When a man you know pauses long to stare at your face or eyes? You know he's horny, right?

[Anonymous]

I think i am learning about guys now. This coworker who flirts with me at times, like today he was jus staring at my face while i was looking down and then i looked up and saw him. And then later he would pause and look in my eyes like for a few seconds and stop in his tracks to do so

So now im thinking ok this guy might be in th mood r something and im a girl so im a convenient object for him. Not trying to be rude here. Just saying cuz why would a guy stare at me?

Guy staring or locking eyes equals horny

You got it wrong

I don't know

[SteveSmith1985]

I think you might have a slightly one-dimensional view of guys. But hey... you're learning. 🙂

So I originally clicked on this question because the "question title" made me laugh. Because... no..."horny" is not the only reason a guy might do this. At all. But... I did assume that in any case where you were wondering if it meant "horny" that your instincts were probably right.

After reading the details in your description... I have to say... that no... your instincts were wrong (mostly).

So... I guess it comes down to the range of emotions you ascribe to guys in general. You see... your whole interaction with this guy was ABSOLUTELY a clear sign that he is interested in you. Or at least that he is attracted to you, in particular and meant to show it. There really is no question about the meaning behind this non-verbal exchange... he was showing interest.

Now... if you think of a guy's being 'interested' in you as "horny" for you... then I'm afraid you have a one-dimensional view of guys.

Don't get me wrong... I AM NOT saying that this guy doesn't think about you while masturbating in the privacy of his own home. I'm sure he does. Does he want to have sex with you? Yes. yes he does.

Nevertheless, that does not mean that what he was conveying to you was that he was horny. It was not what he had in his mind at the time. His penis was not ready to bust out of his office-pants while he thought lustfully of the things he'd like to do with you... while you two had these exchanges.

It was more "I'm interested" not necessarily "let's fuck".

I mean... he COULD be meaning "horny"... I do often feel that people's instincts are right about this sorta thing. But if he DID... then he's a douchbag. This is a douchbag way of conveying horniness... if that's the dude's intentions.

[Asker]

Sorry but what would a guy do if he was horny if not this?

[SteveSmith1985]

See now... again... you could be right. I mean... you were there. I was not. Plus it's really hard to convey the essence of these types of things to people in a written description. So if your gut instinct conflicts with my view... go with your instincts by all means.

I will say though... that I am trying to think of when exactly I've ever needed to non-verbally convey "I"m horny" to someone I wasn't already having regular sex with. I cannot think of any.

Even say, back in the day, there was some girl at a party I was "interested in" because I was hoping to have sex with her that night... I would STILL be saying "I'm initerested" rather than "I"m horny" in any "eyes"-based flirting.

So to me, this still seems like "I'm interested". Now "interested" can go in several different ways. But if you're not a random girl at a party who is under no illusions as to why some guy might be 'interested' in her... and this is someone you know... It's likely "interested" in a way that's beyond the purely sexual. But it does somewhat depend on the guy I guess.

[Asker]

I didn't mean he wanted to have sex right then and there. I meant he was feeling horny secretly? I don't know maybe guys are different. I dont see why he would like me cause he has a girlfriend

[SteveSmith1985]

But... doesn't his having a girlfriend present the exact same problem... whether he meant "I'm interested" or "I'm horny"?

I think both are inapropriate... so I don't see any reason to think it would suggest one over the other. Despite the fact that this dude now just seems like a douchbag... I think it still comes down to you maybe thinking of men's emotions as too one-dimensional. I guess what I mean is "interested" is much more complex and nuanced than simply "horny" when a guy is giving you looks. Either way... dude sounds like he's not really worth worrying about.

[Asker]

Oh... yeah... I guess he's not worth worrying about. Its just that he stares at me when i dont want any attention from him... So i am confused why he wants anything from me. Thats why i was wondering what he wants. He also knows i dont have sex before marriage so im not sure what his intentions are by showing interest. You know?

[SteveSmith1985]

So this is a bit of a different situation than I orginally thought. So in the context of totally unwanted and non-mutual advances (his saying "im interested" with his eyes)... then essentially, yes, you CAN pretty much interpret that as "I'm horny".

Because... the only reason a guy with a girlfriend is going to indicate he's "interested" in you, is because he wants to have sex with you.

Now if this is unwanted bullshit... my advice is to call him out in ways that make it awkward for him. If he's staring at you... ask him if there's something on your face? Ask him why he's staring. Stare back and just say..."what" while you continue to stare. Take the fun out of it for him. And turn the tables. Instead of him making you feel uncomfortable... make HIM feel awkward whenever he does it. Soon enough, he should get the hint or at least... not find it fun anymore 🙂

[Diddkfv566]

I mean he was all over me for many months and yeah i dont think he's ugly or anything. But i just know that as of now nothing can happen between us so i dont really anticipate or desire that he shows interest. Its just not fruitful. Just saying all that to say that yeah if he's flirting towards me im probably gonna accidentally smile or something. Im human. But he probably shouldn't be flirting with me is all.

[Diddkfv566]

Just trying to let logic rule over any emotional or physical attachment towards him

[SteveSmith1985]

@Diddkfv566 Woah... you went from anonymous to... not anonymous mid-way through... I've never seen that happen before. Hope it was on purpose :P

So in you efforts to let logic rule over physical and emotional attachments my view is:

No. He definitely should not be flirting with you in the first place. This is something to keep in mind about this guy. This isn't just "not fruitful" right now. This is rotten fruit. THAT"S the overall take-away here.

[Diddkfv566]

Haha yeah it happened cause i had to make a new account since i got signed out the first one and dont remember the password.
And thank you! I really love that analogy: he's rotten fruit. That speaks to me deep down. I appreciate your help. Honestly i get confused sometimes but you can't revive rotten fruit.

[SteveSmith1985]

@Diddkfv566 That's exactly right! You can't revive rotten fruit.

Any guy who acts this way while he's got a girlfriend... can be expected to act the same way if YOU were ever his girlfriend. Rotten fruit.

[Diddkfv566]

Its sad there's people out there that are so selfish.

[MotorcycleMan]

That is one possible explanation, but sure as hell not all explanations.

[Iron_Man]

No it means he really likes you

[Asker]

But he has a girlfriend. Does he still really like me?

[Iron_Man]

Maybe he’s a cheater

[Asker]

Thats weird. Do cheaters act this way?

[Asker]

Its just hard to feel that im some toy a guy wants to try to use and cheat with.

[Iron_Man]

Yes they look and he wants something out of you

[Asker]

I dont dress sexy or talk sexy so why would he try to cheat with me

[Iron_Man]

Because he finds beauty in your face in your eyes in your hair and probably your body no matter what you’re wearing

[Asker]

Oh... thats pretty weird... Oh well, i guess he has to learn to stop looking at women. Dont think his girlfriend would like this.

[Iron_Man]

Guys look at beauty even if they have a girlfriend or not

[Diddkfv566]

If its lustfully then its wrong

[Iron_Man]

@Diddkfv566 don’t ask me I’m not the one that looked at her with lust

[Diddkfv566]

Ok haha.

[karaspara]

Just means he likes you

[Diddkfv566]

He has a girlfriend though...

[karaspara]

@Diddkfv566 well he likes you and he's a naughty boy or perhaps he's eyeing you up if things don't go well with his girlfriend or maybe he thinks it's just harmless flirting to be honest the only way to know for sure is to ask him

[Diddkfv566]

Oh yeah you have a point. He had insinuated a while back that he knew someone who might wanna date me in the future. I assumed he meant himself but was too shy to say so. I don't know. But yeah guess i could just wait it out and see cause asking would make me feel awkward haha. Thank you

[karaspara]

@Diddkfv566 no worries good luck hun

[SandandWaves]

I disagree

[Asker]

What does it mean then? In your opinion?

[SandandWaves]

I'd rather not say. why don't you just ask him, what?

[Asker]

Oh ok i guess i could. Thanks

[SandandWaves]

you're welcome ;)

[TiffanyB]

Really?

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

Pretty much, but it would depend, of course