Should girls/guys play hard to get?

[Anonymous]

No!

Yes!

Only guys should!

Only girls should!

I don't know!

[Bandit74]

It can work, but for me its a turn off.

I know the same girl who is hard to get for me and expects me to pay for dates and wait over a month for sex has probably sent nudes to random guys on tinder and/or had sex on the first date with guys who didn’t have to put in a fraction of the effort she is expecting from me.

So knowing that, I just don't feel any motivation to try and impress a girl who is playing hard to get with me. Realistically she probably doesn't see me as being as desirable as the guys she was easy to get for and I don't want to waste my time on a girl who perceives me as being of lower quality compared to the guys she hooked up with.

[skype1000]

No. By the way, there are many that don't play hard to get. So, say if a female isn't interested in the guy, that guy might think she is just playing hard to get. But in reality she just wasn't interested and just didn't tell him that either, for whatever reason. Keep in mind that many times females don't want to face confrontation when it comes to that. Funny enough, these same females could become interested in that same guy, because he was so persistent and she just let things flow and they became a couple. But, my thought is just be your self. Another person shouldn't have to be earned. It defeats the 50/50 equal. Problems can arise later on.

[lyannamormont]

Personally next time I will be regular stupid woman who doesn't put anything on the table but sex, who is not bold and make the first move or multiple moves to show interest, who doesn't go for what she wants, who cannot pay for her share in a date, who needs a ride to everywhere, who holds for sex until 6 months to cover what she lacks, who plays mind games.

Because that's what American men want I noticed after being single for two years and dating American guys in the last 6 months. They (many) dont have respect for strong women.

[mnkyd090]

I honestly think girls should play hard to get. It adds more interest to the chase of the wild hunt. It is the same thing as getting a bunch of free money you did nothing to work for, you are bound to still feel unsatisfied, cause you never worked for it. Right now a girl I know is playing hard to get from me, but everyday I like her more and more. But, there is a limit on how far one takes "playing hard to get."

[Angelzplay85]

Whats the point? if you like a guy you might as well do everything to get him and keep him. Playing hard to get is just a mental game. Like dangling fruit in front of a hungry man. Maybe some girls think they need to play hard to get to keep from being looked at as a "slut".

[Blueeyes2016]

That's what I think too

[GuyAdviceFromGuy]

No, I hate it when women play hard to get. It's childish, annoying, confusing, and immature. I like girls that call when they say they will, pick up the phone when I call, text back right away and make the effort to initiate calls and texts themselves. I like girls that don't flake on dates, and if they are interested they send clear concise signals. I find most women in my age group don't play games. At some point you just become mature and realize the games are just stemming from your own insecurity, like a defense mechanism of preventing yourself from getting or feeling hurt if things don't work out. Once your mature, you stop playing games and stop fearing rejection because by that time, you know who you are and what you want.

[cth96190]

No, girls should not play hard to get.
In an era when approaching a female more than once can (and most likely will) result in a sexual harassment complaint that will end someone's education or career, it would be an incredibly stupid young man who pursued a female.
A male should ask once. If the answer is no, or maybe, move on and do not revisit that desolate place of rejection.
Further, men are not equipped to play female mind games. We do not understand them. Women need to be aware that if they want us to know something they need to tell us. Do not expect any man to know something because he should have picked it up clairvoyantly.
If you want us to know, freaking tell us and tell us directly.
Because of the current legal and social environment, a woman who plays hard to get is going to be an old maid.

[BlueCoyote]

No, that's silly and immature. If you like somebody, tell him/her. Playing hard to get is just another way of saying "playing with other people's feelings" and "wasting other people's time".

[think_logic85]

Whats the point of playing too hard to get when you obviously like each other, ini the beginning stages I understand that when you are not familiar with each other, but if this cat & mouse is game is going on for months, then it's a definitive no.

If you have to play games like these to define your worth in relationships, the chances are that you aren't mature yet to be in one.

[DerbyPi]

Personally, I think it’s counterproductive to play games like that. You don’t have to bend over backwards for someone, but your main motivation for a specific behavior shouldn’t be to “hook” someone or make yourself supposedly appear more desirable to them.

[Dargil]

If I sense it, I will take it as a no. I had this happen and simply moved on without comment. If she texted me, I just responded with the same tepidness she was using to keep me hooked but at a distance. And she became enraged (enraged, I tell you) that I had booked myself elsewhere and neither clutched for nor dismissed her. Hard to get is a stupid play. I do not have time resources and effort to waste on it. I don't care how good you think you are.

[BCRanger10]

No. It's just silly, immature, and you run the risk of truly alienating someone you would actually want to be with.

[purplesparkle]

I guess some people like the chase, but I don't get it. If I'm into someone I will tell and show it as clear as I can so he won't get the wrong idea.

[nameus3r]

that's so manly of you.. lol

[Anonymous]

Girls always think they should play hard to get.
Guys tell them it doesn't work and is counter productive.

But girls insist on doing it.

The reason they do, is because THAT'S WHAT WORKS ON GIRLS.

So the counter-intuitive answer, is that guys should play hard to get sometimes.
And girls never should.

[Aconfusedguy90]

I think for women, yes,

if a guy is to truly like you then he will work for you and fight through difficulties, this way you are also judging how serious he is about the relationship, a guy looking for sex for example isn't going to chase you for 6 months

Although nowadays women are 'empowered' meaning they can pursue the guy but the guy can't pursue them due to fear of harassment, you can thank Feminism.

[LinkxPeach]

Depends on the situation the guy/girl is in. If the person ain't seeking to get in a relationship right now then they should play hard to get. If the guy/girl have a reason to not go out with the girl/guy because they focusing on their careers, trying to get laid, etc. Then, they should play hard to get.

[natured]

Playing hard do get is so easy to see, if somebody is REALLY trying not to get fool you don't play hard to get, you just show him that you don't trust him and that he better work it up to convince me ...

[Anonymous]

It depends. It's one thing if she is selective about guys as opposed to throwing herself at every dude interested. But if she's constantly playing hard to get and plays mind games past the first or second date then it's irritating and stressful as fuck. I have no patience for it.

I don't play hard to get. I'm not too available but I'm not gonna bullshit if I'm free on a day and she is.

[Blonde401]

No. I don't understand why it's so hard for people to just act like they like each other!

[bloodmountain1990]

Exactly. You don't gotta smother someone but you don't have to pretend to be uninterested or ignore someone for days to prove your worth to them.

Glad I found a girl who doesn't do any of that shit.

[Blonde401]

@bloodmountain1990 you're lucky then! I just don't get why showing you like someone is seen as not a good thing and like you're clingy if you actually show interest. Wtf happened to people man.

[bloodmountain1990]

@Blonde401 Yeah I agree. I mean you don't have to smother someone but you don't have to be too distant, act hot and cold, or play games to test someone. I mean if you're still interested in someone let them know as opposed to making them guess if you're interested.

I have no patience for mind games or people who suggest hanging out again only to disappear.

[Blonde401]

@bloodmountain1990 same. I mean I've stopped dating cause of shit like this. Like people have to walk a tight rope of what is and isn't allowed these days.

[bloodmountain1990]

@Blonde401 Yeah I hear ya on that. It's like sometimes I feel like I'm walking on eggshells or having to jump through hoops and scrutinize everything I do at times or one tiny thing could end it all.

Like that one girl I was telling you about who had the condom wrapper in her bed. I felt like I was walking on eggshells with her the whole time we dated. Not so much on the dates, but in between them. She'd even initiate contact too by sending a text, snapchat, instagram, etc but once I'd ask her out she'd make excuses or just be super flaky. Then there'd be times where she'd hit me up and I'd ask her a question relevant to what we were talking about and then she'd ignore me then get back to me in a day or 2, or 3. It was just a severe headache.

[Blonde401]

@bloodmountain1990 eurgh. Just game playing. Lame as fuck. I've dated too many people who've ignored me for days or just text me when they want sex etc.

[bloodmountain1990]

Yeah definitely. It's like when I'd ask her out, she'd say she's busy and never commit only to flake but she'd ask me to hang out, it would always seem last minute and always on her time. Only time she agreed when I asked her out was our first date. She made me question all my actions and made me wonder if I was too needy, overly interested, etc.

[Blonde401]

@bloodmountain1990 eurgh. My ex all over that 😒 Fuckin hate it. Makes me feel needy and insecure when I'm just trying to spend time with them!!!

[bloodmountain1990]

@Blonde401 You nailed that on the head. That's exactly how I felt. I thought I was going insane. I was worried if I asked about her wishy washy behavior then she would have it turned it around on me like I was needy and clingy. I swear I felt more secure before I met her.

Despite that she was really cute and we had a ton in common, it took a toll on my mental health. Not worth it. Not that I put her on a pedestal, but the dates we went on were great. Her behavior inbetween was just confusing.

[bloodmountain1990]

I just don't understand why consistency is too much to ask for with some people these days. I mean you don't have to be ball and chain or smother someone as I don't like that either. And sure, some people take awhile to open up. But there's no reason to act so wishy washy like that after a few dates. Maybe it was because she just got out of a 5 year relationship and didn't know what she wanted but that's no excuse.

If you're just wanting something casual or just a fling, that's fine. Just say it.

[Blonde401]

@bloodmountain1990 that's really no excuse. Simply don't date if you're gonna be like that. My ex was exactly the same :/ just no need for it.

[bloodmountain1990]

Yeah she was a sociopath. Very manipulative and acted like it was my fault for her behavior. I mean she never verbally abused me, but still it was a hassle.

[Blonde401]

@bloodmountain1990 sometimes that's worse because they make you feel like the crazy one!

[bloodmountain1990]

@Blonde401 yeah no kidding. I mean like I said she tossed me aside like garbage after the night I found the condom wrapper and blocked me from social media like it was my fault. Really it should have been me blocking her but oh well.

What was even more insulting was some people were acting like I was crazy for being upset and depressed about it. They'd be like MOVE ON!, you'll find a nice girl at *insert place*. It's like motherfucker how about you go through the same shit I did and then tell me that. Besides you don't know when I'll find someone next.

[Blonde401]

@bloodmountain1990 I think guys are just expected to move on real fast. Which is also shitty!

[bloodmountain1990]

Right or hide their emotions or they appear weak and needy.

[Blonde401]

@bloodmountain1990 yes! I don't get why it's considered less manly to do so

[puertoriguesa]

I view it more as being cautious and protecting self from getting hurt rather than playing hard to get... we have to guard ourselves unless we want to fall hard and get f***ed over... a person with good intentions will stick around

[sodaa_popp]

So will a creeper

[deraz24]

To me it's an unnecessary game, if you like someone and they like you say/show it they might get the wrong idea and move on completely bc you're playing lol

[Nightinggale]

Sure, if they so please. I know I will have no part in it, that's for sure.

[EmpatheticLady]

No one should play hard to get. If you like someone, show it. If you don't like them, move on. Just don't act crazy and be all over someone right away, even if you are really interested.

[LittleSally]

I say 'no', but in reality most people are afraid of the direct approach - or they're so taken aback they don't give themselves time to think, they just say 'no'...

[bloodmountain1990]

Yeah but there is a fine line between saying let's hang out again or wanna hang out later this week as opposed to let's be exclusive, get married, etc.

[LittleSally]

@bloodmountain1990 Yeah, true, but then those open invitations can be forgotten or disregarded when something more interesting comes along - because they aren't specific. There are draw backs to every scenario...

[bloodmountain1990]

Yeah that is a big issue with dating these days. People have so many options that they tend to have the grass is greener on the other side mentality.

[saya93]

No, I dont like playing games or being played like that, you either tell me your interested or you can go take your hard to get attitude with another girl.