Am I on the hook?

[Anonymous]

Have to assume most of you reading this watch How I Met Your Mother. Well, this episode hit close to home for me. Though didn’t define as ‘on the hook,’ I have been wondering if I am being used. Met a girl almost a year ago, had a very strong attraction to her. It seemed right off the bat that she felt something too. She has a serious boyfriend of several years. About 6 months ago he went away to grad school a plane ride away. Without saying any more, if I read someone else’s post, I would think I am on the hook, but it differs a bit. All the flirting I get from her is entirely non-verbal, eye contact, touching. Whenever we hang out she is always trying to prolong the night (or day). I never get stuck hanging out at her place, or mine, in a buddy buddy situation. She never tells me things like we can’t be together ‘right now’ or talk about us as any kind of couple. All of our conversations are really just getting to know each other stuff (she actually she has a habit of telling me things she shouldn’t and says after she doesn’t know why that came out.. I looked at that as another sign of attraction). Never talks about the boyfriend, or complains about really anything (point being, I am not the shoulder to cry on) and nothing really changed in her behavior from the time the boyfriend was around to when he left (though she did drunk dial me to hang out the night after he left for school, though we were talking earlier in the week about hanging out late night that night after we each had separate things to go to, so partially coincidence). She did get a bit more flirty with me when about 5 months ago, I pretty much told her how I feel. It was awkward for a couple weeks but since, we have actually gotten closer.

My friends are somewhat split between yes and no, but based on all of that, am I on the hook (even part of me thinks yes, but also no)? Or can she just be waiting for me to make a move? Or is she a confused girl that doesn’t know exactly what she wants? Could she be with her boyfriend out of habit and convenience? What is your take and what do I do based on that answer (first 2 have an obvious answer, it’s the others I don’t know how to proceed on).

[ioncewasine]

I think you're on the hook but not on the hook, you are in the sense that she has a boyfriend and can't be with you and she knows she can't but she still flirts with you and you think something could happen between you two. you're not in the sense that you get all that and you know that she can't be with you. I don't know whether or not she's waiting for you to make a move, if I were you I'd go for it anyway, if she was waiting then good for you, if not ... well. AWKWARD. and you need to know that you're probably risking losing her but you said that you almost told her how you felt before and it was okay afterwards so maybe (probably) it'll be fine. I have a guy friend who I've liked for years and told him like 5 or 6 times and we always remain friends afterwards. is she confused? I'm sure she is, if she wasn't confused she'd either a) break up with her boyfriend and be with you. or b) stop flirting with you. I say go for it, you seem to really like her, and by not making a move, you're risking losing her forever, she's been with her boyfriend for years, what if he decides to propse? are you going to let her slip right out of your fingers? make a move, either try to kiss her or talk to her about it. like I said if she likes you and wants to be with you (other than just want to flirt with you) it'll be amazing, but if she doesn't, you'll just go back to being friends. no harm done.

Good luck :).