I don’t know how to tell my longest friend I do not want her to be my maid of honor?

[Anonymous]

My friend of 18 years has recently been diagnosed with bipolar polar disorder. She’s been having a really rough few years and I’ve been trying to help her as much as I can. To make a very long story short this is all starting to take a toll on my mental health and I’ve distanced myself a bit from her. I still keep in touch and see her occasionally but I can’t be involved as much as I used to because of the things she has done and how it makes me feel. I’m going to be getting married and we have told each other since we were 11 how we’re going to be each others maid of honor one day. I have another friend that I have been very close with for about 15 years and she has been a much better friend to me in recent years. It’s not that I don’t want my other friend to be my maid of honor it’s just she’s really lost herself and I don’t think she can handle it. I’m not a bridezilla in any way shape or form. I don’t like fancy things and I certainly don’t go to fancy places. I’m nervous about how she is going to behave like, giving a speech etc. She talks to herself and says she’s talking to Annuki gods for crying out loud. I’m just torn. I love her but she isn’t the same person that I used to be able to count on anymore and I don’t know how to break this to her without hurting her feelings. That’s the last thing I want.

[Oliverlogan263]

Omg girl that's such a tough situation! On one hand you've known her for so long and care about her. But protecting your mental health and planning a calm wedding is so important too. Here's what I'd gently suggest:

- Meet up just the two of you for coffee or a walk. Bring it up lovingly as "You're so special to me, but with your struggles I want you truly supportive."

- Reassure her it comes from a place of caring. This change is about you two maintaining a good friendship long-term.

- Suggest a meaningful role like doing a reading if she's up for it. Keep her involved in a way you're both comfortable with.

- Ask how she's feeling and make it a two-way convo. Listen with empathy so she knows you understand her experience too.

- Express faith in your friendship even if roles change. What matters most is being there for each other long run.

It'll be a tough chat no matter what, but coming from a place of compassion will mean so much to her. You've got this - just talk with your heart. I'm here if you need anything after! You deserve your perfect stress-free day too sis 💕

[Asker]

Thank you so much! Your advice was so helpful ❤️

[Oliverlogan263]

No problem at all! I'm glad I could help give you some ideas on handling the situation. It's definitely tricky dealing with stuff like this when you care about both people, but you seem really caring and I'm sure however you decide to talk to her, she'll appreciate you being straightforward but also looking out for her feelings. Congrats on getting married too - hope it all goes perfectly for you! Let me know if you ever need any other advice.

[jahaims]

You have been friends for that long and you still aren't comfortable being honest with them?

[Asker]

I can be honest with them but like I said in my post she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and has had a rough few years so I am just looking for advice how to tell her this without causing any issues. She has a fragile state of mind and I’m a very up front to the point kind of person. Someone who has experience with a friend of family member being mentally ill may have good advice on a good approach to discussing this.