How would you feel if you finally see eachother and they state “you’re not bad looking”?

[Anonymous]

I literally want to cry but am holding it together. I know most people hate being called “cute” rather than handsome, hot or pretty but man I would’ve rather been called that than “not bad looking.” This is the first time I’ve heard this and I admit, its a blow to my ego. My self esteem already wasn’t that high but I also won’t allow it to drop so low. I’m just in shock

Updates

+1 y

He followed up with, “I care more about our mental connection rather than our physical attraction for eachother. Who am I to judge one’s flaws when I have some of my own?” Like why is he rubbing it in? I felt fine but he’s making me feel so ugly right now 💀

Updates

+1 y

Here we are several more hours later and he says “you looked pretty” and i told him i can't believe him and i’ll always remember he said “not bad looking”. Now he’s beating himself up.

[Part2603]

I think I could roll with it. I imagine you two sort of built mental pictures of each other and it feels weird.

I know you wanted him to act like a cartoon character and douse you with compliments, but that might have been an unrealistic expectation depending on the circumstances and your paramour specifically.

You might be ugly. You might also be dealing with a beta that doesn't know how to compliment. Or maybe it's just online weirdness like I said with the mental pictures or whatever.

Point is, you don't really have to let this wreck your self confidence, just yet. If he's still talking to you that's a win.

Maybe he's autistic.

[Asker]

He literally calls himself beta and jokingly says he's borderline autistic

[Part2603]

There you go, that's your answer.
Listen. If you're "dating" this guy, and I put that in quotes because it's hard to say if whether an internet thing can be a real thing, right?, if you're dating an inexperienced unconfident guy he's not gonna have the "vocabulary" to express himself. And I don't mean the literal words of like being comfortable calling you "bae" or whatever, it's kinda more the social expectations and the understanding of the feminine sensibility.

So keep that in mind, and try to railroad him into saying the things you want to hear. Rather than asking him, "What do you think of my looks?", give him a very narrow question. Don't give him the rope to hang himself, you know?

"Do I look good in this dress?" Or if you want, you can ask leading questions. "If we fooled around tonight, would you kick me out of bed afterwards?" See how you assume the premise that he would definitely have sex with you, but then only real question is whether he would cuddle with you afterwards?

If you ask him simple yes or no questions, where you constrain his possible responses, he can express his affection for you very simply, by answering "yes" all the time.

[Part2603]

PS Beta faggits literally don't understand that women WANT their boyfriends to think racy thoughts about them. He might be brainwashed by feminism to sublimate his animalistic desires. Have patience with him, lol.

[Asker]

I actually didn't ask him how i looked. He randomly said that

[Asker]

This time i sent a second. He didn't say any response to it. He changed the topic. I brought it up that night and he kept saying “stop being insecure. Your looks are fine. I’m just not looking for a relationship anymore”. Now if thats not rejection, i dont know what is

[ChrisMaster69]

I’ve come out with ‘you wash up well’ or ‘yeah you are passable’

both however are said with some humour as we both know she looks stunning.

i have also dead panned a ‘I thought you were getting dressed up for tonight’ but that’s been a few months into dating before.

the thing is everyone is different, I am not a huge one on how a person looks, it’s more about them, yes an emotional connection.

i would pick up on things like tattoos, piercings, boots, etc or how a dress looks good, however rarely would say a girl looks hot, sexy etc, unless I had that emotional connection, as it’s just clothes etc.

[Asker]

He also said its more emotional

[Asker]

This time i sent a second. He didn't say any response to it. He changed the topic. I brought it up that night and he kept saying “stop being insecure. Your looks are fine. I’m just not looking for a relationship anymore”. Now if thats not rejection, i dont know what is

[ChrisMaster69]

Yeah ‘ not looking for a relationship’ is rejection

[Asker]

i told him that. He claims he doesn't want to lose our mental connection but im so done. Im moving on. I already started talking to a few others and showed them the same image/video and they made me feel more than enough

[ChrisMaster69]

Good
Best go move on as he’s likely to just string you along

[Asker]

i told him that. He claims he doesn't want to lose our mental connection but im so done. Im moving on. I already started talking to a few others and showed them the same image/video and they made me feel more than enough.

[Asker]

@Part2603 i didn't just go saying “hey look at me, im insecure.” He asked why i deleted the video a whole day after i deleted them. I said i deleted them because you didn't acknowledge them and kept saying “not bad”. So how am i being insecure if he's clearly showing lack of interest? But it doesn't even matter anymore. Its over

[Blackcosmo]

I probably would be hurt but I'd brush it off. I wouldn't confront him though because I would be afraid he would think I'm overreacting.

[Asker]

I didn't confront him until he said hours later “you look pretty” and i said, wow what a switchup considering earlier you said “not bad looking” and then he started beating himself uo

[Blackcosmo]

That was not the nicest thing for him to say. But maybe you should forgive him because he had the decency to feel bad about it instead of saying you're being too sensitive or you're overreacting the way many people do. I'm sure he'll never do that again so you should give him a chance. Sometimes mistakes happen in relationships but he's feeling guilty and that's a good sign.

[Blackcosmo]

Thanks for the MHO!

[Asker]

This time i sent a second. He didn't say any response to it. He changed the topic. I brought it up that night and he kept saying “stop being insecure. Your looks are fine. I’m just not looking for a relationship anymore”. Now if thats not rejection, i dont know what is

[Blackcosmo]

Seems like he's trying to brush it off and yeah I guess that's rejection. He shouldn't have lead you on like that if he was going to change his mind. That's not ok and he needs to be called out on it.

[Asker]

He just texted me now saying “i see you deleted the videos you sent me” like he's so confusing? I deleted them because he never acknowledged them

[Blackcosmo]

He's being selfish so you should just end things with him. These kind of people are hard to deal with.

[Asker]

Yea i was done last night. Now he's just popping in and out but i already am on to the next crush

[Blackcosmo]

Make sure to firmly say no if your former date is stepping over any boundaries. Congrats on your new crush!

[ChrisMike1919]

Yeah, this "not bad looking" term is indeed like a punch in the nose. The expression itself get things down, especially if it's used right from the start.

[Asker]

Mhmm yes. Also see the update

[ChrisMike1919]

Yes I've seen

[Asker]

This time i sent a second. He didn't say any response to it. He changed the topic. I brought it up that night and he kept saying “stop being insecure. Your looks are fine. I’m just not looking for a relationship anymore”. Now if thats not rejection, i dont know what is

[ChrisMike1919]

He expressed that in words, so...

[DarkWinterNights]

I’m noticing a trend of people being weird when it comes to paying compliments. Is it possible he froze up and just said the first thing to come to his mind?

[Asker]

He didn't even “compliment” me until like 6 hours later

[Asker]

This time i sent a second. He didn't say any response to it. He changed the topic. I brought it up that night and he kept saying “stop being insecure. Your looks are fine. I’m just not looking for a relationship anymore”. Now if thats not rejection, i dont know what is