Girls, when a guy asks you to hang out and/or for your phone number, what do you usually think he means?

[Kinstrome]

--I want to emphasize that no one is being vilified here, and I don't want a gender war. I just want honest answers to have a better understanding--

About a week ago I spoke to a girl I had seen at a cafe a couple of times. I had chatted with her a little bit casually, and she seemed to be receptive to talking to me. So when I saw her there a week ago while I was having a small meal alone at a table, I went to her and said, "If it's not too forward of me, could I ask if you'd like to hang out sometime?" She said yes, that it was not too forward, and offered me her phone number (and full name).

We weren't able to meet until yesterday, where we had a nice conversation outside another cafe and seemed to be getting along well. Then, towards the end, she mentioned something about a boyfriend. So I waited a few minutes and asked her about what she had said, and she said she had a boyfriend, and that she assumed I just wanted to hang out as friends.

I brushed it off like it was no big deal, I smiled and didn't look visibly upset, but I was pretty disappointed. It didn't occur to me that she wouldn't think I was asking her out for a relationship.

To the question itself: Girls, if a guy by himself came up and asked you if you wanted to hang out and/or if you wouldn't mind giving him your phone number, would you think he was looking for a friend, or asking you out? Be honest about it, please. I want to know what to say.

Guys, feel free to talk about your own knowledge or experiences.

I would think he was asking for a date.

I would think he was looking for a friend.

I wouldn't be sure (or pretty sure) either way.

(Other answer)

(See results)

[bijinbijinbijin]

most women would think you are romantically or physically/sexually interested in her. No platonic intentions at all. As you get older its is just expected that you date the opposite sex, not be brother and sister with the opposite sex. Also many guys complain about being friend zoned and women know that. its just extremely rare that a guy asks for a girls number and a date with intentions of only being friend-zoned. Friend zoned guys usually dont even have the balls to ask a girl for her number and for a date, they usually just follow her around and let her talk about other guys to him and girl problems.

a lot of girls who are serious about their relationships will tell a guy that she has a boyfriend from the start and decline the invitation to get to know him. Girls who are not secure in their relationship will not mention the boyfriend becasue they want to know if they can still attract another guy. Their boyfriends are obviously not giving them the attention they need sinse they are trying to get it from other guys. Some girls will tell you after they have lead you on for a while becasue they still want to try and make things work with their boyfriends. Other girls will cheat.

[Kinstrome]

I didn't think about it that way, but she did say her boyfriend was in India. Maybe she wanted to feel like someone was asking her out.

[bijinbijinbijin]

yep thats what it sounds like. Her boyfriend is not giving her the kind of attention that she needs so she is using another guy to make her feel desired.

[inamorata]

Unless she's ugly and/or fat and doesn't have any guys after her. Ever... A girl will always be thinkin/presuming/believing you want to date her and that's why you're asking. Includes me.

You probably ran into a girl who is either an attention vampire. She liked you going after her, liked the company and decided to disregard your feelings and string you along, because it felt good having you around.

Much less likely, she genuinely believed you wanted a friend, or she's too awkward, insecure, or inexperienced to know how to tell you to back off. ESPECIALLY if you never explicitly stated interest, but only insinuated everything.
If you never put yourself out there openly to begin with, you shouldn't be annoyed with her inability to reject you.
Reject what exactly? "Hanging out"? -_-

37.media.tumblr.com/.../...5rWB2V1r7b6cio1_500.gif

[Kinstrome]

I thought I seemed pretty interested. I'm not sure what else I could do that I didn't do. If I said "I like you," she may very well still have thought I wanted to be friends. With the "she's too shy" or "she's insecure" point of view, she might *never* actually believe I want to date her, even if I said I did.

My assumption had been that if a guy looks and smiles at a girl a lot, and doesn't know her very well yet, and then comes up and says "If it's not too forward, can I hang out with you sometime?" then most girls would think "He's probably interested in me, and not as a friend."

I wasn't really angry at her. I know that rejecting people isn't easy, and frankly, I think it's easier for me to go up to someone and ask them out than to reject them.

[Kinstrome]

I think she probably didn't get asked out a lot, although I thought she was attractive and interesting, and wasn't just asking her out for a one-night stand. She was pretty reserved, and into not-mainstream things. I got the impression that she may have had low self-esteem, too, although that was just my impression.

[inamorata]

You can't use that as an excuse. Yes she would believe it. If you're upfront, tell her you like her, she'll believe it.
The only way she won't is if you are afraid of admitting it and you call it "hanging out". Guys who don't like us stare and smile. It's called politeness.

If you never openly expressed interest, don't excuse it. Own it and fix it.

[Kinstrome]

I'm not afraid of admitting it, I'm afraid of scaring her off. There are situations in life where openly expressing interest can turn people off of what you are interested in. Most people don't like people saying "I'd like to kiss you" before kissing them. Naturally, knowing those things, and seeing that most guys ask girls out without saying "I like you," I didn't suspect that she wouldn't pick up what I meant.

I don't think she did something wrong, but I am not at fault here, either.

[vmw2008]

It would depend on the scenario, but in most cases, I would absolutely think he was asking me on a date. I've personally never exchanged numbers or had a meetup like this while in a relationship, but most of my friends have. I never really understood it.

I can be flirty and joke around, but there's a line of temptation and leading on I've just never crossed. Most of my friends however, have been in relationships so long that they just enjoyed the attention, played it off as a "just friends" thing, and never told their boyfriends about it. They're really good girls, too! I'm not sure what the cause is except just enjoying feeling wanted.

[Kinstrome]

I'm not certain exactly what was the case with this girl, but the kind of thing you say your friends do sounds similar. The girl in my question was not malevolent or bitter, and she even seemed very flattered that I asked her out. She was even pretty comfortably when we met, talking about herself a good bit.

When I said, "so, a few minutes ago you mentioned your 'partner'..." she quickly said, "Yeah, my boyfriend. I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were asking me out." The speed with which she jumped to that made me think she had already suspected I was asking her out on a date.

I'm not angry at her though, and I wasn't even then. I was just confused. I'm glad I was able to turn this into a learning experience.

[Sara413]

"just enjoyed the attention, played it off as a "just friends" thing"

That seems... really mean to me.

Props to the OP for not being upset about it. I kinda would be.

[CoolSky01]

well girls can be assholes like that i've met one or two like that , they flirt with guys and go out with them even though they have BFs , i fell for it once and iam not falling again i act much different now

[pedanticRomantic]

Girls: "I wonder why guys don't take the initiative and ask us out"
Guys: *asks you out*
Girls: "Sorry I have a b/f I thought you just wanted to be friends, you should have made it clear that you were asking me out on a date by using the right words, body language, posture, attitude, eye contact, while wearing a sombrero and doing the chicken dance and between the hours of 11am to 4pm and of course only on tuesdays and thursdays trollololol "

Now for my actual opinion haha. I haven't seen this brought up -- if I missed it I'm sorry -- but I noticed that she didn't say that she had a b/f until the end of the "date". I think a possible scenario is that she was lying about that. From your perspective things were going pretty well but who knows what she really thought. Maybe you said something that was a deal breaker or turned her off and she played it off real smooth like it didn't bother her (not unlike you playing off the b/f reveal with disappointment hidden behind a smile).

[hiphopapotomaus]

Well, not all girls are like this, and there are also some guys who are like this, so let's not categorize this a trait possessed by all women, but rather a trait some people have.

[pedanticRomantic]

Are you referring to the first part or the second part? I was merely jesting with the first part, and the second part was a speculative scenario intended for this one specific girl that I was entertaining purely based on the information that the asker gave. I'm not sure where I had hinted that I thought all girls possess a specific trait but if I did, that's a miscommunication on my part.

[hiphopapotomaus]

Lol. I was referring to the first part which is a dialogue between "girls" and "guys".

[Kinstrome]

I thought it was possible that she was lying, but she gave a specific account of him. She said he was in India right now, and if she wanted to shoo me away, she would have done better not to say he was out-of-country.

I don't *think* I made any deal breaking comments. I did only about 15% of the talking, and most of it was smiling and asking her about things. She talked quite a bit, and it seemed to me that she was pretty comfortable.

Thank you for the comments.

[Sinister]

I would say that when your flirting you should try to do it in a way that would hint to the idea of a possible date/interest/whatever. The intent has to be there so that you won't be confused and lastly do NOT let time pass too long in-between you have to keep the energy going, leave it for too long and it will go away and then you have to start over again. However it would depend on the girl as well and what her situation is. In my experience girls that are single and interested would definitely be flirting back and would subtly try to hint at you to ask them for there number to meet up at another time. I personally don't date my homegirls nor do I ever plan to, I flirt playfully but nothing to overt. Where as some overt flirts would definitely go well with a girl who is very much interested in you.

[Hannah591]

It does depend on the guy and how he's been treating me beforehand. I wouldn't like to assume he's trying to hit on me or go on a date. I would first view it as completely platonic and judge when out with him. If one of my guy friends asked to hang out together, I wouldn't think of it as anything other than being platonic.

If a random guy gave me his number and asked to hang out, I would think it could be a date but again, I wouldn't jump to conclusions and I would consider his body language when asking me. It would be easier if guys said "do you want to go on a date?" instead of "do you want to hang out?" but I completely understand why guys choose the latter one.

[Kinstrome]

Yeah, I tend to say "hang out" because asking for a date seems so forward that it might put her off. By asking to hang out, I mean "Let's have some time together at a cafe or something and see if we like each other. If we do like each other, then we can date."

I wouldn't be afraid to ask for a date, though, if I thought it would work. And I'm not even sure that it wouldn't work.

[SexyAshh]

I would say it all depended if she was sexually attracted to you. If she was she probably would of not even mentioned having a boyfriend. Not trying to sound harsh but may have just accepted the invitation thinking it would give her some companionship at a place she was often at as well as you were. Not to mention some girls just like the attention of other guys showing interest, and although they have a boyfriend they will egg it on and flirt back until they find out you were hoping for more (even they somewhat already knew). Completely throws them off. This may be completely confusing because us girls can be indeed Confsuing! But this is just my take from similar personal experiences. Hope this helps a bit!

[Kinstrome]

It does help! I'm not really as confused by it, thanks to the advice I have been given here. Even if it was a little disappointing, I'm sure she did not do what she did out of malevolence. And it was a learning experience, either way.

[Cmasterson]

I can relate to this girl, Sometimes I see no harm in giving someone my phone number, if i have the right intentions. If i'm forward about being a relationship that too can be perceived in the wrong way, what if you were the one wanting to be JUST friends. But then again, sometimes I can read people well, so if you gave off the vibe that you would like to take her on a date or hang out whilst having an "open mind" then I can see where the disconnect is. Generally I think of how its worded, and how honest both parties are.

[KBelle]

When a guy asks me to "hang out" it could mean either on a date or as friends and usually I interpret it the way I want it to be. To be honest though... it's almost always in the guys mind a date.

If you want there to be no confusion then don;t ask girls to "hang out" ask them to dinner... ask them to a show... or better yet just ask them on date. If you had done that in your scenario the girl might have said "Oh, I have a have a boyfriend but maybe we should hang out as friends!" and you would have known in advance.

[Kinstrome]

I worry sometimes that 'dinner' or 'a movie' might equal sex in her mind, since one-night stands are so associated with dinners/movies.

I'm not afraid to ask specifically for a date if it isn't going to put her off, of course. I want to go with whatever works.

[KBelle]

What? Since when is going out in public for a meal synonymous with sex? "Hanging out" especially when done in private... like at your place is much more likely to be about sex than sharing a meal. Really when I guy asks me to come "hang out" at his place and watch a movie... that seems to me like he's after nothing more than sex than if he asks me to dinner.

[Kinstrome]

It's not like I think people should rationally interpret dinner/movie date propositions as propositions for sex, but I have heard people think of them that way.

I only want to say what she will understand as meaning "I want to start a relationship with you." I made this question with the intention of finding out how people interpret hanging out, and there is some division on it. If asking her specifically for a 'date' will work, then I'm more than willing to do that.

[KBelle]

Well it looks like most of the people who replied saying that they saw "hanging out" as definitely a date are younger than me. So maybe it's an age thing. lol

Maybe younger women see "hanging out" more as a date. However, I think if what you really want is clarity from the get go you should either call it a date, or maybe ask her if she's seeing anyone before you even ask. Nothing says I want a relationship like "So are you seeing anyone?" then proceeding to ask for a phone number. lol

[BattyBB]

It all depends on how he said and the way he was acting.
1. If he was trying to chat me up and all that I think he'd only want my body even if it was for one night lol
2. If he was being friendly and nice it could be he either wants to be friends or more..
Although, it does depend on more then just that
It does depend on body language, tone of voice, looks (eg; eyes) etc ..

[Kinstrome]

Yeah, I understand that. I try to look sincere because I really do want relationships and not one-night stands. I think I looked pretty real.

[BattyBB]

*nods* All good
And I am sure you come across as wanting to get to know someone, take it slow and see where it goes ^_^

[emmabee11]

Lol she is too naieve... 99% of the time guys can NEVER be friends with girls... so i would know you wanted a date lol a guy never asks a girl for her number unless he is interested in something sexual or romantic, only the odd guy can be friends with girls but whenever i've questioned guys about being friends with girls they just don't see it as something that can benefit them, 99% of guys see girls for dating not friendship (which i think is a shame really). I've been asked for my number enough times too and every single time was a guy wanting it for other purposes than friendship lol so i just know your probably asking me for sex or romantic purposes.

[dreawolf]

I very recently had this debate with a guy friend of mine. He thinks, just like you and, so it seems, 99% of other guys, that texting a girl and then hanging out with her is something that usually leads to more (relationship, sex, etc/whatever). I don't agree though:/ When a guy asks to 'hang out', I'm going to assume we are just hanging out. If he wanted a date, then he needs to properly ask me out on a date. It's really that simple. Guys always complain that girls are the ones over complicating things but frankly it seems to be the opposite lol

[Kinstrome]

There isn't any right or wrong answer to this question. The people who have the general consensus don't win. If your honest impression is that what I said suggested friendship, then you're only helping me. I only want honesty.

[purpleballoons456]

It's interesting that you ask this. Like this girl, I am one of those strange gals that has difficulty knowing what guys mean when they ask you to hang out. If I happen to ask a guy to hang out, I usually mean I just want to hang out and I'm not meaning a date. A lot of times guys assume it's a date. If a guy tells me he wants to hang out I might get an intuition that it's actually a date based on our interaction and the body language involved. However, I won't assume anything unless he actually calls it a date. These days it's so hard to tell so I don't assume anything. I wish people would be more forward and say what they mean instead of beating around the bush. That way they'll avoid embarrassing moments with people like me who don't jump to conclusions.

[Kinstrome]

Yes, as I've learned, it's often better to just come out straight and say "date."

Of course, what I intended to mean when I said "hang out" was "get to know each other to see if we can date." I'm worried if I say 'date' all of a sudden, she'll think I want a hookup.

[Springfairy]

How about when he uses the words "go out" because my co worker asked once. He told me I needed a boyfriend and I told him as soon as I found one I would let him know then he wouldn't need to worry about
It anymore. He then said "how Bout going out with me?" I still assume it was just to hang out. He was flirty then but stopped for a while? Now he's back at it lol.

[purpleballoons456]

@Asker. I know what you mean, to ask for "date" so quickly can come across that way. But I guess that's a risk you have to take. Besides, if the feeling is mutual I don't think there will be a problem. Strangely though, when i hear the phrase "I'd like to get to know you" I'm more likely to assume they're wanting a date because no one really says that unless that's what they're wanting. In contrast everyone says "let's hang out" so you can't really know what they mean.

[purpleballoons456]

To Springfairy:
I think "go out" sounds more like a date than "hang out". I've usually heard guys say this to girls they're interested in so I would be more likely to believe it's a date. Also, you have to evaluate each scenario independently and you have to think about the context as well. In your case it's probably a date because he said "go out" and he's also hinting that you need a boyfriend while being flirty. It seems like he's doing everything to show you he's interested. Do you like him?

[dipta]

It sounds kinda suspicious to be honest. She went on a date with you and the 'boyfriend' that she doesn't have served as a nice excuse not to go on a second one.

If you're already dating someone and another guy who barely knows you (and you aren't even in a class together or share some common interest) asks you to hang out just the two of you, you've to assume he's asking you out on a date. Even if you didn't think so, now is the time to mention the boyfriend who, by the way, probably wouldn't be very happy with how friendly his girlfriend is with other guys.

[Anonymous]

I've kind of been in this girl's place... in my opinion she probably does like you and think your attractive, so dont despair just yet. Plus, when did friendship get such a negative connotation? I mean, look- you can't date her now, she has a boyfriend. So what's the problem? You stay friends. What's wrong with that? Someday maybe if you play your cards right she'll end up with you. It sounds like she already likes you anyway, so lucky you! Plus, personally, I hate guys who only want to DATE me. I know that sounds strange but think about it. I don't trust random guys who ask me out. I won't tell them my intimate secrets. I will however, if they stick around and prove their worth. I want to date a guy who's my best friend and who will ways be my best friend. I may represent a minority, but I can't be the only girl who thinks this- come on.

[Kinstrome]

" I mean, look- you can't date her now, she has a boyfriend. So what's the problem? You stay friends. What's wrong with that? Someday maybe if you play your cards right she'll end up with you."

What you're describing is basically the friend zone.

I like her personality, but I can't have a functioning friendship while I'm attracted to her. I can't keep thinking "Maybe this will pay off, I just have to stay with her. Maybe her boyfriend will break up, and with some luck, she'll let me take her out." I don't see why I'd wait around for weeks or months in this short life hoping somebody specific will eventually open up to me.

Part of developing a friendship with a girl is actually going out on dates and talking to one another. Unless a person's definition of 'date' is sex, I don't see the harm in asking a girl I don't know well out, and spending several nights just talking, hanging out, and having fun seems like a good way to get to know her.

[Opinion Owner]

I see what your saying, and I get it. I think the comment meant more along the lines of that I would want the guy to like my personality, and really really have a thing for me... maybe love- not just like 'Oh she's hot, I'll take her out.' Though that's just me, so I'm sorry if I offended you. I think though, what you said basically answered your question a little bit. You said

'Part of developing a friendship with a girl is actually going out on dates and talking to one another.'

" I like her personality, but I can't have a functioning friendship while I'm attracted to her."

So, with that in mind, you might want to try and figure out how much you like her. If you can't be in the friend zone, and you can't date her, then maybe it's not worth it. If you really like her and you want her badly, then it seems as though friendship is the only option right now. I still think that if your friends with her, it's a lot better than nothing at all, but I understand your frustration.

[Kalinda]

If I already know him from class I'd work and he randomly asks for my number I assume hang out or hook up depending on context.

Hanging out does not exclude interest. For example , I could ask a guy to hang out bc I'm interested with the intent To see how things go. I wouldn't start out thinking. " date" bc it's just not how I do things.

So unless the guy says date, I'll assume he's testing the waters for dating Or sex. Unless were friends then I assume it's a friends thing. Though again doesn't rule out he's interested in me.

If a stranger asks me out I'll assume there's interest and I'd tell him im involved.

[Danosaurus-Rex]

There is this guy who i have become friends with recently, and we met at a mutual friends party. We have been talking ever since. Thing is, he doesn't really have any friends at his school so he was originally asking people if they wanted to hang out for a while. He stopped asking me around a month ago but randomyly mid way through conversation (a week ago) he brought it up again. I just said it would be nice to meet up sometime, but have never followed through. because it was so abrupt and he had stopped asking our friends the same thing, it left me wondering if he was in fact asking me out. Im still not sure

[PonyCar]

The ONLY time I've ever been able to hang out with a guy (whether by my initiation or theirs) and NOT have them try to turn the relationship into "something more" or attempt to "hit it," was when I said very blatantly that "You guys are my friends, and I do not date my friends." Luckily, all these guys were of above-average intelligence so they picked up on what I meant and we never had any problems.

Note: Feel free to refer to this post anytime any anyone ever asks "Why do girls always think guys are trying to get into their pants (when they're just being nice)?"

[geekylady]

My honest opinion is that he wants to be friends, I mean, that's what I assume, I don't give anything for granted, specially with men, so I would agree to hang out and I would completely think about it as a friendly thing, I'm also really oblivious so I rather when someone is straight forward with me, it doesn't necessarily has to be the "wanna go out on a date" line, but it could be "I want to take you to this place that you'd love" or "I would like to go out with you one of these days" is just that hang out sounds really informal. But that's my opinion

[Anonymous]

Bro clearly you've got the ego the size of a hot air balloon so you're probably a pretty good looking guy brush it off obviously you're a decent guy if this girl was saying she'd be down to hang out. Like you said you did just brush it off you'll definitely get another hot girl some other time just let it go and stay friends with her she's probably an alright girl :)

[Kinstrome]

I'm not sure if you're complimenting me or not :D

I was actually pretty distraught because I've had so little luck in dating. I was only able to brush it off and not feel depressed because I've really gotten the number one rule of dating hammered into my head, namely: there are plenty of fish in the sea.

I don't think I can be friends with her while I'm attracted to her. It would just become awkward.

[Opinion Owner]

Ya I was complimenting you man lol but just brush it off like I said you'll find a better girl no worries :)

[Sara413]

I would assume he was asking me on a date... it's weird that she didn't. It would be one thing if you guys were classmates, or casual acquaintances, or work friends or something, but as complete strangers who've made small talk once or twice at a cafe? Yeah, it screams date!

[emelinegrace]

If he said he wanted to hang out just put of the blue without talking for a little bit, i would be a little freaked out, but if we start talking and have a nice conversation, then i would absolutely give you my number and hangout sometime.

[Kinstrome]

We didn't speak a whole lot before I asked her, but we seemed to be comfortable together. She was smiling and looking at me occasionally in the cafe.

[emelinegrace]

Then ya. I would if i'm comfortable

[Poppykate]

I feel for you. I think that she knew that you were interested, but went out with you anyway for the attention. I wonder what her boyfriend would think of this? I think that you were lucky, and found out what kind of girl she is before you got involved with her.

[Anonymous]

In my opinion that girl knwo what she was doing and thats being a h##, In my opinion bc there is no way if I had a bf im going to hang with a man I don't know especially if he don't know my bf its disrespectful. it sounds like she is trying to keep her options open. The moment u approached her she should have said I have a bf instead of leading u on, I tell ya some females give others a bad name smh

[Saraaaa]

Well, I've never ever in my life had a guy ask for my number who just wanted to be friends. So I would naturally assume that you wanted to date, or hookup, or something in that sense. In my experience it seems guys don't want to just be friends, so I would never assume that. It seems weird to me that she would assume that..

[PonyCar]

Hello fellow sea-faring buddy. I'm in this boat too.