Playing hard to get or lost interest?

[FrancescaMilan]

Guys, how do we know if you play hard to get or have lost interest?

I had this a lot of times... first the guy is very into me - speaks to me sweet thinks every day... giving me a lot of attention.

But suddenly, he stops doing it... it drives me nuts and I tart chasing him and ask him out. He agrees... but then he either continues to be cold or tries to use me only for sex... or we have some relationship where I have to lead...?

[jdcpa]

I like tree diagrams..

Let's start from the root.. You & him..

Let's break off into branches..

Branch A: (He doesn't like you) This is most usually the case if you think a guy is playing hard-to-get. Why? Simply because guys don't play hard-to-get.

Branch B: (He likes you)

Branch B1: (It's crystal-clear & obvious to most autistic children that you like him too) Only if this is the case, then he is not playing hard-to-get, but is simply shy. He's blind to your "hints", simply because he doesn't have enough confidence in himself to believe they're true.. So it's just easier for him to play it safe and assume you don't like him.. until you do something..

Branch B2: (You're playing hard-to-get) If this is the case, then again, he's not playing hard-to-get.. but he's playing it emotionally safe.. He's not stupid.. He's not going to invest himself fully or at all, or be honest with you; the moment you're not being honest with him.. to do so would be to knowingly put himself in a weaker & more vulnerable position.. handing over power to you.. why? there's no reason why.. and that's why he's not going along with it.. So it's much easier to simply sit back.. play dumb.. pretend to not understand what's going on.. until the possibility of losing him starts to creep in.. and the moment of truth comes.. where you'll have to choose between what's more important to you.. playing hard-to-get.. or a future with him.. if games & acts are more important to you.. then it's best this relationship never takes off.. if he's more important to you.. then he knows you'll call him back.. text him.. and drop the antics.. that seems to be the message behind a man's actions & behavior at the end of the day..

Branch C: (It doesn't matter if YOU..) No matter if you built a shrine to his penis.. used extra lube to stroke his ego.. or were perfectly honest & direct with him.. his behavior might have no reflection on YOU.. in other words.. he's not being this way because YOU did something wrong.. or there's something wrong with YOU.. it could very well be that the issue is HIM..

Some guys are just insecure.. and what are insecure people looking for? Security! They want to feel safe.. being vulnerable & having others be in control or have power over them makes them feel very unsafe.. but making others feel vulnerable.. feeling in control of others or feeling like they have power over them.. makes them feel safe.. it comforts their insecurities..

So some guys WILL play hard-to-get.. use you.. treat you like sh*t.. not respect you.. try and control you or have power over you.. but NOT because of who YOU are or what YOU did.. it's because HE is insecure.. and looking to either comfort his insecurities.. or get validation to help comfort his low self-esteem..

It's up to you to be smart.. dispassionate.. emotionally detached.. and rational.. about which branch he falls under..

[da5id]

Best answer!

[FrancescaMilan]

Lol thank you for this answer! Really was what I was looking for and it gave me an insight of the mistakes that I make every time... but not anymore! Thanks!

[Yeahhbro]

Best answer. But honestly men don't play hard to get unless they are very experienced on this, a player will likely fall in this category, not beneficial to you. So my take is he is either shy or not interested with most likely not being interested because something you did or say.

[bobblehead]

Best answer. Might save this for future reference.

[dalila]

Amazing answer I am impressed :)

[blahblahblah01]

I love this thank you so much!

[Anonymous]

Let me say this, it is NOT the mans JOB to ask the girl out. I hate it when girls play hard to get, I am a straight forward kind of guy, I'm in the same situation you are right now, I don't know if I should call her, because she wants me too to see if I am interested in her, or if I do call, it looks like I'm desperate and she leaves. If someone likes someone, they should ask them out period regardless of gender. Honestly, that is one thing that p*sses me off the most, when girls think it is the mans JOB to ask the guy out. It is no ones job. If you like someone and want to be their significant other, then ask them out. it is that simple, you want a man to be straight forward, yes means yes and no means no, ever thought guys want the same thing? Maybe the guy doesn't know for sure you like him more than just a friend. Or if you do, you aren't into an actual relationship. If you are that inclined to sit back and wait for the guy, then if things don't turn out the way you want it, you have no one to blame but yourself. I don't have a problem with asking a girl out, but it is most definitely not a turn off if the girl ask me out, and most guys will feel this way.

[FrancescaMilan]

Ok, so next time he stops showing his interest, if I text him with `Hey, I think I kinda like you. You wanna go out?` it won't make him run away and think that I am a desperate freak chasing him... Maybe its in the balance... show it but not too much...?

[Opinion Owner]

Right, like if you start saying I miss you sooooo much, and its been one day or so, that would freak him out, but if you are like hey I kind of like you, if the guy likes you he will admit it too, if he doesn't like you, it might be a bit awkward but hey, you know what, at least you know that he doesn't and can move on, and stop wasting time on a guy that there isn't a chance in the first place. Even if you guys start dating, show it in spurts. Don't stop altogether, but keep a balance.

[Opinion Owner]

Don't go to the extreme of you liking him, and the extreme of not liking him. Both would push him away.

[jodiimariie93]

I totaly agree with you iive done that same thing you said people not suppose to do and now I'm really blamiin by self for not geting the guy ii wanted & now he looking the other way to another girl.But now ima follow up on what you said..

[MeeshMosh]

If a girl likes you, making the call will only increase that. If the call turns her away, she was never into it in the first place. When we like a guy we all but hold our breath till he calls.

As far as guys having to ask girls out, thank your brethren for that, don't finger the girls. Wed love for the playing field to ve level, but most guys seem turned off by pursuing women, so to play it safe we continue to hold back. Talk to your boys if you want that to change.

[Gregs]

most guys don't play hard to get, that's really what women do. I would persue other girls, which might LOOK like I'm playing hard to get but really I'm just having fun and dating and its usually because the woman has done something, LIKE play hard to get herself for me to move on to someone else

[elpipe]

I sometimes play hard to get and I have male friends who do it a lot too. It is mostly because of insecurity, we are afraid to seem too interested and to make ourselves vulnerable.

[Gregs]

That's not really playing hard to get, that more of not having the confidence to talk or approach a girl or let her know how they feel about them.

[Lockjawx27]

Pretty simple, he doesn't like you like that. Its good that you asked him out. You took initiative and that took a lot of courage. Most girls wouldn't bother.

Its best just to move on and be friends...you gave him ample opportunity to be bf/gf, he was only looking for a good time. Trust me, if he wanted you as a lover, he would have done it already

[Anonymous]

Text book trick that all (smart) guys use to see if a girl is really interested- we ignore you. Why? This exact reason. It drives you crazy. When we do that, just pick up the phone.. send a text.. let us know you're interested and then it's all good.

[FrancescaMilan]

Cant you just be honest? I'm confused trying to figure out `oh if I text him will it be too much attention` or `oh if I ignore that and pretend to be the same... will he think I'm not interested and run away?`

Why are you making it so complicated? if you are into us and we are into you - why pretend? I would burn all your text books...

[khellendros]

HA! As if girls didn't play the exact same game right back.

[Opinion Owner]

Women are the most confusing things in the world. Yes means no, no means yes. You want us to be jerks, but really nice deep down. I just feel like women always need something to complain about. That you aren't just satisfied with a guy who loves you and treats you well. So it works both ways. Our ways are much more subtle than yours. If you text or call and show your interest, we accept it. We always feel like we have to work for you guys.

[FrancescaMilan]

Well that's exactly my point... by playing games we all play ourselves... and you guys - its your job to ask us out!!! Not ours....

[FrancescaMilan]

Anonymous... A do show interest after that... but he contiunes to play until I have to ask him out? Is that right?? When it drives me nutts I really don't know where to stop... And you're not that simple either!!

[mz4568]

This can goes both ways. Girls do this to see if the guy is really interested. It's all a test really.

[Opinion Owner]

You're sleeping with him. It could be a situation where you're convenient and he's just using you. If you give it up quickly, without a foundation and basic relationship fundamentals established.. You will be nothing but a sex toy.

[FrancescaMilan]

Im not sleeping with him! I usually want a relationship... But when he stops showing his interest... do I have to ask him out or wait for him... How much is enough to show interest? I'm confused...

[Opinion Owner]

Just have a conversation with him about what you want. Don't come across as needy or desperate because that will push him away. Just be heartfelt about it. Mention the reasons why you like him a lot and want to be with him. Do this in person, face-to-face. You will know then how he feels and what he wants. No games, no drama, nothing.

[FrancescaMilan]

Wouldnt he run away from me if I'm honest?

[Opinion Owner]

No! Guy's hate having to decode girls. It drives us nuts. Make your intentions clear, set some boundaries and fundamentals and enjoy a healthy and happy relationship

[MissMetal24]

I hate that = [

like, me and the guy I'm ?? about....we'll txt every waking moment were not together....then out of nowhere I won't hear from him for like, half a day.

[gtex1991]

guys play hard to get if they don't know a girls intention

girls are notorious for their mind games, so playing hard to get is to observe a girls actions without getting caught in the mind games. its like protection thing

[Anonymous]

what can I say? because I am also same type of person, I play hard to get girl, pay her lot of attention but after the few days I lost interest I don't kow why.

[cgrizzlybarron]

Lost interest. Guys don't play hard to get.

[Anonymous]

guys really don't play hard to get...

[elpipe]

You are very wrong, shy and insecure guys play hard to get because they are afraid to make themselves vulnerable and try to look cool by not seeming too interested. I've been there myself.

[johnny_hustle]

Thats not playing hard to get, that's called lack of confidence.

[Opinion Owner]

Lol that's not playing hard to get! Girls love the drama and guys are mostly drama free.

[mz4568]

Girls play hard to get. Guys only chase if they're really into the girl. If a girl takes the game too far then the guy chasing her will stop out of frustration. At some point the girl has to let the guy catch her.