My catholic friend no longer wants me to be her bridesmaid why would she get offend?

[Alwayreckles93]

We are all grown adults here earky 30s. She no longer wants me to be her brides maid because I requested a bridesmaid dress with cap sleeves at least but no she wants strapless. So yesterday She send us all a text and tolds that she was going to pick out a dress at the bridal. So once we all arrive she was trying on diffrent dresses. Honestly I didn't like any of them the dresses my friend pick out were showing way to much skin. I told her to pick out a dress with sleeves something a lot more modest. I even explained to the bride to be the importance of honnoring and respect for her future huband. The bride to be said F U all pentecostals called me a Karen andask me to live. Later she bashed my religion by calling it controlling. I a guessing she's possess. So now priest won't say nothing about modesty and the importance of loving and honnoring your husband. Yet catholics claim to be the truth chruch I dont think a true christian wife would walk almost half naked. Im not the Karen here my exfriend is.

[BCRanger10]

If I may.

To be concerned about the modesty of a dress, especially for a wedding, is a good thing. Your heart is in the right place.

That said, there is also a time, a place, and a way to make what is called a fraternal correction. Right there, on the spot, and in front of everybody is not it. That should be done one on one and in private first. Part of the reason is that people get embarrassed and when they get embarrassed, they get defensive and aggressive. They get turned off and don't want to listen to what you have to say.

Another is that some people genuinely don't understand what the big deal is. Whether it's because they're a faithful soul influenced by the culture, or they're not practicing their faith, or simply don't believe at all doesn't matter. A bride-to-be sees what she thinks is a pretty dress and that's it. That doesn't make her an evil, horrible, dirty sinner. It makes her human. You have to work with what you have, you can't presume anything, and you have to be smart and tactful about how you handle the situation.

And yes, you risk looking and sounding like a judgmental Karen.

Now this is very important. The fact that she's Catholic is entirely irrelevant. I guarantee you that there's a strong chance that you would have gotten a similar reaction if the bride-to-be were also a Lutheran, Methodist, Jew, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, or anything else. Plus, if you've said the kinds of things to her that you've said here about Catholics and Catholic belief and practice, can you be surprised at her reaction? Assuming, that is, that how you described the situation is accurate (if I'm to be honest, I have my doubts).

[OlderAndWiser]

I don't need to leave a comment. You have said what needed to be said, and you said it very well.

[BCRanger10]

@OlderAndWiser Thank you, kind sir 🙌

[virtue2332]

It is her day and you have every right to not be comfortable as she has every right to have the wedding she wants. I think the problem with some religious views is this belief that that one religion is superior than another. I mean this for Christians. I've gone to a few and at some Bible studies I've gone to there seems to be a lot of bashing each other and judging people. Criticizing people and blindly following peoples teachings. It's important that we find our own relationship with god first. We know when we do wrong because we don't feel right. Intent goes a long way and I feel like those that intentionally do bad are the ones with sin. We have to get away from negative feelings and open up communication and be kind to one another the best we can. The pastor who was calling things evil like legos for example. If you were to ask him to explain why in detail he should be able to logically explain it to where you understand it and it makes sense. If you ask and they can't explain or get angry that you question them or talk down to you like you are not capable of understanding then my opinion is they could be misguided. I just feel like some people use words like evil and hell and religion was meant to teach and guide people to live our best lives not scare people into conforming. Scared people don't make as good of decisions as enlightened people do. We are all incapable of perfection yet we use perfection to judge others. Just an opinion of a imperfect Human doing the best he can.

[Anonymous]

I understand your point of view and I even agree with you but like other comments mentioned, "it's your friends wedding, it's her day". So, let her decide how she wants to present herself.

[KatherineJ]

It’s her wedding, so it’s up to her to decide what she wants her bridesmaids to wear. As far as being uncomfortable with her choice, that’s when you should politely bow out.

[Sirenboobzilla]

You're entitled to feel as you do about showing off too much during an ocassion. Politely telling her that you personally don't feel comfortable showing off so much is perfectly fine. However you antagonize her by suggesting that she's not honoring her future husband based off of her preferences. Her reaction was incorrect, but so was your approach.

[Exterminatore]

I don’t understand. Why is a wedding dress that has short sleeves showing too much skin? Why is a bridesmaids dress that’s short sleeve showing too much skin? It doesn’t sound indecent to me. How would wearing such a dress not show respect to her husband?

[Alwayreckles93]

https://images.app.goo.gl/rcNBTULv4CSGiBKS8

[Alwayreckles93]

This is the dress my now ex fr8emd pick out now you tell me Sir those this look modest to you? Showing off skin is disrespecting her husbad.
With respect please read. The bridesmaids dresses are all strapless no sleeves I requested a cap sleev dress and she refuse.

[Exterminatore]

I think the see through bottom portion of the dress makes it immodest not the lack of sleeves.

[Alex8736]

TBH I was in a few weddings myself and being the bride and grooms day I went with the flow and after the wedding I would throw something on a little more comfortable en route to the reception. Just saying

[WhiteBoyChill]

All I can say is she is probably going to cheat on the guy anyway. I mean any woman that chooses to dress revealing is naturally just someone that wants outside attention.

Sounds to me like she’s one of those women that gets excited about the wedding and the attention, but then just eventually goes on to get bored of the guy.

[DryGermanGuy]

If you don't tune down the zealotry you will end up fairly alone (or in a cult).

[Mansearching]

Hey dm me. We've got to talk. You know I wouldn't say that if it wasn't important. I've always been straight up with you.

[Mansearching]

@Alwayreckles93. They @KatherineJ and @anonymous is right. Its her day. Her choice. If you didn't like the dress, you could've politely said no bc you felt uncomfortable. The your friend wouldn't be so mad. She got mad because you tried to hyjack her wedding.
Got to learn where and when to pick your battles. Thats the key.

[Staximus]

It's not your wedding, it's hers. Your religious beliefs don't dictate what she wears. You were being offensive.

[Pudsmucker]

I'm glad that you're sticking to your standards. It is sad that your friend has chose to go a different path. I hope you too can make amends.

[NathanDavis]

good call