How common is fear-based, reactive parenting versus calm, patient teaching?

[ChicanaChick]

For the first time in my life, I've realized my mother lacked patience and when upset, would act out of emotions but not really to teach. She applied too much fear-based compliance (as first resort and immediately, not even try other options first nor take some time to calm down at least) meanwhile I used to learned better with my father's usage of disappointment and non-physical consequences. Perhaps that can explain why I used to be closer to my father.

If you have to given it a percentage, out of 100%, how many people would you say lack patience with their kids and tend to be reactive (out of emotions just because they're upset at that moment; nothing to do with teaching anymore... just using fear based compliance), instead of actually teaching like my father did?

I'm still childless and currently single again. Since I grew up with two conflicting parenting styles, I feel confused on this moment and sometimes even have a hard time controlling myself whenever I'm frustrated. I don't feel ready to be a mother yet. Sadly I did ended up shoving my mother back in anger as an adult, while drunk. I always felt stressed out with her growing up but not with my father.

Updates

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Now I'm wondering if I've been better off if my mother would've taken her time to teach like my father. I always felt calmer around him than her.

[purplepoppy]

If you use fear to teach children then when they're adults they'll fear doing anything.

[slatyb]

Probably depends on the country. More common in highly religious countries.

[Vesuvius87]

Indeed. I was disgusted how reactive and violent Mexicans are with their children. Many were even younger than me and still believe using belt, extension cords, wet cloths, tree twigs or slapping them around for backtalking was the best thing and only single way to raise good kids. Sick. They are fanatics. Even more sick are those who keep saying that thanks to that they are now decent people. Sounds like Stockholm Syndrome to me. There is nothing to be grateful about getting hit.

[slatyb]

@Vesuvius87 Have you read James Dobbs?

[Vesuvius87]

Yeah I just read about that Christian psychologist and Focus on The Family founder that's been promoting assault on kids. It seems the more religious someone is, the more likely they'll use fear-based compliance.

[slatyb]

@Vesuvius87 If they were reasonable, they wouldn't be religious.