How to deal with a friend who makes snide remarks all the time?

[embemm99]

My best friend of (15 years) makes remarks all the time both to me on messages and in front of other people. In the past I'd laugh it off but it has increased as of late - so today after she made a rude remark 3 times I said "If you have a problem that I have done that let me know otherwise I don't appreciate you making jokes at my expense" and she replied and said "omg I didn't realize you were so sensitive, it was a joke geeze" but she didn't even laugh when she made the remarks and they were rude.

What can I do about this? I know now she will make remarks about me being sensitive - I can not cut her out completely as we have all similar friends and our mums are very close.

Please help with any advice it really irritates me that she does this almost every time I see her - and not once does she apoligise she is so defensive.

[Freddiek70]

You did exactly the right thing in confronting her about her behavior towards you.You should explain to her firmly that her behavior is unacceptable and that you do not understand why she is acting that way, that a friend does not continually make snide remarks to another friend.

As a friend she should realize that what she is doing is hurtful and that she would not appreciate someone behaving that way towards her.A joke can only be taken so far before it begins to effect the person on an emotional level, and that if you were oversensitive you would have reacted a lot sooner than you did.

Explain to her that if she wants your friendship to continue,that she needs to be aware of how her remarks can hurt other people.

You are not the one ruining this friendship,she is so don't feel guilty about whatever outcome there is.

Obviously I don't know how your other friends have reacted to her behavior towards you but some of them at least must think that it is unacceptable.it might also be helpful in talking to them and maybe asking them to approach her,telling her that she should stop and even apologize to you.

I don't know if this is a possible approach you could make but it may help.

[Anonymous]

I've got a mail friend like this. I tried whipping back before and he can't take his own punishment, so I just stopped being buddy buddy with him. He's always been the kind of guy that spares nobody but the difference between now and then is that he completely lacks tact now and he seems to mean what he says when he insults people, like he thinks he's better than everybody even though he's never really done well in life.

The last social event we were at he made some comment about my sex life to which I replied "You do understand that you know very little about me or my life right now." He replied with inquiry and I said something like "I'd rather keep you in the dark. You're the kind of kid who, when given a piece of pie will throw it on the ground and stomp on it." He didn't like that very much.

[MeuAmor]

Don't "explain" anything to this girl.

She clearly knows it's a rude thing to do...how do I know? Try doing it right back to her.

She won't like that at all. Explaining the obvious to this girl like she's two would be negotiating your boundaries because she'll just play dumb and make excuses as to why you're the bad guy and being dramatic and take no responsibility for purposely antagonizing you.

She already showed you what she thought of your hurt feelings. She dismissed it & turn it back on you like it's all in your head and you had an unreasonable response.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

She's a catty bitch. I'd keep her at a distance and every time she makes a comment like that she'd get checked like a game of chess. Say something to her that's equally as snide that you know she won't like Eventually she will realize that you are not the one to try like that. If you have to check her more than 3 times, pull her aside and tell her to keep her catty comments to herself.

[skittledittle]

ummm...sit down and have a serious one and one with her. if she's still being an a**hole, get a new best friend. I don't care about mutual friends and close moms. don't you dare suffer through her crap for anybody else. maybe she's jealous of you. I had that happen over a new job when two other friends were stuck at crappy jobs and I got a new one.

[cindyhaha]

Make harsh side remarks back until she realizes that what she is doing annoys you, sometimes people can't walk in other people's shoes. You have to let them know, if it hurts her she will understand but you have to do it in a manipulative way not a way to intentionally hurt her, just give her a lesson, this can be fun.

[j2016]

I feel she's jealous of you in some way/s. I'd say next time this happens (if it does), say you've told her before, and that you cannot remain friends w/her if she cannot show respect towards you. Tell her you value her friendship, but that you must be respected, as you respect her, or the friendship will unfortunately have to come to an end.

[Anonymous]

You did what you're suppose to do. If you didn't like the remarks you said, then you should say something about it. If she was your friend, then she would slow down on the smart remarks.

answer my question please? link