How to deal with a chronic cuddler?

[Anonymous]

Look, I'm pretty cool with most physical affection in small doses-- but my boyfriend really enjoys contact whether it's holding my hand or squeezing my shoulder as he passes me or kissing the top of my head when he reaches for something above my head while we're cooking. He's just a toucher, which is kind of funny that I fell for someone like that because I notoriously guard my personal space to the extent that I nod to close friends as a form of greeting, but very rarely will I relent to a hug or any other physical contact.

It seems really important to him, but sometimes I just feel smothered, especially when one of us stays the night and he feels the need to hold me all night long -- which is kind of excessive. So, guys are you this touchy with your girlfriends? Do you feel this level of contact is important to your relationship? Would you be offended if she asked you to tone it down? And girls, have you ever been in this situation before? How did you resolve it? Do you think I'm being unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is the same way, but I LOVE it. It makes me feel close to him and loved.

You could try explaining it to him the way you did here. That you just really like to keep your personal space to yourself. If it's not a big deal to him he could back off a little. If you two can find a compromise that you're both comfortable with then that's great!

However with you saying it seems important to him (which it probably is), you two might just not be a good fit for each other in all honesty. I was on your boyfriend's side of the fence with my ex. I love the physical closeness and he hated it. I felt very distant most of the time because of it and it left me very unfulfilled. This is one of those things that if you're not on the same page, it could lead to disaster in your relationship.

[Asker]

See this is exactly what I'm trying to avoid because we click in so many other ways and I'm scared of messing up that dynamic. On the other hand he's usually respectful about things when I do bring them up -- the weird thing is that for all the physical contact we share this doesn't transfer over into answering texts or any other sort of communication which I usually use to show someone I care, so I'm stumped.

[bunnahies]

my boyfriend is like that! I was never the type of person to show affection too! but it kinda grew on me and I get really sad when he's not there to hold me :/

ive pushed him away before cause it was too hot or I just wanted my space and he either go mad at me cause he thought I was mad or he hold me tighter. so in a way I guess they would feel rejected :(

i really think you should just let him do all this! just cause you don't like it doesn't mean he has to stop all of it when he's just showing you he cares :( its normal in a relationship! most girl want guys like this!

[Asker]

Yes, but shouldn't I get my fair say too?

[slipslender]

LOL. awwwww, that sounds SO freaking cute. I am...very jealous right now :p

i haven't ever been in that situation, but I think you can gently tell him that while you love the cuddling, it can get a bit distracting... I feel like that's a pretty tactful, non-offensive way of getting him to lessen it a bit. I love my personal space too, so I can see how it can be a bit smothering. hope it works out :)

[Asker]

Haha, grass is always greener right? But, nah he's a great guy I just wish he'd tone down this one thing... your suggestion might work.

[WashingtonLoveWizard]

It is like a dream come true!, a girl that doesn't need constant cuddles. Anyways, guys are girls all have different needs, but holding you all night long sounds horrible. How do you get any sleep? Anyways, I would just tell him how you feel in an honest and open manner.

I was not touchy enough for my girl, so I had to start touching her more. She wants hugs and a kiss everyday after work as soon as I walk in the door etc...

[Asker]

That's the problem I get really patchy bouts of sleep like this I mean I'll sleep for 2-3 hours and then need to move, change positions etc. -- but I can't so I wake up and get all stiff and restless. And it's summer time! During a movie? Fine. But all night? Le sigh.

And your suggestion sounds reasonable.

[Amorina]

Send him my way! Lol.. It sounds adorable and most girls I know would kill for a guy who shows his feelings that much. I wouldn't complain.

[Asker]

Haha, no I like him too much to send him anywhere! That's sort of why I feel bad because I feel like I should enjoy this...

[Amorina]

Yea. You prob should