sauce we tried before and he really liked before, a crystal 3D of his favorite animal (or one of his favorite), gift cards to a store and food place he likes, 100 dollar Visa, most importantly a hand-written heartfelt letter in a card with a drawing of the animal he likes.

Gave it a couple weeks ago and I didn't see him open it. I would ask him if I did too much; however, I did tell him in my apology I wouldn't reach out to him again since I know he won't like it.

Any input would be appreciated.

1228/2000

[Anonymous]

That's not a good thing to do.

If you make a mistake, correcting the mistake in the most practical way possible shows remorse, where as buying the "perfect gift" suggest agenda (meaning here, that you have a romantic agenda and maybe the appology is just a pretext to give these gifts).

So yea, you went over the top and undermined your appology making it more into a 'chance to woo' the guy. At least that's how it appears to me.

It's not really possible to "correct" this either, all you can do is 'let sleeping dogs lie' here. Maybe in a few weeks ask him if whatever the mistake was, "are we all good" but leave it at that.

[Sonorous]

I mean it would be overboard for me. I wouldn't do it & I wouldn't accept it from a friend on those terms. I'd just want to simply part ways with only words exchanged unless they were like gonna die without my financial help or something.

[Anonymous]

I personally think you went too over the top. Just the heartfelt letter and maybe one small gift would’ve been more than enough. Unless you broke something of his or you stole his money then there’s no need to gift him money, it’s as if you were “buying” his forgiveness.

[Nikki1989]

Not excessive if you can afford it. Don't overthink this.

[Iron_Man]

You acted like you did something wrong basically just overdid it. The gift for a friend like that

[Sameone]

I agree with @Iron_Man