No physical attraction = friend zone?

[Anonymous]

Yes you see the occasional hot girl or guy that's socially awkward, but my opinion is that if a guy is fun to talk to, but the girl can't see herself sleeping with him, much less kissing him, he's only a friend.

thoughts?

Btw I've been lifting for the past 9 months and have gotten friend zoned less and my social "Game" hasn't improved that much

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+1 y

Also is there a way to increase universal physical attraction, or are some people, no matter how fit and stylish they are, doomed to be friend zone by some people no matter what?

[pr3ttybr0wn]

For the most part, if you're in the friend zone it's because we don't find you attractive. I have a guy in the friend zone that is really cute, he's just kinda dorky and not manly. But those guys are rare. Most of the time it's because we're not attracted to you.

But, attraction can be altered due to personality. I have dated guys who weren't all that good looking because of their swag. And by swag, I don't mean so much style as much as I mean charisma and manliness. There are some guys who just come off so full of confidence that you just see him as The Boss and you wanna get with him. He might be 5'6 and he might be ugly but he is sexy. However, that does not work on every girl, some girls will only go for pretty boys no matter how his personality is. And some girls find different things ugly and different things attracctive

There is no universal attractiveness because everyone has a different type. Say you're 6'4, cut up body and have blond hair blue eyes, but the girl you want to get with likes skinny dark haired emo rockers..you wouldn't be physically attractive to her, you wouldn't be her type so you wouldn't be able to get with her outside of an exception or miracle.

But I would recommend to boost your odds of success..stay in the gym and get that body right. Go for a muscular athletic body type. Take care of your skin and hair. Make sure you smell good, be really hygenic. And dress nicely. I don't know what your style is but make sure you are stylish and look good basically appeal to the women you want.

[Asker]

Quick question. "For the most part, if you're in the friend zone it's because we don't find you attractive. I have a guy in the friend zone that is really cute, he's just kinda dorky and not manly."

Ok so his personality isint ideal to how you'd like, but you said he's cute. does that mean you could see yourself kissing him and holding hands in public and etc?

[pr3ttybr0wn]

Nope, he's too wimpy, dorky and not manly enough. I'm not sexually attracted to him.

[Asker]

Those are all personality traits. How is he physically though, just looks alone, without factoring in personality? Again just trying to understand how the female mind works lol

[pr3ttybr0wn]

He's very good looking. I wanted him when I first met him, before I got to know him really well.but his personality makes him not my type.now I don't see him that way anymore

[Anonymous]

Pretty much true, that's sort of the difference between my friends and guys I date or want to date. I like my guy friends, they're fun to hang with, I care about them, some of them I consider family.

That being said, just because I'm not attracted to a guy doesn't mean he is necessarily unattractive in general. Take my friend Mike, he's a good looking guy (this is the general consensus with girls who meet him and I tend to agree), fit, nice, smart, funny, easy going. And Mike is cool, we get along well, we were even roommates for a couple weeks when his apartment flooded. But there is no sexual attraction between us, none whatsoever. I am just not interested in him that way, the thought of kissing him is just WEIRD (not counting the occasional cheek kiss we exchange now). I don't know if he's ever had any thoughts outside of friendship, but seeing as he's been dating the same girl for 3 years now, I know they don't exist now.

Now, I do have some guy friends who I am attracted to and, if the opportunity arose, I might pursue a romantic relationship with them. I don't actively pursue it, but if things shifted, who knows? I can objectively say that some of them are not as traditionally attractive as Mike, but they are to me...

In answer to your second question- yes, everyone is doomed to be friend-zoned by some people no matter what. Doesn't matter how great you look, if the person doesn't feel it, they don't feel it. For me at least, this is definitely not based just on appearance.

[Asker]

"Now, I do have some guy friends who I am attracted to and, if the opportunity arose, I might pursue a romantic relationship with them. I don't actively pursue it, but if things shifted, who knows? I can objectively say that some of them are not as traditionally attractive as Mike, but they are to me."

what makes the guy friends you have interest in different then the others you don't have interest in?

[Opinion Owner]

Honestly- I can't exactly put my finger on it. Why are you attracted to one woman over another? There are a whole host of reasons and they're specific to each person. My best girl friend isn't attracted to the same types of guys I am, she thinks Mike is totally datable, but has no feelings for the guy friends I find attractive. There is no magic formula for attractiveness, sorry!

[whattothink]

For me its not just physical attraction. Sometimes the guy has a bad attitude or worse acts like my family memebers! That could just be creepy if you see your brother every time they do something. Also believe it or not pheremones play a big role. They tell us whether a persons genetic code is similar to ours so that we are not attracted to keep the gene pool diverse. There have been many a highly attractive guy I have known that I just cannot see myself dating. And I honestly think it has to be their pheremones telling me to stay away.

[AmongTheApples]

It's generally true, but not always. I have become attracted to women after getting to know them (especially their sense of humor) or noticing how much they liked me. As I've said many times, psychological research shows that people like those who like, or seem to like, them. And the more they like them, the more the other will eventually like them; so, despite the widely accepted belief, feelings can, and actually do, change. (Btw, the converse is true too: People hate those who hate, or appear to hate, them.) In fact, many people stay in the friend zone, not because they actually are in the friend zone, but because they BELIEVE that they are in the friend zone. In other words, it self-perpetuates; and, at times, self-actuates (the person believes they're in the friend zone, so they behave as if they are, and before they know it or realize it, they actually are. In other words, they caused it by their behavior).

I also agree that looks do matter, but, as I wrote above, my feelings have changed before, and I have become attracted to women whom I initially wasn't, and a few who were actually below my general standards.

[Anonymous]

If there is no physical attraction the person will be in the friend zone

Even if there is physical attraction a person may still become friend zoned.

If the physical shortcoming is something like weight or hygeine or attitude( very low self esteem) I.e changeable, there may be a change.

I'm sure some people who said "never" changed their tune after these people changed

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[jenni_ms]

Finally a guy who has figured out the supposed mystery! I've tried explaining this to several guys and they act like its rocket science. And it's not to say that the guy is 'unattractive' just that the female in question, one in a million, is not attracted to him physically. I've friend zoned VERY good looking guys in the past but they were just not my type physically. It's not any different from a guy choosing which girl to go after, he goes for the one he personally finds attractive, not who he's supposed to want because everyone else thinks is pretty.

[Asker]

I like your response :) but one thing stands out that a lot of girls say that I don't understand: You find a guy good looking, but not attractive? That's an oxymoron. You obviously don't find them good looking if you're not attracted to them. I understand being attracted to a certain look, but I believe attraction is about finding someone good looking

[Asker]

Me personally, I love brunettes with blue eyes, slim, and a nice butt. But If I see a red head with green eyes, slim, nice but, why would I friend zone her? I find her good looking even though she's not my type, she's still attractive to me.

know what I'm saying?

[jenni_ms]

I get what you're saying exactly, but the way you're thinking of it is as though this hypothetical girl has a majority of the traits you find attractive. When I say they are good looking, I mean that in a very general way. The "conventional" standard for good looks. For example, Brad Pitt is a conventional standard for a attractive man and while I'll admit he's "good looking", I personally wouldn't fall over myself just to get with him. Get it? It's completely subjective.

[jenni_ms]

When I say some of the guys I've friend zoned are good-looking, it's simply because I know a lot of females would LOVE to get a chance with them based off of their looks. Since I know them personally, I find them unattractive because of personality traits or personal beliefs they had. But they didn't have the majority of traits I find attractive. That doesn't make them bad looking by a long shot. Only a shallow person will date someone strictly based off looks.

[chelsieshaybaby]

I think that looks are so trivial.. and people take them into consideration far too much.

Being shallow is easy... people should try something a little more difficult.. like using their heart... The heart is a powerful thing.

And honestly getting into a relationship just for the sake that you can see yourself sleeping with someone is stupid... why not just give the guy a chance? I think that through getting to know someone on a deep level and connecting... then all of those things like physical attraction come along with it.

But the problem is I just don't think many people can do that and get over the shallow aspect of everything... Its like there is always a shallow veil around everything.. like it always comes into play somehow...

But I guess I just want something deeper than that... I think most people should... but I don't know if they are capable of actually realizing how unimportant looks are...

[Anonymous]

Without physical attraction, the person would be no different than a friend. How can you be in a relationship with a person if you don't even want to kiss them? A good relationship consists of attraction and intimacy, as well as friendship.

However, sometimes once you get to really know a person, they become more attractive to you subconsciously. Being fit and stylish helps, but everyone has a different body type and style that they are more attracted to and a certain personality that they prefer.

[Anonymous]

Not necessarily. I have a couple of guy friends who are attractive and in the friend zone. My best friend looks like Drake but he's still never getting out of the friend zone. I see him as a brother and that's just the way it always will be even when those 6 pack abs start coming in I'm not gonna see him that way.

I have another male friend that looks like Rain (KPop star link ) but I can't even imagine him with a penis. Like.. it's impossible for me to think of him as a sexual being. That's just the way it is.

Then I've dated ugly guys so it really depends.

[Jonny_]

Meh, it's true to an extent... although if you make a move you shouldn't really end up in the friend zone. I've never been friend zoned because I'm wary about just becoming a friend, if I'm attracted to a girl I make it obvious so she won't just see me as a friend.

[Asker]

I don't get the logic of "if you don't make a move fast you're just a friend". I understand if you meet them and clearly establish your interested, not following up by asking out on a date/etc does friend zone yourself.

but I mean if you've been friends with a girls for years, and she finds you cute secretly, no reason why she would friend zone you

[llorando]

...?

[Jonny_]

The logic of it is, that when I meet someone for the first time I can tell if I like them or not... I can see them and tell if I'm physically attracted to them, I can talk to them a bit being a bit flirty and if that works I'd definitely make a move before it just ends up being a friends only thing. Hence why you should make a move when it's available, if you don't a girl thinks maybe you aren't interest and will move on, or she'll just think you're being just a friend with her.

[ohwowitsnotkim]

if I can't see myself being physical with him, no matter how cool he is, he's going to stay my buddy. the same way if I'm not hot enough for some dude, I will be like his little sis.

[kangaru]

True. Because physical attraction is the first thing that we notice but it varies among people (beauty is subjective) .

And if both parties are not attracted to each other they wouldn't go dating or into a relationship. Unless the girl is someone whom you know for awhile and your personality would be the deciding factor.

One girl may friend zone you but others may not, it is just that the right girl has not appeared.

[Kelly34]

True.

I don't get why people aren't honest about this, everyone desires a physically attractive partner.

[Kelly34]

@update It depends why you were considered unattractive to start with. If you were out of shape then sure. If you were too short then no. No matter what you do the vast majority of women will likely find you unattractive. Its just part of being male.

[Fuyumiko]

I don't know.

I have a lot of those kinds of friends.

But then you have those days where you at least think about it.

Usually ends up being that rainy day kind of person if I was a lone and your were there.

[Anonymous]

If a girl isn't physically attracted to a guy, then she won't be interested in him...regardless of his "social game"

BUT that doesn't mean that the attraction can't change (i.e., you've been lifting and haven't gotten friend zoned as much).

[Anonymous]

True. People need at least SOME attraction physically.

Sad but true, and those who say no are liars.

[llorando]

It's the physical attraction that get's you their, while it's personality that keeps you their.

[Opinion Owner]

Completely agree!

[2Hot4UBabez]

@ED209 Good thing it's not grammar <3

[llorando]

Yep, Even tho some people say personality is every thing, but when it comes down to their has to be some physical attraction.

[llorando]

Doesn't matter how fit and stylish you are, if they don't find you attractive they don't find you attractive. that's just how it is.

[Anonymous]

Just strive to get a body like Hugh jackman, with a body like that you can't be unattractive lol.

[Anonymous]

If I wasn't physically attracted to a guy, I definitely wouldn't pursue a relationship with him.

[Anonymous]

Sounds about right. Although I have a hot guy friend in the friend zone because we didn't click.

[Asker]

Didn't click meaning what exactly? Like he's a crazy partying guy and you're a sit at home book worm? just an example

[Opinion Owner]

No. More like he's a virgin and I don't like virgin guys.

[Asker]

So then teach him?

[Opinion Owner]

You don't get it do you? Virgin guys have NOTHING going for them, hence why they are virgins.

[Asker]

Oh I see, sorry I misunderstood. What do you mean by nothing going for them? You mean like personality wise? financial wise? status wise?

[Opinion Owner]

All of that

[Cottoncandydreams]

That's 100% true.