I’ve asked my boyfriend to shave his beard, but he won’t. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half now. When we started dating he had some facial hair but it was shorter. Now it’s grown out down to his collar bone and is very scraggly. I’ve asked him to shave it. And I know men love their beards so I understand it’s a big question to ask. I told him he doesn't have to take the whole thing off, just a trim or if he could have it back to the shorter length it was when we started dating that’d be perfect too. He’s said “oh maybe but just let me look like a homeless person”. And we both laugh about it. But he hasn’t actually agreed to shaving it. I’ve asked him again and he’s gotten irritated by the question now so I’ve stopped asking. His beard kinda grosses me out cuz food gets stuck in it and it gets in my mouth whenever we kiss and then sometimes the shedding beard hair gets in my mouth too and I have to pull it out. I’ve told him this but he still won’t shave it. Any suggestions on how to approach the topic with him again?

Updates:

[rjroy3]

First and foremost be accepting of him having the beard, rather than focusing on getting your way (trying to change him).

Emphasize him taking care of the beard, rather than the length. When you talk about the aspects that bother you with his beard. It's mostly the fact he's not taking care of it rather than having a big beard. You said scraggly, dirty, beard shedding.

If he simply trims loose hairs, washes the beard and keeps it healthy/clean then you won't have to deal with the extra hairs so much. Like girly I've been seeing has a short haircut and I have short, but volumous hair. I'm clean shaven and both of us still gets the others hair in our mouths lol. Hair just sheds, that's what it does. But you can lessen it a lot by simply taking care of yourself. So if I were you I would HEAVILY focus on delivering the message to him that you just want him to take care of himself, regardless of the look he chooses to have. Then have slight negative reinforcement, by using words like "it gets bad sometimes" when talking about the aspects you don't like. The excess hair shedding in your mouth and the uncleanliness of the beard. That's something he should be doing anyways and you can deliver the negative message in a loving way.

[coachTanthony]

Well tell him how much it bothers you... like really tell him you are starting to become not so attracted to him anymore. If his beard grosses you out and there really is food getting stuck in there then make that an issue not because you like him without the beard.

This would be the same thing as if a partner gained a bunch of weight and still hoped the attraction remained. It just doesn't so before it goes dead altogether tell him.

Don't wait and make it some final straw! That would not be fair.

[muliebrity]

Oh gross!!

Have you tried indirect ways?

Every time you guys kiss and/or hug just back away and say "oh so itchy! can't deal😉😋" Keep doing it so he mentally registers that he'll lose these actions if his mane is this much.

Sex.. lessen it till he asks "how come we dont have sex?" To which you can say "its the beard.. i just see a homeless person.. i love you but just for some reason not turned on"

What do you have to lose 🤷‍♀️ might as well.

[DestinyElizabeth04]

Thats a tough topic.. At first I was thinking "Just let the man have his beard" but after further reading and realizing that his beard is at a point of bad hygiene and it clearly not well kept, I agree with you. Its time for a trim. Unfortunately though, this is a decision he will have to come to on his own and nothing you say will make him do it.

[luvstoned4him]

beard is a guy's favorite thing after cars

I doubt you would be able to make him get rid of it and if you do, expect this to become a full fledged argument.

maybe ask him nicely if he would shave some off... I don't know

[worldscolide]

Lol you don't. How would you feel if he asked you to shave your head or alter some part of your body he doesn't like... Never try to change your man.. It's wrong to do that. Sure you can ask, but if he says no, there is nothing you can do beyond leaving or accepting his body his choice.

[lyssagirl]

Get smart n take him to a nice barber n buy the full treatment like the hot towel and shit and ask for them to trim it up nice. Even long it doesn't have to look like backwoodsmen, and can be super sexy. Also Would u like it if he tried to control your appearance. Most women would verbally kick his ass.

[btbc92]

How about you don't and respect him? You knew he has a beard from day 1. He is not your husband to make such demands. Of you can't find yourself able to do so, just end the relationship due to incompatibility on those levels or deal with it. If you ask him again he will blow up into an argument and then your going wished you'd listen. That's my advice to you. Maybe think about these things before dating a person who already has a beard until it grows on you.

[blutwolfe]

I had this situation with my girlfriend, while not as extreme as scenario as his, I wouldn't shave my beard. I told her if she stopped dying her hair colors then I would shave, she never stopped dying it. So it's mutual.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

"food gets stuck in it and it gets in my mouth whenever we kiss and then sometimes the shedding beard hair gets in my mouth too and I have to pull it out"

Ew.

Maybe stop shaving your pussy and when it gets scraggly and overgrown and he wants you to shave, you can just calmly look him in the eye and be like "let's make a deal." xD

[humanearth]

You'll have to drug him and then shave him against his will.

Sure it illegal, but thats pretty much the way its going to be.

Or

You leave him

He is not going to shave it off or trim it unless he wants to.

My beard is 3 feet long

[Browneye57]

Sure. Just tell him to fuck off.
There. Easy, done.

Guys get with girls hoping they'll never change.
Girls get with guys thinking if they bug the shit out of them hard enough and long enough he MIGHT become something she can stand to be with. FAIL.

[slatyb]

If he's going around with food in his beard then he's grossly unkempt. By allowing himself to be unpleasantly dirty he's telling you he doesn't care about you. So what's so wonderful about him? Most women would be gone.

[hahahmm]

What sacrifice are you willing to make for him? Don’t ask without offering up something you know he wants in trade. Could be wearing his favorite outfits more often, cutting your hair how he likes more and so on.

[sejla]

It sounds like you are being fair in that you didn't ask him to completely shave it off. How you get him to do it is tricky. Can you offer him something in trade?

[Chadnelson1973]

Get him a beard kit that has a brush , comb , and beard oil his beard will look nicer , be softer and will shed less. There's some videos on YouTube on beard care and beard grooming
Otherwise make a bet with him on something that if he looses he has to shave or trim
But try a beard grooming kit

Or to get your point across don't shave your legs for 2 or 3 weeks and when he asks tell him it's comfortable or tell him you will shave when he does

I still recommend the beard kit maybe beard beads

[MrHopper]

A scraggly beard does look horrendous I agree, I suspect he is trying to grow it long.. But he needs thickness. Long thick beard takes time but you look good by slowly keeping it in shape as it grows.

[OlderAndWiser]

If you have been keeping your pubic hair shaved. . . grow your own beard!

[ChocolateBrowny]

if you dont like it, leave, you have no right to tell him what to do. Saying you dont like it is fine but asking him to shave was wrong.

[Cowboy5]

It’s almost duck season. He can’t shave until after duck season (see Duck Dynasty.)

[eila7]

Haha I know what you mean, I like stubble but too long can be gross.

stop kissing him, till he trims it 😂

[Ally247]

Give him an ultimatum. If he won't shave, you don't kiss him. If you have to live with that, so does he.

[Harmseygrace]

It's his beard and his choice. He shouldn't have to cut it if he doesn't want to.

[mental_status]

Tell him to shave that damn thing off there's nothing worse than a guy going down on you and you getting stabbed by all this freaking hair or when you're trying to kiss him and it just stab you in the face