Is my dad wrong for guilt-tripping my brother for hitting him back as an adult?

[Anonymous]

Honestly my brother hit him back (man to man; treated him like another man) as an adult in his early 20's. I'm tired of this ''oh you hit your own father, mother'' thing but expecting your older child (either in their teens or adult) to still have self-restrain, still exercise more self-control than them. That sounds like double standard and hypocrisy. I would still have self-restrain and be the bigger person (I believe in walking away) but not everyone will react like me.

Wouldn't that double standard (parents can get aggressive but child can't) be similar to screaming in my husband's face, not letting him leave but expecting him not to push me aside? Ideally, no one should ever get aggressive with a loved one. Secondly, if you're getting physical first and that person is already furious, isn't it even a dangerous position too? Instead of a verbal argument, the person can now hit back too.

My father landed the first hit. He escalated a verbal, heated argument into a physical fight. He started it and my brother (who happens to be younger and stronger than him) hit back. My father ended on the floor for several minutes.

[Nikki1989]

Guilt-tripping after the fact is often a deflection strategy. The person who escalates a verbal argument into a physical fight is the primary wrongdoer. Your dad chose to make things physical.

[Asker]

Indeed. He chose to lose his temper and start a fight with someone much younger and stronger than him, biting more than he could chew.
He had the stupid idea that smacking my brother good would make him stop backtalking, stop acting aggressive, that my brother would back down and learn his lesson lol.
He didn't think ahead of the dangerous position he place himself by starting a physical fight he can't win and rely on him being his father, thinking my brother wouldn't have the guts to hit back lol. He was hiding behind the "elderly card" lol.
That would be just as ridiculous as me getting all in my husband's face, not letting him leave and still expect him to not push me aside to get away, hiding under the gender card.

[Asker]

Yeah it's lack of self-control to escalate a verbal argument into a physical fight. Then even stupid hitting someone that can drop you easily once they hit back.

[RachyRach]

He's definitely wrong. Good for your brother

[Asker]

yeah I had enough of this ''respect your elder'' phrase being abused over the years. I'm a believer that respect is a two-way street. If someone doesn't want their to get hit, then don't hit first, regardless of whether you're a parent, spouse, friends, etc. Plus, my father put himself in danger by starting a physical altercation with an young man that's stronger and even a bit bigger than him. He picked a fight he lost.

[Asker]

I'm tired of following ''respect your elder'' blindly, even when they abuse their position.

[Anonymous]

Yep.

[Asker]

true. It's enough. I actually have a basic concept that if I don't ever want hands laid on me nor someone getting aggressive back, don't ever hit first. I would only hit if it's truly done in a real self-defense situation or if the person tries hurting my family.