Are guys intimidated by elegant girls?

[Anonymous]

many friends/acquaintances have said that its hard for guys to relate to me because i seem too elegant/graceful (in terms of the way i behave/walk - i'm a dancer) and innocent (i generally don't swear or make sick jokes, more of the good girl/girly type), and they are intimidated so they don't dare to approach me. wondering how true this is, because i have no problem making girl friends and most people have said that i am a friendly, bubbly person, but i have few/no guy friends.

i also notice quite a lot of guys staring at me when i walk past etc, but none of them actually approach to talk even though we may have mutual friends. sometimes guys will talk to me and flirt in real life/through text, but it never actually progresses into friendship/relationship.

Updates

+1 y

would just like to clarify that the descriptions of myself that i provided are by others, and not my own opinion of myself. personally i actually think i am just an average person, I don't really analyse my own behaviour/mannerism usually. only asking this cos many people have brought it up and its starting to bother me slightly. thanks!

[Savreth]

Wouldn't you become insecure when for many centuries you and other men have been forced to be the initiator, with women often having the "luxury" of choosing from multiple suitors. Yes, it slowly changes for the better but it is excruciatingly slow. But the question for the OP is also how she carries herself. There are so many people who consider themselves "elegant" but in the end behave in ways that turn guys off. Arrogance or extreme self confidence. Some people look down on others without realising they do. Myself, I am by no means perfect but I do know I am hypercritical on things that matter to me. That may push people away.

Honestly though,
If you have to state that you are something out of the norm and keep strongly reinforcing that thought, you usually aren't like that at all.

[Asker]

hi, thank you for sharing your thoughts. would just like to clarify that the descriptions I provided earlier were just based on what others told me. prior to that I didn't actually think I was behaving any differently. just wanted to ask if that was a possibility since I have heard this from more than 1 person.

[Savreth]

That's understandable.
I do not know you personally, so I have to head into this from multiple angles. You might be very different than it seems, so please don't read too much into it haha. But yes, succesful people are sometimes intimidating. It happens often that I see someone that I am interested in and I wonder if I even should try to give it a shot. Most of the times, succesful women tend to be taken by loving partners already (for example). And then it often feels better to avoid the rejection than to go out on a limb and give it a shot.

Plus I'd say that there's a common perception amongst men that beautiful, independent and competent women are being flooded with attention so what does make "me" so special compared to the flood of people. What makes me stand out compared to the rest. In a society where we're quick to judge, some people can't truly show their qualities in the first thirty seconds and as such get written off quickly.

[AlphaGhost]

I will tell you Why,
If you are given option to fight, you will pick Cris j... or Broke lis...
of course we will pick cris cuz He is in our league and standard and we will never pick a chick, that looks miles out of our league but YOU CAN COMPENSATE for it by showing some attention to the boys like flirting or trying to look approachable. Its like comparing sales of Honda vs Bugatti

of course sells more cuz its in league of many but Bugatti is exotic ride for exotic. That being said I always like your type and I am hammered pretty hard for this by female friends for having sky rocking standard but I have a G. F to show them and my attributes to back it up.

[Anonymous]

Most guys are really insecure. So when there's an "elegant" girl who seems to know what she wants, it's intimidating, and most guys won't approach because of their insecurity and thinking you wouldn't like what they'd have to offer.
But don't despair! It just means you have to put in a bit more work when you find someone you like, or keep waiting for that person that kind of goes past those barriers and fears and gets to know the real you.
However, sadly, being this way also leads to people thinking you're arrogant, a bitch, or stuck up. (These are all things I've been called when I've said no).

[Savreth]

I am not sure if it is necessarily insecurity but in modern society the men are expected to make moves on women, and for some that rejection you will face for sure, isn't worth it. There is a lot of pressure on men in that sense.

[Opinion Owner]

@Savreth I'm not saying there isn't pressure, I understand it, and I'm sorry for societal pressures :( it's changing though.. really slowly, but it is! But there is insecurity. There's insecurity in guys for trying to make moves, and insecurity for girls when no guy ever makes a move for anything deeper lol.. Because many girls have been taught to not be forward, and be modest, because otherwise it comes off as easy... There's pressures on girls and guys and it sucks.

[Asker]

hi thank you for sharing your experience! seems like we've both experienced something similar. hope things go well for you too :)

[burpzzzzz]

Just because a guy looks at a woman doesn't he wants her. He looks because it's something new. Well if women stop calling guys creeps men. Men are stupid of the complaints from women.

[Opinion Owner]

@burpzzzzz I'm sorry for the way girls react, but it's also from past experiences that make girls more cautious and wary of it. If you know you didn't have weird intentions and you feel a girl is reacting that way to you, I doubt it's personal and it's more about what has already happened to her.

[burpzzzzz]

I see why you women are single now. The behavior on here is a nightmare. No sane guy is going to seriously date in your generation. I am not saying to bash you.
this is something a woman wrote on here:
"You have to have something to hold onto, when you only have two brain cells and a fear of education." This is all over a simple debate where she gets mad because she's losing the debate. You women are so hateful toward men and this is only the extreme. Good luck I'm done on here.

[Opinion Owner]

@burpzzzzz But I wasn't being hateful in any way. I was explaining what leads to these reactions. :/ You're taking this conversation a whole other way and instead attack girls in general. It was never meant to be attack. But I understand and accept you feeling that way, but I also hope your view on women changes..

[Savreth]

I risk sounding like an asshole but why should men be accepting and/or tolerating if a woman projects their earlier problems onto you, painting a man as bad before he even has a chance to make his own impression. That isn't fair.

If I were to project every bad experience onto women, no wonder it is hard to get them to go out. You push people away and then you are suprised if people get hurt and respond?

Women need to start to understand that just because I have a penis, it doesn't mean that I am the devil incarnate. Many women get this, those are also happily in relationships. But even more, do not. That doesn't excuse males, but that is a different discussion.

[Opinion Owner]

@Savreth It's not just women, though. It's just part of being a human. You get hurt, and the hurt affects you in other parts of your life. It happens to men and women.

[Savreth]

Sure, and I will agree on that. I mentioned specifically women here as that was the context, but not the sole group that experiences this.

[BBKAT]

This is a glorious position to be in, and you should not lament it. Most of us fall in the mid-range and get hit on constantly by undesirable men.

I'd wager, if what you say is true, the few fellows who do approach are real, genuine men. You've got your pick of the litter.

[cinderelli]

ok this is new.. in my opinion there's always some guys who will approach you no matter what.. so there must be another reason... maybe you seem stuck up instead of ''elegant''

[Frosteh]

I think it's fairly well understood that people generally project their personalities and you're kind of advertising something about yourself when you project a kind of good girl vibe.

I certainly don't think it's offputting to men, especially good men who are looking for a more of a traditional good girl. But it does mean that men are more likely to be on their best behaviour around you. I don't really have anything to back that up with though, just my own anecdotal experience.

[ATuairiscean]

Yeah I think the stand out from your description is you seem to be a girly girl and that probably explains why you have more female friends than males - I would not see it as an issue, it will happen when it happens - I am not really sure about the whole intimidation thing to be honest.

[DizzyAster]

Boys are intimidated by good women.

"i also notice quite a lot of guys staring at me when i walk past etc, but none of them actually approach to talk even though we may have mutual friends. "

thanks to the whole catcall thing, most guys are afraid to approach a woman they like even if they are good guys.

But in all honesty, who knows the real reason why. Just keep your head up and you'll find someone.

[Arcari]

No, i never felt intimidated on my entire life, but I have the opinion that most elegabt girls are boring as hell, and this same opinion is shared by many of my friends. Of course this si just an esterotype, but almost all elegant womans i knew (i say most not all) are really boring.

I read the comments here, and also there's the arrogance that many people, womans and mens, mistakes with elegance.

[kitty71]

In what sense elegant women are boring? Why are they boring? I will also like to know.

[Arcari]

@kitty71 I think i should know first your definition of elegant. But regardless, and again, i know this is an estereotype, but most girls that are elegant i know care to much about the appearence and about what people might say. I know we all do at some degree, but their degree I felt was to high.

The definition I learn and watch on the photography world and for it was that elegant womans go about a couple of principles.
- Act as ladylike as you can.
- Always follow protocol and never lose composture

There are pther principles woch i believe are good ones, like be yourself always, but the strange thing is not many apply that principle and most of the times they juat follow the first two.

My best example as photographer was in this photography sesion at the beach of Tampa, Florida. The model ask for a elegant style this tine wich was strange due to the location. But regardless, when shooting she didn't want to do o try many fun things because it wasn't elegant wich was ok.

[Samyelson]

Personally I don't get intimidated. If I saw females like that who aren't at a social event, I feel we would have nothing in common, so why approach? I don't want to waste mine or their time.
Very attractive though, so I would check them out and enjoy, but 9/10 times a female who looks like that is 1. Not single, and 2. Not nerdy.
I am also severely sinical. I would destroy your existence. 😂

[GingerGuy]

Guys have ALL the same thoughts, feelings and insecurities you women do about approaching. This is why they don't. Same reasons you don't.

[burpzzzzz]

I hate to break to you. Men aren't interested in approaching women or dealing with them. Women are too entitled even the so called good ones. Women are only loyal as their options. Women branch from men to men and we know that so some of men don't even bother.
No sane in Western countries is going to want a relationship with a woman. That's a fact.

https://youtu.be/cLm4xEOZYAc

[freakyzeaky]

*Some* women are like this for sure. *Some* men are also like this. I'm no feminist, white-knight, cuck, or whatever you want to label it. Not all women are like this. I have seen it myself, tons of relationships, families with children, etc. I can picture some very attractive young women doing this, but then, one has to question these kind of women as individuals or as a subset, not indicative of women as as whole.

Some women get bored easy. Some look for excitement and only care about what a guy can do to amuse them in the moment and as soon as the guy shows any signs of slacking off in this regard, she will lose attraction and move to the next thing that excites her. Fickle, fancy, free. Those women are heartbreakers to well meaning men and get played by the men who knew better. But to label ALL western women as these types just shows you only go to the same meat markets where these type of women tend to look for their kicks.

[burpzzzzz]

@freakyzeaky You have no idea what you're talking about obviously because cultural Marxism has a huge influence on society. it's most women not all, but when it's the majority you need to generalize.

[MhmFancy]

So they rather date men? I'm a little confused by your comment.

[MhmFancy]

@freakyzeaky well said.

[burpzzzzz]

@MhmFancy Men no longer date, period.

[freakyzeaky]

Look up a little thing called confirmation bias. Let's take the video for example. The guy claims what he is saying is the truth. If all he did was work at a male strip club and saw these types of women all day, then, of course, his perception is going to be that all women are cheating skanks just waiting to go behind their husbands back and get their cougar on.

Granted, it can be frustrating how fickle some women can be, but there are lots of down-to-earth women too.

(I think that is a big problem with the world today, especially in US society. People tend to see things very black and white with no middle ground. Everything, from socializing, to dating, to marriage, is so much more nuanced. It is true though, divorce rates are crazy right now; either women know how to pick up when a relationship is dying and men want to go down with the sinking ship, or so many women are fickle, always looking for greener pastures (as the video suggests).

[burpzzzzz]

@freakyzeaky You clearly haven't done your research women are monkey branching relationship to relationship. It not a small minority of women it's majority of women. I guess you live in a cave or something.

[freakyzeaky]

My sister only dated three guys in her life. Not sure about her sex life, but she has been with her finance for 9 years before he proposed. He makes decent money as a plumber and she holds her own working as a courtroom clerk. They don't have kids. She is one of the most down-to-earth people I know. She is right there watching football with the rest of us guys, smokes weed to chillax, has a guy friend who has been a friend to our family since childhood and is like a brother to her (trust me, they aren't banging, he is a reclusive asexual gamer dude), and she hates hearing about other people's sex lives. I know they have some wild sex because I heard it through the wall once when I stayed over their house.

Good women are out there, the key is to not be jaded and have an open mind.

[burpzzzzz]

@freakyzeaky 9 years of dating to propose? lol
I hate to tell you this but the average woman has anywhere from 20 to 30 sex partners in her life time. there are smaller amount of women over 50 sex partners and some women had 100.

[freakyzeaky]

Yeah, they both felt marriage is more like a business transaction in this modern day. They lived together for about 8 of those 9 years at different apartments and just bought a new house about 2 years ago. They are one of those couples that are goofy as hell, senses of humor are a perfect match, her fiancee is a man's man (plumber, DIYer, built his den and laid the flooring down him) who doesn't show much emotion but is funny as shit. They both have similar drinking habits (they both love to drink). It is like they are best friends but also a couple who loves each other. The type of couple you picture growing into a just as funny if not even more hilarious old couple.

[freakyzeaky]

My sister also never went to Uni, and met her fiancee when she was 20. Yeah, she could have had some experiences before she got with him, but she was very tomboyish and was into old school 70s classic rock; not necessarily the most hip or popular person, she did her own thing.

[freakyzeaky]

My ex-girlfriend was 27 when I met her on POF and she was a virgin. I hate giving numbers to a woman, but on my scale of physical attractiveness, she was probably a 5. She was a very sweet woman though and we had a lot of things in common. Of course, we ended up not being compatible, but we had some fun adventures and I really enjoyed her company. Lasted for about a year and a half. I told her I loved her, and in my own way I did care for her, but I think the chemistry wasn't there.

[freakyzeaky]

We ended it almost three months ago, just to give perspective.

[freakyzeaky]

Here are some statistical articles that may prove you wrong:
www.refinery29.com/.../average-numbers-sexual-partners (about 7.5 on average without separating by gender)
www.indy100.com/.../average-number-sexual-partners-person-has-lifetime-total-study-7906461 (7 partners for women, 6 partners for men on average)
www.slate.com/.../..._partners_low_average_or.html (try this poll)

Most other recent polls (2016+) mirror the 7 partners on average for women, 6 partners on average for men. This is slightly different as older pools put that average higher for men at around 10 to 13 partners.

[burpzzzzz]

@freakyzeaky Your source states "t may not be far-fetched, then, to imagine that people may lie when self-reporting their number even on a survey, but again — it's still interesting to see how numbers differ from state to state and even country to country. "

[burpzzzzz]

All these say it's possible people lied. Men tend to exaggerate their numbers, whereas women under estimate their numbers.

[freakyzeaky]

Yeah, face to face. But in a poll it is doubtful since it is anon.

[Anonymous]

Elegent or have class. You hols your self like the classic idea of a woman. a lot of guys would kill for that. Think youself lucky that you have chosen the road less traveled with how you act. These guys will fight for your attention. Hahaha

[Anonymous]

I don't think intimidated is the right word, made uncomfortable perhaps. Heels, fancy dresses, jewelry, it's all just kinda not good. It's off-putting. It's unattractive. Wear normal people clothes. I can't imagine a "classy" woman as nice or agreeable. It's the female equivalent of a douchey guy outfit. I don't really instant how it's "intimidating," that just seems to be women's word of choice and that's where it comes from. No, I'd say it's just an offputting look.

[Glop65]

Hi. My sister's daughter is like you: a tall and pretty young woman and she told me that she has the same problem. She is a bit shy too. So I told her that she should just work her self esteem or confidence and talk make the first step.

[DarthLadyKiller]

Elegant girls are my favourite, you get an elegant girl with lots of personality and a down to earth character and there is none better. You sound like my type. (No, I am NOT Kim Jong Un, no, I a NOT a fat Asian.)

[kidney]

Haha do you have to write that side note every time?

[DarthLadyKiller]

@kidney Yes. I want him as my picture but I don't want girls thinking that is what I look like.

[potentM]

No. Subconsciously.. we knw that you will rinse our money.. And so you're not worthwhile...
.. just maybe worth a fuck... But not marriage material
That's what you are
Not elegant!
Materialistic and emotionally absent
End up being a shit mother
And a selfish ego

[potentM]

Your life will always be meaningless with several meaningless relationships
You will definitely get divorced a few times
Ultimately.. You try really hard.. to hide your flaws... And so you exaggerate glamour
Ultimately... You asking the question in itself suggests... that you're a pseudo character

[potentM]

Girls are essentially ugly
So you require painting your face into a mask...
So do girls think that they are sexy after wearing said mask
Or prior to it?

[Smegskull]

The questions keep using the word intimidation I don't think it means what you think it means.
It is not easy to see a difference between elegant and stuck up/high maintenance/up tight. We are lazy, most of us can't be bothered with that crap, no matter how hot you are you aren't worth the hassle.

[jamesroan913]

Yes those women in that picture would be just way to fucking hard to approach it's not even worth the stress so if you look at all like them congrats I guess

[p3ster]

Elegant stereotypically reads as superficial, shallow, chasing fashion styles. Of course that's a silly oversimplification, but a lot of makeup and currently fashionable clothes are a big turn off for me at least

[Anon-ymous1]

Yes, we certainly can be and usually are, even if we are also decently attractive and well put together, such as myself. I don't even bother coming up to girls like you because I figure you're already taken and there's no way you'd be interested.

[Anonymous]

Do you smile a lot? If not, does your neutral face look like a frown? I think my neutral face isn't super friendly, so that means I sometimes have to initiate greetings or conversations to break the ice. It's hard, I know...

[10dsw]

Intimidated? Or maybe you just come across as a prude that guys don't want to waste time on lol

[Z-Spark]

Not really i sont think elegant girls are intimidating in fact they are easily intimidated and i feel i can get better results when the girl is not acting like the queen of the world... so yeah theyre cool

[Unit1]

I am actually crushing hard on an elegant woman, who is in her late 30s or even 40s she seems. 😍😍😍
I miss her and I want her to be my lady :(